hmmmm(long sigh), just a year and some months into our marriage, and yesterday 3days ago I found some disturbing messages my hubby sent to some girl, d contents of the texts are so disgusting that I can't write them(sexual), he acts all 'spiroro'with me dat sometimes I feel guilty about my relationship with God. I just let him know dat I saw d text n he acted like it's nothing, I've been giving him d silent treatment and thank God for my baby that has kept me occupied(nursing mum). I really don't know what to do and i've not spoken to anyone about it either, am still lost for word.

if you think you can solve anything with silent treatment then no wonder your hubby is not faded!

btw why go snooping if you aint going to do anything WORTHY about the dirt you find? you should have just ignore his phone and live stress free!

if you aint willing to FIGHT for your family, then you should have stayed single.

hey dear. You just have to talk with him. Giving him the silent treatment may not really help matters. He has no right to do what he did. MrBrownJ you were auite harsh with your reply. How would you feel if your woman did that to you?

Don't give him the silent treatment.Have a discussion about it with him.Get to the root of the matter.
Did the texts you saw indicate that he was sleeping with someone or he was just flirting?

@mr brownjor whatever your name is, I won't take any insult from you if u don't have anything good to say just stay off, I didn't go into marriage with the intent of fighting over what I tut was already mine, and I have not discussed it so far with him because I don't know how to go about it without us fighting.dats why am seeking for advice on how to go about it.

MRBrownJ:
if you think you can solve anything with silent treatment then no wonder your hubby is not faded!
btw why go snooping if you aint going to do anything WORTHY about the dirt you find? you should have just ignore his phone and live stress free!
if you aint willing to FIGHT for your family, then you should have stayed single.

He is my husband and we go through each others phone once in while, you don't call dat snooping I guess u r in the category of men that pretend.mteeeeeew

vouriotp:
@mr brownjor whatever your name is, I won't take any insult from you if u don't have anything good to say just stay off, I didn't go into marriage with the intent of fighting over what I tut was already mine, and I have not discussed it so far with him because I don't know how to go about it without us fighting.dats why am seeking for advice on how to go about it.

His silence is guilt over what you have found, not nonchalance. He doesn't know what to say.

You said u r a nursing mom. Have u been denying him sex of recent? Not that it justifies his action but most ladies tend to ignore thier men when nursing especially when it's thier first child. The man feels angry and neglected but guilty as well since the reason for his neglect is his baby. So such men start to secretly look for affairs outside to meet thier sexuaI needs.

[quote author=5minsmadness post=36847789]
His silence is guilt over what you have found, not nonchalance. He doesn't know what to say.

You said u r a nursing mom. Have u been denying him sex of recent? Not that it justifies his action but most ladies tend to ignore thier men when nursing especially when it's thier first child. The man feels angry and neglected but guilty as well since the reason for his neglect is his baby. So such men start to secretly look for affairs outside to meet thier sexuaI needs.

Denying him sex? Lol....i even try sometimes to initiate it but he uses his forth coming exams as excuse....he wants to read after work but when he's not at home he finds time to do dirty chats.

MRBrownJ:
if you think you can solve anything with silent treatment then no wonder your hubby is not faded!

btw why go snooping if you aint going to do anything WORTHY about the dirt you find? you should have just ignore his phone and live stress free!

if you aint willing to FIGHT for your family, then you should have stayed single.

Would you have given her the same advice if she was the husband?

thorpido:
Don't give him the silent treatment.Have a discussion about it with him.Get to the root of the matter.
Did the texts you saw indicate that he was sleeping with someone or he was just flirting?

He was busy saying all the nasty things he would do to her if he was close to her, whether it was flirting dats how it starts till he finally does it

vouriotp:
Denying him sex? Lol....i even try sometimes to initiate it but he uses his forth coming exams as excuse....he wants to read after work but when he's not at home he finds time to do dirty chats.

I think you're talking g out of anger. Think about it for a moment.
Is this your first child?
Apart from the lack of trust u had at the beginning of your marriage were you two having any sexuality issues?

Why would he use his exams as an excuse not to have sex in the first place and when did that start? Has he been generally avoiding sex with you?

Lol. Try and find a way to blame her for it.

Have you denied him sex?
Are you neglecting him?

OP silent treatment won't help your marriage.
At most both of you will keep silent until one day you're tired of keeping silent and then you begin to talk (about irrelevant things) and then the elephant in the room is swept under the carpet.

Now is the time to talk. Let him know you're having none of it. Be firm and direct in your speech. Make it clear to him what he stands to lose of if he doesn't desist from that path.
Some people flirt but never act on it. All the same it is still dangerous. Before the girl out there will start getting ideas.

He needs that wake up jolt seriously.

vouriotp:
hmmmm(long sigh), just a year and some months into our marriage, and yesterday 3days ago I found some disturbing messages my hubby sent to some girl, d contents of the texts are so disgusting that I can't write them(sexual), he acts all 'spiroro'with me dat sometimes I feel guilty about my relationship with God. I just let him know dat I saw d text n he acted like it's nothing, I've been giving him d silent treatment and thank God for my baby that has kept me occupied(nursing mum). I really don't know what to do and i've not spoken to anyone about it either, am still lost for word.

in your previous topic you said your husband is suspecting you of cheating, now he has started cheating. I think there is more to this story you are not saying. Its possible he has been cheating on you that was why he was suspecting you of cheating too or you must have given him reasons to believe you are cheating on him so you now disgust him

Are you wearing red pant? Black bra?
The child both of you share, don't you think you are giving it too much attention? Even though it's your first child and you're probably still figuring out what to do?
Perhaps you don't dress well or have put on too much weight?


can't it ever just be "there's no excuse for his actions, he's acting like a selfish, cheating jerk?

No?



Ladies, always look good at every stage in your life. Because you just never know when your spouse will decide to be thoughtless and selfish (as if it isn't both of you struggling with issues in the marriage) and start sexting/cheating and you may need to have an affair yourself

After all, if the "Head of the Family" is misbehaving, why should the subordinate be the responsible one

Nothing cures a cheating husband like his own wife doing the same. They cry, they swear at her BUT THEY RECONCILE AND FIX THAT MARRIAGE. I'm not making that up. Men hate being beaten at their own game and would rather not play again than for you to keep beating them. Trust me

[quote author=vouriotp post=36848099][/quote]

Dearest men are like that. i don't know why they enjoy dirty chats with women they wouldn't dare stand with in the public.
however the silence treatment is not the best nither is a fight better.
my solution: i suggest you do what i did.. one blessed sunday morning i woke up too early and immediately my mind went to his phone..i snuck to the sitting room to read.oh yes i read all his sms, all his badoo chats and they are really bad and dirty..even his face book chats weren't good.he was flriting like mad and i went cray with jealousy.what God d granted me the grace to control myself.i just started scrubbing the house after i corrected his badoo profile. When his majesty woke up i demanded to speak to him and he sat.i brought his phone and showed him all i saw.oga no talk pim; The guy just kept quiet .after some minutes he got up and went inside .i went mad i followed him to the room and told him how much he hurt me, how no man had never slept with me and i swore unto death if i ever allow another man have sex with me while married to him.i wad broken.i went to church afterwards and was relieved by the word of God.
my tactics paid off. after church he explained he indulged in those chats 'cos he was bored.i fidn't believe him but i didn't argue.he later deactivated his badoo account ..i healed faster than i thought.i even visited his phone this morning.i do it regulary.he doesn't even know because i see things but don't react till i see what will make me to
try talking to him.pretend you believe hie explaination. and keep loving him...and pray too

Only one advice!
GET A JOB! A husband is not one.
How many women have sex at the end of pregnancy through the Ist 3 months after giving birth?

You want your husband to go to sleep counting sheep?

Christian vows ko, Muslim cows ni!!!!

Abeg dress make I see road.
You carry baby for hand dey pursue man too?
I sorry for you!

vouriotp:


He was busy saying all the nasty things he would do to her if he was close to her, whether it was flirting dats how it starts till he finally does it

He has started emotional cheating if not physical.
You need to have a frank talk with him.Let him know you are having none of this behaviour.

OP you have done nothing wrong. I'm a nursing mother and Lord knows how hard it is just to understand why your baby is crying, talk less of the lack of sleep nightly. And your husband is acting irresponsible by FORGETTING HE HAS A FAMILY AND RUNNING AWAY FROM HIS REALITIES. Babies are hard work but that is no excuse for him to say "I want a break from being married so I can indulge in Single Man Fantasties", what about you? You don't deserve to feel pretty and relaxed enough to go have fun? Is it only your child??

No man ever wants to suffer for their mistakes and THEY KNOW WOMEN FALL OVER THEMSELVES TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEM.

5 brothers and countless male friends taught me that. It starts with their mother's indulgently telling them "Boys will be boys" and ends with society telling them "all men are polygamous in nature". They feel they are doing you a favour by hiding their cheating sef (because STIs and unwanted pregnanices by girla outside and the financial drain of cheating don't exist in their minds)

Let that man beg and do everything to win your trust. Please bone "fighting for your home", if he gets seduced by the girls outside and kicks you out, will he remember it is "your home"? Tell him he has lost your trust and he should win it back or you too can be irresponsible one day. Or forgive him before he has even had time to think of a way to manipulate you to clean up his mess and he will say to himself "phew that was close, next time be more careful".

cococandy:
Lol. Try and find a way to blame her for it.

Have you denied him sex?
Are you neglecting him?

Why not quote me directly?
I'm not blaming her for it.
I expressly said it's not an excuse.
I even asked if he was the one doing the neglecting

I'm trying to get to the root of the problem and since her husband isn't here it's only her I can address.

KanwuliaJara:
Only one advice!
GET A JOB! A husband is not one.
How many women have sex at the end of pregnancy through the Ist 3 months after giving birth?

You want your husband to go to sleep counting sheep?

Christian vows ko, Muslim cows ni!!!!

Abeg dress make I see road.
You carry baby for hand dey pursue man too?
I sorry for you!

Get a job? Did I tell you am a 24*7 house wife oloshi.....better get off. Sorry for yourself.

Onegai:
OP you have done nothing wrong. I'm a nursing mother and Lord knows how hard it is just to understand why your baby is crying, talk less of the lack of sleep nightly. And your husband is acting irresponsible by FORGETTING HE HAS A FAMILY AND RUNNING AWAY FROM HIS REALITIES. Babies are hard work but that is no excuse for him to say "I want a break from being married so I can indulge in Single Man Fantasties", what about you? You don't deserve to feel pretty and relaxed enough to go have fun? Is it only your child??

No man ever wants to suffer for their mistakes and THEY KNOW WOMEN FALL OVER THEMSELVES TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEM.

5 brothers and countless male friends taught me that. It starts with their mother's indulgently telling them "Boys will be boys" and ends with society telling them "all men are polygamous in nature". They feel they are doing you a favour by hiding their cheating sef (because STIs and unwanted pregnanices by girla outside and the financial drain of cheating don't exist in their minds)

Let that man beg and do everything to win your trust. Please bone "fighting for your home", if he gets seduced by the girls outside and kicks you out, will he remember it is "your home"? Tell him he has lost your trust and he should win it back or you too can be irresponsible one day. Or forgive him before he has even had time to think of a way to manipulate you to clean up his mess and he will say to himself "phew that was close, next time be more careful".

Thanks sis, you understand

If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen. Silent treatment won't solve anything instead it will give him justification to do worse

its either you fight for your baby or blokos.your fellow phenese worshippers Don quench

cococandy:
OP silent treatment won't help your marriage.
At most both of you will keep silent until one day you're tired of keeping silent and then you begin to talk (about irrelevant things) and then the elephant in the room is swept under the carpet.

Now is the time to talk. Let him know you're having none of it. Be firm and direct in your speech. Make it clear to him what he stands to lose of if he doesn't desist from that path.
Some people flirt but never act on it. All the same it is still dangerous. Before the girl out there will start getting ideas.

He needs that wake up jolt seriously.

What does he stand to lose?

calm down,mummy baby,you hear?.Dont be too angry.It happens all the time even our parents had similar issues.Silent treatment is not the best.Remember the good book (bible) tells us to be slow to anger,but we ought to listen more.You should also be wise as a serpent and gentle like a dove.This is your marriage and you must put a stop to it.Remove anger from your spirit and give a careful thought to what might have resulted to this.And mend it.The bible will encourage you if you are a christian,airing it here on nairaland is a good step too.If you have any God fearing elderly woman,you should talk to her too.Give a careful thought and mind what you say to your hubby when confronting him if the need arises.Do not say what you can't take back,that my sister is #myhumbleopinion.

SAMBARRY,hope you don't mind my asking,what does the last statement in your comment mean?

vouriotp:

Get a job? Did I tell you am a 24*7 house wife oloshi.....better get off. Sorry for yourself.

Another quick question o.

Do you think only ONE woman can satisfy ANY one man in any level of ANY relationship?

Your mama fit do am?
Why you dey deceive yasef?

Your husband has ignored you and you are crying on NL?
Abi you see "TOKE MAKINWA SUPPORT CLUB" for NL?

Ok! You get 1 job. Abeg go fain DOUBLE-DUTY!!!!

You are VERRRRRRRRY IDLE!!!!!

vouriotp:
hmmmm(long sigh), just a year and some months into our marriage, and yesterday 3days ago I found some disturbing messages my hubby sent to some girl, d contents of the texts are so disgusting that I can't write them(sexual), he acts all 'spiroro'with me dat sometimes I feel guilty about my relationship with God. I just let him know dat I saw d text n he acted like it's nothing, I've been giving him d silent treatment and thank God for my baby that has kept me occupied(nursing mum). I really don't know what to do and i've not spoken to anyone about it either, am still lost for word.

heehhehe!
doze spirikoko onez
r d freakiest!

Lol @ toke makinwa support group

the girl Don stand up and dust herself uo

KanwuliaJara:


Another quick question o.

Do you think only ONE woman can satisfy ANY one man in any level of ANY relationship?

Your mama fit do am?
Why you dey deceive yasef?

Your husband has ignored you and you are crying on NL?
Abi you see "TOKE MAKINWA SUPPORT CLUB" for NL?

Ok! You get 1 job. Abeg go fain DOUBLE-DUTY!!!!

You are VERRRRRRRRY IDLE!!!!!

GodnGold:
SAMBARRY,hope you don't mind my asking,what does the last statement in your comment mean?

I mean all the ones wey dey fight for exclusive right and ownership of phenese Don quench.

In other words she will choose whether to concentrate on her baby or turn cid aka the penis is mine and let her kids turn out like their father and continue where their father stopped.

The choice is hers. Nobody can decide for her

ok I understand SAMBARRY.Thanks.

SAMBARRY:
Lol @ toke makinwa support group

the girl Don stand up and dust herself uo

OYA oooooh!
Abeg tell this OP to get up and dust herself.
NEWLY-WEDS MAKE ME SICK I SWEAR!
I now understand why our grand-mothers were BANISHED to their fathers' houses as soon as they got pregnant! Fear go let them come out to question other wives in the same compound?

This one dey house dey "SARCH" pocket and read text messages!
If the man ask am for sex 3 times a day with her Bloooy-soaked, SEXXXXXY, FAT PAD for NYANSH now, she go say she get headache!

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!!