The trend of women who date their brothers-in-law is now on the increase. This habit is considered abominable and therefore frowned at by Nigerians, their culture and tradition. But why are the ‘sisters’ doing this to their own, and what indeed is the way out? CELESTINE OKAFOR reports

Pretty Mrs Cynthia Uzoka, a Port-Harcourt based beauty therapist, used to be a happy woman but not anymore. Today, her six year old marriage to young Chief Okechukwu Uzoka, a prosperous and wealthy international merchant, is becoming a source of pain to her. The first five years of the couple’s nuptial union went smoothly. But the last one year of their relationship has been characterised by rabid hate and bitterness. Now the young mother of three wished she was never married.

Cynthia’s heartache began early in January this year, when she discovered that her husband was secretly dating her sister, Ifeoma, a micro-biology student in one of the nation’s universities. As most elder sisters would do, Cynthia, usually, is in the habit of inviting her younger sister to spend the holidays with her family, unknowingly provided Ifeoma and her sister’s husband the opportunity to savour their illicit secret relationship.

According to the heartbroken Cynthia, the love birds indulged in clandestine sexual acts at home but occasionally went to a hotel. “This happens mostly when I have gone to work or at times, when I travel out of town, or even when l am briefly out of the house. In fact, this thing had been going on until I caught them in January, following a tip-off by a close friend,” she said.

The agonising mum told LEADERSHIP Weekend incredible stories of how her husband often splashed huge cash and exotic gifts on Ifeoma. Both love birds were said to always spend weeks in hotels. Cynthia lamented that “at the end of the holiday when I thought my sister had gone back to school, my husband secretly lodged her in a hotel. Sometimes, they stay there for weeks. He goes there to visit and spend time with her. At other times, they travel together, without my knowledge, to London and America, where my husband does most of his businesses.

“This thing had been going on for long until my friend saw them one day and tipped me. It was at the hotel lobby that I caught them that evening. I was mad at my so-called sister,” she revealed. Right now, both sisters have gone their separate ways as has the former husband and wife.

Kemi Sowore, a computer/ ICT application specialist at an Ikeja, Lagos-based accounting firm, lives with her senior sister, Bimbo, who is married to a pastor. Unassuming as Bimbo is, she allowed Kemi some measure of freedom to relate with her husband in the home. And being that her husband, Kayode, is a ‘man of God’, Bimbo really had nothing to fear.

Gradually, Pastor Kayode’s curious fondness of his sister in-law graduated to something else – a love affair! He began to spend less time in the mission and more time at home, especially when Kemi was in the house. He would specifically ask Kemi to prepare his meals, wash his clothes, including undergarments and do some other personal things for him, which ordinarily his wife should do.

In return for Kemi’s gestures, the pastor showered her with expensive gifts and cash. With time too, the lover boy pastor began to entrust his sister-in-law with vital secrets and information which ordinarily he should have shared with his wife. Months later, Bimbo (the pastor’s wife) found out that her younger sister was five-month pregnant for her husband. She made the shocking discovery during a heated argument which ensued between the love birds over whether or not, the lady should abort the pregnancy. Bimbo was completely devastated by her discovery. Because of her ‘trusting attitude’, she lost her three-year old marriage to her younger sister.

Mrs Esther Ibrahim Maku, a Nasarawa State-born banker resident in Abuja, is a young mother of four. She is currently as bitter and heart-broken as Bimbo. But unlike the pastor’s wife, she is the architect of her own woes. Esther treats her husband, Solomon, like filth. Being a career banker, she felt she had stronger financial strength than her husband, a lawyer. Consequently, she considered domestic duties absolute unimportant. The basic house chores, which includes the preparation of her husband’s food, were abandoned for her live-in younger sister, Margaret.

Meg, as she was fondly called by family members and friends, has better culinary skills, was more level-headed and homely. Meg’s good manners combined with her beauty, intelligence and natural scheming ability, endeared her to “Uncle Solo” (her sister’s hubby, as he is also fondly called). With time, they began a love affair which later culminated into pregnancy and then to marriage. Esther threatening fire and brimstone but realty silenced her emotions. Her careless loss was her clever sister’s gain. Now, she is all alone, rejected, dejected, bitter and heartbroken.

Like Esther, Florence Ebong, a civil servant in Uyo, the Akwa Ibom State capital, was usually carefree about such things. A 26-year old mother of two, Florence had a 30-year old unmarried elder sister, Vera. She (Vera) had accommodation challenge and needed her younger sister’s help. Florence decided to accommodate her believing that her sister would have nothing to do with her husband. She was wrong! Two weeks after Vera’s arrival, she bared her fangs.

At first, the lady took over the kitchen functions from her younger sister under the guise of helping her out. Next, she began to assist Aniefiok, her sister’s husband, with his personal chores. She complemented this with her artful seduction style and backbiting of her benevolent sister before her husband. Her tricks worked. She instantly got pregnant and became a second wife to her brother-in-law. Florence would take none of that and she quickly went on the offensive. Both sisters are now deceased following severe injuries they sustained during a bloody combat.

The above examples are instances of a growing unsavoury trend that is currently threatening many otherwise peaceful Nigerian homes. Cases abound of lecherous younger or older sisters who snatch their sister’s husbands from each other or who destabilise their homes by engaging in amorous affairs with their brothers-in-law.

However, there are several factors that could be attributed to this licentious behaviour. For instance, some ladies are simply attracted by the wealth and riches of their sisters’ husbands. This is more so when the man is gifted with a hip pocket generosity. Some lucky ladies, so to say, have enjoyed the privilege of globe-trotting to famous cities in the world apart from owning houses and exotic cars courtesy of their sisters’ husbands.

Some women who do not have time for their husbands due to their nature of job or irresponsibility, risk losing their men to their sisters. This is because men, by their nature, crave for their wive’s attention and when a woman is not regular at home when her husband needs her, any other mature girl in the home who could perform the wifely role automatically becomes the defacto ‘madam.’ Same goes for women who cannot cook good food for their spouses.

Some ladies snatch their sisters’ husbands simply because they possess better culinary abilities than their married sisters.

Another factor is the issue of spousal disrespect. Common experiences have shown that women who deliberately or out of ill manners, disrespect or disregard their husbands, run the risk of being dumped for their better behaved younger or older sisters. Some men consider this option a better way of getting back at such ill-behaved wife or a way of hurting their oversized ego.

Good looks is another major factor in love affairs between in-laws. For instance, hardly is there any woman, young or old, that does not fall cheap, so to say, to a handsome man, and vice-versa. And because of this, some ladies who live with their sisters in their matrimonial homes could easily develop interest in their sisters’ men. Fondness also contributes to such illicit relationship between in-laws. Men who are very fond of their sisters-in-law have the propensity of dating them eventually. Same goes for the sisters too. Such natural or casual fondness, in most cases, might blossom into serious romantic affection.

However, LEADERSHIP Weekend found out that infertility and childlessness in marriages is another major factor why some ladies date their sisters’ husbands. They often desire to provide for the man what a sister-wife was unable to provide.

Also, some married older sisters who freely discuss their matrimonial sexual lives or about the sexual prowess of their husbands with their younger sisters, unwittingly ignite the spirit of sexual adventure of those girls, and many of such women have woeful tales to tell afterwards. Most unscrupulous sexually adventurous younger ladies might want to find out the veracity of what they have been told. “The lady might want to discover such thrills herself,” opined Mrs khairat Adegoke, a mother of two and a victim of such verbal indiscretion.

“It also happens to women who discuss such issues with their close friends. Most women who are not as sexually forthcoming as their husbands could easily lose their men to their younger siblings. Besides, the trending skimpy mode of dressing by some young ladies which often reveal their sensitive body parts, sometimes, attract most lascivious brothers-in-law. Men who brazenly expose their attractive physical build or masculine endowment, also risk seducing their sisters-in-law” she explained.

LEADERSHIP Weekend findings revealed that illicit domestic love affairs between in-laws are often fostered by envious, vindictive and spiteful sisters. Some girls who nurse deep grouse against their married sisters or who resent the way their sisters treat them, could resort to dating their sisters’ husbands just to spite them. Also, some ladies who secretly admire or envy the generous spending style and overflow of affection on their married sisters by the husbamds, are often tempted to date them. Nimphomaniacs (women with incurable urge for too much regular sex) too, take pleasure in seducing their sisters’ men. Some husbands lack absolute discipline and self control; these are the type of men who deliberately lust after their wives, sisters or other women in general. In fact, they go after anything in skirts. Men in this category create the enabling environment for amorous home love affairs even when the girls seem not to show interest.

Another victim, Mrs Veronica Oyegun, now a divorcee and mother of four, captured it thus, “This very scenario, in most cases, happens when a wife’s live-in sister is a village girl who just arrived town.” According to her, such lustful antics by a brother-in-law could expose the naive girl to what they call “civilisation.”

However, when such amorous scenario plays out in a home, how do the parties concerned feel? “It is usually a feeling of bitterness, shame, betrayal and disappointment for the woman,” quipped Dr (Mrs) Julietta Ugbodagah, a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor based in Area 1, Garki, Abuja. Dr Ugbodagah pointed out that the natural reaction for a woman in such situation is to angrily eject the offending sister first from her matrimonial home. This, in many cases, trigger a permanent mutual enmity between the two sisters such that if not well handled, could degenerate to serious acrimony and division in the affected woman’s paternal family.

It is also possible that such embittered woman may never allow any of her sisters or female relations for that matter, to stay in her matrimonial home again. “She may also find it difficult to trust people or even to truly love anyone again because her psyche has already been bruised severely. A woman with such an unpleasant experience could choose to remain dishonest and unfaithful to her husband for the rest of her life, if the marriage still remains intact,” Ugbodaghah added.

However, marriage experts have argued that this burgeoning threat to Nigerian homes can actually be curtailed. According to Dr Jessica Young, a Kenyan sociologist in Nigeria and a former official of the United Nations Fund for Women (UNIFEM), the best insurance against such domestic occurrences, is for married women to be in full control of their homes at all times, their careers notwithstanding. She also advised women to be cautious about the calibre of young women or ladies they bring into their homes to live or stay with them.

“My simple advice is that women should not bring in untrusted sisters and friends into their matrimonial homes. They should take more interest and care in their physical looks or appearances. When a woman’s husband is picking unnecessary interest in his wife’s sister, she should act quickly and quietly send her away. Women should also discourage the idea of grown-up sisters staying with them in their matrimonial homes for too long.

“Not only that, I usually advise that women should be careful with the kind of domestic responsibilities they entrust their younger sisters with. A woman should also work hard to improve on her sexual and romantic life so as to sustain her husband’s interest in her. This has worked against the African woman for too long going by my years of field investigation while at UNIFEM. Sexual indifference and frigidity should not be given room by women in Africa no matter the conditions or circumstance, except on grounds of illness,” young said.

A Lagos-based lawyer, Mrs Funke Osofisan, also advised women to always be on the alert during the night, especially if they have randy spouses or younger grown-up sisters around. “Even during the day time, women should also be on their guard. There is also the need for us to preach to our husbands, on the need for marital fidelity and fear of God. Our husbands should learn to be sexually and generally contented with us, because we are what God has given to them,” she advisedhttp://leadership.ng/features/443208/abomination-ladies-who-date-their-sisters-husbands

Say na like this Banana sweet?

I don't pity those that lose their husbands due to their retrogressive attitudes!

No. 1 "Secret relationship" is very sweet oooo

No. 2 The cause of the whole thing is the wife herself. Immediately ur sister comes, U make her perform all "wifey" duties, yet u don't want her to do the "bedroom" duties.

Your sister cooks, scrubs, nurse the child etc, while the wife sits behind the TV all day watching Telemundo and Africa Magic. You got ur reward joor.

The secretive nature of this act,even makes it fun filled for the so called men.

And who doesn't like varieties in life?

Just kidding.

No responsible man will Bleep his wife's sister.

ephemm:
No. 1 "Secret relationship" is very sweet oooo

No. 2 The cause of the whole thing is the wife herself. Immediately ur sister comes, U make her perform all "wifey" duties, yet u don't want her to do the "bedroom" duties.

Your sister cooks, scrubs, nurse the child etc, while the wife sits behind the TV all day watching Telemundo and Africa Magic. You got ur reward joor.

Thats not an excuse for the man

Na real abomination. The sis deserves punishment from the family

That was an epistle mhen

Ronald4lif




Mehn self control is all that matters. All of these aren't enough reason for a husband to sleep with his wife's sister. Its a very huge abomination.. No matter d situation, he shouldn't do dat.. Even if he wanted to, not certainly d sister buh a lady very outside d home..

I dnt encourage adultery! And thr should be no justification to adultery.. Op take note

Most married women of nowadays are so lazy, once they are conferred with the title 'MRS' (Mo Ribi Sasi), all the home chores are 'contracted' out to the housemaids.
The amorous sisters always capitalize on the deficiencies of their older sisters to lure their husbands into the secret affairs.
Our culture vehemently abhors this ugly attitude of the sisters who indulge in this.
At the same time, our married women should live up to the billings. they should respect and take good care of their husbands.
Husbands should have the fears of God in their minds and eschew this attitude that has become cankerworm that is eating deep into the 'fabric' of marital unity in our various homes.

Things are really happening

This is a taboo in the part of country i come from.

Abomination

The shop that sells husband has ran out of stock.

This is a taboo in the part of country i come from. Anybody caught indulging in such nefarious and infamous act shall dance naked in the Market.

nice thread

this thread can never be in th front page. too ackward

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