I met my girlfriend in 2002 and we had a good relationship until 2005 when we began having problems with communication because of the distance between us. I was in UNIBEN and she was in AAU and she doesn't call. We only speak when I call. Things got worse and in 2008, I too decided to stop making any efforts in nurturing the relationship which also included calls and I moved on. January 2009, she's back, apologizing for all the "many-many" things. Now I've just learned she had a baby for a guy last year - she told me. What should I
do? Can this act be forgiven?

centaur-prime:

I met  my girlfriend in 2002 and we had a good relationship until 2005 when we began having problems with communication because of the distance between us. I was in UNIBEN and she was in AAU and she doesn't call. We only speak when I call. Things got worse and in 2008, I too decided to stop making any efforts in nurturing the relationship which also included calls and I moved on. January 2009, she's back, apologizing for all the "many-many" things. Now I've just learned she had a baby for a guy last year - she told me. What should I
do? Can this act be forgiven?

It can be forgiven but the main point is you have moved on. All you have to do now is show her that you have.

Good luck.

She can be forgiven,but d relationship can not be continue.

forgive but don't forget.

@StephenP bro u sabi dance no b small.

@poster, le her knw u once loved her n cherished her, bu 4 naw u have nothin to do wid her cos uv movin forward d way she once moved. shogbo

hey Poster

Tell her you have forgiven her - bring her back and fok the daylight out of her, and wen you are done, push her out to the cool cold dry night.

When she came this January, she was accusing me of having neglected her. Claiming she had an accident and spent time in hospital and that she refused to call because I didn't. My argument was she should have told me and it's not my fault I didn't know. I tried to weigh the whole situation and considered making up and building the relationship from where we left off and that my friends, I did. We got back together and I was just trying to make things work. Trying not to let the hurting of the past affect us. From that January to last month we would've been considered by anyone as happy. BUT NOW THIS![color=#550000][/color]

~ We r in similar situations but there ain't a baby involved in mine ~ I'v moved on one too many times but something keeps pulling me baq ~ Moving on is the best but it ain't as easy as it seems ~ I'm still moving on though ~

centaur-prime:

When she came this January, she was accusing me of having neglected her. Claiming she had an accident and spent time in hospital and that she refused to call because I didn't. My argument was she should have told me and it's not my fault I didn't know. I tried to weigh the whole situation and considered making up and building the relationship from where we left off and that my friends, I did. We got back together and I was just trying to make things work. Trying not to let the hurting of the past affect us. From that January to last month we would've been considered by anyone as happy. BUT NOW THIS![color=#550000][/color]

what is scaring you bros? the child or the lady herself?

@poster, i feel ur pain, I was (perhaps, stil in it) in a similar situation, tho mine had no child in it. I felt like movin on, but always find myself baq. I don't love her like i used to, but i promised to pay her baq in her own coin (i wan demolish her own heart jus like she did 2me).
I ain't sayin u should do same, but i guess she's only runnin baq 2u to tie u up cos i bliv she's now feelin insecure in de hands of guys, Hence, her plans to tie her 'former mugu' up, pretendin 2stil love him. Y'know, she'l find it difficult to find a Nigerian man (trust now, naija man wan brand new for woman - not tokumbo) who'll marry her wit such kinda predicament.
Shine ur eyes guy, she wan tie u keep for marriage.

@JJYOU: None of them scare me it's just that I'm disappointed. Y.know, for someone you would've wanted to share your life with, If only there's one reason that can make me say: "For this reason only, I'm allowing you to stay", but so far, none. Some people really know how to mess things up sha.

uuuhhhhnnnnnnn,once bitten twice shy.

StephenP:

It can be forgiven but the main point is you have moved on. All you have to do now is show her that you have.

Good luck.

Nicely said.

Poster,
Do you want her back?

@ poster

why would you want someone like that she obviously knows how to make you feel bad even if she's done wrong. You claim you moved on and she did too infact she got pregnant for someone else. you should tell her "it was nice to see you again glad to hear you have a kid and have a great life"

@omega, thank you for speaking oh sorry typing my mind

You have nothing to forgive, infact you don't have any right to forgive cos she hasn't offended you, she is no longer your galfriend, you moved on and she did, and she even got a gift from another dude.Treat her well as a friend and buy her kid sweets and biscuits but if you decide to go back to the relationship, man best of luck.

number 1: you've moved on

number 2: she is a mother

if u look at these and u feel u can forgive, then forgive.most importantly let your heart guide u,if the love is still there.

@ poster once dog is always a dog, thats why we have married women sleeping outside matrimonia homes, because thats just the way they are.

She did not cheat on you.

She did not decieve you.

She did not offend or harm you.

She had a baby out of wedlock.

At least you know the following:

She is able to bear children
You know what kind of mother she is
You know that she will make a hell of a wife, because of the child she has sharpened these skills
You know that she has gained some experience in the bedroom.

So answer this is the father still around?
What kind of man is the father?
Will there be any baby daddy drama?
Has there been any baby daddy drama?

@Poster,
You don't need people to tell you what to do because you already have that in mind so I'll ask you this,
What do you want?.

WHat is your answer to this questions.


Do you think you will become a "dumping ground" if you allow her into your life(even on a friendship basis)?

When I say dumping ground I mean some who meets the needs for emotional, financial, accomodation, feeding, phsycological assistant and support without any committed relationship.

If your answer is yes, let her know where your obligations are, and tell her you'll be praying for her.

If your answer is no, think of this;
If you let her near you, she might be able to rekindle some of those forgotten feelings that will eventually get to you. So if you value what you have let her go with prayers. She is no longer part of your life.

@ everybody dat said she is a tokubo,how many of u are better in looks and fame than usher dat married a mother of three,to me what really matters is love,and also she has learn her lesson in a hard,so no yanga 4 her,dan to calm down.

@poster
if she is genuine,den 4giv n 4gt

check very well before you continue!

who knows what she is having in mind

@ pallegrino: Thank you so much. Your points were noted.
@ scktaggif: You're right, that point has been seriously under consideration.
@ sistawoman: Whose side are you on sef? Don't answer that ok. I find your post difficult to comprehend because you seem to be speaking for both sides. The baby is obviously not wit its father and I don't think he claims responsibility yet so the baby-daddy drama that you're so much interested in will come later - i think. But if I may ask, why are you so interested in this part?
@ Ifeleke
ifeleke, ifeleke, my brother, you ask what I want? hmmm, ifeleke, If you had asked me this question two months ago, I would have bought you a beer while happily answering it. Today, I'm on NL needing a clue to that question because I'm caught between the past and the thought of scktaggif's post, you know what I mean. So far there isn't any good reason why I should reconsider. And that , my brother, was why I came here.

@sultaan: Considering the events from last year till now and how things turned out, I believe she may want to turn me into that which you've described as "dumping ground".
@ surface: hmmm, strongly in support of the ex. If we as humans cannot tell what the other person is thinking, how can I tell that this will not end up a scam? I can't tell o my dear.
@ ladybam: Thank you. The question is "if" abi? You are a lady yourself. Can you tell if another lady is genuine? What will be the signs?
@sweet what The reason behind your post is thesame reason I asked ladybam the question above. I hail.