mcino:

You hit the nail on the head. Women don't know that while their husbands don't talk, they hurt from inside. No husband enjoys a nagging wife, especially when the husband has been tolerating her past. Marriage is a whole lot of prison

My brother, na wa. She may be insecure cos she thinks he's going to get back at her after all these years. Not knowing that her actions could push him right into extramarital affairs.

Jealousy might be amusing in the beginning but after a while it becomes very irritating. Women tend to do such things in excess.

MhizVee:
Mcino,hmm,are u sure u re not the person in particular

Hehehe! I am not. The guy is my childhood friend. The update I shared here is what he told me this morning when I called him. I am at a loss in what to do. The woman has reached out to me, but I don't want to tell her what the husband doesn't want me to tell her. He maintains that he can handle things in his home, but am afraid it could go out of hand. In the heat if what happened before their marriage, I advised him against continuing with the marriage, but he refused. I have drawn his attention to this post and that is why I want the best of advice for him. I would have looked away considering that he ignored my advice in the past, but what affects him affects me too. I can't pretend to be unconcerned, when I will still be among those to share in his problems. Granted, I don't like the woman, based on that past incidence, but now I have to look for the best for my guy and nit what suits my fancy. The truth is that a divorce will certainly affect the guys future, as all his life was built around this woman. However, I don't know how he plans to shoulder the effect. The woman also deserves some pity, as she has no family to go back to. She is a professional and may not jack material things, but will certainly face humiliations from her family

AfroKnight:

My brother, na wa. She may be insecure cos she thinks he's going to get back at her after all these years. Not knowing that her actions could push him right into extramarital affairs.

Jealousy might be amusing in the beginning but after a while it becomes very irritating. Women tend to do such things in excess.

You are very much right. Why she nags is what I don't know, because she would always tell you that get husband does not look outside. Her major problem is that the guy doesn't show her affections anymore, but she is approaching it the wrong way. She just needs to make the guy fall in love again with her

mcino:

We are currently married with two kids and are not doing badly. The problem is that she is being unnecessarily jealous and nags whenever she sees my free attitude to other women, even when they are married. The thing pains me a lot because I never cheated on her. We dated for 8 years before marriage and I kept to her. Beside her nag, I haven't really gotten over that incidence. Before her latest nagging character, I have already hated her and sometimes spend as much as 3 months without touching her. She has complained and complained and each passing day, I grow colder. I really loved her and could lay my life for her, but presently do not believe in love, courtesy of that incidence. At present, we are suffering in the marriage and the thoughts of divorce keep recurring in my head. Should we do that?

A true life story of my bos.om friend

You're the problem Op... Your wife isn't comfortable with you keeping those female friends and you call it nagging? Shouldn't you listen to your wife's complaints? Seems to me like you value those friends more than your wife.... They're probably not your colleagues, cousins or for official purposes. They're just friends, so close that you said you're so free with them, free in what way? She must have perceived some kinda danger before she voiced out. . Listen to your spouse, that's why both of you are married... See her complaint as a way of protecting what she has and you'll know the best way to handle it. ..

I have many male friends but if my husband ever complains about my relationship with any of them, I will cut off the relationship. Who is the male friend compared to who my husband is to me?

As regards what she did in the past, it was very bad but she came and confessed to you, you forgave and later married her.. why bringing it back again? This is something that happened even before you married her, years have gone by and you're still talking about it?? Nawa ooo. .. Forgetting a sad incidence isn't easy but please try biko...

The problem I see here is that love is dying in your marriage courtesy of grudges from the past and you seem to be getting comfort/consolation elsewhere hence your not touching her for many months and even considering divorce. .
She has complained and complained, yet you're getting colder?? Why getting colder? Why torturing your wife? After the incidence in the past, has she ever given you any reason not to trust her again? You forgave and married her, Why can't you just let go? If you never wanted to let go, why did you go ahead and marry her? Who knows you may even be reminding her everyday about what she did to you in the past..haba...
Or you're now getting comfort from somewhere else and using the old incidence as an excuse? Never knew guys bear grudges like this.. nawa oo

Make una try make up biko and bring those good old times back..

mcino:

You are very much right. Why she nags is what I don't know, because she would always tell you that get husband does not look outside. Her major problem is that the guy doesn't show her affections anymore, but she is approaching it the wrong way. She just needs to make the guy fall in love again with her

How do you want her to make the guy fall in love again when the guy isn't even ready to open his heart? Is she a magician?

You want to divorce someone now because of an incident you let go in the past? Sounds ridiculous...There's more to it, he's just using this as an excuse...

MarvellousGod:
You're the problem Op... Your wife isn't comfortable with you keeping those female friends and you call it nagging? Shouldn't you listen to your wife's complaints? Seems to me like you value those friends more than your wife.... They're probably not your colleagues, cousins or for official purposes. They're just friends, so close that you said you're so free with them, free in what way? She must have perceived some kinda danger before she voiced out. . Listen to your spouse, that's why both of you are married... See her complaint as a way of protecting what she has and you'll know the best way to handle it. ..

I have many male friends but if my husband ever complains about my relationship with any of them, I will cut off the relationship. Who is the male friend compared to who my husband is to me?

As regards what she did in the past, it was very bad but she came and confessed to you, you forgave and later married her.. why bringing it back again? This is something that happened even before you married her, years have gone by and you're still talking about it?? Nawa ooo. .. Forgetting a sad incidence isn't easy but please try biko...

The problem I see here is that love is dying in your marriage courtesy of grudges from the past and you seem to be getting comfort/consolation elsewhere hence your not touching her for many months and even considering divorce. .
She has complained and complained, yet you're getting colder?? Why getting colder? Why torturing your wife? After the incidence in the past, has she ever given you any reason not to trust her again? You forgave and married her, Why can't you just let go? If you never wanted to let go, why did you go ahead and marry her? Who knows you may even be reminding her everyday about what she did to you in the past..haba...
Or you're now getting comfort from somewhere else and using the old incidence as an excuse? Never knew guys bear grudges like this.. nawa oo

Make una try make up biko and bring those good old times back..

Nice one. He has married her and should just forget about that very bad past. However, the woman should stop feeling insecure or so and stop pushing the husband to the wall by nagging. The guy is not helping matters by keeping quiet. In a relationship, openness matters a lot. I am sure he will read this

mcino:

They had been living peacefully and never had the cause to visit a marriage counselor.

1. She nags and she is jealous
2. He doesnt sleep with her as often as normal couples
3. He is thinking of divorce

This doesnt sound like living in peace to me. They do need counselling

Moana:


1. She nags and she is jealous
2. He doesnt sleep with her as often as normal couples
3. He is thinking of divorce

This doesnt sound like living in peace to me. They do need counselling

Peace of a grave yard, you mean? I think it has all been pretence, but what do you think the counsellor will do to remedy the situation? The guy is hurting so much inside and needs to let out some steam

Just look at!The lady asked for quit but he refused...After two kids he wants divorce.I have one thing to say,this your friend has seen a fresh lady and bad ideas are sprouting up.Tell him to kill that "free attitude" with other women and face his marriage like a man and hustler.

mcino:

Peace of a grave yard, you mean? I think it has all been pretence, but what do you think the counsellor will do to remedy the situation? The guy is hurting so much inside and needs to let out some steam

this is what counselling will help him do

mcino:

Nice one. He has married her and should just forget about that very bad past. However, the woman should stop feeling insecure or so and stop pushing the husband to the wall by nagging. The guy is not helping matters by keeping quiet. In a relationship, openness matters a lot. I am sure he will read this

I don't see any nagging here.. his wife complains of his closeness with other ladies and you call it nagging?

Hope a wife can call it nagging too when her husband complains of her many male friends?

MarvellousGod:
I don't see any nagging here.. his wife complains of his closeness with other ladies and you call it nagging?

Hope a wife can call it nagging too when her husband complains of her many male friends?

It all depends. It is an insecure feeling for a spouse to complain of his/her spouse's closeness to the opposite sex or social dispositions. Marriage is not a prison na

mcino:

It all depends. It is an insecure feeling for a spouse to complain of his/her spouse's closeness to the opposite sex or social dispositions. Marriage is not a prison na

She's only nagging about his closeness to other people because he has disconnected emotionally from her.

His continued HOLD on his hurt from the past has replaced whatever love he had for her.
That hurt has grown because he has fed it and now it killing him inside.

He should put himself in her shoes if he was the one who cheated pre-marriage and asked his gf for forgiveness and she still married him. Then after 2kids he finds out she is still holding on to incident against after sooo many years. Haba! Don't let unforgiveness become your bedfellow its like sleeping with ice cubes that don't melt. It will kill you and everything around.

He's continuously punishing her, no affection,no sex, no communication. No wonder she wants to leave who would want to live in prison . And worst part is she DOESN'T know why he's doing this and he tells you his friend but does not tell his wife.
The gf wanted to break up with him then and he said No. Now she's his wife and what he's doing is cruel.

Husband ....release your 'right' to hurt. Let it out like a balloon and let it go.

MarvelousGod has done justice to this topic. Ur friend is tormenting his wife just because he has fallen in lust with one of his numerous girlfriends. Tell him to retrace himself back. The truth is, no other woman can replace his wife. He should know that those girls have also slept with numerous men as well, would he be able to live with that? If u nor fit FORGIVE her then, he would have left her with her American boyfriend. If she doesn't love u, she won't confess to u then. So please, find a place in ur heart and forgive completely, then DELETE those girls from ur life, they are confusing u. Go home and speak to ur wife, tell him ur pains and see how she will melt at ur feet. I bet u, your marriage will be sweeter after this phase. U make her feel unsecured, because u have changed. You won't be able to cope with another lady ooo, am telling d truth. My marriage is almost same with urs, started dating right from school. The bond I have with my hubby is so strong that I can't just cope with any other guy. Even when I contemplated on divorce due to some issues, I knew It will not be easy on me cos FRIENDSHIP in marriage is paramount.

You married her because you didn't want to give up on your 'investments' not that you were really into her after that incident.
You obviously as you said haven't gotten over it and it must show in your attitude which is probably why she's uncomfortable and suspicious about any time you're 'free' with other women.

In her mind, you could decide to go for anyone of them at any time.

That's why it's good to be sure you're totally over something in the past before moving on with future plans. After 8 yrs and your can still narrate the event bit by bit, you are so not over it. Yet you walked in with eyes wide open. So don't back out now for no reason.

You guys shouldn't have gotten married.
But as you have, try to put the past behind you and forge ahead.
Stop being 'free' with other women. You're now a married man. If you stop that, you will see her stop her nagging.

If you work on your relationship rather than dwell on the past, you may yet overcome.

Thoor,forgive and forget na,abi d guy has a side chick ni,make he confess quickly

Abi

cococandy:
You married her because you didn't want to give up on your 'investments' not that you were really into her after that incident.
You obviously as you said haven't gotten over it and it must show in your attitude which is probably why she's uncomfortable and suspicious about any time you're 'free' with other women.

In her mind, you could decide to go for anyone of them at any time.

That's why it's good to be sure you're totally over something in the past before moving on with future plans. After 8 yrs and your can still narrate the event bit by bit, you are so not over it. Yet you walked in with eyes wide open. So don't back out now for no reason.

You guys shouldn't have gotten married.
But as you have, try to put the past behind you and forge ahead.
Stop being 'free' with other women. You're now a married man. If you stop that, you will see her stop her nagging.

If you work on your relationship rather than dwell on the past, you may yet overcome.

Una don dey make this matter look somehow o. Well, I can only talk about the ones I know. One thing I am sure of is that they still love each other. These guys need help to be able to continue. My friend is not finding it easy, but as a man he has no options. He is even bit happy with the wife for involving others in their marital affairs, including me, maintaining that he used to confide in me for advice and not to intrude. Anyhow, all I need us his/their happiness. Thanks cococandy for your input. I am sure that he reads all our contributions

mcino:


We are currently married with two kids and are not doing badly. The problem is that she is being unnecessarily jealous and nags whenever she sees my free attitude to other women, even when they are married. The thing pains me a lot because I never cheated on her. We dated for 8 years before marriage and I kept to her. Beside her nag, I haven't really gotten over that incidence. Before her latest nagging character, I have already hated her [/b]and sometimes spend as much as 3 months without touching her. She has complained and complained and each passing day, I grow colder. I really loved her and could lay my life for her, but presently do not believe in love, [b]courtesy of that incidence. At present, we are suffering in the marriage and the thoughts of divorce keep recurring in my head. Should we do that?

A true life story of my bos.om friend

First disclosure. Tell her you are angry and why then acknowledge you wronged yourself by pretending everything was ok when it never was ok to you maybe if you release the anger this way then the love might come back there has to be space for love in your heart the anger has taken too much space you need to release it now before it grows bigger and kills everything.

I feel you are angrier at yourself than she maybe because you pretended to yourself that this was no big deal even when it was.

mcino:
Una don dey make this matter look somehow o. Well, I can only talk about the ones I know. One thing I am sure of is that they still love each other. These guys need help to be able to continue. My friend is not finding it easy, but as a man he has no options. He is even bit happy with the wife for involving others in their marital affairs, including me, maintaining that he used to confide in me for advice and not to intrude. Anyhow, all I need us his/their happiness. Thanks cococandy for your input. I am sure that he reads all our contributions

what is written here, is for ur supposed friend to read. we all want the marriage to go on. Stop using style to support one party.Thanks

Why marry her in the first place when you knew fully well that you have not forgiven her not to talk of forgetting the incident?

Just let it go and face the fact that she is your wife now and even have kids for you. learn to forget the past and learn to love her

as you would if she had not cheated!

op when you are ready to accept you are the one involved. I would advise. stop playing us like kids.

You have been interchangeable using "us" for "them". which indicates you are the one.

I am speechless.

*she envisaged this whole thing and suggested they quit, yet he was blinded.

Haven said ^^^, don't think can say any other thing other than tell the wife how he feels.

Let him tell her that her nagging attitude is resurecting the past event.





Btw, the wife though. Why nagging him?
His kind gestures almost saw u through life, his kind gestures brought the both of u together. he stood by u when ur own family were against u. the least she should do is to pay him back with happiness all her life.

Why preventing him from being good to others?

After he must have told her all that, then, he will know what next to do.

johnny1980:
op when you are ready to accept you are the one involved. I would advise. stop playing us like kids.

You have been interchangeable using "us" for "them". which indicates you are the one.

You are wrong here. I told the story in first person, but stated clearly at the end, who it was that has it. However, it doesn't matter whose story it is. Your advice is what is needed here. Whoever it concerns will learn from it and then you would have saved a marriage

chigoizie7:
I am speechless.

*she envisaged this whole thing and suggested they quit, yet he was blinded.

Haven said ^^^, don't think can say any other thing other than tell the wife how he feels.

Let him tell her that her nagging attitude is resurecting the past event.





Btw, the wife though. Why nagging him?
His kind gestures almost saw u through life, his kind gestures brought the both of u together. he stood by u when ur own family were against u. the least she should do is to pay him back with happiness all her life.

Why preventing him from being good to others?

After he must have told her all that, then, he will know what next to do.

A good angle to it. They need to talk. The guy needs to be open. Imagine how far and deep you guys have gone to help this couple

thelish:
what is written here, is for ur supposed friend to read. we all want the marriage to go on. Stop using style to support one party.Thanks

Kai, you are harsh on me o. I am just trying to help. Only the guy reads this, so I don't need to take sides. All the same, forgive me

The guys as at this night have not talked, but they are still together. The guy has started eating her food, perhaps after going through your comments here. I am contemplating showing this to the wife too, so she can learn too. I don't know what you guys think.

I also think that the mods have been unfair in not doing justice to this thread. I dont beg for front page for recognition, but since this forum has been giving publicity to some not too necessary things, it wouldn't have been a badbad idea to widen the advice base of this story, for the good of the couple and the rest who might learn from their experiences by pushing it to the front page. Lalasticlala, seun and ishilove over to you

^^^^^ .. So he wasn't even eating her food? Smh.. I only imagine what that woman is passing through. . Suffering for a past event she was once forgiven of.. Very resentful husband! !!!
Finding consolation in his numerous female friends and torturing his wife at home... pheeww..

God hates divorce. Malachi 2:16
Reconcile your differences. there's always room for reconciliation if both parties are willing.

Jamean:
God hates divorce. Malachi 2:16
Reconcile your differences. there's always room for reconciliation if both parties are willing.

What if they are not willing?

ElDeeVee:

What if they are not willing?

My statement is from the standpoint of Christian believers...the only provision for divorce is on the grounds of infidelity ( if the other partner cannot forgive the offending partner and move on with the marriage).

For unbelievers, I can't say