This is in response to the ingrained and hovering tension amongst Nigerian parents(Damilola Attoh, a prototype), guardians, teachers and wards on who should or shouldn't mettle out punishment even to an apparently erring child.

The ancient axiomatic believe(@least in Africa) is that the 'child' belongs to the entire community and punishing a child invariably and likewise.

Below are tips for parents, teachers, guardians and siblings to help avoid the temptation of beating that 'annoying' child silly.


1. Cultivate self-care rituals and treat yourself with kindness.

The more we take care of ourselves, the more worthy we feel of having our needs met and our boundaries respected. When we feel tired and have no energy, it is much harder to deal with our children outbursts. Plus: the better we feel about ourselves, the less we feel guilty about making "mistakes" or "not doing things right."


2. Honor your own boundaries.

If children cross our boundaries too far, or too frequently, it's often because we let them. But we will eventually lose our patience, so remember that. However, as guadians or whatever we represent, affirming healthy boundaries is our job. Loving children doesn't mean that we have to give them what they want all the time. And sticking to your guns will ultimately prevent tantrums in the future.


3. Have age-appropriate expectations.

When we take children to public places, we simply cannot expect them to behave like adults. A young child won't sit still for an hour in a restaurant, a church or wherever like a grown adult.
While it's great to want to go out with children, we must also remember that they are allowed to have their own experience. So we must commit to trying our best not to feel embarrassed, offended or guilty about their reactions. When we let go of these unrealistic expectations, we give ourselves freedom to have a much more enjoyable experience ourselves.


4. Don't project your fears.

When we worry about children's misbehavior and fear that they might be aggressive in a given context, children will pick up on this energy, and will likely stick those labels on themselves. If a child starts to think that he/she is "bad," that often leads to more misbehavior.


5. Heal your own inner child.

Children can trigger unresolved emotions in us, causing us to feel hurt and frustrated, perhaps about our own childhood experiences or current difficulties elsewhere in our lives.
Children can also reflect those unresolved feelings when they pick up on them. So embrace the parts of you that are still hurting. Acknowledge and accept your own feelings from or about your past without judgment and give that child in you all the love and validation it never got, or that it currently needs.


6. Manage your anger

During a moment in which you feel calm and balanced, choose a physical stimulus like pressing your thumb and middle finger together or any other stimulus that works for you. This effectively helps you control your anger as you repeat it during your trying moments or when that child is on your last nerve seemingly asking for a beating.


7. Release guilt.

Guilt and shame are the lowest vibrational emotions a human can experience. Guilt not only keeps us from feeling self-compassion, but often leads to crossing boundaries to "make up" for whatever we think we did wrong. Remember that parenting is a process. At every moment, you're doing the best you can and are always learning and improving.


8. Make sure to spend quality time together.

Attention is a basic need for children to survive. When children have emotional outbursts, it's often a sign of their desire to show us they are trying to define themselves, develop their individuality — and get attention.
Many times an emotional outburst is actually a reflection of a child experiencing more freedom than he/she can handle. They want to feel safe by our loving guidance in the form of healthy boundaries.
The most beautiful way to give this to our children is in special, quality moments when we are not distracted and 100% present. Children don't need us to be physically present all the time. But quality time is invaluable for our children.
# Feeling consistently loved and cared for will diminish their need to act out.


9. Allow time for free and uninterrupted exploration.

When children's needs for safety and attention are met, they will also undoubtedly express a desire to get out and explore the world. Exploration helps them observe new things in their surroundings, get to know their bodies and stay connected to their innate curiosity. Self-guided exploration will improve their attention span and let them express creativity and joy.


10. Make your child feel understood.

No matter how "childish" a child's desire or emotion might seem to us in a given moment, it's perfectly valid for him or her to feel this way, no matter what it is, really. We don't have to comply with their "demands," but we can still acknowledge what they're feeling:


11. Allow time to adjust to a change in activity.

Sudden changes can trigger children into resistance. Especially with sensitive children, it works really well if we give them time to adjust to a coming change. Take bed time, for example: give your child a few "heads up" notices that bed time is nearing. "You can play for another 10 minutes, and then we're going to bed," Repeat that when there's five minutes and one minute left. Really Absolutely!


12. Respect your child as a whole person.

Children might live in tiny bodies, just learning how to deal with everything that makes us human while still needing us for their basic survival. But they are also whole persons with very capable and knowing souls that have multiple levels of understanding. So talk respectfully to your child as if you would to an adult: use your normal voice and refer to yourself as "I" instead of "mommy, teacher, daddy etc"


13.Honor the integrity of your child's body.

Always tell your child when you're going to pick him/her up or touch him/her. You can start doing this even when they are babies: "I am going to pick you up now. One, two, three, there you go." Children will be less startled if they know what's coming.
When playing with children, honor their "no," if they want to stop.
Boundaries are important for children, too. This won't guarantee that every person will listen but children with this healthy mindset about their body are much less prone to become a victim of abuse or other inappropriate dynamics.


14. Ask for help.

Don't be ashamed if you feel things are getting too much for you. Ask for help. Tell your partner when you're having a hard time, find a babysitter or parenting counselor, seek support from other parents, learn new ways of parenting that will make it more easy and enjoyable for you. You are never alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness: it is a brave thing to do.

.

.I think this OP is nt a Nigerian. E get some some pikin that are naturally born stubborn, dem go provoke u, mehn

Nice

Raise a child without punishment, at least? No, thanks. I don't intend to give birth to vegetables.

I loved and shared this post.

cococandy:
I loved and shared this post.

Me too. Thanks for sharing

cococandy:
I loved and shared this post.

babygirlfl:

Me too. Thanks for sharing

really?
Thanks for reading!

No, thanks. The punishment is working perfectly for me

I think raising a child nor b by power or physical effort. I think its by God's Grace..

Spare the rod and spoil the child...U cannot do but tilt ur child in the direction u feel would be better for them in the nearest future...

OP, I bet to disagree on ur point....Beating a child, scolding and the rest are part of training..... I mean here in Naija....Just dont think u wanna spare the rod.....ull end up regretting it.....

We are parents not at the mercy of the children...if care is not taken, the same child would blame the parent in future

adeniyia33:
Spare the rod and spoil the child...U cannot do but tilt ur child in the direction u feel would be better for them in the nearest future...

OP, I bet to disagree on ur point....Beating a child, scolding and the rest are part of training..... I mean here in Naija....Just dont think u wanna spare the rod.....ull end up regretting it.....

We are parents not at the mercy of the children...if care is not taken, the same child would blame the parent in future

You still don't get the thrust of this thread. After doing all this, you'll have a perfect child who will only will do as he's been taught, well, technically. Never straying from the path set. No initiative. No adventure. Just doing what mummy says. People should be careful what they wish for.

[quote author=MegMich post=39663018]This is in response to the ingrained and hovering tension amongst Nigerian parents(Damilola Attoh, a prototype), guardians, teachers and wards on who should or shouldn't mettle out punishment even to an apparently erring child.

The ancient axiomatic believe(@least in Africa) is that the 'child' belongs to the entire community and punishing a child invariably and likewise.

Below are tips for parents, teachers, guardians and siblings to help avoid the temptation of beating that 'annoying' child silly.


1. Cultivate self-care rituals and treat yourself with kindness.

The more we take care of ourselves, the more worthy we feel of having our needs met and our boundaries respected. When we feel tired and have no energy, it is much harder to deal with our children outbursts. Plus: the better we feel about ourselves, the less we feel guilty about making "mistakes" or "not doing things right."


2. Honor your own boundaries.

If children cross our boundaries too far, or too frequently, it's often because we let them. But we will eventually lose our patience, so remember that. However, as guadians or whatever we represent, affirming healthy boundaries is our job. Loving children doesn't mean that we have to give them what they want all the time. And sticking to your guns will ultimately prevent tantrums in the future.


3. Have age-appropriate expectations.

When we take children to public places, we simply cannot expect them to behave like adults. A young child won't sit still for an hour in a restaurant, a church or wherever like a grown adult.
While it's great to want to go out with children, we must also remember that they are allowed to have their own experience. So we must commit to trying our best not to feel embarrassed, offended or guilty about their reactions. When we let go of these unrealistic expectations, we give ourselves freedom to have a much more enjoyable experience ourselves.


4. Don't project your fears.

When we worry about children's misbehavior and fear that they might be aggressive in a given context, children will pick up on this energy, and will likely stick those labels on themselves. If a child starts to think that he/she is "bad," that often leads to more misbehavior.


5. Heal your own inner child.

Children can trigger unresolved emotions in us, causing us to feel hurt and frustrated, perhaps about our own childhood experiences or current difficulties elsewhere in our lives.
Children can also reflect those unresolved feelings when they pick up on them. So embrace the parts of you that are still hurting. Acknowledge and accept your own feelings from or about your past without judgment and give that child in you all the love and validation it never got, or that it currently needs.


6. Manage your anger

During a moment in which you feel calm and balanced, choose a physical stimulus like pressing your thumb and middle finger together or any other stimulus that works for you. This effectively helps you control your anger as you repeat it during your trying moments or when that child is on your last nerve seemingly asking for a beating.


7. Release guilt.

Guilt and shame are the lowest vibrational emotions a human can experience. Guilt not only keeps us from feeling self-compassion, but often leads to crossing boundaries to "make up" for whatever we think we did wrong. Remember that parenting is a process. At every moment, you're doing the best you can and are always learning and improving.


8. Make sure to spend quality time together.

Attention is a basic need for children to survive. When children have emotional outbursts, it's often a sign of their desire to show us they are trying to define themselves, develop their individuality — and get attention.
Many times an emotional outburst is actually a reflection of a child experiencing more freedom than he/she can handle. They want to feel safe by our loving guidance in the form of healthy boundaries.
The most beautiful way to give this to our children is in special, quality moments when we are not distracted and 100% present. Children don't need us to be physically present all the time. But quality time is invaluable for our children.
# Feeling consistently loved and cared for will diminish their need to act out.


9. Allow time for free and uninterrupted exploration.

When children's needs for safety and attention are met, they will also undoubtedly express a desire to get out and explore the world. Exploration helps them observe new things in their surroundings, get to know their bodies and stay connected to their innate curiosity. Self-guided exploration will improve their attention span and let them express creativity and joy.


10. Make your child feel understood.

No matter how "childish" a child's desire or emotion might seem to us in a given moment, it's perfectly valid for him or her to feel this way, no matter what it is, really. We don't have to comply with their "demands," but we can still acknowledge what they're feeling:


11. Allow time to adjust to a change in activity.

Sudden changes can trigger children into resistance. Especially with sensitive children, it works really well if we give them time to adjust to a coming change. Take bed time, for example: give your child a few "heads up" notices that bed time is nearing. "You can play for another 10 minutes, and then we're going to bed," Repeat that when there's five minutes and one minute left. Really Absolutely!


12. Respect your child as a whole person.

Children might live in tiny bodies, just learning how to deal with everything that makes us human while still needing us for their basic survival. But they are also whole persons with very capable and knowing souls that have multiple levels of understanding. So talk respectfully to your child as if you would to an adult: use your normal voice and refer to yourself as "I" instead of "mommy, teacher, daddy etc"


13.Honor the integrity of your child's body.

Always tell your child when you're going to pick him/her up or touch him/her. You can start doing this even when they are babies: "I am going to pick you up now. One, two, three, there you go." Children will be less startled if they know what's coming.
When playing with children, honor their "no," if they want to stop.
Boundaries are important for children, too. This won't guarantee that every person will listen but children with this healthy mindset about their body are much less prone to become a victim of abuse or other inappropriate dynamics.


14. Ask for help.

Don't be ashamed if you feel things are getting too much for you. Ask for help. Tell your partner when you're having a hard time, find a babysitter or parenting counselor, seek support from other parents, learn new ways of parenting that will make it more easy and enjoyable for you. You are never alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness: it is a brave thing to do.

It is not general

Timbuktou:


You still don't get the thrust of this thread. After doing all this, youll have a perfect child who will only will only as he's been taught. Never straying from the path set. No initiative. No adventure. Just doing what mummy says. People should be careful what they wish for.

I don't get ur point?

List on every aspect of life as if we are robots. Moreover, growing d same kind of kids will spoil the fun of diversify on earth.

Haywhymido:
List on every aspect of life as if we are robots. Moreover, growing d same kind of kids will spoil the fun of diversify on earth.

Diversity is subject to nature and nurture.
You can diversify the way you apply the aforementioned tips.

Lists Great men led and lead routine.

Most new generation parents think cutlass and guns when dey hear beat ur child but in actual sense it's not all dt...one can do all d above mentioned but u still need to spank dt child...my sis too was like dt...ooh don't beat my boy or don't do dt to him but all she does is scream and scream when she's tryna correct him and I'll tell her save ur energy and spank him it doesn't mean u don't love him...till d kid came last year to spend three months with me at home. he was always stubborn but what i don't do is beat a child in anger coz u can most definitely get carried away. One night while i was preparing to give him a bathe so he can sleep...i just noticed d silence no little mumblings he makes when watching cartoon so i walked thru d hallway den i turned to my left only to see my lil munchkin eating raw semo and garri together...sharp sharp i spanked 3 times den told him it is very bad and u shud never try it again...yes he cried (don't we all) but anytime he passes d hallway and face d store to see d food stuffs he doesn't touch it (won bi da) if i don't spank him he'll still go bk dere no doubt.

Last tym he was around my sis told him to drop d cream he didn't listen but wen i said drop d cream he didn't think twice. My nephew aint scared of me...he loves me and i love him too and it is ur duty as a parent to correct ur child...if u don't want to spank him or her its ur choice but don't go all "ALAKOWE" on dose who chose to do it d african way coz dt works wonders.

My parents never hit their children in anger...dey cool down and beat you and before dey do dt dey tell u wht u did wrong and tell u how to do better next tym. And i do dt with my nephew coz kids need discipline and major grooming.

But in my humble opinion yua really deceiving yourselves with dt list plus d heading of dis thread is just funny to me coz if u don't punish u will definitely yell...DON'T LET UR CHILDREN HAVE DOMINION OVER YOU JUST COZ YUA TRYNA DO RIGHT BY THEM!!!

MegMich:



I don't get ur point?

It is impossible to raise a healthy child right without punishment at least.

No punishment, no screaming?? get a robot!