I have observed with dismay in recent times that housewives become something else when they are married and start having children. They tend to shift affection and intimacy from their husbands to the kids and, this has created a lot of distance between them and their husbands. Consequently, many husbands have turned philanders and this has increased the rate of promiscuity and adultery amongst men in our society.
Men that are not able to bare it will go into polygamy and those that want to retain their marriage will start running after young girls outside marriage in order to satisfy their sexual needs instead of fighting their wives at home because of sex, This they do secretly. My fellow nairalanders, what's your opinion on the foregoing if my own submission is wrong on the issue?

Why not focus on the children too
Cheating is a choice. If you can't take it anymore, leave instead of blaming some else for your sins.

So It's now the wife's fault that a husband is cheating? Do we also blame the husbands of those women cheating in their marriages?
You say your wife is showing affection to your children, so you're cheating?
Should your children's needs be abandoned because of you? Why dont you join your wife in pouring love on your children, and at the end of the day you end up doing things together as a family and subsequently raising balanced children.
You did not say your wife is showering attention on another man, but instead your children and that becomes a problem?

Going to hell is a personal decision, you can't blame another human being for living a life that will make you end up there as the Creator is not interested in blame games.

lalopeto:
I have observed with dismay in recent times that housewives become something else when they are married and start having children. They tend to shift affection and intimacy from their husbands to the kids and, this has created a lot of distance between them and their husbands. Consequently, many husbands have turned philanders and this has increased the rate of promiscuity and adultery amongst men in our society.
Men that are not able to bare it will go into polygamy and those that want to retain their marriage will start running after young girls outside marriage in order to satisfy their sexual needs instead of fighting their wives at home because of sex, This they do secretly. My fellow nairalanders, what's your opinion on the foregoing if my own submission is wrong on the issue?

In recent times ke?

While I agree that a wife would be irresponsible to let the kids replace her husband, the question is what has the husband done?

If he were to be on an inaccessible Island with his wife and kids, what would he do?

Pavore9:
Going to hell is a personal decision, you can't blame another human being for living a life that will make you end up there as the Creator is not interested in blame games.

I agree with you.

Sad but true.

Men! Sensitive issue. Op, i understand where u r coming from and i kno wer u r heading to.
Wives, we understand how tiresome it is to handle kids and home, but 5-10mins of impromptu or planned sex with ur husbands won't kill Una. Wives can even arrange early morning weekend romp. Is it too much to ask?

Smh, another silly reason to cheat, it's the wife's fault, not the man.

Nigerian man: my wife is denying me of sex, replies: cheat, am sure she's cheating.

Nigerian woman: my husband is denying me of sex.

Replies: Ashawo, must you have sex? Can't you concentrate on your children? Are you sure you're not smelling? Pray, watch war room, dress sexy, do you help out financially? Why must women always complain? Sex they will complain, no sex they will still complain.

lalopeto:
I have observed with dismay in recent times that housewives become something else when they are married and start having children. They tend to shift affection and intimacy from their husbands to the kids and, this has created a lot of distance between them and their husbands. Consequently, many husbands have turned philanders and this has increased the rate of promiscuity and adultery amongst men in our society.
Men that are not able to bare it will go into polygamy and those that want to retain their marriage will start running after young girls outside marriage in order to satisfy their sexual needs instead of fighting their wives at home because of sex, This they do secretly. My fellow nairalanders, what's your opinion on the foregoing if my own submission is wrong on the issue?

Depending on the ages of the kids, it's normal for a woman to give more attention to them.
However, once the children are able to handle basic things like feeding themselves, cleaning after themselves, sleeping on their own in separate rooms etc, and the woman is still hoarding her goodies?
Then it's time to have a conversation as a first step... But should this fail, I am 1000% in support of any man that wants to step out to go get the boóty from one of the available masses, and these are my reasons below:

1. Husbands can't force sex, woke people call it rape and it's a crime... so this is out of it.
2. Begging for sex from your wife or even any woman for that matter is against every law and code, this is also a crime.

Someone will send you to hell like you’re not already in hell?

If they tell men to contribute to house chores and to raising their own children, they will complain: it is a woman’s job.
Women is now doing said job, they are now crying.

Pick a struggle.

SirVintageCock:
Why not focus on the children too
Cheating is a choice. If you can't take it anymore, leave instead of blaming some else for your sins.

You sound like one of the wives we are talking about. You are not being realistic and considerate. Focussing on the children is not the issue. Of course, any sane man will be affectionate with his children. Wives should not use God's gift to destroy their home and encourage their husband to make the wrong choice

lalopeto:


You sound like one of the wives we are talking about. You are not being realistic and considerate. Focussing on the children is not the issue. Of course, any sane man will be affectionate with his children. Wives should not use God's gift to destroy their home and encourage their husband to make the wrong choice

Hmmm....have you taken time to think about what these wives have to endure daily?

1. They are the ones whose bodies have to change so drastically to cause them some insecurities. The expanded pu.s.sy, the stretch marked bellies, the flappy crestfallen booobs, the baby fats, etc. Sure, you guys would argue that she could "work"(the exercise and restrain is a lot of work!)on losing the weight. But what's she supposed to do with the stretch mark , fallen booobs and the postpartum emotions? To add salt to injury, you found a chick outside that is what she was. But of course, she's a wife and mother that has duties!

2. These babies/kids don't take care of themselves. Dang, its a freaking full time job raising a kid, let alone children! But wifey is expected to combine this with her regular job ( we all mostly work full time jobs in Nigeria) and still summon the right energy to take care of the husband and the home. This is the point where the guys argue that they are the chief financial provider at home... Well, won't it just be nice to get a surrogate to birth these babies, nannies to care for them 24/7, cooks, housekeepers and life coaches, while the husband and wife divide the cost between themselves so everybody could retain their physical and mental energy to pursue TLC?

Oga, step out of your shoes and wear madam's briefly to see just how much hell she's going through just to keep it all together before you start whining about lack of attention or whathaveyou!. The more she has to hold the fort, the lesser energy she has for you baby No wonder, everyone is feeling cheated....its all about perspectives.

yeyeosoronga:
So It's now the wife's fault that a husband is cheating? Do we also blame the husbands of those women cheating in their marriages?
You say your wife is showing affection to your children, so you're cheating?
Should your children's needs be abandoned because of you? Why dont you join your wife in pouring love on your children, and at the end of the day you end up doing things together as a family and subsequently raising balanced children.
You did not say your wife is showering attention on another man, but instead your children and that becomes a problem?

Madam, go over and read again, it is not about the wife showering affection on the children, the issue it's about failing to accept the fact that it is the man before the children and it will also be the man after the children are grown to be independent. there is a need to balance up here. Women should learn not to encourage their hubbies to make choices that will lead them to eternal damnation.

sisisioge:


Hmmm....have you taken time to think about what these wives have to endure daily?

1. They are the ones whose bodies have to change so drastically to cause them some insecurities. The expanded pu.s.sy, the stretch marked bellies, the flappy crestfallen booobs, the baby fats, etc. Sure, you guys would argue that she could "work"(the exercise and restrain is a lot of work!)on losing the weight. But what's she supposed to do with the stretch mark , fallen booobs and the postpartum emotions? To add salt to injury, you found a chick outside that is what she was. But of course, she's a wife and mother that has duties!

2. These babies/kids don't take care of themselves. Dang, its a freaking full time job raising a kid, let alone children! But wifey is expected to combine this with her regular job ( we all mostly work full time jobs in Nigeria) and still summon the right energy to take care of the husband and the home. This is the point where the guys argue that they are the chief financial provider at home... Well, won't it just be nice to get a surrogate to birth these babies, nannies to care for them 24/7, cooks, housekeepers and life coaches, while the husband and wife divide the cost between themselves so everybody could retain their physical and mental energy to pursue TLC?

Oga, step out of your shoes and wear madam's briefly to see just how much hell she's going through just to keep it all together before you start whining about lack of attention or whathaveyou!. The more she has to hold the fort, the lesser energy she has for you baby No wonder, everyone is feeling cheated....its all about perspectives.

Your lopsidedness is unparralled. Spare me pls

Pavore9:
Going to hell is a personal decision, you can't blame another human being for living a life that will make you end up there as the Creator is not interested in blame games.

Yes, we can't blame others for our sins. But we should be our brother's keepers. We should not be a stumbling block on each other's way

lalopeto:

Madam, go over and read again, it is not about the wife showering affection on the children, the issue it's about failing to accept the fact that it is the man before the children and it will also be the man after the children are grown to be independent. there is a need to balance up here. Women should learn not to encourage their hubbies to make choices that will lead them to eternal damnation.

Do you place your wife before your mother?

lalopeto:

Madam, go over and read again, it is not about the wife showering affection on the children, the issue it's about failing to accept the fact that it is the man before the children and it will also be the man after the children are grown to be independent. there is a need to balance up here. Women should learn not to encourage their hubbies to make choices that will lead them to eternal damnation.

It's not by force to have children. Don't bring 0forth a child to the world and fail to meet its emotional, financial, social needs.
While a spouse's needs are important, I believe the needs of a child should always supersede that of the spouse (whether husband or wife. Even as a man, your children's needs should come before your wife's). Simply because the children are dependent on you, they didnt ask to be born. If you're not ready to give it your all in parenthood, then don't bother to go on that journey.
I'm not saying a woman or man's needs in marriage are not important, but once you have dependents all you do must be in their best interests.
Perhaps if more men were involved in raising their children, they wouldn't feel left out. Unfortunately, most leave it all for the wife which is sad on it's own. You don't have time for your children, yet you want to deprive them further of the only parent's attention they have. Fear God.
The time you would spend with your concubine, why not spend it with your children, and relieve your wife of the 24/7 job of parenthood she has taken on because of a mostly absent partner?

Your husband is your portion...
Children belongs to someone else.. treat him right first and never treat children as first or at his expense.. it's in the bible...

yeyeosoronga:
So It's now the wife's fault that a husband is cheating? Do we also blame the husbands of those women cheating in their marriages?
You say your wife is showing affection to your children, so you're cheating?
Should your children's needs be abandoned because of you? Why dont you join your wife in pouring love on your children, and at the end of the day you end up doing things together as a family and subsequently raising balanced children.
You did not say your wife is showering attention on another man, but instead your children and that becomes a problem?

iyimide:
Your husband is your portion...
Children belongs to someone else.. treat him right first and never treat children as first or at his expense.. it's in the bible...

Your own bible is different from other people's own. Children are a heritage/gift of the Lord, they are a reward from him...Psalm 127:3.
When the lord gives you a gift, you take care of it with all you have.
The same way the parable of the 3 servants in the bible who were given tokens by their master and were expected to multiply it... Matt 25: 14- 30
The bible has never called a husband a gift from the Lord.
Take care of the gift of the Lord in your life and make sure it multiplies/grows.
Fatherhood/Motherhood is a divine calling and responsibility. You can fail in anything else, but please get it right with your children. If you don't, God can never be happy with you.
That is my spiritual mind talking to you.
Now, my physical mind will say this- Your children are an extension of you, they carry your bloodline. Your husband/wife doesn't and they have their own DNA different and not linked to yours at all. Your children are your blood.

You can love and shift more attention to ur kids to.

Love them more that their mum

It's like people are not really getting the message especially those women that are just responding without paying attention to details. The topic is not saying the husbands will neglect the children or maybe because of their need for the attention of their wives will refuse to show affection to their kids. Of course, they will, and they will surely play their fatherly role to the children. The topic is saying in clear terms that in a situation where both parents are playing their normal role to the children and the wife because of this forgot her own responsibility to the husband thereby making the later to feel lonely and unimportant, will send a bad signal to the man and can eventually lead to the collapse of the union. So, if they fail in their marriage you think God will be happy with them? [b]And we should have it at the back of our minds that if the relationship between husband and wife is not cordial these children the wife is dying because will still suffer. [/b]Women/wives, accept this fact and adjust, don't encourage your husband to go to hell because of your negligence!

lalopeto:
It's like people are not really getting the message especially those women that are just responding without paying attention to details. The topic is not saying the husbands will neglect the children or maybe because of their need for the attention of their wives will refuse to show affection to their kids. Of course, they will, and they will surely play their fatherly role to the children. The topic is saying in clear terms that in a situation where both parents are playing their normal role to the children and the wife because of this forgot her own responsibility to the husband thereby making the later to feel lonely and unimportant, will send a bad signal to the man and can eventually lead to the collapse of the union. So, if they fail in their marriage you think God will be happy with them? [b]And we should have it at the back of our minds that if the relationship between husband and wife is not cordial these children the wife is dying because will still suffer. [/b]Women/wives, accept this fact and adjust, don't encourage your husband to go to hell because of your negligence!

You need to take responsibility for your actions. Nobody can push you to hell, unless of course you want to do so yourself due to your selfish desires.
Will you also justify those who go into crime like armed robbery because things are hard, and friends and family don't respect them. So is it their friends and family who don't respect them that encouraged them to go to the path of perdition?
They already had wickedness in their heart, and no friend has a hand in their decisions.
When a man loses an emotional connection with his wife, dont blame the children for it. He needs to go back to the drawing board and find out why his wife is no longer interested in meeting his emotional needs. What went wrong? Has he also being neglecring the needs of his wife? Does he berate her and shut her down most of the time? Has he been trustworthy towards her? Has he been performing his husbandly roles in the home? If he has not being good to his wife, she will naturally pull away from him.
This has nothing to do with the children, but a coping mechanism.
I cannot excuse cheating men , as I wouldn't excuse cheating women by blaming their spouses. They wanted to cheat, and did so. No need to push the blame of your bad behaviour on someone else. Own it.
Even Adam, the first man tried that nonsense with God, and blamed the woman Eve and even blamed God for creating the woman who he claimed pushed the apple down his throat. He didnt tell us it was the greed and covetousness in his own heart that made him gladly accept the apple to eat.
It's always everybody else's fault but your own- either your wife or even the children of your loins.
You need to be ready to be accountable for your actions and even inactions o, broda

yeyeosoronga:


You need to take responsibility for your actions. Nobody can push you to hell, unless of course you want to do so yourself due to your selfish desires.
Will you also justify those who go into crime like armed robbery because things are hard, and friends and family don't respect them. So is it their friends and family who don't respect them that encouraged them to go to the path of perdition?
They already had wickedness in their heart, and no friend has a hand in their decisions.
When a man loses an emotional connection with his wife, dont blame the children for it. He needs to go back to the drawing board and find out why his wife is no longer interested in meeting his emotional needs. What went wrong? Has he also being neglecring the needs of his wife? Does he berate her and shut her down most of the time? Has he been trustworthy towards her? Has he been performing his husbandly roles in the home? If he has not being good to his wife, she will naturally pull away from him.
This has nothing to do with the children, but a coping mechanism.
I cannot excuse cheating men , as I wouldn't excuse cheating women by blaming their spouses. They wanted to cheat, and did so. No need to push the blame of your bad behavior on someone else. Own it.
Even Adam, the first man tried that nonsense with God, and blamed the woman Eve and even blamed God for creating the woman who he claimed pushed the apple down his throat. He didnt tell us it was the greed and covetousness in his own heart that made him gladly accept the apple to eat.
It's always everybody else's fault but your own- either your wife or even the children of your loins.
You need to be ready to be accountable for your actions and even inactions o, broda

It is true that whoever commits sin will have to be punished and bare the consequence regardless of whoever he claims to push him to it. But, remember that it was BOTH Adam and Eve that God punished. So, wives if you like work on this topic and try not to be a stumbling block to your husbands' wrongs choices if you like go ahead and listen to what this person is saying. The message is clear now!

lalopeto:


It is true that whoever commits sin will have to be punished and bare the consequence regardless of whoever he claims to push him to it. But, remember that it was BOTH Adam and Eve that God punished. So, wives if you like work on this topic and try not to be a stumbling block to your husbands' wrongs choices if you like go ahead and listen to what this person is saying. The message is clear now!

Your message is deceptive. Eve was punished becasue she also ate of the fruit. Adam was also punished for his disobedience. If Adam hadn't eaten of the fruit, he wouldnt have been punished. If Eve hadn't also eaten of the fruit and Adam did,he alone would have been punished.
A wife is not responsible for a husband's wrong choices. Salvation should always be personal. As a God-lover who doesnt want to to to hell, your eye should be on the prize- making heaven. And not distractions like concubines, wickedness to your wife and children etc. Timothy tells you to "Study to show yourself approved unto God, a workman that needs not be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth". You cannot be a workman of God who won't be ashamed by keeping concubines for whatever reason. The fault all lies at your feet and not your wife..
If you're not a true believer and you were just born into your religion, then you shouldn't have started putting God into your post because you fall short of the standard.
You don't seem to understand the responsibility God has placed on husbands. Many like you have managed to shift the goal post by trying to push that responsibility on the wives, but we all can read the bible and we see through your deviousness. I wish we had more responsible male mentors like Tony Rapu to mentor our Christian young men

yeyeosoronga:


Your own bible is different from other people's own. Children are a heritage/gift of the Lord, they are a reward from him...Psalm 127:3.
When the lord gives you a gift, you take care of it with all you have.
The same way the parable of the 3 servants in the bible who were given tokens by their master and were expected to multiply it... Matt 25: 14- 30
The bible has never called a husband a gift from the Lord.
Take care of the gift of the Lord in your life and make sure it multiplies/grows.
Fatherhood/Motherhood is a divine calling and responsibility. You can fail in anything else, but please get it right with your children. If you don't, God can never be happy with you.
That is my spiritual mind talking to you.
Now, my physical mind will say this- Your children are an extension of you, they carry your bloodline. Your husband/wife doesn't and they have their own DNA different and not linked to yours at all. Your children are your blood.

Send your whatsapp number.. we need to really text.. this one no be nairaland debate.. u dont know the bible at all..

yeyeosoronga:


Your message is deceptive. Eve was punished becasue she also ate of the fruit. Adam was also punished for his disobedience. If Adam hadn't eaten of the fruit, he wouldnt have been punished. If Eve hadn't also eaten of the fruit and Adam did,he alone would have been punished.
A wife is not responsible for a husband's wrong choices. Salvation should always be personal. As a God-lover who doesnt want to to to hell, your eye should be on the prize- making heaven. And not distractions like concubines, wickedness to your wife and children etc. Timothy tells you to "Study to show yourself approved unto God, a workman that needs not be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth". You cannot be a workman of God who won't be ashamed by keeping concubines for whatever reason. The fault all lies at your feet and not your wife..
If you're not a true believer and you were just born into your religion, then you shouldn't have started putting God into your post because you fall short of the standard.
You don't seem to understand the responsibility God has placed on husbands. Many like you have managed to shift the goal post by trying to push that responsibility on the wives, but we all can read the bible and we see through your deviousness. I wish we had more responsible male mentors like Tony Rapu to mentor our Christian young men

You are an unimaginable hardened hypocrite! Your thoughts are misleading. Who are you to judge me? Are you up to the standard of God your self? I guess you are a feminist. Please stop misleading humble women that are on the forum to learn and pick the areas that have to do with them rising to their own responsibility in the marriage institution. If a woman fail in considering and meeting her husbands need she sinned against God.

Lalopeto, the bolded is the answer. Most Nigerian marriages are dysfunctional. Husbands love and trust their mothers/family/friends/side chicks over their wives, wives pour all their love unto their children. Nigerian men are okay with the physical submission of their wives and could care less about her emotions. It’s easy to get physical submission from a Nigerian woman but it’s near impossible to command her to submit emotionally, Nigerian men have to put in the work to get emotional submission. The “work” is what Nigerian men refuse to do.

yeyeosoronga:


You need to take responsibility for your actions. Nobody can push you to hell, unless of course you want to do so yourself due to your selfish desires.
Will you also justify those who go into crime like armed robbery because things are hard, and friends and family don't respect them. So is it their friends and family who don't respect them that encouraged them to go to the path of perdition?
They already had wickedness in their heart, and no friend has a hand in their decisions.
When a man loses an emotional connection with his wife, dont blame the children for it. He needs to go back to the drawing board and find out why his wife is no longer interested in meeting his emotional needs. What went wrong? Has he also being neglecring the needs of his wife? Does he berate her and shut her down most of the time? Has he been trustworthy towards her? Has he been performing his husbandly roles in the home? If he has not being good to his wife, she will naturally pull away from him.
This has nothing to do with the children, but a coping mechanism
I cannot excuse cheating men , as I wouldn't excuse cheating women by blaming their spouses. They wanted to cheat, and did so. No need to push the blame of your bad behaviour on someone else. Own it.
Even Adam, the first man tried that nonsense with God, and blamed the woman Eve and even blamed God for creating the woman who he claimed pushed the apple down his throat. He didnt tell us it was the greed and covetousness in his own heart that made him gladly accept the apple to eat.
It's always everybody else's fault but your own- either your wife or even the children of your loins.
You need to be ready to be accountable for your actions and even inactions o, broda

doitforyou:
Lalopeto, the bolded is the answer. Most Nigerian marriages are dysfunctional. Husbands love and trust their mothers/family/friends/side chicks over their wives, wives pour all their love unto their children. Nigerian men are okay with the physical submission of their wives could care less about her emotions. It’s easy to get physical submission from a Nigerian woman but it’s near impossible to command her to submit emotionally, Nigerian men have to put in the work to get emotional submission. The “work” is what Nigerian men refuse to do.

Side chicks don't have emotions abi? Na only married women have emotions. In as much as I agree that raising up kids is an herculean task for both the husband and wife and that i respect your mild opinion but, this does not still erase the fact that the woman should forget her husband outrightly . See I am not supporting men looking outside for sexual gratification or what have you, of course, it's not even the solution because those outside chicks are emotional and crazier. Women conscious consideration of their man's need will go a long way too.

You just made my point. Why would you care about the emotions of a side chick? The only emotions you should care about is your wife’s and kids’.

lalopeto:


Side chicks don't have emotions abi? Na only married women have emotions. In as much as I agree that raising up kids is an herculean task for both the husband and wife and that i respect your mild opinion but, this does not still erase the fact that the woman should forget her husband outrightly . See I am not supporting men looking outside for sexual gratification or what have you, of course, it's not even the solution because those outside chicks are emotional and crazier. Women conscious consideration of their man's need will go a long way too.