On a lighter note... Just for laughs...

May 30 (Day After Buhari’s Inauguration)

In the news: “I belong to everybody and I belong to nobody.” – President Muhammadu Buhari

Bola Ahmed Tinubu, Rotimi Amaechi, John Oyegun

Somewhere in Asokoro… 4pm

---

“The papers are saying that Buhari was talking to you when he made that “I belong to nobody” statement. They are saying that you would not have input in his government, much like Jonathan’s treatment of Obasanjo.”

Tinubu mulls over what the National Chairman of the All Progressives Congress, APC, John Oyegun has just said. To his left is the former Governor of Rivers State, Rotimi Amaechi. He wonders if he made the right choice. Should he have imposed himself as the Vice-President? No, Nigerians wouldn’t have gone for that, religious as they are. The quiet, unassuming Professor Yemi Osinbajo was the right choice. He seems like someone that can be influenced. He is not a politician. The amount of votes they got from the South West would have been fewer than it had been if he had imposed himself. But this inauguration speech of Buhari, it was unsettling. It wasn’t what they had discussed. Should he reveal his fears to Oyegun and Amaechi, that he wasn’t entirely sure where he stood in the scheme of things? Hmmmm. No. That would be dangerous. His authority might be questioned.

“Oyegun, you worry too much. Buhari knows who put him into power. In fact let me just tell you now since we are the only ones here, I told the boy who wrote the speech, that Chude boy, to put that into the speech. And you see. It got the effect I wanted. So when Buhari begins to make some decisions, Nigerians won’t say Asiwaju is behind it,” Tinubu says.

“That is a relief, but…,” Oyegun begins, but Amaechi interrupts.

“See, sir, that line is not my only worry. He also said he is not going to settle old score and he will not interfere with the judiciary. You know that Wike has it in for me. And you know that, erm, it was Rivers people’s money I gave to the party o. So, you see my worry.”

“Rotimi, Rotimi, Rotimi!” Tinubu calls. “How many times did I call you? It is I, Jagaban, that is telling you not to worry. Buhari knows who put him in power.”

Oyegun takes a sip of his water.

“Bola, what about appointments? You know we have people we want to put and Buhari has said he would not go the old way?” Oyegun asks, clearly still worried.

“Don’t worry. I have told Atiku to discuss with him. He will listen. You remember what Axelrod said during the campaign. It is all about appearances with Nigerians. Allow him say all he wants.”

“But…”

Tinubu holds up his hand.

“Okay, Atiku just sent me a text. He is on his way. He just left Buhari. He is coming to brief us. Let me go and pray before he gets here.”

Hmmm, I hope Tinubu is right o, Amaechi muses. I have invested too much in this. I have to get that Wike out of office soon. That Dakuku boy is too calm. He would have won that election if he had listened to me.

Tinubu rubs his eye and gets up to go inside. If only they knew the truth, he says in his mind.
Amaechi busies himself with him phone, while Oyegun leans back and closes his eyes, as they await Atiku.

May 31 (Two Days After Buhari’s Inauguration)

Former President Goodluck Jonathan and his wife, Dame Patience Jonathan

Somewhere in Otueke… 12:15 pm

As Goodluck Jonathan gets into the car with his wife, Patience, after yet another Thanksgiving Service held in his honour, he wonders if all the speakers meant what they said. What is he even saying, of course they don’t. But none of them can come and say he shouldn’t have conceded defeat. Obtuse minds. He had long known he was going to lose. Obasnjo thinks he is the only one that can become a global citizen. Tah. He has shown him. The United Nations Secretary General, Ban Ki-Moon had called him on Friday to tell him that a position was being prepared for him in Africa, and maybe Asia. He could tell all those long serving leaders on how to concede power. He could only imagine Mugabe’s face. He chuckles.

“What is funny?” Patience asks, looking at him sourly. “Hope it’s not what I said that is making you laugh?”

Jonathan glances at her. He hadn’t even realized she had said something. “What is that?”

“I said I am tired of all these services o. Come here, go there. How many time will they be saying the same things? All the women smiling and giving you gifts. They will now want three of the money their yeye gifts was worth.”

“Don’t worry. It will be over soon. By next weekend.”

“Better o. Because me, I won’t follow you for any more o. I will even soon travel to London to go and see the children.”

“Like I said, by next weekend.”

The car was moving at a leisurely pace. A far cry from his presidential fleet that were always driving like something was chasing them. He was the president; any meeting would not start till he got there. So why hurry? Ah, he wouldn’t miss that. And the noise. Oh the infernal noise of the sirens. It was protocol, he was told when he asked. Same with the speed. Security measures.

“Did you see what Buhari did at the inauguration?” Patience interrupts his thoughts again.

“What?”

“How Buhari did not greet anybody when he enter. And that Aisha couldn’t even tell him. She must not be from a good home. It was Baba that now told him go and greet. Hmmm. I watched it on TV.”

“Oh. Yes, I heard. He is learning. I trust that that Obasanjo was laughing in his mind. I don’t even know who I don’t like most, Buhari or Obasanjo.”

“Me, it is Buhari o. Obasanjo didn’t win us in election.”

Us, she said. Which us? Like she didn’t contribute to my losing, Jonathan thought. He had seen the analyses after the election. It was because of her the report Ekweremadu submitted was kept secret. How could he release a report that blames his wife for his defeat? That Ike even had guts o, to bring that kind of report. Thank God it didn’t leak to the press.

The car pulled to a halt in front of the Jonathans’ humongous mansion. Reuben Abati, Jonathan’s former spokesperson, opens the door for him.

This boy has been loyal o, he says in his mind. Even Doyin, who everybody said he shouldn’t appoint, had since left him. Not even a call. Ungrateful people. Anyway, he won’t regret his decisions. Patience barely glances at Abati as she storms into the house, with three aides in tow.

This woman, when will she stop carrying people around? She doesn’t know that there is no money, Jonathan thinks.

“Sir, Gowon called. I said you would call him back,” Abati says.

“Ehen? He didn’t say why?” Abati shakes his head. “Ok. Later.”

Jonathan strolls inside. “Tell them to bring the cold Palm Wine,” he says as he reclines on the chair.

June 1 (Three Days After Buhari’s Inauguration)

President Muhammadu Buhari and his wife, Aisha

Somewhere in Aso Villa… 6 am

Muhammadu Buhari looks around his office at the Aso Villa and smirks. It finally paid off. His patience and perseverance. Of the four times he had run for elections, this had been the most compromising. From parleying with the likes of Tinubu and Amaechi, to having to go greet that Obasanjo. That man who ran Nigeria like his own current account. Imagine, he even had the guts to embarrass him in front of all those visiting Heads of State. Telling him to go round and greet. He even had to make it obvious. Oh, may Allah give him strength not to go back on the things he said in his inaugural address. That wasn’t still as bad as having to go greet that man who bundled him out of power in 1985. Kai, he deserved this presidency. The things he has had to stomach.

This was the first time he had been alone since the elections. Meeting after meeting. It had become worse, immediately after the inauguration. Why couldn’t they have waited till this Monday morning? Let him have this weekend. He sighed. After twelve years, he was tired. 73 was no kid. Why couldn’t he send Osinbajo in his place? What was the point of having a Vice? He was told it was protocol to attend. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Oh the quiet. Shutting the office door had locked out all the hustling and bustling of moving in outside. He had come here straight from prayers. Why they were moving things this early was beyond him. He must remember to ask if this room was soundproof.

Someone entered the office. It must be Aisha or his P.A. No one would dare defy his order of being alone. Being known as a harsh dictator had its perks. People didn’t dare disobey him.

“Remi sent me a message that her husband was not happy with your inaugural speech on Friday,” Aisha says as she plops herself down on the couch beside him.

President. She hadn’t still gotten used to the feeling. After more than twelve years, they had finally taken power from that useless PDP. She looks around the office. It was smaller than she expected.

“Eez he now?” Buhari slowly replies. “He should be happy zat I have decided to forgive all ze people who stole before May 29.”

“But you know him and Amaechi really contributed to your election. We should at least pretend to listen to them.”

“I know.”

Aisha knows that is the end of it. She knew her husband would do what was in his mind. She just hoped he did not cost them the presidency. He was not a politician, after all. They lapse into silence savouring the feel of power.

Aisha breaks the silence. “What will you do about Obasanjo?”

“I will handle him.”

“Better do. I heard that Patience was laughing when she heard.”

“I said I will handle it.”

His P.A of years rushes into the room. “Sir, its Atiku.”

What does that one want now, Buhari thinks as he collects the phone. “Assalamualaikum.”

Aisha watches his unsmiling face as he speaks into the phone. She would tell him to start smiling more. For all Jonathan’s faults, he always had a smile on his face. After the election results, she even felt he looked happier than before. Buhari was through. The aide hurried off with the phone.

“What did Atiku want?”

“Party beezness.”

Before Atiku comes with problem of the All Progressives Congress, before the Service Chiefs come to brief him, before Aisha tells him that Zahra and Yusuf are trending on social media, before he has to deal with the Tinubus and Obasanjos, before he has to list his ministers and aides, before he loses sleep for the next four years, before he is chaperoned from meeting to meeting, country to country, before he has to handle the million things that were likely to go wrong in his first hundred days, he would savour this few minutes of silence with Aisha.

Buhari relaxed and was just shutting his eye, when a knock came.

“Sir, Atiku is here.” And just like that, it had begun.

W. A.

http://writersanonymous.com.ng/2015/06/03/after-buharis-inauguration/

Well written. More grease to your elbows