kukuruku156:

Gbam!!! Well said.

perry2020:
Good morning brother,sorry about ur plight,yes ur wife is wrong but have u thought of why she is actually "flirting".sometimes when things get very boring some women love to switch things up,checkout a new or an ex and see the lattest with men,ofcoz they will go on dates to nice places and be very confident talking to one another.now my question for you,
1.are u sure ur wife is not bored
2.do u still take her to nice places or u stopped because ur now married
3.do u still show her much love,buy her gifts,give her massages when she complains of being weak or tired or did you stop all the love because you now have her. These are the new things a new guy would definitely give her because he wants to get down with her but when she gets enough from you if she is contented there is nothing those guys will wana offer that will freak her.try to spark up ur relationship,ignite her feelings.
4.as som1 said earlier boundries,you failed to create boundries
5.you should give her the impression,ur her very best friend and she should be free to tell u any thing,if u guys re having issues and she doesn't want to talk physically she can whatsapp u and tell u exactly how she feels rather than tell an ex or a new guy.she needs to stop trusting people excessively in this country with the way things re going,what if the man's wife came in and met her in his kitchen and gave her the beating of her life or his relatives perhaps,or he kidnaps her or use her for rituals coz she barely knows him so well.yet she trusts him enough to go to his house and cook without telling u,if she had even cooked in ur house and called him to come pick it up and introduce him to u would have been better and would have even proven her innocent of cheating.
It's never too late,as some said set boundaries,tel her to stop every communication with any ex or the new guy or else she should go meet them. if she continues then threaten her with a divorce when it's beyond you and see her reaction,if she is unremorseful go further by calling a lawyer (just for shakara) so she will know ur serious,if she still loves you or wants the relationship she would change.i wish u d best.

mejai:
I think 'ftc' has said it all. but if u want to continue.... a hot resounding slap will reset her senses. I don't support spouse assault but just to reset it.

whirlwind7:
Your wife is not satisfied with what you have to offer her.

She definitely is on the look out for more excitement outside.
whether or not she has physically cheated, one can't say. But she is certainly cheating on you emotionally.

It's a dicey situation, because she is gonna take her game a step further.
Are you ready for such mind games? Are you up to it? Do you have what it takes to clip her wings?

Marriage is never easy, but having a spouse who's hell bent on ruining you emotionally is a NO NO! All her excuses sound so childish and hollow, it's a wonder you are still trying to decipher what she is up to. I feel for you, brother. It's a really painful place you are in right now.

wagazala:
Bros, begin find new wife.

If your wife would go as far as cook and confide in another woman's husband other than you then obviously something is wrong. The usual template answer most people will give you on this forum is have a heart to heart talk about it to your wife, pray about it, etc. Forgerrit, if you don't have kids yet, i'll suggest you start packing your bags.

Goldenboy007:
My guy go and get a job. You have too much free time in your hands...wow..get a life for heavens sake !! Are you a monitoring spirit ?? I pray you don't die of hypertension ! It takes a thief to catch a thief ! It seems your hands sef are not clean !!!! Ahan !!!! Why find what is not lost !!! Why don't you just buy hijab for your wife so that no man will look at her !

Gloryblossom:
.y are u supportin divorce.nonsense

freelance777:
Dear Nairalander's

How are you all doing? I hope you guys are doing well? I am writing this post to express my fears of the unknown, because I have been a very trusting and reliable husband to my wife.

Before marriage, my wife have once told me about his ex who is supposedly his best date ever in her life before she met me, that apart 2 years into our marriage, we had an arguement in which she confronted me about a number saved with a lady's name on my dialled list. I openly and honestly told her it was my old school mate whom I missed her call and had called back. But she wanted to know more like I was doing something shady, that got me all roused up and I just told her to leave me be.

A week later, I received a call from her straight from work that my daughter had a serious cut on her lips due to an
accident, I quickly rushed down to the school, but met them at the nearest clinic where my daughter's lip was being stitched, few mins later I walked down to her school where she works nearby to pick up her car key then bring her car nearby so we could all go home, surprisingly, I found her wedding ring inside the glove compartment. A ring she wore out to work that very morning.

I didnt question her immmediately until the night of that day, I asked her why she had removed her ring and kept it in the glove compartment knowing fully well that the wore it out that very morning, she said it was because I have had mine removed since the past 1 month, so she also had the same reason to remove her's.

A week later, she opened up to me that she has been talking to her ex whom I described above, I asked her about what? She said she has been taking advise from him whenever we have issues. I kept shut and moved on.

2 more years into this marriage, I recently found out that her ex had sent her a whatsapp message, but she didnt respond, so I opened up a discussion with her based on ex's. I asked her if keeping contact of ex's or communicating with ex's is good for married people be it the man or woman, she said its a no no, that infact she will never accomodate such and that its wrong for anybody to do that. I immediately told her to open up her whats app, she did and I showed her her ex's whats app message, she at first was scared, wanted to cover up the phone somehow, but due to fear, she slowly relaxed herself and she said well that I can see that he is just talking and she has not been responding, and that its possible for someone you do not have on your contact list to send you a whatsapp message, I agreed, but countered her saying you also have saved his number with Abbreviation, if you never intend having future communication with him, why then did you save his number thereafter? I didnt get an answer, until later after two weeks when she told me she was in communication with him in order to secure a job for his younger brother. ( Very hard to believe) I moved on.


A few days later again, I was on my way to help her fix her iphone which she has abandoned like a year and the half, something just prompted me to dial his ex's number on that phone, behold she had saved the number as 'rsif' someone who bears Williams. Anyway I kept quiet still. The the final incident that gave me a final warning that this my wife might be cheating on me unknowingly was just a month ago when she told me she had met this dude on the same estate we reside, that he was into business and had also gave her his complementary card, I asked what he does, said he is an estate agent, I responded saying estate agency does not correlate with what you do, she said at least he can provide us good offer for housing by the time we are ready to move. When all of a sudden, she said that same guy had asked her to help cook since his own wife had travelled to the USA to give birth. She asked if it was right for her to go ahead and do the cooking, I immediately denounce that move that it is wrong, and that the guy has another motive entirely. I told her to tell him that he should ask his own family member to cook for him, and that she should immediately cut communication with him if she wants to last long in the marriage.

My wife responded by saying, she does not think the guy has bad intentions and that he is a cool and nice person with a very mild personality,that if the dude has such intentions, that it would be the most surprising occurence to her. I said well just do as I have said. Lo and behold, I investigated her phone and I found out that she had already cooked for this dude even before she asked me the question. I confronted her, and she said it was because I might not find it funny and thats the reason why she kept it a secret at first. I then promise to show her that the dude was infact a cheater whom is planning to cheat on his wife with my own wife. One day, I impersonated my wife, and started sending text as such as that am ready to give him what he wants, lo and behold, this dude was responding and was even asking where I was at, that he is ready to heal my wounds, a hug and everything that I needed. I showed my wife the text message, and she acted all surprised, but I was not, because based on the conversations that I have seen, it seems to me that whenever I have issued, he rushes to call the guy and tell him everything, which was a good avenue for the guy to provide emotional consolation in order to get what he wants.

I apologize for this long story, but I just needed to detail this story well, so that I can get insight of what I need to be thinking, what I need to do, and the right steps to take.

Thanks all.

Tobiegal:


Finally some real sense!

What do you think you are doing snooping around her phone... talkless of impersonating her... Would you have taken it likely if it were the other way around?!

OP would advise you the same as i would advise a woman in your shoes...

You need to stop snooping around her phone with the mind of finding something? if only you have got a 6-10 job, this would be the least of your concern...

Please, sit her down when she's in a good mood, and talk to her nicely... if that doesnt work... talk to someone she respects... if da doesnt work.... seek the Lord in Prayers! Nobi only woman sabi pray for man.... you should also learn to pray for your woman...if the marriage really means anything to you!

And about the ring removal? what was your own reason for doing away with your own? You were enjoying, feeling fly like a young bachelor.... abi... tau! the tables have turned... she's an after 2 funky babe.... and you are here shouting all over the place... abegi! u tik its easy to born 2 and still look funky ba? na the result of ya attitude you dey see so.... please, free the babe jere...

repogirl:

Yes, I said i was married and my husband doesnt have time to snoop through my phone or accuse why I am not wearing my ring, why?

Mutual trust garnered from frequent communication. If you dont have a certain trust and dependency in marriage, that marriage is a sham.

repogirl:
Your wife cannot communicate with you obviously, she is scared you would read the wrong meaning and jump into conclusion which you always do from all you have said.....

I agree that its wrong for her to keep these relationships but maybe you also over react when you find out about them. You are right in how you advice her against these men but try not to get her scared like you have caught her doing something she shouldnt be.

Make her safe in your home and let her be able to relate with you freely or you will scare her off into doing something you will both regret.


Your wife is also at fault and needs a good talking to but since you are the one here, its your own part I am focusing on.

repogirl:
Yes.

Flashh:


Judging from your post... You are plain stüpid... No offence!

Men like you are very easy to cheat on... What if she eventually cheat on him?

Who even knows your wife/girlfriend is cheating on you presently?

You have to check your partner's phone sometimes to know who you are with, don't trust her.

The wife wanna cheat on him, in fact her own way of cheating is very logical.

The (op) is a very smart man, which he eventually got her tricks.

ottizz:


Are you for real? And you say you are married?

Tobiegal:


Finally some real sense!

What do you think you are doing snooping around her phone... talkless of impersonating her... Would you have taken it likely if it were the other way around?!

OP would advise you the same as i would advise a woman in your shoes...

You need to stop snooping around her phone with the mind of finding something? if only you have got a 6-10 job, this would be the least of your concern...

Please, sit her down when she's in a good mood, and talk to her nicely... if that doesnt work... talk to someone she respects... if da doesnt work.... seek the Lord in Prayers! Nobi only woman sabi pray for man.... you should also learn to pray for your woman...if the marriage really means anything to you!

And about the ring removal? what was your own reason for doing away with your own? You were enjoying, feeling fly like a young bachelor.... abi... tau! the tables have turned... she's an after 2 funky babe.... and you are here shouting all over the place... abegi! u tik its easy to born 2 and still look funky ba? na the result of ya attitude you dey see so.... please, free the babe jere...

[size=13pt][b]
Shut D fvvck up,woman.

In your mind,you have given a matured Input,but you just spew dumb shiit

This is one of the snitcch we are talking about.
I don't blame your type tho.I blame the man who condoled such insolence.

---

OP,you fvvcked up, the day you found out that she went to his house to cook and the snitch even kept it away from you.
You would have sent her parking straight away,but instead you continued to be a "sissy" and you think that woman will ever value or respect you,when you are all acting sissy.
Take charge of your home,creat strict rules from now on and when she breaks any.
You either send her to her parent's house for coaching on morals and respect or you send her parking for good.
Get a nanny to take care of your kids,until you are ready to bring in a loyal woman.
The thing that kills a man faster is a snitchy woman.
You won't know this until you are old and less active in piloting the affaire's of your home.

---

I am trying my possible best not to hit on you,for disgracing manhood.
I expect you step up your game and stop being a "sissy"
[/b][/size]

BundlesOfJoy:
Hmm there is a difference between being gentle and being a walkover!!! And this whole ex issue really should have been resolved before marriage.

When my husband and I first started dating...I knew he wanted to be serious with me but I wasn't fully invested because he just seemed liked a nice guy but he was soft handed. I pretty much did whatever I wanted and still spoke to some exes. He even used to snoop through my phone and impersonate me just like you are doing. When I found out I was really angry as I would have just preferred a normal confrontation.

Then one day he decided to toughen up, stated his boundaries, what he expected of me if we the relationship should go anywhere and I should take it or leave it. He was being very serious and that made me respect him and if you respect someone you abide by their rules. Fast forward 4 yrs of marriage my husband is my best friend and only confidant, we are open books to each other, very happy and no need for stupid phone snooping.

So pls like others have said, let your wife know your boundaries, if she respects you she will abide, if not then good luck to her.

After all, even western style multi-partner relationships have rules, how much more a monogamous one!

Goldenboy007:
My guy go and get a job. You have too much free time in your hands...wow..get a life for heavens sake !! Are you a monitoring spirit ?? I pray you don't die of hypertension ! It takes a thief to catch a thief ! It seems your hands sef are not clean !!!! Ahan !!!! Why find what is not lost !!! Why don't you just buy hijab for your wife so that no man will look at her !

wagazala:
Bros, begin find new wife.

If your wife would go as far as cook and confide in another woman's husband other than you then obviously something is wrong. The usual template answer most people will give you on this forum is have a heart to heart talk about it to your wife, pray about it, etc. Forgerrit, if you don't have kids yet, i'll suggest you start packing your bags.

iykedare:


Shut the fork up. You probably married a mumu man. So your phone is a no go area to your husband?

All these brainless women who are hell bent on getting married when they don't understand what it entails.

iykedare:


You are really daft.
Stupid advice.

iykedare:


Shut the fork up. You probably married a mumu man. So your phone is a no go area to your husband?

All these brainless women who are hell bent on getting married when they don't understand what it entails.

cutelover19:
I find it quite appalling how the female folk are dragging the OP into the blame game. It shows that marriage has truly lost it's virtue in our society. That said; OP, it's really clear (in HD) that your wife is cheating emotionally, which is worse than the physical one. If I were you, I'd send her to her fathers house to take a break and ponder on recent happenings. If she's sober, I will let her return but if not, NA GOBE be that o.

Whobedatte:
her comments made me shocked too
Why can't my wife check on my phone and vice versa?
Nothing wey person no go hear for nairaland

cutelover19:
I find it quite appalling how the female folk are dragging the OP into the blame game. It shows that marriage has truly lost it's virtue in our society. That said; OP, it's really clear (in HD) that your wife is cheating emotionally, which is worse than the physical one. If I were you, I'd send her to her fathers house to take a break and ponder on recent happenings. If she's sober, I will let her return but if not, NA GOBE be that o.