Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage - Family - Nairaland
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| Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by goldfishsk: 11:03am On Oct 31, 2015 |
I had given my wife all the liberty to use facebook, whatsapp and other internet applications. She is not a regular user of these applications. One of her co worker(married with one kid) whom she had a bad remark, like he is always chatting with some other lady who is also married. She had a negative remark of this person. After few months this guy turn to be in her friend circle and occasionally she used to tell me details which sounds different from earlier comments and sound good about that guy. Later he started to sent 'Hi', 'How r u' etc in Whatsapp and facebook and she used to show me and reply with my permission. I took this as a good friendship and did not noticed much about it. In recent one month somehow I started checking the messages. The messages were normal and nothing sounds different. He got another job and maintained this friendship. What surprised me us in addition to messages in facebook or whatsapp, they communicate also in SMS but content is very decent. The count of communication has increased and now a days she dont tell or show his messages may be she might be thinking that I am convinced of their friendship. My wife basically hesitate to send messages if I ask to send details of any things to buy from shop and also was very cautious of not wasting money by SMS. But now she replies to all his SMS and not bothered about cost. Few days back I openely discussed this with her and she told you can check our messages any time and there is nothing of bad nature. Also she said since I dont like this she will stop sending messages. infact he used to send messages between night 9.30 to 11. Since I objected she messaged him in front of me that not to send messages as I dont like that. what worrying me is whether this communication continues and if the messages are deleted I wont come to know. So far both of them have not dealt in a wrong way. Reading above what do you feel whether this is a good relation or shall I put constraints on it. Also how will I bring back my wife from this relation though it is not crossed boundaries so far |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by dammytosh: 11:12am On Oct 31, 2015 |
To be specific with this case, What relationship will a sheep and a tiger be having ? If the guy is a PLAY BOY, with time, he might talk her into what is not and you will be blamed. all this "How are u ? , "Are you okay ? " is enough for a lady to feel LOVED and after feeling LOVED, OYO is your case. Reading between the lines, you are not comfortable with their communication, JUST BE A MAN and STOP it. 11 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by fatheritunu: 11:15am On Oct 31, 2015 |
If you not comfortable with the guy's chat with your wife, then tell her to stop communicating with the guy because she might be having some yeye dirty feelings for the guy and u just have to stop it now b4 its too late. Today is my niece buffday (ayomide) she's 12years old today. Godforbid, will neva beg for likes unlike others. May God grant u all ur hrt desires ayomide. The whole nairaladers are also saying hi to u dear. Bigger you I pray ijn ayomide. 8 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by 5minsmadness: 11:22am On Oct 31, 2015 |
dammytosh: How does he "be a man and stop it"? what if she now starts communicating with him in secret? cc tearoses, TV01, toks2008, mindfulness Having a similar case with a couple. Your input will be highly appreciated. 1 Like |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by SAMBARRY: 11:22am On Oct 31, 2015 |
dammytosh:ere wolaja bekun shey?  Intresting Op if you are suffering from insecurity or distrust deal with it personally afterall she has been open enough with you If she wanted to have a taste of his banana she'll be deleting messages and lying to you  7 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Luckymay(f): 11:23am On Oct 31, 2015 |
Warn her to stop, cos even if u trust ur wife, wat abt the guy in question? His agenda is not yet known, And u knw women are easily confused. Especially if the guy knws how to use sweet words than you. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by dammytosh: 11:26am On Oct 31, 2015 |
5minsmadness: It is simple. His wife is a wonderful woman to be showing all the communication. It is a matter of telling her he is not comfortable with both of them texting and chatting cos he can not imagine him doing that with another lady not to talk of a married woman. Then the instruction will come and i am sure his wife will stop it. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by dammytosh: 11:27am On Oct 31, 2015 |
SAMBARRY: She might have been deleting the incriminating ones. Do you think she will leave texts like "I am so hor...ny right now " and show her hubby ? and i hear INSECURITY, before nko ? We are talking about his wife here. Is it until the man sleep with her unprotected, she gets pregnant and he takes care of another man's kid till only God knowss... Bros it can be that bad. Just stop it now. 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by SAMBARRY: 11:30am On Oct 31, 2015 |
dammytosh:from the look of things it's just innocent or harmless friendship however Op SHINE YA EYES VERY WELL before you get demoted from husband to friendzoned shawty 1 Like |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Toks2008(m): 12:17pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
5minsmadness: A MARRIED MAN OR WOMAN CAN NOT BE JUST FRIENDS WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX It’s no secret: guys and girls being friend is a concept held by only the dreamers. Any lady who believes that she can be a friend with a guy other than co-worker, co-student, or just on a hi-hi level is infact the most myopic lady to walk on this planet. A guy’s friends consist of, well, only guys. The only reason a guy would be friends with a girl would be to bed her. No guy is going to waste their time just being friends with a girl because it’s not like she is a sports freak or a transgendered. Guys have enough guy friends and won’t waste their time listening to ladies talk from a girl just to be their friend. Plain and simple he wants to bed you except of course you don't mind or he has not made it obvious yet. Guys being friends with girls is a farce: either he wants to sleep with her, or she still believes in unicorns, because a guy cannot genuinely be friends with a girl. Want to prove me wrong? give him a kiss and watch him stop you. After-all you guys ought to be just friends. If you don't respect yourself as a lady, no man will respect you and you will only be approached as you present yourself to any man. STOP BEEN A DUMB! And for the maried man, snap out of your delusion and tell yourself hard fact...YOU ARE OLOJU KOKORO...Let your wife be your only friend,best friend and close friend and same for the lady. Keeping friend of teh opposite sex while married is an emotional affar and its even worse than actual physical affair. Just trying to make common sense. 13 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Nobody: 12:29pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
5minsmadness: What is the question? |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by ogawisdom(m): 12:37pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
goldfishsk: It all starts with being good frnds, chatting with someone daily even lovers can't beat dt  2 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by 5minsmadness: 12:37pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
Mindfulness:Is it ok for a married woman to be friends with the opposite sex as described by the Op up to the point of sending and receiving text messages frequently even though the woman does it with the 'permission' of the husband? If not OK how can the husband stop it without forcing the woman to become secretive? |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by bukatyne(f): 12:37pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
goldfishsk: You gave your wife liberty? Is she a 12yr old? Lol! What is thee basis of their new found friendship considering the fact she was filled with negative testimonials initially? 6 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by bukatyne(f): 12:41pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
Toks2008: @Bold: I agree |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Nobody: 12:44pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
5minsmadness: If the husband is ok with it, I see no problem. If not OK how can the husband stop it without forcing the woman to become secretive? They should have discussed such issues before they married. I do not believe in prohibition. Nothing good can come out of forced freedom restrictions. Whatever you do in your marriage should be agreed upon and not by force. 1 Like |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by peeparty(m): 12:59pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
I fink op you got an answer to Dis already.. If you ain't satisfied cc lalasticlala |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Pidggin(f): 1:28pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
Toks2008: Nice post, however, you should know that every circumstance in life always has a few exceptions. There are some females and males that have genuine friendships with the opposite sex, it is rare, but it occurs. @OP, saying you give your wife liberty to access social media sites, makes me sense insecurity on your part. You are on social media yet you feel you've given her the privilege to do same. For your sake, it is better you ask her to end all communication with the man, it is obvious that no matter how genuine her relationship with the man is, you will never be okay with it. Your wife also needs to study you more as i don't think she fully understands you. 2 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by byvan03: 1:38pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
I don't believe in friends of the opposite sex after marriage. Stop this nonsense assuming you aren't as guilty as she is in helloing and hiing the opposite gender. 4 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Captainswag225(m): 2:08pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
There can be friendships with e opposite sex after marriage but limits and boundaries should be set, there are some things that should never be discussed and there shouldn't be flirting also. People who can't abide by such principles shouldn't keep friendship with opposite sex after marriage. 1 Like |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Swissheart(f): 10:22pm On Oct 31, 2015 |
It is wrong to keep close friendship with an opposite sex after marriage....not like they have bn friends before marriage.She spoke negatively of d guy before but now,he is an angel......Your wife seems to me as a good woman.Stop d friendship.....you should be her best friend and you shouldn't have to worry over her other friends if things were right.Talk to her,let her understand that she is married and she should place her worth as one.Why would she be showing you the SMS self?why would she tell you to check her phone......doesn't sound good to me. 2 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Nobody: 10:10am On Nov 01, 2015 |
This is my stance on the matter You cannot force an adult to do something that they are not prepared to do So forcing your wife not to speak to this individual is not going to be productive unless she herself sees the disadvantage of the relationship and decides to stop it. All you risk doing is she hides the conversations from you or she boxes you too into a corner and makes your life hell to the point that you wont even be able to greet female colleagues or neighbours too. Now back to the actual friendship between the opposite sex. We are all different, have different backgrounds, thresholds, values, opportunities, morals, marriages and all what not. My husband and I have both have/had friends of the opposite sex but all these friendships morph into family friendships. It works when boundarys are not crossed and certain conversations are not talked about. I don't do or encourage agony aunt or uncle with friends of the opposite sex. I also don't encourage friendships with people who don't have things in common with you , share the same morals and values with you or don't respect their own marriages. The age and the health of the marriage also counts a great deal if your marriage is young, insecure, long distance, having issues etc then its best not to have any distractions that friends of the opposite sex may bring especially when you dont know their motives and your are not experienced enough to see through them . 4 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Johnnoah1st: 10:25am On Nov 01, 2015 |
Captainswag225:talking sense for d first time, i guess u have done dat brain surgery? 2 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by tiredface: 10:51am On Nov 01, 2015 |
HEHEHE!!! SNEAKY BABES, THERE WE GO AGAIN. YOU'VE LOST THE BATTLE DUDE. THE GUY KNOWS HER LEAVING ARRANGEMENTS AND WHAT YOU'RE DOING, SHE TOLD HIM, SO SAD. THE TIME SHE WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT THE GUY WAS WHEN SHE WAS LOOKING FOR HIS FRIENDSHIP.THE WAY YOU'RE GOING ABOUT IT, ONE DAY SHE WILL FU CK HIM IN YOUR OWN HOUSE, OR YOU'LL BE THE ONE TO DROP HER OFF TO THE GUY. I HATE SNEAKY WOMEN. FOR HOW LONG WILL THIS SNOOPING AROUND HER CONTINUE, THIS IS WHY I SAID YOU LOST IT. YOUR WIFE KNOWS YOUR WEAKNESSES AND SHE IS LURING YOU TO THAT COMFORT ZONE. MENTALLY, SHE IS ALREADY SLEEPING WITH HIM, JUST A MATTER OF TIME, MY MAN. VERY SOON, YOU'LL START READING STUFFS LIKE," how is your kids, husband. Say hi to them ". KEEPING IT REAL SAFE. YOUR WIFE IS A SNEAKY ONE, YOU HAVE TO OUTSMART HER. STOP SNOOPING AROUND HER. YOU HAVE TO PLAY NAÏVETÉ HERE. READING FROM WHAT YOU WROTE, YOU WILL NEED REAL HELP, JUST DONT THINK YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF AND I SINCERELY WISH YOU WELL 3 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by eyinjuege: 11:06am On Nov 01, 2015 |
fatheritunu: Beggie beggie!! . With swag on top sef |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by LordReed(m): 12:13pm On Nov 02, 2015 |
bukatyne: Same question I wanted to ask. |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Kulas: 12:54pm On Nov 02, 2015 |
dammytosh: |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by Kulas: 12:55pm On Nov 02, 2015 |
dammytosh: Exactly. U will sound mumu for you to believe that the text your wife is showing u is the only text or chat they have.For sure,she is deleting the indecent and romantic text,chat and i believe your wife is a runs woman,look at how she is trying to outsmart you by showing you decent text,chat so that you will put off your mind from them.If she is decent,she will tell the guy to stop communicating her or be giving him cold response anytime d guy chat or text her.Woman are easily cornered ,better act now by stopping it,before in a couple of months you come here and tell us that the guy is enjoying her honey pot or that your wife is pregnant for him. 3 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by goldfishsk: 5:02am On Nov 03, 2015 |
Thanks all for your valuable advices. will make necessary changes in life and also openly speak to her on this. We are married since 12 years with 2 kids and can't easily throw her away. |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by byvan03: 5:40am On Nov 03, 2015 |
goldfishsk: Only a fool will ask you to throw away 12 years old marriage over assumptions from faceless people. You know your wife better, just talk to her on why she needs to end it, that's all. No biggie..you have no proof of affair so can't accuse her of that. 5 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by RoyalRoy(m): 6:00am On Nov 03, 2015 |
What you don't want, don't tolerate it. You do not need our views to take a firm stand. Since you feel she has taken the liberty and freedom to another level, put a stop to it right now. "It doesn't take much to make a woman stray, it takes much more to keep her in line". 4 Likes |
| Re: Friendship With Opposite Sex After Marriage by TV01(m): 11:46am On Nov 03, 2015 |
5minsmadness:Apologies 5mins, I was late to this one. Dammytosh, Toks2008 & RoyalRoy have spoken - and pretty much captured everything, although there may be exceptions. So for example, I'd have no problem with a 130 year old related man talking to my wife a lot - but I'd still keep a beady eye on things, especially if he were richer than me Listen - and this works both ways. After God - for those that believe - your prime and inviolate relationship is with your spouse. And no matter how innocent or platonic a relationship with an unrelated memeber of the opposite sex may be, if they are uncomfortable with it, their concerns should be taken seriously. Even if their discomfort is due to insecurity, a lack of self-esteem or whatever. Part of your job is to help your spouse grow out of such feelings, by giving them the assurance that they indeed come first, and the confidence that you take their concerns seriously. If it is due to insecurity et al, to do otherwise would just feed that insecurity. You work with what you married! Now specifically to the "be a man" question; First one has to adopt the right posture as a man and a husband - check yourself, are you in any way neglecting or failing your wife? Not that that's an excuse, but women by nature are prone to latch onto percieved validation and demonstrations of affection. It may well be innocent to begin with, but if a "breach" develops in your relationship, it will be easy for this man to step in - if that is his intent -and very easy for the wife to succumb in her vulnerable state. Please search for the Whyme222 thread. That is why it's almost always best to set tight boundaries for relationships of this nature and ensure they are not crossed. Preventative is always better and less costly than curative. One wonders how he went from zero to hero in his wifes esteem? Anyhow, he is now uncomfortable with it, there is no official reason for them to communicate, so he simply asks her to end it. Her reaction wil be quite revealing in itself. If need be, he can have the heart2heart chat, explaining why he feels that's the right decision for their union. Again, if she respects her husband, her response will be telling. If she's loose and/or self-seeking, or even just immature, he's already in it, and some dialogue may be pointless, and his control limited. Foundation! foundation!! foundation!!! @Bukatyne & LordReed - as for "giving liberty", I feel that's exactly right, such relationships should be avoided at all cost and where they exist innocently, the other spouse should be aware and comfortable with it. TV 6 Likes |
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