JayJustus:



if the man can cook then let him cook...must his wife cook?? I dont see anything like taking advantage... if she doesn't wanna cook then.let her be or where was it stated that a woman must COOK for the family?? or are there not other things she can't do?? jeez...y'll salty tho

seriously you don't understand what you are saying, lets say they have kids, that when you will have better understanding of that lady's action.

You are talking trash, when breeding starts tell your wife not to be responsible and wait for you to cook for your kids. Its funny you don't see anything wrong with her purposely refusing to prepare meals just because her husband is a good cook.

Guess what Will happen in that home if the husband 's nature of job doesn't give him enough time to cook.

cococandy:


You're such a gentleman.

I have a single sister o.

I tell you say na you I want now . I go wait for after world.

slimmy05:
names? Stop playing the victim role, makes you more of Sissi. Woman wrapper is a common slang.

Victim I leave you to your position on this issue.

GboyegaD:


I tell you say na you I want now . I go wait for after world.

She looks like me

[quote author=cococandy post=37973528][/quote]


It's lights out down here already. Comments closed for the day. Thanks for stopping by.

cococandy:

She looks like me

She look like you no be you now.

what is wrong with some men,you are trying hard to make your friend a sinner when he has commited no sin.have you slept with his wife before or you dey eye am.fact would always be fact,like you said she is refusing to do her duties,so because a man is a professional cook means that his wife would stop cooking for him.ok since the wife is equally an earner let her take over all the expensises of the house.call a spade a spade the woman won dey mess up soon 4 month is not too long for him to return back to the streets as i always use to say if the job is too much for her then get her a deputy as a caring husband who doesnt want his wife over worked.

martyns303:
One of my friend just got married four months ago and already there is fuss in his marriage. I have known both of the couple right from when their relationship was a hide and seek thing to when both families became involved, needless to say I know them very well and they are a perfect match. Let me start by introducing the guy, he used to be my roommate back in school, friends usually tease him calling him "100 yards husband material" for his attributes, this guy can keep the room sparkling clean all day and cooks better than some of our moms, not exaggerating.


He wedded his girlfriend just a month after her final exams, she is 24 (my friend is 27). 2 days ago he came to my place complaining that his wife seldom cooks and that he can count the number of times she had cooked. I told him maybe she is intimidated by his cooking, but he says he doesn't mind and just want her to do her wifey duties. I called his wife and asked her what's going on, and she said he had always cooked while they were dating and don't know why he his fussing now.


From what I can deduce, my guy is trying to be authoritative, he kept using the phrase "I am the man", he have the time as his job is flexible, so cooking shouldn't be a problem, at the same time the wife is failing to do her duties. I don't know how to advice them without taking sides. 


The wife is a registered NLer, so am sure she will see this and get the necessary advice.


Lalasticlala please help this young couple.

Ishilove do your thing. 

The lady is just being lazy and looking for an excuse. If he cooks during courtship, does that mean he should cook during marriage?

Looking at this from another angle . . . .

Say during courtship, the lady was always buying the guy gifts and helped him out financially from time to time . . . . does that follow that when they marry, the man should expect that the woman takes total control of the finances and pays all the bills, and when she complains, he tells her that since she did it while courting she should cotinnue?

As mothers we are encouraged to teach our sons how to cook and look after the home.
Some responsible mother somewhere has taught her son how to cook, so that he can look after himself in Uni, Youth service, as a batchelor and be of help to his wife when he is married.

Yes, he is wrong for telling his friends about his marriage issues and the way that he is going about it is inmature, but unless the man is mad, he must have first had civil discussons with his wife and it was his wifes response that escalated the issue.

I dont think that the hubby wants his wife to cook 3*365 meals a year.
He only wants her to take ownership of the cooking while he backs her up, (he can cook, so its not as if he will never want to cook again) the same way she will expect him to take ownership of the finances and she backs him up.

tearoses:
Looking at this from another angle . . . .

Say during courtship, the lady was always buying the guy gifts and helped him out financially from time to time . . . . does that follow that when they marry, the man should expect that the woman takes total control of the finances and pays all the bills, and when she complains, he tells her that since she did it while courting she should cotinnue?

As mothers we are encouraged to teach our sons how to cook and look after the home.
Some responsible mother somewhere has taught her son how to cook, so that he can look after himself in Uni, Youth service, as a batchelor and be of help to his wife when he is married.

Yes, he is wrong for telling his friends about his marriage issues and the way that he is going about it is inmature, but unless the man is mad, he must have first had civil discussons with his wife and it was his wifes response that escalated the issue.

I dont think that the hubby wants his wife to cook 3*365 meals a year.
He only wants her to take ownership of the cooking while he backs her up, (he can cook, so its not as if he will never want to cook again) the same way she will expect him to take ownership of the finances and she backs him up.

You speak very well. About him telling me about what's going on, thing is I am a very good friend of both of them, as in am his closest friend. I usually advice them when they were dating. The only reason why I didn't say anything now was because this is marriage and things may be a little bit complicated.

This seems to be a growing problem. There is a caterer friend of mine in my estate who makes a handsome living by cooking for so called married women. The house wife's call and make orders as to the kind of soup they want and when they need it, when the food is ready, the women drive in one by one with they expensive SUV and pots to put the soups which they take home and keep in the fridge to dish to their husbands later in the day when he comes back from work believing they cooked it themselves. Im not making this up I swear

taemilola:
The lady is just being lazy and looking for an excuse. If he cooks during courtship, does that mean he should cook during marriage?

In this case I do not support u. Don't start what u cannot finish....
A relationship shouldn't change after marriage. The problem is that his wife isn't ready to be married and to be honest she doesn't care about this guy. She should be happy that her hubby is this kind to her... She has to give her all, so does he. 50/50 affair like I always say. She should start helping out

Jetjacky:
but deary they're both grown... abi e get another thing you wan join for their body?

because you old doesn't mean you grown.

Immaturity at its peak.

Which married code or rule says the wife ought to cook? The only thing I know is that the wife is a helper.

What does he need her to help with?

You both decide who does what.

jashar:



because you old doesn't mean you grown.

Immaturity at its peak.

Which married code or rule says the wife ought to cook? The only thing I know is that the wife is a helper.

What does he need her to help with?
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You both decide who does what.

woman why you day verse kwanu? Oya drink pure water, calm down and repeat your mind

jashar:



because you old doesn't mean you grown.

Immaturity at its peak.

Which married code or rule says the wife ought to cook? The only thing I know is that the wife is a helper.

What does he need her to help with?

You both decide who does what.

cooking is one of women domestic duty as a helper... I myself don't have a problem cooking or marrying one that ne'er learnt to cook so long she ready to learn from me... Because I'm a wonderful cook.... Specks of growing up with two senior sister and a mother who are both wonder cooks!

freecocoa:
That's how y'all will continue to be nothing without a man, pitiful.

Tomorrow, if this babe see you for any thread begin insult you, you go dey form innocenty. Dey talk say I never insult first. Na hin be dis o. Unless her opinion is insulting to your person.

Just wanted to leave this on record in case you make that never-to-first-insult claim you so love. Ciao.

freecocoa:
You must be high, cooking is not a responsibility of mine, I may prefer to do it because I actually like to cook my own meals or because I'm the better cook, I didn't sign to be his mother please, I signed to be his wife and he didn't marry me for food, why marry if you can cook or get meals somewhere else then?

So, why then should anybody get married, then? You're eager to get married. Why in the world are you going to get married. What's the point for you of all people?

Timbuktou:


Tomorrow, if this babe see you for any thread begin insult you, you go dey form innocenty. Dey talk say I never insult first. Na hin be dis o. Unless her opinion is insulting to your person.

Just wanted to leave this on record in case you make that never-to-first-insult claim you so love. Ciao.

Duh! Telling you I never insulted you first doesn't translate to not insulting first ever, and yea, I have no issues insulting people who deserve it, also, her opinion is insulting to women who see themselves as more than just a man's cook.

Timbuktou:


So, why then should anybody get married, then? You're eager to get married. Why in the world are you going to get married. What's the point for you of all people?

What are you talking about? If I get married it will be because I wanna spend the rest of my life with the one I choose and if there was a marriage proposal to do that, I'll gladly say yes.

hmm...

makavel7:
This seems to be a growing problem. There is a caterer friend of mine in my estate who makes a handsome living by cooking for so called married women. The house wife's call and make orders as to the kind of soup they want and when they need it, when the food is ready, the women drive in one by one with they expensive SUV and pots to put the soups which they take home and keep in the fridge to dish to their husbands later in the day when he comes back from work believing they cooked it themselves. Im not making this up I swear

If they actually deceive the hubby that they cooked it, that's the only problem.

Man wants food, man gets food. What's the big deal with who cooked it?

freecocoa:
What are you talking about? If I get married it will be because I wanna spend the rest of my life with the one I choose and if there was a marriage proposal to do that, I'll gladly say yes.

I could approach your opinion from a number of ways:

1. You don't have to get married to spend the rest of your life with someone, yet you want to do so. Why is that?

2. Marriage is a social construct, why do you want to subject yourself to the dictates of society? Surely, you, of all people, are above living your life according to what society demands.

3. In this social construct called marriage, there are roles both partners are expected to play; this is so because of the idea of strengths and weaknesses and the idea of division of labour and specialisation. There is no place it is written that there must be a marriage between lovers or whoever. However, you like the idea of the proposal, and wedding gowns too much I guess and one would wonder how you would react to your boyfriend if he refused to propose to you or meet your family or any of the expected gestures required of a marriage. Would you go on knowing he wouldn't ever step to seeing your people and would want you to have you live with him forever because....love?

4. Everybody in the world knows their role in a marriage, husbands and wives. Wives, the world over, generally are tasked with cooking for the family, this is a widely accepted unwritten law. If for some reason she can't get to cooking, an alternative would/should be explored. If for some reason she's not in the mood to cook, she may raise the issue with her husband who's at liberty to give room for allowances or not. Whether he's an asshole or not is secondary in the matter. So, for you to actually insult someone who wants to cook for her husband, one wonders if you know what you're doing or getting yourself into when you say you want to get married. Why do you think you need to reinvent the wheel? I'd take the norms and customs resulting from years of trial-and-error based evolution over the tantrums of an uninformed modern female any day of the week.

5. Who are you to insult a woman for gladly taking on the duty and responsibility of cooking for her husband?

freecocoa:


Duh! Telling you I never insulted you first doesn't translate to not insulting first ever

, and yea, I have no issues insulting people who deserve it, also,

her opinion is insulting to women who see themselves as more than just a man's cook.

Whaaat is this?

Oh, really? Let's just quote this for posterity, shall we?

Claiming she said something she didn't say is the height of sophistry. She claimed women were only good enough to be cooks to their husbands? Please provide a link or quote to that effect, thanks.

Timbuktou:

I could approach your opinion from a number of ways:

1. You don't have to get married to spend the rest of your life with someone, yet you want to do so. Why is that?

2. Marriage is a social construct, why do you want to subject yourself to the dictates of society? Surely, you, of all people, are above living your life according to what society demands.

3. In this social construct called marriage, there are roles both partners are expected to play; this is so because of the idea of strengths and weaknesses and the idea of division of labour and specialisation. There is no place it is written that there must be a marriage between lovers or whoever. However, you like the idea of the proposal, and wedding gowns too much I guess and one would wonder how you would react to your boyfriend if he refused to propose to you or meet your family or any of the expected gestures required of a marriage. Would you go on knowing he wouldn't ever step to seeing your people and would want you to have you live with him forever because....love?

4. Everybody in the world knows their role in a marriage, husbands and wives. Wives, the world over, generally are tasked with cooking for the family, this is a widely accepted unwritten law. If for some reason she can't get to cooking, an alternative would/should be explored. If for some reason she's not in the mood to cook, she may raise the issue with her husband who's at liberty to give room for allowances or not. Whether he's an asshole or not is secondary in the matter. So, for you to actually insult someone who wants to cook for her husband, one wonders if you know what you're doing or getting yourself into when you say you want to get married. Why do you think you need to reinvent the wheel? I'd take the norms and customs resulting from years of trial-and-error based evolution over the tantrums of an uninformed modern female any day of the week.

5. Who are you to insult a woman for gladly taking on the duty and responsibility of cooking for her husband?

1. It's not a do or die affair for me sweetheart, is what am saying and I don't have to not get married, so why can't I get married if I want to?

2.Duh! The society cannot dictate how I will get married, are you saying I can't be a part of my society?

3, seriously? Dude I have said it many a time, what matters most to me is being with the right person and building our lives together, if we have to get married, I'm cool with it, you must understand I don't have an issue with being married, it is the so called unwritten rules, I don't agree with. It's not like there's a law I'm breaking for deciding to be married the way I want, the key point is defining what I want my marriage to be, just like I can choose a car to buy, is the way I choose the marriage I want, and if I can get to choose my kind of marriage, it is fallacious to say that, it is a woman's responsibility to cook, especially when we all know that my husband and I, can decide that I won't cook, calling me irresponsible for choosing that lifestyle is an insult. There are no rules if I can make my own rules.

4.Who made those unwritten laws? If I cannot be held by them, then they are as good as nonexistent or nonsense, I can choose to reinvent the wheel because I can and have seen that the so called unwritten rule, cannot work for me and is very partial.

5. I didn't insult her for wanting to cook for her husband, she insulted me first by implying that I'm irresponsible, for refusing to be forced to cook for my husband, and making it seem like a man cooking more than the wife, is a crime.

Timbuktou:


Whaaat is this?

Oh, really? Let's just quote this for posterity, shall we?

Claiming she said something she didn't say is the height of sophistry. She claimed women were only good enough to be cooks to their husbands? Please provide a link or quote to that effect, thanks.

She claimed it's a responsibility, you do know what the word 'responsibility' means right? Now I disagree and she acted like there's something wrong with me for disagreeing and that's insulting.

freecocoa:
She claimed it's a responsibility, you do know what the word 'responsibility' means right?

Now I disagree and she acted like there's something wrong with me for disagreeing and that's insulting.

Is there a problem with thinking cooking for one's husband is a responsibility?

Freecocoa, I went back to review your exchange with Jennifer and I see you insulted her for her opinion on the matter and not because she called you irresponsible. You took her opinion personal is what you did and insulted her for the simple reason of having a different opinion from you. This is why it's difficult to argue with people like you and it usually ends in exchange of words.

freecocoa:
She claimed it's a responsibility, you do know what the word 'responsibility' means right? Now I disagree and she acted like there's something wrong with me for disagreeing and that's insulting.

Now this is what some women on this section do that is really annoying. Women who believe in a rigid role for men and women thinking every woman has to believe the same thing and disagreeing with them means there is something wrong with her or she was not well brought up. I don't have a problem in whatever you believe or if you want to be a superwoman, the problem is when they want to force that on every woman. Some of us have parents who have been happily (or contently :sagamite 2015) married for decades and are married ourselves without sticking to rigid societal roles. If you believe in that, fine but don't think every home will be run like that or that you are better than the other woman who does not believe in that. To these women, I am telling you all that you don't have to bring down other women to look good. Wise men will see through your pretense.

Timbuktou:


Is there a problem with thinking cooking for one's husband is a responsibility?

Oh, she did, didn't she?

It can be her responsibility all she wants, I don't have a problem with that, saying women who refuse to conform to such aren't well brought up, are immature, not ready for marriage, are proud, taking advantage of the man, etc, is what I have a problem with. You should know by now what I think about such cultural roles, it is a couple's responsibility to care for each other and that involves cooking, now we are unlucky to have had this role relegated to women in this part of the world for a long time, we all know the damage it has done to some who at one point or another couldn't fulfil the so called responsibility, so...

Yes she did.

babygirlfl:


Now this is what some women on this section do that is really annoying. Women who believe in a rigid role for men and women thinking every woman has to believe the same thing and disagreeing with them means there is something wrong with her or she was not well brought up. I don't have a problem in whatever you believe or if you want to be a superwoman, the problem is when they want to force that on every woman. Some of us have parents who have been happily (or contently :sagamite 2015) married for decades and are married ourselves without sticking to rigid societal roles. If you believe in that, fine but don't think every home will be run like that or that you are better than the other woman who does not believe in that. To these women, I am telling you all that you don't have to bring down other women to look good. Wise men will see through your pretense.

You couldn't have said it better, if they want to do whatever they want, make them carry go but how dare you say I'm not well brought up for refusing to be you, yet somehow expect me to not stick it to you?Especially when my line of thought is just asking to be treated fairly, Oh! Please.

freecocoa:
I didn't insult her for wanting to cook for her husband, she insulted me first by implying that I'm irresponsible, for refusing to be forced to cook for my husband, and making it seem like a man cooking more than the wife, is a crime.

Yes, a man cooking more than his wife is an enormous crime of infinite and extensive proportions, which is dwarfed only by the more preposterous crime of a wife who lets him cook more than she does.

It may seem all lovey-dovey and normal at the beginning of the marriage, but by the time the delirium and giddiness that accompanies a newly contracted marriage subsides and shiit begins to hit the fan, it becomes clear that NO man wants to be the main/chief cook in his home for the over 60years he intends on staying married.

This here is the truth and reality of it, whether you like it or not.

freecocoa:
1. It's not a do or die affair for me sweetheart, is what am saying and I don't have to not get married, so why can't I get married if I want to?

2.Duh! The society cannot dictate how I will get married, are you saying I can't be a part of my society?

3, seriously? Dude I have said it many a time, what matters most to me is being with the right person and building our lives together, if we have to get married, I'm cool with it, you must understand I don't have an issue with being married, it is the so called unwritten rules, I don't agree with. It's not like there's a law I'm breaking for deciding to be married the way I want, the key point is defining what I want my marriage to be, just like I can choose a car to buy, is the way I choose the marriage I want, and if I can get to choose my kind of marriage, it is fallacious to say that, it is a woman's responsibility to cook, especially when we all know that my husband and I, can decide that I won't cook, calling me irresponsible for choosing that lifestyle is an insult. There are no rules if I can make my own rules.

4.Who made those unwritten laws? If I cannot be held by them, then they are as good as nonexistent or nonsense, I can choose to reinvent the wheel because I can and have seen that the so called unwritten rule, cannot work for me and is very partial.

5. I didn't insult her for wanting to cook for her husband, she insulted me first by implying that I'm irresponsible, for refusing to be forced to cook for my husband, and making it seem like a man cooking more than the wife, is a crime.

1. But it is a do or die affair for some people, isn't it? Can't they have their own opinions or must everyone think like you?

2. The fact that you intend to get married at all neutralises your argument. If you want to stay with someone till you die you don't have to get married. So, why do you, Freecocoa want to get married whether or not it's a do or die affair or not. Why not just move in with the dude and move on with your life?

3. Again, I ask, why are you entertaining the thought of marriage which you neither need or are desperate for? Why not just co-habit with whoever you think you love. In fact, now that I think of it, it's even less messy in the event of a break up. You wouldn't need all the long, winding divorce process.

4. Society made these laws after centuries of practise and evolution. Nobody is held to social unwritten laws, we follow them first because we have been taught to and because we see the benefit in them. What would be your purpose of reinventing the wheel, because the first one doesn't really work or because you don't know how to make it work, two different things.

5. Firstly, you have chosen to take her comment out of context and then you have proceeded to be uncivil towards her comment. Not a good look.

Even if she said not cooking for one's husband is irresponsible, I'm sure you weren't addressed directly. And the proper thing for you to do till you insulted is to present a superior argument. You are not the thought police, madam. Everyone does have the right to have whatever opinion they want. The best you can do is attempt to persuade them otherwise with your better opinion or ignore them.

crackhaus:

Yes, a man cooking more than his wife is an enormous crime of infinite and extensive proportions, which is dwarfed only by the more preposterous crime of a wife who lets him cook more than she does.

It may seem all lovey-dovey and normal at the beginning of the marriage, but by the time the delirium and giddiness that accompanies a newly contracted marriage subsides and shiit begins to hit the fan, it becomes clear that NO man wants to be the main/chief cook in his home for the over 60years he intends on staying married.

This here is the truth and reality of it, whether you like it or not.

Lol, seems you all are coming up with theories accompanied by swanky quotes, which can be patented good one, but fortunately/unfortunately, theories get disproved all the time, therefore I don't agree with you.

You can't speak for all men, and you can also either take it or leave it.

Plus this isn't even a matter of liking it or not, it is more about what works best, that's why it's a partnership, compromise comes to mind.