I started dating my husband in June 2012; we had our court and traditional marriage in January 2015. I realized I was four weeks pregnant the same month we had our traditional marriage, and in June 2015, which was six months after the traditional wedding, we had our white wedding. Then, I was almost six months pregnant but we still went ahead with the white wedding.

Two months after the white wedding in August, my husband told me that his ex-girlfriend whom he was dating before he met me gave birth to a baby boy for him. I was so shocked because I never expected such news from him. My husband is one of the nicest men I have ever met. After all the ranting, he then said he had been seeing her even while we were dating because she has refused to move on to date someone else. What surprised me the most, was how my husband was able to keep such information away from me right from when she was pregnant until the day she gave birth.

I gave birth to my baby girl late last month. My husband is from Imo state and I am from Kogi state. I decided not to check the sex of my baby before she was born, which was very difficult for me. I had to because of the way my husband was always praying and wishing for a male child to be his first fruit. I was unhappy at first when my baby girl was delivered and what made it worse was because he has a male child from another woman.

His family was so excited about his male child from his ex-girlfriend and forgot that I was almost due to give birth to his child, when the news broke. His mother has not come to the house to see me up till now as I am writing this in tears. I lost my parents at a very young age. I now read articles online, joined forums and also talk to experienced mothers for advice on how to go about some delicate matters about a new born baby.

I do not trust my husband anymore, he has also been acting very strange since I gave birth and now his very first child is a boy from another woman. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Your honest opinion counts.

Anonymous.

www.esther.com.ng

There is no simple answer to this conundrum you find you self but if it were me I would not worry so Much about the other woman. Focus on taking care of your baby and your husband and showering them with all the love you can afford, for better or worse remember? . I hope you are educated or have a hand work you can always fall back on so that you won't be dependent so much on him financially. And most importantly pray and seek advise of religious leaders of your husband.
God bless you

Before I advise you let me firstly consult my lawyer..meanwhile the person above me should get a pen and paper...INROVERT Fighting for FT since 1960

Phweeee!! Oh boi!

Dis 1 ain't funny atall

Brb

Wawu.. Eleyi gidi gaan.. What a heartless man.. Just work on yourself, get a job and live your life.. May you find happiness.

Hmmm... Seems like a deep situation, well...

Oh my God! This kind News dey vex me...

You have spoken well dear, may the almighty God reward you.

INTROVERT:
There is no simple answer to this conundrum you find you self but if it were me I would not worry so Much about the other woman. Focus on taking care of your baby and your husband and showering them with all the love you can afford, for better or worse remember? . I hope you are educated or have a hand work you can always fall back on so that you won't be dependent so much on him financially. And most importantly pray and seek advise of religious leaders of your husband.
God bless you

Take heart!

When was nl found?

macolino:
Before I advise you let me firstly consult my lawyer..meanwhile the person above me should get a pen and paper...INROVERT Fighting for FT since 1960

Watch On, if he changes completely.

Do the needful. Marriage should be enjoyed not endured.

atarapa:
When was nl found?

You can google it.

Complicated but yet simple.
Thank goodness you are aware of the fact that your husband has another child outside wedlock as it is better now than later in future.
Concentrate on your family and build it the way you have always planned to.
You are legally married and your daughter is a legitimate child and thus why disturb yourself?
Forget about what the mother of your husband is doing currently but hold your family tight, be smart and prayerful as these are what you need now.

HOLD ON A SEC!!!!!! how long were you guys dating before you decided to get married?! the ex's baby was born while you were heavily pregnant?!?!?!?!? meaning your husband cheated during all this while, hhmm not good! your husband's ways are the biggest AND ONLY problem here.... the day he starts to respect you (or your union) then everyone else will follow suite.

he dated her out of pity because "she didnt want to move on".....ooooh what a nice guy he is!

A nollywood movie titled . Giving birth

She's ONLY worried about losing her marriage, NOT her & her baby girl's self worth in the family.

That's just brilliant.


Phew!

Whoever presents his own head to break coconut would not be able to partake in the eating of it. Get sense my son

macolino:
You can google it.

Why re u feeling so insecure..

U re the righful woman of the home, abii u get plan of not having another baby which might b a boy..

A man having a boy outside his family does not stop him from catering for his kids nd wife, trust me an Igbo man's pride is his home..

The only advice I have for you sister is to be strong and steadfast in your prayers. Though it's not easy as it seems but the Good Lord will see you through this storm. He'll be your's forever and no being on earth will take him away from you.

atarapa:
Whoever presents his own head to break coconut would not be able to partake in the eating of it. Get sense my son

I do not want to insult you but your foolishness is too much to be ignored.Go to bed old cargo..fathers like you ought to be sleeping by now..okoko..Utu nnunu

Ewuro4:
She's ONLY worried about losing her marriage, NOT her & her baby girl's self worth in the family.
That's just brilliant.
Phew!

MRBrownJ:
HOLD ON A SEC!!!!!! how long were you guys dating before you decided to get married?! the ex's baby was born while you were heavily pregnant?!?!?!?!? meaning your husband cheated during all this while, hhmm not good! your husband's ways are the biggest AND ONLY problem here.... the day he starts to respect you (or your union) then everyone else will follow suite.

he dated her out of pity because "she didnt want to move on".....ooooh what a nice guy he is!

This are the only two sensible post you should pay attention to

Forget about all those annoying praying warriors advising you to fast and pray
As if you have not been fasting and praying all along

I don't know what to tell you, but if it were me, I lead team separation and divorce

I would have separated with immediate effect and let elders come and sit down discuss this rubbish( like the do in naija movies)
This is a tough matter, what has mArriage turn into nowadays.

You have unfortunately married a man with no regard for you, and despite being the 'legal' wife your husband has become "our" husband. Way forward? It's a tough call, but you shouldn't suffer in silence. Inform his pastors, and this is just for record purposes. His family obviously don't want you in his life so there's no point seeking succour there.
It's time to face your self and improve your self for the sake of your child.
Hope you work, look for ways to get more financially empowered. Do new things, learn a skill, meet new people, join a club or social group that adds value to others. Have you gone to a higher institution? If you haven't, time to do so or go for some professional exam certifications. You need to keep busy so you don't wallow in self pity cos that depresses further.
What has happened has happened and you have learned an invaluable lesson.. Never trust completely a human being cos they are just humans and will always fail. Don't have expectations of people cos most times you often get disappointed.
Sorry about your heartaches.

Chai bloggers have come again with their stories. The lady has low self-esteem, besides, it doesn't matter what gender of baby she had, the fact remains that her husband already has a child out of wedlock and she knew about it before she got married to him. Did she think he would abandon the child if she had another son for him? If she did then she's very selfish

Exactly my thoughts in addition

MRBrownJ:
HOLD ON A SEC!!!!!! how long were you guys dating before you decided to get married?! the ex's baby was born while you were heavily pregnant?!?!?!?!? meaning your husband cheated during all this while, hhmm not good! your husband's ways are the biggest AND ONLY problem here.... the day he starts to respect you (or your union) then everyone else will follow suite.

he dated her out of pity because "she didnt want to move on".....ooooh what a nice guy he is!

What a sad situation! I don't even know what to tell you. Well, such is life; focus more on your child and give her all the care she deserves.

Am sorry, that isn't part of the vow we made. If it were me,I'd be long gone.

I chose Life over Marriage.

U v enof reasons 2 divorce him bt trust me,separation dsnt solve everything. U nid gv ursf a break. U can stay at friend's plz 4 a while till u r able 2 sort 2 tinx out wt him. Dat home rightfully belongs 2u. Face it,dnt chicken out....concentr8 more on d baby. u'l b fine.

Kindly drop your comments also at the comment section of this post on Esther's blog at http://esther.com.ng/special-i-do-not-want-to-lose-my-marriage-what-do-i-do/

I have been sending most of your responses to the lady and she really appreciates it and would love to read more as I have not been able to keep up with sending all the replies to her.

Thank you.

Esthersblog:
I started dating my husband in June 2012; we had our court and traditional marriage in January 2015. I realized I was four weeks pregnant the same month we had our traditional marriage, and in June 2015, which was six months after the traditional wedding, we had our white wedding. Then, I was almost six months pregnant but we still went ahead with the white wedding.

Two months after the white wedding in August, my husband told me that his ex-girlfriend whom he was dating before he met me gave birth to a baby boy for him. I was so shocked because I never expected such news from him. My husband is one of the nicest men I have ever met. After all the ranting, he then said he had been seeing her even while we were dating because she has refused to move on to date someone else. What surprised me the most, was how my husband was able to keep such information away from me right from when she was pregnant until the day she gave birth.

I gave birth to my baby girl late last month. My husband is from Imo state and I am from Kogi state. I decided not to check the sex of my baby before she was born, which was very difficult for me. I had to because of the way my husband was always praying and wishing for a male child to be his first fruit. I was unhappy at first when my baby girl was delivered and what made it worse was because he has a male child from another woman.

His family was so excited about his male child from his ex-girlfriend and forgot that I was almost due to give birth to his child, when the news broke. His mother has not come to the house to see me up till now as I am writing this in tears. I lost my parents at a very young age. I now read articles online, joined forums and also talk to experienced mothers for advice on how to go about some delicate matters about a new born baby.

I do not trust my husband anymore, he has also been acting very strange since I gave birth and now his very first child is a boy from another woman. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Your honest opinion counts.

Anonymous.

www.esther.com.ng