This story is the figment of the imagination of the writer only. Copyright remains the property of divinepen.

Josiah was called the village idiot. Young men had argued and fought on the origin of the name but no one seemed to know how the name came about. However, all agreed on one point-Josiah indeed was an idiot. Take the case of the egungun festival. All the boys of his age group were required to buy a new dress. Josiah could not raise the money. On the day of the festival, everybody expected him to stay indoors as any rational person would do. Not Josiah. He appeared at the village square with a dress made from Bagco bags. Some visitors to the village thought he was a masquerade and ran when he appeared. The village high priest was so confounded that he had to consult the gods in case a sacrilege had been committed but it seemed that even the gods were amused. They simply ignored the old man and the celebration continued.
His favourite pastime was to go about the village with a long gown borrowed from his senior sister. People have since stopped trying to convince him to shed the dress. He even bought a dark sunshade from the local market. Josiah loved pretending he was General Abacha to the delight of young children in the village. The older ones can only shake their heads in pity-a fool acting like he was a general in the army.

Every night was Josiah's night. He usually gathered three or four children with drums and made noise all over the village. His team will go from house to house, singing various songs. His favourite song was "Josiah rora bukele,iyan tan lo lawo,Josiah rora bukele".The song literally means, "Josiah ,reduce your morsel, the pounded yam is finishing fast".
With his co-idiots making noise in front of your house, the only way out for you was to spread a mat for them and give them a bowl of foofoo with soup. People have learnt the hard way not to offer his crowd palm wine. The next house they stop at would be the worse for it.
Some brave ones have tried to strong arm Josiah and his little crowd to leave their house without "settling" but the noise Josiah would create in the return match would be worse. Therefore, everybody had left him alone. Some people even enjoyed his rowdiness and looked forward to have him every night. Josiah indeed was a distraction they needed after a hard day's work at the farm.

if i no follow this thread.WHO WILL?

During the long break, a city boy called Joshua came to visit his grand mother. He was actually from Ibadan but his dressing and mannerism made all the village boys to call him "Lagos boy". Good thing was that Joshua mixed freely with everybody. But the climax of his stay in the village was the day he fought with Josiah.
It was the usual five-a-side football match on Saturdays. Joshua and Josiah were on opposing teams. Joshua scored the first and second goals. Frustration was building for Josiah and his team, though everybody was blaming Josiah for playing the game with his long gown.
"How do you play soccer with a gown? "His goalkeeper shouted from the back.
"Shut up and stop the balls going into your net," Josiah fired back.
Just at that point Joshua got the ball and Josiah rushed to tackle him with his flowing gown. Joshua simply did a Barca, dribbled the ball passed him and Josiah was flat on his back.
Joshua looked back for a split second and laughed. The enraged Josiah simply stood up and pushed Joshua. Joshua staggered and collided with the referee.
The boys became animated. A showdown was about to happen.
One rascally boy started singing "bobadija ,ko dija,ija kodija" meaning if it turns to a fight, let it be.
Before you can call Jack, a ring had been formed around the two. Time to draw blood. Josiah was taller and bigger than Joshua but some boys were expecting Josiah's gown to get in the way of a good fight.
Joshua, the Lagos boy then did something none of the village boys had ever seen. He moved back, clawed his fingers, moved his left hand forward and drew his right hand backwards. His two legs were also positioned as his hands. He then let out a growl like Bruce Lee and moved forward.
Everybody panicked, including Josiah who was trying without success to hide his fear and confusion. Every one had expected wresting or a fist fight, but this?
Some boys started pleading,"Josiah,ma ma bomo Eko ja" meaning "Josiah don't fight with Lagos boy".
Too late, Joshua growled and charged with his martial posture.
Josiah turned and fled. Mercifully, the boys behind him opened up the ring for him to have the chance to escape.

The new teacher arrived on a Wednesday.
"Bad luck," somebody muttered from the back.
"That's right. A good teacher should arrive on a Monday," another responded.
Mr John buzzed into JSS 3A classroom to a thunderous greeting from the sleepy class.
He was a six-footer that looked like he just had some nails for breakfast. His trousers were neatly pressed and he was holding a brand new cane with a swagger that suggested that he can't wait to commission it.
He quickly took in the scenario before him. Half of the students were sitting on locally made mats while two-third of the rest had chairs without tables.
"I am your new class teacher,"
"My name is John Chijioke,"
"I will be combining my job as a class teacher with the teaching of English Language,"
"Any questions?"
"No Sir." The class chorused.
"Now, each of you will introduce yourself to me, starting from the back,"
At that point, Josiah stood up.
"My name is Josiah Oladipo,"
The students at the front noticed first. The eyes of Mr John widened as he moved forward to look closer.
"Are you not the boy I met yesterday at Olodo village calling yourself Tony and asking for alms because your parents were dead?"
"Ah!" The whole class gasped.
Josiah could not believe his ill-luck as he recognized the man standing before him.
He was rumbling through his mind for a way out but there was none.
"Where is the N500 I gave you?"
"I used it to cook soup sir,"The class erupted in laughter.
"Where is your father?"
"He is at his shop sir,"
"So, he is not dead?"
"No sir."
Mr John was quiet for a moment before he made up his mind. He pointed at the two heftiest boys in the class.
"You, carry him by the feet. You, carry him by the hands."
"I am giving you twenty strokes of the cane to dissuade you from such adventures in the nearest future."
As the strokes began to land, the class excitedly began to count "one, two, three, four................................"

Down the well-beaten path trekked Josiah as he got nearer the river. He heaved a sigh of relief as he saw the long green bamboo trees shading the Ahoada river from view. Though no one had confirmed it yet, the old men were fond of saying that the river had healing powers. When challenged to provide evidence, the alibi had always been that the ways of white men that had invaded the land had weaken the potency of the ageless river.
Josiah quietly dropped his bucket on the lush grass. It would be nice to have a swim before fetching the water, he thought. Carefully, he removed the long gown he wore. Then, he removed the three knickers he wore underneath. Wearing multiple knickers had become a necessity since the coming of the new class teacher whose primary job junction seemed to be caning rather than teaching the students. He had taken particular liking to caning Josiah since his begging -escapade that went wrong. Josiah could not imagine how his soon-to-be class teacher would meet him in a village so far from his school. Fate!
Josiah, now in his birthday suit took a dive into the deep river and stayed underneath for like two minutes. The moment he surfaced, he heard a movement behind him. He turned just in time to see Ekun, the village mad man bending down to carry his clothes.
"Ekun, drop my clothes, "he shouted in alarm.
Ekun merely laughed hysterically and waved to Josiah. He then turned towards the village with the clothes in his hands
Exasperated, Josiah jumped out of the water and pursued him.
Ekun broke out into a run, clutching the clothes like prized possessions. Josiah doubled his sprints but Ekun kept running towards the village.
It was the market day at the village square. As if teleguided like a drone, Ekun kept running towards the market with naked Josiah in hot pursuit.
Just as Josiah was about to catch up, Ekun broke into the market. Initially, there was a shock silence as the scene registered: the village mad man being pursued by the naked village idiot. Then came the expected commotion. It was the end of the market on that day. Luckily, nobody died from the stampede.

really interesting and captivating. Keep it up

lmao.. i laughed till i fell from ma chair.nice on OP keep it coming.following like twitter.

nice writing. keep it up.

Hahahaha Very Funny

Following seriously. Pls continue

Nyc 1, Josiah z indeed an idiot. ;DNyc 1, Josiah z indeed an idiot.

The entrance to the shrine was quite fearful looking.The shrine was carefully carved out of a limestone mountain by the side of Urajah hills.Lightnings have been known to strike non-stop from midnight to one a.m every day.It was said that the 76 gods of the valley villages used to meet at the top of the mountain daily at midnight.Josiah thought of turning back but Jonah,his friend prodded him on.
"All die na die," he said.
"Yea,no venture,no gain." Josiah replied.
Jonah knocked the door three times as they had been told.
The door opened of its own accord and they went in.
The room was pitch black but after some minutes,their eyes adjusted to the darkness.
A black pot with herbs was on an earth stove.The broth was oozing from the pot with a death stench.
Josiah struggled with the impulse to hold his nose,fearing being struck down by the gods.
"What do you want?"A deep hoarse voice roared from behind the pot.
Then,Josiah noticed that they were not alone.A thin,fair-skinned man with a long chewing stick in his hand was sitting on an upturned mortal some feet away from the boiling broth.
"We have come for power,"
"Power for what?"
"We want afeeri,the power to be invisible,"
"You have come to the right place,"
"What do you need afeeri for?
"To be invisible while stealing,Great one,"
"I will help you,"
" The juju is made from the liver of a lion which I personally caught alive,"
"Great one,if I may ask,was it in this area that you caught the lion?" asked Josiah.
"No,I caught it in the mighty forest of Iseyin,"
"But sir,I did my last holiday at Iseyin,there is no lion in Iseyin,"said Jonah
" Ah,did I say Iseyin?I mean to say that I caught it in Idanre,"
"Haba,Great one,my cousin is from Idanre and he told me that the only wild animals they have there are monkeys,"said Josiah.
Visibly angry,the priest shouted" Who are you to query the gods?Do you want me to call the midnight lightning to strike you dead?
"Ha,sorry sir"Both of them pleaded as they prostrated.
"Is it afeeri [/i]you want or stories?"
" [i]Afeeri sir,"
"Ok,drop some money for the gods by the mystery pot,"
Josiah went through his pocket and brought out a crumpled N100 note.
The man raised a mat and brought out a necklace.
"Anytime,you wear this necklace you become invisible and can operate freely,"
"Thank You,"They both chorused and left.
************************************************************************************************
Jonah and Josiah stood in front of the village retail store owned by Chinedu and his brother Chukwudi.
"You will go in while I watch,"Jonah said.
"No problem,"Josiah said as he slipped on the necklace.
" Can you see me?"Josiah said
Jonah rubbed his eyes two times.
"Old boy,I can see you o"
"I think it is because you are also initiated since you were at the shrine with me,"Josiah said.
He took a step forward.
"Josiah,I think we should go back to the priest to tell him our experience before trying this thing"Jonah cautioned.
"Now,you are the fearful one.Watch my back.I am coming with the goods"
Josiah walked confidently into Chinedu's shop.The two brothers were at the counter.He did not bother to greet them as he walked to the beverage section.
None of the brothers spoke or behaved as if they saw him.Josiah smiled.The afeeri is working.He quickly filled the bagco bag with tins of bournvita,peak milk and packs of sugar.He carried two boxes of soap and five bags of 800g detergent.He packed all the toothpastes and the male used clothes on the hanger.He then went to the cash box and attempt to remove the cash.
"Wetin they do you?Chukwudi shouted.
"You dey see me?"Josiah replied
"I dey see you?You be air?"Chukwudi replied.
Chinedu did not even talk.A heavy slap from him registered his presence.
Josiah shouted just as another slap balanced the equation.
Jonah heard the commotion and quickly eloped.He was not seen in the village for two months.
Crowds started gathering as the slaps and kicks increased.
Somebody removed Josiah's gown for better access for the slaps and kicks.Leather whips,popularly called [i]koboko [/i]appeared from nowhere.Mercifully,he fainted before the 40th lash.

Afeeri indeed

chai.lmao i wished it had worked i would have borrowed it as i really feel like giving her a peck. ^^^

Josiah struggled down the familiar path to the priest's shrine.His entire body was throbbing with pain.He still had a bandage on his left thigh.He knocked three times as was done days earlier.The door opened and he stepped in.
The priest was still sitting behind the pot.
"Great one,you are a deceiver.The afeeri did not work," he blurted out.
The priest laughed hysterically and shook his head.
" What happened?" he asked
"I tried to use the afeeri to steal in a shop.I was caught and beaten up badly."
"What was the value of the items you tried to steal?"
"About N50,000,"
" how much did you give the gods when you came here?"
"N100,"
" And you are complaining.Don't you know that you are only allowed to steal only five times of what you gave the gods?"
"Haba,great one,you did not tell me that,"
"Did you ask?"
"How am I supposed to ask when I did not know?"Josiah shouted
"How dare you raise your voice at the messenger of the gods?"
"Baba,leave that one.I have come to ask for the refund of my N100,"
"You want to collect money from the gods?"
"Which gods?Do the gods spend money?My friend ,return my money,"
"If you do not get out of here now,I will call lightning to strike you dead,"
"You cannot do anything and if you continue this way,I will make sure I beat hell out of you,"
"Okay,wait for me,"The priest said as he angrily stormed into his inner shrine.
Josiah quickly scrambled to his feet and ran out of the shrine.

more!

Kindly enjoy my flash fiction in the etisalat flash fiction competition and vote for me.
Thank you and God bless.

http://prize.etisalat.com.ng/the-suicide/

"What will I do now to make money?" Josiah thought as he rolled on his new mat.
The escapade at the shrine had left him dispirited but he was determined to make money by all means.
He had seen his father struggle with poverty and he had sworn that it won't be his portion.
"What can I do ?"He thought for the umpteenth time. Then, it struck him like a thunderbolt. He smiled as he drifted slowly into the dream world.
*****************************************************************************************************************
The young lady was coming from church with her high-heeled shoe. Josiah walked briskly and caught up with her.
"Good morning, "he said.
"Good morning," she replied
"I like your shoe,"
"Thank you,"
"I said, I like your shoe,"
"And I said thank you," the lady snapped.
With all the meanness he could muster, Josiah dipped his hands into his pocket and stretched his hands.
The lady quickly removed the shoe and handed them over.
"Now ,get out of here,"
******************************************************************************************************************
Two boys were walking down the street when Josiah accosted them.
"Hand over your phones," he said angrily
"And, if we don't ?"asked the bigger of the boys
"Then, you get this," Josiah said as he slipped his hand into the pocket of his gown
Now afraid, the boys quickly handed over their phones.
As they turned to flee, Josiah called out-"you mean you will give me phones without money for recharge cards?"
The boys quickly emptied their pockets for the new robber who lives miles away.
******************************************************************************************************************
Josiah saw the man from his secret hideout. He was alone in the open field, standing over a new Peugeot.
Perfect.
Josiah quickly walked up to him.
"Good afternoon,"
"Hi," the guy answered
Emboldened by his past success, Josiah became cocky.
"Bring out your purse and all the money on you," Josiah said calmly.
"Why?" The man asked.
"Because, I said so," Josiah said as he dipped his hands to his gown's pocket.
The man threw back his head and laughed.
"You want to draw a gun on me? Do you know who I am? I am Lieutenant Colonel John T. Abiola of the Second Mechanized Division. A veteran of Sierra Leone, Mogadishu, Liberia, Rwanda and Afghanistan .My friend, lemme see what you've got."
Visibly shaken, Josiah laughed mechanically.
"Oga, no be like that.Na play I dey play,"
"Gun ke,where I go fit see gun to use.I just dey play with you,"
"See, wetin I hold for pocket," Josiah said as he brought out a big black comb and started to nervously comb his hair.
"So, it's a comb you want to use to arrange me here," The Colonel roared and stepped forward.
Josiah ran but not fast enough as the Colonel caught up with him.
For the second time in his short life, the kicks and the blows started to rain until all went pitch black.
,

I DON LAFF TIRE

Josiah stood by the ageless oak tree that was by the way to the Maya village. He chose the village because of its weekly market which was well attended by hundreds of farmers around. Also, nobody from his area had a penchant for the market. It is just ideal for business. He would have given up on his money-making quest but he remembered the quote of his Mathematics teacher-"never, never give up". He also remembered that he read somewhere-"get rich or die trying ".
He smiled warmly as he adjusted the sign board he hung on his chest-"I AM DEAF AND DUMB,PLEASE HELP ME".
The good thing he had discovered about black people was that they like giving to the disabled. Market had been good this morning.N835 collected so far.
He looked up just in time to see Mr John Chijioke, his class teacher coming towards him.
"Which kind wahala be this? Dey send you? "he thought as he quickly moved to another side of the market.
He was watching the man as he climbed an okada out of the village.
He heaved a sigh of relief.Just then an old woman passed by. She looked at him from head to toe and shook her head in pity.
Swift to cash in, he looked sober as tears ran down his eyes.
The woman opened her purse and brought out a crumpled N1000.Josiah tried to control his excitement as his hand shook when the woman stretched out the money.
"Ah, today is great. God punish poverty, "he thought.
He made gestures like a truly dead and dumb and thanked the woman.
He quickly bought bread and akara using sign language that he was fast becoming an expert in.
As he chewed the second ball and adjusted his straw cap to shield him from the sun.
Two men approached him and one of them gave him N50.
He smiled and waved his hands.
They turned to go but one of them stopped abruptly.
He held his friend and talked to him as quietly as he could.
Josiah strained his ears to hear what was being said.
"Have you forgotten? "he asked
"forgotten what?"
"What the oracle told us about money ritual,"
"Ah ,that is true. The oracle said we should bring a deaf and dumb young man,"
"So you see, we are in luck. We can use this boy and by next week, we will be in money,"
Josiah farted involuntarily and his eyes widened on hearing the discussion.
"Do you have the charming stone?"
"Yes, it is inside my trouser,"
"Okay, bring it out and use it to hit the boy in the chest secretly and he will follow us to the shrine,"
The man brought out the stone and both of them moved towards Josiah.
Josiah moved back in fright, threw away his sign board and shouted-"Help me o, dey wan use me for rituals o!"
He quickly turned and ran with his legs touching the back of his head.
The ritualists too were shocked to see a deaf and dumb man shout aloud and they ran in the opposite direction.
The whole market became confused to see the deaf and dumb they have been giving money for weeks screaming towards the next hill. Everybody ran for cover and the two men quickly escaped.

lwkmd

This Josiah Na character oh