My mum will always shout, nag and scream, work hard for your money and never depend on man for money...

That's the only power a man can use to control you...An Independent woman is a queen, royalty and a rara gem...

Over the years, this has been my guide but I think it's a problem with Nigerian Men...

Someone told me last night that "I'm too independent to be married"...

Years past and after so much denial, I full accept I'm my mother's daughter...

Yes, I learnt so much from her and I admire her so much but I can't say I want to walk her path but unconciously I really do walk her path...



I'm not a rich brat but I'm soOooo Sooooo career and money-making concious (I must admit)...and people think I'm proud...




Cc

Coogar
Pickabeau
Freecocoa
Bukatyne
TV01
Edwife

Keppyy dear,

Will get Back to you tomorrow

Even though we know that the quickest way to kill the average Nigerian male self-esteem is to be able to take care of yourself without his help or make more money than him, you also have to understand that buzz words/phrases like pride, being too money-conscious is not a good look on any person, male or female. In everything in life you find a balance.

How do you approach the subject of independence? Are you the type that throws it at people's faces, in every sentence? Such things can be irritating even to me.

Approaching life with adamant rigidity, not being flexible may cause you more heartaches than victory. In life sometimes, you may have to bend yourself to unfathomable shapes to achieve something. If you intend to get married, have kids, the reality/possibility is that you may have to compromise on your career. As soon as you have a family, family usually comes first. However if career is more important than family to you, don't get married. There are too many dysfunctional families out there, help us reduce the number. If you can mix the two together, fine, a lot of women are doing this perfectly. But for this to work, you need a supportive husband who is also in the business of compromise, your chief fan who would not be threatened by your success. Compromise is not only a female trait.

Now how to get this man.
It is true that our parents empowered the females and forgot how to tell the males how to respond to the empowered female. The boys were given the skills to adapt to the 20th century woman, forgetting that we are in the 21st century. So it is important to expand your dating pool to increase your chances of getting your ideal man. Do not be limited by tribe or race.

Stillfire:
Even though we know that the quickest way to kill the average Nigerian male self-esteem is to be able to take care of yourself without his help or make more money than him, you also have to understand that buzz words/phrases like pride, being too money-conscious is not a good look on any person, male or female. In everything in life you find a balance.

How do you approach the subject of independence? Are you the type that throws it at people's faces, in every sentence? Such things can be irritating even to me.

Approaching life with adamant rigidity, not being flexible may cause you more heartaches than victory. In life sometimes, you may have to bend yourself to unfathomable shapes to achieve something. If you intend to get married, have kids, the reality/possibility is that you may have to compromise on your career. As soon as you have a family, family usually comes first. However if career is more important than family to you, don't get married. There are too many dysfunctional families out there, help us reduce the number. If you can mix the two together, fine, a lot of women are doing this perfectly. But for this to work, you need a supportive husband who is also in the business of compromise, your chief fan who would not be threatened by your success. Compromise is not only a female trait.

Now how to get this man.
It is true that our parents empowered the females and forgot how to tell the males how to respond to the empowered female. The boys were given the skills to adapt to the 20th century woman, forgetting that we are in the 21st century. So it is important to expand your dating pool to increase your chances of getting your ideal man. Do not be limited by tribe or race.

Love this...thank you...

keppyy:
My mum will always shout, nag and scream, work hard for your money and never depend on man for money...

That's the only power a man can use to control you...An Independent woman is a queen, royalty and a rara gem...

Over the years, this has been my guide but I think it's a problem with Nigerian Men...

Someone told me last night that "I'm too independent to be married"...

Years past and after so much denial, I full accept I'm my mother's daughter...

Yes, I learnt so much from her and I admire her so much but I can't say I want to walk her path but unconciously I really do walk her path...



I'm not a rich brat but I'm soOooo Sooooo career and money-making concious (I must admit)...and people think I'm proud...

Cc

Coogar
Pickabeau
Freecocoa
Bukatyne
TV01
Edwife

you are more likely to be abused by your partner if you make much more money than him.....be warned! marital strife has nothing to do with the depth of your pocket. just endeavour to marry the right partner. you can be the richest woman in the world and if you marry the wrong partner, he would deal with you mercilessly.

my 2 pennies....

coogar:


you are more likely to be abused by your partner if you make much more money than him.....be warned! marital strife has nothing to do with the depth of your pocket. just endeavour to marry the right partner. you can be the richest woman in the world and if you marry the wrong partner, he would deal with you mercilessly.

my 2 pennies....

take 5.



You have nailed it

In addition

Hi keppyy,

Hope service was great today?

I would come from two angles

1. Independence in finance
2. Independence in marriage

Independence in finance:
Hmmm... making money doesn't make you immune from abuse; however it gives you the power to accept or reject abuse as you have choices.

An independent woman is a rare gem to a husband who loves her. She is not a rare gem because she earns. There is a difference.

That said, What do you mean by independence? Building a career or ability to pick your bills?

whatever you want to be, have a vision Now and it will automatically eliminate the number of eligible men you can marry. It is much better marrying someone who aligns with your vision than hoping after marriage.

Independence in marriage:
Dearie, nobody is independent is a healthy relationship. We dependent on each other (interdependent).

You must develop yourself and ask other values you are bringing in apart from the fact you can hold your own financially. You must also study your guy to know What He likes.

For example, when I just met my husband I was very independent and did not know How to delegate (I was like that with everyone; good for my parents as I was small mummy). I wanted to do everything myself from repairing stuffs to paying all bills(that bills was crazy. My first friend had to forcefully give me N20 for photocopy). I was wanted to be able to beat my chest I was self sufficient and independent however it became an issue because He felt unwanted/unneeded. He wants to do A (out of love), I am like it's fine, I can handle it; B same thing to Z.

I was also like that with others. Before, If a guy opens the door for me or offers me a seat, I tell him I don't need it with a smile; now, I say thank you in appreciation, accept it and Look for ways to reciprocate. (Maybe the spirit has not left totally )

My husband on the other hand loves to continually prove his love through acts of service. He wants every part of my life to reflect his love. I had to learn over time to chill a little. Take things that are offered and ask for help when needed/wanted. Now, He looks for more and more ways to prove his love. Funnily, I discovered my own love language is acts of service. I don't and will never need anyone's money

So sweety, are you independent financially or in relationships? Look Back at previous relationships to evaluate.

Now I am not saying you should become a leech; you should be able to hold your own and appreciate his help.


Re getting a chef;

Different strokes for different folks.

I know men who got cooks/chef for their wives.

I would say lay your cards on the table before marriage.

Cheers.

bukatyne:
Hi keppyy,

Hope service was great today?

I would come from two angles

1. Independence in finance
2. Independence in marriage

Independence in finance:
Hmmm... making money doesn't make you immune from abuse; however it gives you the power to accept or reject abuse as you have choices.

An independent woman is a rare gem to a husband who loves her. She is not a rare gem because she earns. There is a difference.

That said, What do you mean by independence? Building a career or ability to pick your bills?

whatever you want to be, have a vision Now and it will automatically eliminate the number of eligible men you can marry. It is much better marrying someone who aligns with your vision than hoping after marriage.

Independence in marriage:
Dearie, nobody is independent is a healthy relationship. We dependent on each other (interdependent).

You must develop yourself and ask other values you are bringing in apart from the fact you can hold your own financially. You must also study your guy to know What He likes.

For example, when I just met my husband I was very independent and did not know How to delegate (I was like that with everyone; good for my parents as I was small mummy). I wanted to do everything myself from repairing stuffs to paying all bills(that bills was crazy. My first friend had to forcefully give me N20 for photocopy). I was wanted to be able to beat my chest I was self sufficient and independent however it became an issue because He felt unwanted/unneeded. He wants to do A (out of love), I am like it's fine, I can handle it; B same thing to Z.

I was also like that with others. Before, If a guy opens the door for me or offers me a seat, I tell him I don't need it with a smile; now, I say thank you in appreciation, accept it and Look for ways to reciprocate. (Maybe the spirit has not left totally )

I had to learn over time to chill a little. Take things that are offered and ask for help when needed/wanted.

So sweety, are you independent financially or in relationships? Look Back at previous relationships to evaluate.

Now I am not saying you should become a leech; you should be able to hold your own and appreciate his help.


Re getting a chef;

Different strokes for different folks.

I know men who got cooks/chef for their wives.

I would say lay your cards on the table before marriage.

Cheers.

May these words be written in stone. Words rarely get me thinking but damn girl! you be oracle ooo!!

shaybebaby:

May these words be written in stone. Words rarely get me thinking but damn girl! you be oracle ooo!!

Thanks dear

I know you called those that are inclined to reasoning in your direction, sorry it made me felt naughty to drop by so i thought i had nothing to lose.

The problem i see is you not the Nigerian men you say you think.
I know you are the daughter your mother made you, if you say you have accepted it and dont want to change anymore, atleast be confident in it. I know if you had your way, you could have cut the independent part that seems odd with the rest.

I'm not proud of what it made you (not like it matter) seeing that it has cost you in the past, finding yourself moving out of your skin to please men at your detriment. Atleast be confident if you say you dont want otherwise because your lack in confidence reeks more of insecurities, desperation than "sassiness".

GHoJes:
I know you called those that are inclined to reasoning in your direction, sorry it made me felt naughty to drop by so i thought i had nothing to lose.

The problem i see is you not the Nigerian men you say you think.
I know you are the daughter your mother made you, if you say you have accepted it and dont want to change anymore, atleast be confident in it. I know if you had your way, you could have cut the independent part that seems odd with the rest.

I'm not proud of what it made you (not like it matter) seeing that it has cost you in the past, finding yourself moving out of your skin to please men at your detriment. Atleast be confident if you say you dont want otherwise because your lack in confidence reeks more of insecurities, desperation than "sassiness".

Thank you so much....

I actually called names that popped up in my brain at the time of writing and I was definitely not seeking supporters (if I were, coogar will never be mentioned)...

I want the opinion of all and feel free to comment even if you were not mentioned.

Let me call cococandy and pickabeau...

Bukatyne, thank you so much for your words...*falling in love*

Thank you coogar...you give it real and raw...

keppyy:
Bukatyne, thank you so much for your words...*falling in love*.

You are welcome dear

OP bukatyne and stillfire have said it all.

Just take things easy and don't be too rigid with your rules. Just make sure you stay away from those kind of guys that want non-achieving especially if they want it for unwholesome reasons such as you being too big for them or becoming more exposed.

You will find your kind eventually.

Are you in need of a guy that will align with your culinary skills?

bellong:
Are you in need of a guy that will align with your culinary skills?

Lols...

You're becoming a terrorist...

No more onuunuu for you...

keppyy:


Lols...

You're becoming a terrorist...

No more onuunuu for you...

bellong:

Okayyy...


You'll still have it...

keppyy:



Love this...thank you...

I so much love dis

No matter how rich you're, you must give your partner the chance of taking care of some of your bills... There's this sense of belonging people get when they're able to provide for you, most especially men..I can't say whether it's natural or not... A lot of women can take care of their needs yet they give their partners a chance to do it instead, it makes one feel useful and part of your life...

Being too independent to get married, that's wrong except you go about shoving your independence on people's faces.. I mean being proud about it.. just come soft and humble. ... You may also have to mingle with guys who don't see financially independent ladies as threats. .. As Buky asked, what other good things do you have to offer asides finance?

Then, your mother's submission is true for some guys, it isn't a general thing.. Some men are rich yet so humble and accommodating. . That a man has more money than you do doesn't mean he'll be domineering, it's a matter of the kind of love he has for you and his individual characteristics hence it's a personal thing...

This kinda mindset you keep, I mean 'let me make my own money so that no man can control me' comes off to me like you see marriage as some form of competition. . Marriage is partnership, whoever has more money doesn't matter. . It's good to be financially independent but let it be for the right reasons.... Also, having the whole world doesn't completely shield you from abuse in the home front, it's a question of who you get married to.. Don't celebrities get abused??

Then be ready to compromise/find a balance when you get married esp when kids start coming, regarding your career/moneymaking mindset. ...

Generally, I really think you should mellow about the whole finance thing, be humble and easygoing...

Thank you so much, @MarvellousGod

Nice thread!




Will like to learn one or two things from here... following