By OLUWATOYIN IDOWU



“People try to minimise the differences when they are in love”. Joel Crohn.

Last week, I published the story of two intending couples with serious religious complications on their hands, catalysed by the fact that they attend different assemblies of worship. While Christopher was ready to jettison his own assembly after marriage in order to please his wife to be, but for a major constraint, Ruth wasn’t ready to even shift an inch due to her loyalty to her long time assembly. I appreciate the comments that came in, both on this platform and other ones like Facebook inbox, emails and so on. As a result of this, I have decided to do a rejoinder so that we can have a very balanced perspective. Did you miss the story last week? Please read it up here before you go ahead: http://expressng.com/2015/07/we-are-both-christians-yet-religion-is-stopping-our-marriage-realitywithtid/



Is anyone out there having the same or similar experience with Ruth and Christopher’s and you are at a seemingly cross-road? Please, admit with me that it’s not an issue that should be treated with levity. The first thing I need you to understand is that religious difference is a major issue that should not be overlooked especially when the knot has not been tied. Dismissing its seriousness with a “God will take control” cliché could be detrimental to your relationship in future and that is if you have not been denying some damages even as at now that you are dating. If you find yourself in such a situation, do not live in denial, admit there is a big issue to face with your partner so, pause and deal with it in the most objective way. This is because religious difference shouldn’t be seen as one of those minor issues you can drop till after you are married…No! Solve it before you proceed to the altar so that each of you will have a direction to work with. But if it cannot be resolved, then it will be better for the two of you to put an end to the relationship! I will be the last person to advice any intending couple to go ahead and get married while this problem boils within them. That is a big error because it’s like having a timed-bomb in your hands that can explode at any given time!



While trying to deal with this issue, you both need to understand that one of the greatest tools to use is effective communication. You cannot under-estimate its effectiveness. None of you should ever sit down and assume inaccurately about the other person’s point of view, rather, sit down and talk eyeball to eyeball about it in the most unambiguous way and the best time to do it is now. Everybody has a story behind his or her actions and proper communication can bring to open the deepest fear which your partner could have been nurturing for years. When this happens, that could be all you would need as a solution to the problem at hand.



However, before you get to this point, may I ask, how much of your partner’s religion do you know? Have you worshipped with him or her before and how often have you done that? Have you made your independent research to know what the religion stands for? What does the setup look like and what do they have to offer especially families? How much do you know about their leaders? From your observation, do you think his or her religious choice will have a positive impact on your future home? If you have mixed feelings about the setup, have you shared it with your partner in a way that will make him or her see your point objectively? All these and more are what you need to explore before you take your decision either for or against. The point is, it’s not just enough to be obsessed about your religion when in the actual fact you know little or nothing about your partner’s. You never can tell, your partner’s could even be......

MORE...>>>http://expressng.com/2015/07/we-are-both-christians-yet-religion-is-stopping-our-marriage-part-ii-realitywithtid/