Peter goes into a pharmacy and says to the
pharmacist
"Hello, could you give me condom? I'm going
to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I
may be in with a chance!"
The pharmacist gives him the condom and as
peter was going out he returns and says,"Give
me another condom because my girlfriend's
sister is very cute too. She always crosses her
legs in a provocative manner when she sees
me and I think I might strike a luck there too."
The pharmacist gives him a second condom
and as Peter was leaving again he turns back
and says "Give me one more condom because
my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and
when she sees me she always makes eye
contact and since she invited me for dinner I
think she is expecting me to make a move.
During dinner,peter sat with his girlfriend on d
left, the sister on his right and the mum
facing him. When the Dad walks in, Peter
lowers his head and starts the dinner
prayer."Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank
you for all u've given us".
10minutes after, peter was still praying
"Thank you Lord for your kindness. ...."
Ten minutes go by, and peter is still praying,
keeping his head down, very close to d table.
They all looked at each other surprised, and
his girlfriend was even more surprised than
others. She gets close to him and whispered, "I
didn't know u r so religious."Peter with his
head still on d table replies, "I never knew
your dad was a pharmacist!"

PLS PAL IF U WERE A LAWYER ND THIS CASE COMES TO U TO SETTLE. A GOAT AND A FOWL WHO WERE BEST FRIENDS WAS WALKING ON THE ROAD SUDDENLY A GUY DROVE AND SPLASH DEM WATER,,THE FOWL SHOUTED....IDIO T SEE HOW U PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE GOATS AND THE GOAT SAID DNT MIND THEM DIS IS HW THEY DIE LIKE FOWL,,,,AND START FIGHT SO PALS WHO IS GUILTY AND WHO CAUSED THE FIGHTING?

CONVERSATION BETWEEN LOVERS Girl:I feel jealous whenever other ladies are looking at you Boy:Don't be jealous baby Girl:Why? Boy:Because you have something they don't have!" Girl:What is that i have that they don't have?" Boy:My Heart! Girl:*smiles* Promise me you won't love another Boy:I can't Girl:So there's someone else?" *sobs* Boy:Yes! She will look exactly like you,but more younger than you and will call you mummy Girl:Wow! Boy:Yes! My Angel....Only you owns my heart forever Girl:I love you darling! Boy:I love you too baby...you will be my wife and I will never cheat on you.. **Do Such Men Exist?? A.Hell No B.Maybe C.Yes Please Be Sincere! NVERSATION BETWEEN LOVERS Girl:I feel jealous whenever other ladies are looking at you Boy:Don't be jealous baby Girl:Why? Boy:Because you have something they don't have!" Girl:What is that i have that they don't have?" Boy:My Heart! Girl:*smiles* Promise me you won't love another Boy:I can't Girl:So there's someone else?" *sobs* Boy:Yes! She will look exactly like you,but more younger than you and will call you mummy Girl:Wow! Boy:Yes! My Angel....Only you owns my heart forever Girl:I love you darling! Boy:I love you too baby...you will be my wife and I will never cheat on you.. **Do Such Men Exist?? A.Hell No B.Maybe C.Yes Please Be Sincere!

Mising Jonathan already.. Now that Buhari has won, will Buhari's wife make Nigerians laugh and forget their sorrows like First Lady Dame Faka Patience Jonathan.does? This woman has increased the life span of an average Nigerian. Few example of her "Award Winning Speeches"includes; 1-Nigeria is a great CONTINENT. 2-My husband jonathan and sambo IS good people. 3-I rather KILL myself than commit SUICIDE. 4-my fellow widows 5-my fellow womens 6-I travelled to Abroad to Rest in Peace. 7-my husband is the best COUPLE on Earth. 8-The Doctors are RESPONDING to treatment 9-For those who said i SPEECH bad English,i left them for God. 10-Ojukwu is dead,but his manhood still lives on. 11-Na only you waka come? 12-chei! chei!! chei!!! This blood we are sharing" 13-diaris god o. 14-on behalf of N2million i donate my family. 15-To all those who think Goodluck jonathan has failed,i have a question for you,when a child fails an exam,isn't the child supposed to be repeated? Lets repeat Goodluck jonathan. 16-Nyeson wike is the younger brother of my husband,This man i have tasted him and he is very sweet.support him

See the work of pixart

WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH A WOMAN IS REALLY STRESSFUL. Wife: which teams are playing? Husband: Arsenal vs Manchester United Wife : oooh wonderful! I love Arsenal.. Husband: that's a good team... Wife: is Drogba playing? Husband: he doesn't play for any of these teams... Wife: okay sweeet...is that Chris Brown? Husband: [bored] no he is Chamberlain... Wife : okay but they look the same...what's that yellow card for? Husband: its a warning to the player... After few minutes Rooney scores for Manchester United.... Wife: [cerebrates in high mood] is that Chamberlain who has scored? Husband: [calmly] no its Rooney for Manchester United...!! Wife: [furious] how? it should be arsenal who should have scored!! Husband: [silent] Wife: what is that red card for? Husband : [bored] that means the player should go out of the pitch for misbehaving. Wife: then is he going to be a coach? Husband: [unwilling to answer] aaaaaaa no... Wife: its the same with traffic lights: yellow=warning; red=danger. Husband: exactly darling... Wife: what about the green card? Husband: mmmm nothing of that kind in a field of play.... Wife: I want arsenal to win the world cup... Husband: [silent] Wife: who is that man standing who looks like Mr. Bean? Husband: [bored] it's the Arsenal coach ....Arsene Wenger. Wife: that means the other opponent's coach is Manchest Wenger? Husband: .... [changes the channel]

kes THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids Bad: You can't find your birth control pills Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them Good: Your son studies a lot in his room Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly: You're in them Good: Your husband understands fashion Bad: He's a cross-dresser Ugly: He looks better than you Good: Your son's finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Ugly: So are you Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter Bad: She keeps interrupting Ugly: With corrections Good: You wife's not talking to you Bad: She wants a divorce Ugly: She's a lawyer Good: The postman's early Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47 Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas Good: You're daughter got a new job Bad: As a hooker Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients Way ugly: She makes more money than you do Good: You're son is dating someone new Bad: It's another man Ugly: He's you're best friend Good: You're wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain: "You know, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're gonna get killed!"

garlicrey:
PLS PAL IF U WERE A LAWYER ND THIS
CASE COMES TO U TO SETTLE.
A GOAT AND A FOWL WHO WERE BEST
FRIENDS WAS WALKING ON THE ROAD
SUDDENLY A GUY DROVE AND SPLASH
DEM WATER,,THE FOWL SHOUTED....IDIO
T SEE HOW U PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE GOATS
AND THE GOAT SAID DNT MIND THEM DIS
IS HW THEY DIE LIKE FOWL,,,,AND START
FIGHT SO PALS WHO IS GUILTY AND
WHO CAUSED THE FIGHTING?

The driver that splash the water on them

WARDROBE REQUEST One day, a girl called her boyfriend from school and this is how the conversation went... GIRL:Hello sweetheart. BOYFRIEND: Hello baby. How you doing? GIRL: I'm good. I just want to make a request. BOYFRIEND: Ok, go on. GIRLFRIEND: All my wears are getting tight and outdated. I need to change my wardrobe. Can you help me? BOYFRIEND: No problem. l will send a carpenter to your school to do it for you."

Between The Legs A four year old girl walks in while her father is dressing in the bedroom. She looks at his privates and points at his and ask, "Dad! What's that thing between your legs?" The dad replies, "I don't know." She goes to the kitchen and finds her mom, "Mom. What's that long thing between dad's legs?" Her mom instead of explaining things to her, replies, "I don't know." A week later, when her mom was coming home from work, the little girl ran to her and says, "Mom! You refuse to tell me the name of that thing between dad's legs. I have finally figured it out myself. It's a toothbrush!" The mom laughs, then ask, "How do you know that?" The little girl explains, "When I came back from school this morning, I saw aunty Nana (the Maid) kneeling in front of dad, brushing her teeth with dad's toothbrush and sure enough, there was toothpaste all over her mouth." The mum fainted!

Do Not Steal Akpos' mother thoroughly beats his son for stealing. She asked, "Do you know where your stealing will lead you?" "Akpos Replied, "Yes. The National Assembly

A man is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple." Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man. "I understand what the 'hiss,hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?" "Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom." "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!" exclaims the man" The guide answers, "Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

A man is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple." Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man. "I understand what the 'hiss,hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?" "Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom." "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!" exclaims the man" The guide answers, "Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman moves to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to Akpos who was next to her in the bus, "the driver just insulted me." Akpos says "You go up there and give that stupid driver a big slap. Go on madam, I'll help you hold your monkey."

I''l need you to answer the questions below... [1] Can one cry under water? [2] Do fish ever get thirsty? [3] Why don't birds fall off from trees when they are asleep? [4] Why is a house called building when it is already built? [5] When they say that dog food is new and improved, who tasted it? [6] If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches? [7] Why doesn't glue stick to it's bottle? [8] I love you is not a question, why does it require an answer?

One day, a certain Arab man walked into a bar. As soon as he entered, he noticed a Jewish man sitting in the corner. So the Arab man walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted, "Bar man! I am buying free drinks for everyone in this bar, except for that Jew man over there!" So the bar man collected the money from the Arab man and began serving free drinks to everyone in the bar, except to the Jewish man. However, instead of becoming upset, the Jewish man simply looked up at the Arab man and shouted, "Thank you!" This infuriated the Arab man. So once again, the Arab man took out his wallet and shouted, "Bar man! This time I am buying free drinks and food for everyone in this bar, except for that Jew man sitting in the corner over there!" So the bar man collected the money from the Arab man and began serving free food and drinks to everyone in the bar. When the bar man finished serving the food and drinks, once again, instead of becoming angry, the Jewish man simply smiled at the Arab man and shouted, "Thank you!" This made the Arab man furious. So he leaned over on the counter and said, "What is wrong with that Jew? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except for him, but instead of becoming angry, he just sits there and smiles at me and shouts, 'Thank you.' Is he mad?" The bar man smiled at the Arab man and said, "No, he is not mad. He is the owner of this bar."

ape Case II An 8 year old boy is accused of rape. In court, his lady lawyer holds his d**k out as evidence saying, "Your honour! See this, can he rape with this tiny tot?" The boy whispers, "Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!"

OFFICER EAZY: What is your name? AKPOS: M.P sir. OFFICER EAZY: Meaning? AKPOS: Michael Peter sir. OFFICER EAZY: Your father's name? AKPOS: M.P sir. OFFICER EAZY: What does that mean? AKPOS: Moses Peter sir. OFFICER EAZY: Your native place? AKPOS: M.P sir. OFFICER EAZY: Dose that mean Makurdi Purum? AKPOS: No, Minna Port sir. OFFICER EAZY: What is your qualification? AKPOS: M.P sir. OFFICER EAZY: (Angry) What does that mean again?! AKPOS: Medical Physiology. OFFICER EAZY: So why do you need a job? AKPOS: M.P sir. OFFICER EAZY: (Feeling very frustrated) Meaning? AKPOS: Money Problem sir. OFFICER EAZY: What is your personality? AKPOS: M.P sir. OFFICER EAZY: (Tired of Akpos antics now) Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? AKPOS: Melancholic Personality. OFFICER EAZY: I see. I will get back to you. AKPOS: Sir, how's my M.P? OFFICER EAZY: And what's that again? AKPOS: My Performance sir. OFFICER EAZY: M.P. AKPOS: What's that? OFFICER EAZY: Mental Problematic!

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over. The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick. He started shouting in the middle of the show, ''Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?...'' The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot. They glared at each other but said nothing. Finally, after a week, the parrot said, ''OK, I give up. Where's the boat?''

long Life Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?" Doctor: "How old are you now?" Patient: "40" Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke, womanise or do you have any other vice?" Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I don't womanise. I have no vice." Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"

Football In Heaven There were two old guys, Akpos and Emeka, sitting on a bench outside Emeka's house and talking about football, just like they did every day. Akpos turns to Emeka and says, "Do you think there's football in heaven?" Emeka thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Akpos. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you, and if you die first, you come back and tell me, if there is football in heaven." They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Akpos passes on. One day soon afterward, Emeka is sitting on the bench by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Emeka... Emeka...." Emeka responds, "Akpos! Is that you?" "Yes it is me, Emeka," whispers the spirit of Akpos. Emeka, still amazed, asks, "So, is there football in heaven?" "Well," says Akpos, "I got good news and I got bad news." "Give me the good news first," says Emeka. Akpos says, "Well... there is football in heaven." Akpos sighs and whispers, "But you're playing on Friday."

Do You Want To Go To Heaven Father Murphy goes into a local bar in Lagos and approaches the first man he sees. "Do you want to go to Heaven?" he asks. The man says, "Indeed I do, Father." "Then for God's sake," commands the priest, "leave this pub right now." He then goes to the next man, "Do you want to go to Heaven, my son?" And the man answers, "Yes Father, indeed I want to do that very thing." "Then ye must get out of this pub right now!" orders the priest. Father Murphy continues this throughout the pub until he comes to the last man. "Do you want to go to Heaven, man?!" exhorts the priest. The man looks at his half-full beer, turns, looks at Father Murphy and says, "No, I don't,Father." "You mean to tell me, young man, that when you die, you don't want to go to Heaven?" asks the priest incredulously. "Oh, well, when I die, yes Father, I certainly do. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now!"

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat." "But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 year-old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

CHINESE SEX A Chinese man took a prostitute to his home and they started having sex. Once he was done, he jumped out of the bed, ran to the window, took a deep breath then went under the bed and came out through the other side and started having sex with the girl again. When he finished the second time, he jumped off the bed went to the window, took a deep breath, went under the bed and came out from the other side then started having sex again. He did these until the 8th time. The girl was really impressed by his stamina. After the 10th round, she decided to try it for herself. So she jumped off the bed, went to the window, took a deep breath, went under the bed and saw TEN more Chinese men unclad

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Akpos went to the doctor concerning an ailment he had. The following conversation took place between them: AKPOS: Please don't laugh at me when I reveal my ailment. DOCTOR: Of course I won't laugh! I have been in this profession for 30 years now and I have never laughed at a patient no matter the ailment. AKPOS: OK then. Akpos proceeded to drop his trousers and boxer, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen which was no bigger than a biro cover. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem? Do you want a penis enlargement?" Akpos replied, "No, my penis is swollen."

ust a little something to keep in mind... A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. "What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning: "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it." The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers." The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose." So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

AN HOUR OF GREAT SEX Kwame was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, “I don’t have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday – she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m confused.” His buddy said, “I have an idea – why don’t you make up a letter saying she can have an hour of great sex, any way she wants it – she’ll probably be thrilled.” So that’s what Kwame did. The next day at the bar, his buddy asked, “Well? Did you take my suggestion?” “Yes, I did,” said Kwame. “Did she like it?” His buddy asked. “Oh yes! she jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling “I’ll be back in an hour!”

ENGINE FAILURE Fifteen minutes into the flight from Lagos to Nairobi, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry... we still have one engine left." Akpos turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!" http:///1BIc9u4

Hi, a very dangerous snake that has astonished the scientists in the whole world has been discovered today in the morning according to BBC News...the strang snake that keeps on increasing 0.5 centimetre every second and if in any case it touches any part of its body using its own body, it dies immediately. This is the worlds most dangerous and poisonous snake..and this type of snake is available only in Nokia torchlight Mobile phones under games option.. snake Xenzia..Thanks for reading this very very Carefully...