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I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Nobody: 2:39am On Jul 20, 2015
Op, you made a very big mistake when you agreed to run a joint account. If he Spends his money on his projects and relatives, don't you have the right to fund your own project like the masters program you are planning for? He is the one that should provide for the entire household while the wife supports and not the other way round. You have to talk to your husband and let him know that you are not happy with his bad habit and if he doesn't desist, you will open another account. Put on your thinking cap and secure your future and that of your children otherwise, you, your husband and kids will find yourselves living in an uncompleted building after retirement.

1 Like

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Kimoni: 2:51am On Jul 20, 2015
Toks2008:


Im begining to see how special,different and disciplined i am when it comes to taking my eyes off my woman finances.

i may be as broke as brokelyn but i give no hute about my lady s money.

if you like be a billionaire,i will still buy your undies for you with my money because thats my duty,to take care of my woman

some guys are real jerks.

Pickabeau1, Coogar

See my kind of man right here cool cool

There are still people like him o grin grin

1 Like

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Okeikpu(m): 2:53am On Jul 20, 2015
ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,
women, una too much wink
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Okeikpu(m): 2:57am On Jul 20, 2015
Honey y do u bring our personal matters in public Ds marriage is over sad

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by flyforall: 2:58am On Jul 20, 2015
Follow your dreams and don't let no man/woman bar you from attaining them be it your hubby/Mami
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Nobody: 3:03am On Jul 20, 2015
I dont think your husband is reckless in spending money, he simply doesnt want you to do that masters. Same thing with the exam you missed. Inferiority complex i guess. But he sure knows what he is doing. Tell him you are no more interested in the exams or masters again and see if he will still be spending your money like that.

If your hubby dont want you to do any more exams in your life and you want to,I guess you are the only one that knows the right thing to do cos you are the one in The marriage.

3 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by ledaman: 3:47am On Jul 20, 2015
First of all the meaning of a man is morning, afternoon and night! if your husband cant provide am sorry to use this word to qualify your spouse as useless man, instead of him to be the provider he is using useless excuses as being broke !
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by noble03(f): 3:51am On Jul 20, 2015
You did nothing wrong at all. The thing is,most men tend to take women forgranted when it comes to d issue of money. They don't like seeing that a woman has money,so they'll spend that money to the last kobo. Wise up o my sister,take a firm stand.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by PubLlcEnemy(m): 3:52am On Jul 20, 2015
sunkoye:
one of the best post here.

eemm.. but.this ur moniker ehn; almost made me skipped wisdom here. cheesy

I speak my Mind and how I see things. I don't sugar coat it, I say it as it is and I often offend people with it... I will always be me... Hence PublicEnemy.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Nobody: 4:52am On Jul 20, 2015
Kimoni:


Pickabeau1, Coogar

See my kind of man right here cool cool

There are still people like him o grin grin

Abi what will you say before?
Who doesn't like free money?
Him doing all that doesn't make him more or less of a man. As long as there is balance, any jara can be taken as a nicety.
But you and your "Whats mine is mine, whats yours is ours" mantra....are actually less of a woman. Because your own is not even balanced. You want a parasitic relationship and not a symbiotic one.

The kind of evil that will see your FAMILY (Not your husband. Stop talking like as if you are just a phuking guest in the family) go and collect loan from bank to solve a matter when you have money there and don't really have any plans for it besides it just being "your money".

You've now conveniently forgotten all the bride price and wahala he went through (especially if you are igbo).
Your kind don't deserve marriage.

3 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by 3rdeye1(m): 4:56am On Jul 20, 2015
This is one of the best topic I have seen in NL. You are a good woman OP. But my candid advice to you is ... Please secure your marriage before securing certificates. Family is alwas first my dear. I'm happy I will be getting married to a woman like urs too... Who has taught me financial prudence. May God keep ur home.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by jpphilips(m): 5:00am On Jul 20, 2015
FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.


Do you know that men put up with housewives and their broke families, carter for them forever?
All these guys who are looking for working class ladies to be depending on, I dey laugh! !

Your husband uses your money what is the fuss? if he earned higher, won't you be spending his?

Didn't you know you earned higher when you married him?

Didn't you know that the reason he couldn't make it far in his career was because he never had academic pursuit? how do you expect him to support yours?

When will men understand that there is no peace when spending a woman's money?

You want to do your masters when your hubby has a WASC and you expect him to support you? are you related to Buhari? just kidding.

2 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by adconline(m): 5:05am On Jul 20, 2015
It's OK for a woman to spend her husband's money as she pleases but it's bad for a man to spend his wife's money if he's broke?? This is 2015 guys!!!
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by onunwa21(m): 5:05am On Jul 20, 2015
Women nawa 4 una, bt all dis y u ve bn using his own moni.

Let me ask u

If u hubby no use ur moni

Who go use am?
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by pickabeau1: 5:11am On Jul 20, 2015
Kimoni:


Pickabeau1, Coogar

See my kind of man right here cool cool

There are still people like him o grin grin

As long as it works for you...lol
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by OAUTemitayo: 5:13am On Jul 20, 2015
As if ladies are worth it.
ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by jaybee3(m): 5:24am On Jul 20, 2015
Why are we even debating this since he has proven his financial irresponsibility time and time again with no iota of remorse.

You already know it's an issue that affects you and the family so the common sense approach is work out and agree to a family budget where both of you will transfer your monthly contributions into an account that both of you will have access to.

Open a new account that only you can access so you can save your remaining share of your salary into it.

You can't keep exposing yourself to his lack of financial control. If you keep allow him with putting any checks and balances in place then you will surely suffer as family going forward

Please under No circumstances should you start hiding things from him as honesty has to be embedded in your relationship. Part of the honesty is you having the brutally honest conversation on how you going to approach the case going forward.

He already knows what you earn and you are allowed to save and spend whatever % share of the salary as you deem fit

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by gbenga4my(m): 5:27am On Jul 20, 2015
FavorofGod:

Truth is my husband took some loans which seriously depleted his take home pay. My takehome pay is more than his when you take into consideration the loans. But he also has allowances paid in bulk that make up for the deficit. He usually uses those allowances for one project or the other.
But when it comes to the day to day running of the home, including feeding, school fees for children, fuel,etc, I usually contribute more, mostly because his salary is not enough to foot all the bills.I also contribute something to rent and capital projects, though a lesser percentage.
He is paid earlier than me each month, so by the time I receive my salary, his own has already finished( he also sends money to his parents and relations). So I just give him my atm card ,and most times he withdraws when the need arises and I know when I receive the alert.
I hardly spend money frivolously,I hardly buy expensive clothes or jewelry except I really need it,and my husband praises me often for being prudent with money.
He does not spend frivolously too, but will use any money available to solve problems or carry out projects,even when they are not necessary. This leaves us cash-strapped most times. He makes no provision for savings, and will just borrow money if there's an emergency. I've entered labour room twice when we didn't have a dime, and we had to borrow money to offset medical bills, though I had repeatedly told him to keep some money aside for such situations.

I love your courage , he is a good man nd u r a good woman, I must confess, adults only dialogue. U guyz nid to sit urself and dialogue then reach an agreement togeda. All I understand here is that you wanna run ur masters now and for him, he wants you to run it only when its convenient for him. If u had reached an agreement nd he lapses, if u deny him access to ur finance , it mite nt augur well with him, but he wud understand at d end of d day, bt as it is nw, I dnt knw wat to say dan for u to still av a gentle talk with him, making him reason along with you
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by jaybee3(m): 5:28am On Jul 20, 2015
enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.


Do you understand and accept that marriage is a partnership?
Do you realise a relationship based on pretence or deliberate falsehood has no chance?

You absolutely do not need to lie about your worth if you are the more financially responsible of the two. You can always say No whenever you aren't comfortable with any financial request
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by jaybee3(m): 5:39am On Jul 20, 2015
kilode100:
Op, you were not right hoohaa.

You knew, that you married a toy man whose only interest in the marriage was your money and now that you ve stopped him from assessing those funds, what do you honestly think will happen??

I am not in support of him but the money aspect was what made him push the "chicks" away and he decided to marry and do right by you.

Give him his right and ve Your peace of mind o... That your quiet husband will soon become a thorn in your flesh if you don't.

NB; never start what you can't finish.

How would she have been able to find that out before marriage when it's not as if he has always had access to her account

Besides, why have you comfortable ignored the fact that it's OUR projects not HIS projects?

The husband has obviously gotten comfortable with the idea of using her as a financial buffer hence why it's necessary to approach it with an agreed budget approach where the both parties agree on a month by month basis using needs based assessment to decide on expenditure and % contributions
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by constantchanges: 5:44am On Jul 20, 2015
FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.


Before I contribute, Op, I saw a contradiction in your write up. You wrote that he doesn't have a means of income....meaning he is jobless. You also wrote that he cannot fund the capital projects of baby dedication and travelling with his salary alone.

Well, this finance issue is a serious matter that must be well handled.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by gentl(m): 5:46am On Jul 20, 2015
ivyT:




Exactly_I spoke for myself undecided



Exactly_I spoke for myself

No you did not...you should read your comment through before clicking the submit button..you shouldn't put everything your brain process here for us to read,some of them are are not making sense n stop being bias..*sign* some women ain't just worthy of my comment.

2 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by eromspete(m): 5:46am On Jul 20, 2015
Nne you've got some incredible amount of tolerance. I applaud you for that.

Your husband should understand that this is an investment in your career and future. Abeg what you did is right.

Wish you success in your future Masters program
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by jaybee3(m): 5:50am On Jul 20, 2015
Toks2008:


Im begining to see how special,different and disciplined i am when it comes to taking my eyes off my woman finances.

i may be as broke as brokelyn but i give no hute about my lady s money.

if you like be a billionaire,i will still buy your undies for you with my money because thats my duty,to take care of my woman

some guys are real jerks.

That much pride in your own marriage, who are you competing with?

So you will deliberately stop growing as a family so you can always be the MAN or how else would you navigate an income/expenditure mismatch

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by ukandi1(m): 6:01am On Jul 20, 2015
ivyT:
but MenAintWorthIt,
i was tempted to rate u very high until i saw that line.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Fxwarrior: 6:02am On Jul 20, 2015
ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

How can you now judge men with the actions of this mof0 and perhaps that of your own man. Quit generalizing joor. I too condemn the actions of this man and dissociate from it.

He's iinsensitive and childish. How can he play with his wife's future like that? Woman you're not wrong, you don't have to tell him about your finances to avoid causing rift open a separate account and allow him play with this particular acccount as his toy. Talking about big party he can't even fund and home coming in these challennging times?

He's failing as a man and should be ashamed of himself.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by ukandi1(m): 6:07am On Jul 20, 2015
enoqueen:


When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.


and what is wrong with that?
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by ceeethru(m): 6:10am On Jul 20, 2015
wisdomiskey:


nd d mistakes
men make iz 2
spend our hard earned
moni on yuh ungrateful
women.. onli
4 yuh to selfishly
guard urz wen d man
is in financial crisis

selfish tin lyk yuh angry

soon yuh will
hear these women chant
"your money is OUR money, my money is MY money"
greeedi wincheez
I feel you... grin
wisdomiskey:


nd d mistakes
men make iz 2
spend our hard earned
moni on yuh ungrateful
women.. onli
4 yuh to selfishly
guard urz wen d man
is in financial crisis

selfish tin lyk yuh angry

soon yuh will
hear these women chant
"your money is OUR money, my money is MY money"
greeedi wincheez
I feel you...

2 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Fxwarrior: 6:10am On Jul 20, 2015
enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.


Truly that what's marriage is about coperation, team work and a wife being a help mate and selflessness, consideration for the needs of others. I doubt you're married. My grouse with this particular man is insensitivity and selfishness. He should be man enough to carter to the needs of his ffamily not becoming a probblem
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Nobody: 6:12am On Jul 20, 2015
ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes cause alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

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