iice:

You mentioned you are blunt. Have you been blunt about this to her?
Is she always like that? How often do you guys talk?

Hey guys, I need to hear other people's view about my situation, I have been out of a relationship for like 5 years now ( By choice), the last one lasted just one month because i couldn't cope with her excessive "asking" spirit and the first one ended because she moved to Delta state from Lag.
There is a particular girl in my life, though i have not told her i want her to be my date (Partner, fiancee), but as things are, She's likely expecting me to pop up that question. The problem is that i really have a phobia with asking a girl to date me after the 2 incidence, I always fear i might end up being disappointed either by her moving away as the former one or by her showing some hidden characters i have yet to see in her while we stay as "friends" for now. Mind you, as at now, she's not the "SPOILT" type, At least, i have witnesses to that, she is even a "Virgin" but then i get bored sometimes when around her or when communicating with her. She hardly talks except i do the talking, and even when i ask her to say something, she ends up by saying "I don't know what to say" or "what do you want me to say". I am this blunt type that whenever she says stuffs like this, i end up telling her how i feel and how bad it would be having someone who can sustain a communication skill with me. (By the way, she's fluent in English language and can as well speak Yoruba too so that's out of the reasons).
Conclusively, I am this type that won't ask you to change, but won't shy away from telling you what i feel and how i feel whenever the need arising and i have been able to let her know my mind, but it seem this is just her way of life ( Quiet and boring sometimes) but beautiful and mild with a commendable character. so please guys, should i wait for her to change a bit before popping the question or should i give up and look elsewhere for someone with similar characteristics but outspoken and "lively"?

honeric01:

  Believe me, I have opened up to her times without number, she kinda confessed to me that she's someworth timid, but i tried to let her know she is free to open up to me, we talk almost every night, and we have known each other for close to 2 years now,  she's even close to some of my family members so, it's not like she's a full stranger to me. well, maybe i might end up just keeping her as a friend for another 1-2 years and see if changing of environment would change that aspect of her,  does changing of environment help too?

Either she's actually the quiet timid type or she has not yet reached the stage where she can freely be herself with you .  Change of environment helps depending on what is in her mind/past/present.  Does she know she is potential fiancee? I agree with those who say you have to make up your mind.  If she's putting her hopes on you and at the end of the 1-2years you don't see how you guys can come together, that would be unfair to her.

iice:

Does she know she is potential fiancee?.

IFELEKE:

@Poster,
I got one message from what i read about your post, Your Mind Is Not Made Up!
Make up your mind and work around it.
You said she is too quiet?well, I'll say if you truly love and want her then you will bring out the glow and flow in her.
There is nothing like Perfect Partner or perfect relationship(unless you live in the world of romance novels/films)
What you can get is a partner who is ready to work towards perfection.
That is the attainable and if she is that,Then what are you waiting for?

honeric01:

I have told her my mind from the onset that she is just too quiet and does not really say much when we are together, and she acknowledged that too but still can't change, we have been together for 2 years and still same story, I get bored each day, that's why i am trying to know if it's just something some set of girls pass through until they get to certain age. we talk and text each other on phone and i have never hidden that fact from her, we could talk for 2 hours on the phone and i end up being the one talking for 1: 35minutes, and when she's to talk, she ends up with i don't know what to say, uhm, laugh, laugh, all she does is to laugh when i talk, yet she won't say a thing and when i refuse to talk or call, she keeps calling and flashing, i just don't understand,

gabrywyl:

First of all, your first relationship, did you ever tell her that you dont really her to ask so many questions at a time because you kinda feel uncomfortable? If you did not well, thats a bad mistake cause in a relationship, whatever a person is doing or acting, the person is always unaware about his/her actions because throughout a person's life, no one has really exactly corrected the person. The best person to correct anothe person is from the person's spouse / partner / lover / family member / close friend so yeah, whatever you dont like in your partner, you should always comfront the person in a proper and respectable way and work things out from there.

Uhm. . . Usually if a person is destines to be with a person, the communication shouldnt be a barrier I guess?  

But anyways, if you think theres no spark going on, just levae it and move on. When the right person comes to you, it shall come to you. If not, than you're faited to be so.

iice:

Either she's actually the quiet timid type or she has not yet reached the stage where she can freely be herself with you .  Change of environment helps depending on what is in her mind/past/present.  Does she know she is potential fiancee? I agree with those who say you have to make up your mind.  If she's putting her hopes on you and at the end of the 1-2years you don't see how you guys can come together, that would be unfair to her.

IFELEKE:

On The Point!
Does She?

IFELEKE:

iice asked a question,she said ''does she know she is a potential fiancee?''
If you don't mind my asking,How Old Is She?
Sorry if it's getting more personal than you want,I just want to know so as to proffer solutions.
Ciao!

Treetop20:

how old is a "bit" older?

honeric01:

first question : Yes

She is 20 years, is that too young? I'm a bit older than her but she's okay with it.

Treetop20:

how old is a "bit" older?

IFELEKE:

That's the point Friend.
20yrs is not too young(I mean my younger cousin(female) got married at 20 after been educationally and emotionally ripe for it)but that doesn't apply to everyone.She might really like you but might feel  too young for a serious commitment.
I personally feel she is zeroing on the age factor so I'll advise you to take things easy on her,don't choke her with too much expectations it might muddle up things for her.Overtime with she will grow in love.
So I think patience is the virtue you must imbibe in this relationship since you have established the fact that she loves and wants you.
Hope Am on Point?

honeric01:



For how long? well, i fear swing mood from woman, she might end up breaking my heart after "waiting" overtime for her to "grow" in love as you said, but i guess that's not the case here, I don't have a problem with the love thing, but with her being too quiet and boring.

honeric01:

For how long? well, i fear swing mood from woman, she might end up breaking my heart after "waiting" overtime for her to "grow" in love as you said, but i guess that's not the case here,  I don't have a problem with the love thing, but with her being too quiet and boring.

oluwafemi113:

sorry oooo

gabrywyl:

LOL Honeric. Your gf I think she is just lik naaa. Very down and very laid back I presume. hey! Why not take her for clubbing? Buy her a few boost and get her on th dancefloor? And soon you both will be doing all kinds of dance mooves. My favorite is the coacroach dance, the praying mantis dance, hang your laundry dance and the mah jong dance. OH YEAH!

gabrywyl:

ok no problem!!! Bring the party at home!!!! OOO YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

But you know, there are alot of things to do at home as well like wrestling and arm wrestling and also hide and seek and also chase chase or tag!

Play board games, sing together. And dance together and if she has teddies, she can make those teddies as both your audience like a concert, U know?


Na waa! Why do I feel so excited out of the sudden?

If wishes were horses, mind you, she's not my girlfriend, she is just a friend, why would you want me to do all these with her when she is not yet my girlfriend? i am talking about [b]how to change her from being too quiet and boring [/b]just as a friend, you are talking about wrestling with her Undecided

honeric01:

If wishes were horses, mind you, she's not my girlfriend, she is just a friend, why would you want me to do all these with her when she is not yet my girlfriend? i am talking about how to change her from being too quiet and boring just as a friend, you are talking about wrestling with her

gabrywyl:

Ok, I thought you have feelings for her and you treat her as a girlfriend cause your tyopic says 'PROBLEM WITH SERIOUS DATING' but anyways, if she is just a friend. why would you even bother to change her? Friends comes with a bolt of lighting. If you like th person as your friend and you feel comfortable with that person, than that person will be your friend but if not, than its not. . . It shall only be like an aquaintance.

You dont go wrestling with your friends

I do wrestling with all my friends oooo. . . Well, I do wrestling with almost anybody. . .Heheh!