Mod, if this can make front page, it would be very nice. Let hear what Nigerians think about this because, personally, I believe this marriage thing is getting out of hand





www.vanguardngr.com/2015/07/let-our-children-marry/

By Muyiwa Adetiba
An article appeared in the Daily Times of the late 70s that struck a
chord in me. It was written by one of Nigerians’ most celebrated
columnists. Mr Peter Enahoro, writing as Peter Pan, wrote an article
titled: ‘Let Papa Die’. It was an incisive commentary on a major
social issue of that time.
This, you must remember, was the period of the oil boom and the
country’s noveau riche, especially of the Southern persuasion,
craved creative ways to celebrate their new wealth. One area that
caught their fancy was man’s eternal fascination with the dead.
Many chose to remember—and rebury—a father that had been long
dead. Many suddenly remembered that they had not done the final
burial of a departed mum or aunt. And why not? The money was
there now and they could indulge.
The Daily Times, which was the newspaper of the times, made an
industry of it. It wrote letters to those who had done obituaries a
year ago to also do a one year anniversary; or those who had done a
five-year anniversary to also do a ten-year anniversary and so on.
The result was that the paper became very bulky with ‘Obituaries’
and ‘In Memorials’.
Mr Enahoro, who must have been the Editor or Editor-In –Chief at
the time, was certainly high up enough in the hierarchy to know that
part of the newspaper’s considerable income came from the
people’s new-found romance with the dead. Yet, it did not stop him
from acting his conscience and urging the nation to stop this
morbid revelry. He urged that people should allow their loved ones
to die with dignity and stay dead rather than ‘unearth’ the dead as it
were, with carnival-like activities.
Today, more than three and a half decades after, I feel compelled to
re-echo his sentiments. Not at obituaries this time, but at weddings.
The amount of emotional and financial investments that goes into
getting our children to say: ‘I do’ are getting out of hand. Last week,
a massive traffic hold-up took place along the popular Ozumba
Mbadiwe Street in Victoria Island, Lagos because the children of rich
and influential parents were tying the knot, and all roads led to the
high-brow hotel where the wedding was taking place. Those who
went—I changed my mind at the last minute, thanks in part to the
traffic-talked about the opulence and the press of people at the
event.
One friend said she particularly enjoyed the ‘old school’ music that
was played. ‘Old school’ music? Why should the music of the 70s
be the dominant music at the wedding of children who were not
even conceived at the time the songs became hit songs.
The answer is simple; the party was for the parents and their friends
and the wedding just served as a good reason to call friends
together for a good time. One parent insisted on having King Sunny
Ade at his daughter’s wedding. It took the tearful objection of the
bride and the entreaty of the mother to make him change his mind.
The reason he even thought of it at all is because parents paid the
piper at weddings and therefore dictated the tune: literally.
Just a week before, it was an engagement party that packed an
event centre full. Only that over ninety per cent of those at the hall
did not witness the engagement which had taken place at a more
private location. In fact, those who came at 2.30 pm when the event
was supposed to have taken off and left at 6.30pm might not have
seen either the bride or her mother. But they would have enjoyed
good food and drink while indulging in small, social talk.
It could have been a promotion party, a birthday party or any other
party for all they cared. There was no connection at all to the
solemn coming together of two families for a life time union of their
children which had taken place earlier. That was, it seems, another
occasion for another place at another time. And you wondered what
this party was all about.
My appeal today is to our generation of parents to let our children
marry in their own way. We should stop indulging in our fantasies. I
wonder how many parents actually ask their children what they
want before embarking on these grand schemes. Most of us
financed our weddings during our time and the marriages were none
the worse for it. Most weddings were simple church ceremonies and
the receptions were over in an hour.
The best you got were lunch packs. Yet the marriages fared better
on the long run than what we have today in spite of the millions of
naira in wedding investments. But more importantly, the weddings
were by us, for us. The parents and their few friends came as
guests. It is the other way round these days where only a symbolic
couple of tables are reserved for the friends of the marrying couple.
I remember one that took place in 1978. There were just six of us.
Yet the three children of the union are successful parents today.
We must question the rationale in spending millions on a wedding
when one of the couple hasn’t found a job. We must also worry at
the pressure we are putting on the marriage itself. Many cracks
which later on widened into chasms started during the frenetic and
totally unrealistic preparations for grandiose weddings. Many
parents make unnecessary demands and transmit their frustrations
to the children. These frustrations seep into the young marriages
and become toxins in their homes. It would have made more sense
if bigger weddings meant more successful marriages. Unfortunately,
the reverse seems to be the case as marriages of the children of the
rich hardly outlast those of their poorer cousins.
Let the young be free. Free to find love and build on what they find.
Let them be free to determine their expectations and realities. Let
them grow and mature together on their own terms and in their own
ways.
Many daughters depend too much on daddy’s broad shoulders
rather than discover the strength in their own husbands’. Many
parents state too openly that their daughters could always come
home if they found their marriages too uncomfortable. That was not
the case in our time. You made your bed and were made to lie on it.
Besides, what does not break you can only strengthen you.
Marriage is a tough institution. Let’s stop sugar coating it. It is also
a life-time institution. Let’s stop making it look like a nine-day
wonder. The more time we spend preparing our children for the
emotional and financial challenges of marriages rather than the
frivolities and extravagancies of weddings, the better for our
children.

Op don't u gerrit


Marriage is another life Biggest SCAM

Great education! If only the people will listen...

Absolute truth... Marriage is for the strong

Also, the way they are making the ceremony look, makes it difficult for people with modest income to marry. It put severe pressure on the institution of marriage