I'm in deep shit, can anyone help, i'm going crazy.
I'm so much in love with this guy, i cant stop thinking about him, my family knows him already. His family knows me too, we are nearly getting to tie the knot but we live in different countries, far away from each other. We promised to keep ourselves, a promise i'd kept till this regretful day when i had unprotected sex with a guy thats been chasing me for long. Till today, i dont know what came into me and made me do it. Split up there and then with him, then nemesis caught up when i found out i'm pregnant for him. 2 weeks away from the day i was suppose to travel to my fiancee after being apart for a year. DO YOU THINK HE CAN FORGIVE ME ? i'll do smthg bad to mysef if he doesnt forgive me.

if he really loves U
he can definately learn to forgive U
If he doesnt U know why,
but how could U do that to him though
das so wrong how can U let ur feelings get the best of U
havn unprotcted sex with another guy??
if U love this guy like U said
how could U do that ??

Ok, girl, take a deep breath and relax. This is not the end of the world and it sure isn't the worst thing out there.

I know you are already feeling down and angry with yourself, so I will not bother to make you feel even worse.

First, let's take this one at a time. You both reside in different countries. How long have you guys dated? Did you guys date for long before you parted ways? How old are you two? Are you planning on moving to the same country with him? How often do you guys communicate? What do you do, Student, working?

See, I am asking all these questions, because that will help in solving this problem. You have to realise that we, you and I, have the right to make decisions that will affect our lifes positively, irrespective of what others think. You have to live for you first, before you can worry about someone else.

I most definitely have more to say to this, after you have answered my questions.

Like I love to say, "At the end, it shall be well, and if it is not, then it is not the end yet."

@Bhola

How are you doing ? I think I am going to Christen you as Nairaland's Oprah Winfrey

Aah, you are actually in Iraq ? God protect you while you are there oo

Am nt tryin 2 criticis u or provin dat am more holy. Bt am findin it dificult 2 reconcil ur slepin wit som1 u'l break up wit so quickly n easily, witout protectn. I wont say u r nt destined 2 spend d rest of ur life wit d guy u luv so much, bt dis a mistak dat may eida chang ur life 4 d beta or worse. I'l advice u stop dwelin on d mistak. Dwel more on how 2 tabl it 2 d oda guy n plead 4 his 4givnes. Mak sure u do anytin within ur powa 2 beg him b4 givin up. If he acept u wit d baby fine, if nt try live ur life in such a way dat u'l stil radiat wit joy despite d prob. Tink of how 2 mak progres in wateva u r doin. Dnt let d prob get d beta of u. Wrk 2wards getin d best in life. Dnt kno wat d fada of d unborn actualy wnt frm u, hence, cant say much about dat. If u need more tots, we'l b here. Suces.

Am nt tryin 2 criticis u or provin dat am more holy. Bt am findin it dificult 2 reconcil ur slepin wit som1 u'l break up wit so quickly n easily, witout protectn. I wont say u r nt destined 2 spend d rest of ur life wit d guy u luv so much, bt dis a mistak dat may eida chang ur life 4 d beta or worse. I'l advice u stop dwelin on d mistak. Dwel more on how 2 tabl it 2 d oda guy n plead 4 his 4givnes. Mak sure u do anytin within ur powa 2 beg him b4 givin up. If he acept u wit d baby fine, if nt try live ur life in such a way dat u'l stil radiat wit joy despite d prob. Tink of how 2 mak progres in wateva u r doin. Dnt let d prob get d beta of u. Wrk 2wards getin d best in life. Dnt kno wat d fada of d unborn actualy wnt frm u, hence, cant say much about dat. If u need more tots, we'l b here. Suces.

Dnt bliv in destiny shit. God wnt d best 4 evri1 n d best a lady or guy can get in a relatnshp is a soulmate. Some1 wu realy luv u. Som1 wu is concern about ur hapines n welbein. A tru frnd, a loyal companion, a prt of u, witout wum u r nt complet. Grls dnt b blind 2 fictitious luv dat cant stand d test of time. Make sure d luv is tru b4 openin ur legs. It'l tak time 2 ascertain tru luv, so if d guy does nt realy luv u, he may nt b patient enuf 2 c u mak up ur mine, if u luv him or nt. Ladies bear d pain most, so we need 2 b carefl.

Dnt bliv in destiny shit. God wnt d best 4 evri1 n d best a lady or guy can get in a relatnshp is a soulmate. Some1 wu realy luv u. Som1 wu is concern about ur hapines n welbein. A tru frnd, a loyal companion, a prt of u, witout wum u r nt complet. Grls dnt b blind 2 fictitious luv dat cant stand d test of time. Make sure d luv is tru b4 openin ur legs. It'l tak time 2 ascertain tru luv, so if d guy does nt realy luv u, he may nt b patient enuf 2 c u mak up ur mine, if u luv him or nt. Ladies bear d pain most, so we need 2 b carefl.

Am nt tryin 2 criticis u or provin dat am more holy. Bt am findin it dificult 2 reconcil ur slepin wit som1 u'l break up wit so quickly n easily, witout protectn. I wont say u r nt destined 2 spend d rest of ur life wit d guy u luv so much, bt dis a mistak dat may eida chang ur life 4 d beta or worse. I'l advice u stop dwelin on d mistak. Dwel more on how 2 tabl it 2 d oda guy n plead 4 his 4givnes. Mak sure u do anytin within ur powa 2 beg him b4 givin up. If he acept u wit d baby fine, if nt try live ur life in such a way dat u'l stil radiat wit joy despite d prob. Tink of how 2 mak progres in wateva u r doin. Dnt let d prob get d beta of u. Wrk 2wards getin d best in life. Dnt kno wat d fada of d unborn actualy wnt frm u, hence, cant say much about dat. If u need more tots, we'l b here. Suces.

Am nt tryin 2 criticis u or provin dat am more holy. Bt am findin it dificult 2 reconcil ur slepin wit som1 u'l break up wit so quickly n easily, witout protectn. I wont say u r nt destined 2 spend d rest of ur life wit d guy u luv so much, bt dis a mistak dat may eida chang ur life 4 d beta or worse. I'l advice u stop dwelin on d mistak. Dwel more on how 2 tabl it 2 d oda guy n plead 4 his 4givnes. Mak sure u do anytin within ur powa 2 beg him b4 givin up. If he acept u wit d baby fine, if nt try live ur life in such a way dat u'l stil radiat wit joy despite d prob. Tink of how 2 mak progres in wateva u r doin. Dnt let d prob get d beta of u. Wrk 2wards getin d best in life. Dnt kno wat d fada of d unborn actualy wnt frm u, hence, cant say much about dat. If u need more tots, we'l b here. Suces.

Bhola:

Ok, girl, take a deep breath and relax. This is not the end of the world and it sure isn't the worst thing out there.

I know you are already feeling down and angry with yourself, so I will not bother to make you feel even worse.

First, let's take this one at a time. You both reside in different countries. How long have you guys dated? Did you guys date for long before you parted ways? How old are you two? Are you planning on moving to the same country with him? How often do you guys communicate? What do you do, Student, working?

See, I am asking all these questions, because that will help in solving this problem. You have to realise that we, you and I, have the right to make decisions that will affect our lifes positively, irrespective of what others think. You have to live for you first, before you can worry about someone else.

I most definitely have more to say to this, after you have answered my questions.

Like I love to say, "At the end, it shall be well, and if it is not, then it is not the end yet."

we've being dating for over a year. we didnt date for long at all b4 parting ways, i met him like a week b4 i travelled out of the country. But we fell so much in love in that 0ne week and ever since we being talking on phone n on net. but we met each others family via phone and its like we (including both families) hv known each other for ages.

I'm 23 and he's 27.

We talk on phone evryday or chat but we definitely communiate evry single day except on the few odd days. sometimes we talk 5 times or more a day. sometimes we talk for hours on fone. never tired of being with him.

we are both employed with reasonable jobs, we planned to move together b4 the end of nxt year.( though we are yet to reach an agreement on who's moving to who)

I couldnt hold it from him no more, it was eating me up. i told him already, maybe i shd hv waited till i saw him to tell him cuz i'm suppose to travel to him b4 the end of this week. but he is so devastated now tht he says he doesnt want to see me. He cried and cried whn i told him, never seen or heard him cry b4. He kept asking me why ? how ? He cant go to work today, he had to call in sick. I begged him so much, i cried and pleaded, he says he cant bare to see me with another man's seed in me. He says he cant even touch me, he doesnt want to see me anymore, i'm losing it i'm going crazy.

how could i be so stupid ? how could hurt someone who loves me so much ? how could i ? I've ruined my life, i hv just ruined evrythg. Never tot i could be in love, until i met him and now, see how i pay him back.

He called back and said he still loves me but he burst out in tears again, i feel like i just want to walk away, walk aaway and not to come back. He says i cant abort it, tht i hv to hv the baby, and tht i shd tell my mom, omg, i will disapoint too many pple. After begging him, tht i cant keep it, he says if i can do smthg abt it b4 i come thn maybe,but i dont hv a clue on wot to do either. I guess its 6 weeks, n someone says it can be done with pills. i'm in a dungeon, i'm finished

Wow, a lot has happened between your first post and now. Now that you told him over the phone, do you honestly feel better? If you were going to see him a week, don't you think talking to him face to face, with a lot of body language, would have helped?

Ok girl, your life is not finished. You might think it is, but it is not. You are 23, please, you just starting your life. Knowing Nigerian men, he will probably not want you to keep the baby, cos it is not his. But believe me, the decision is yours. The final decision on what to do with the pregnancy is yours. Do You First. Don't rush your decision making process. This is what I do when I need to make this kind of life or death decisions, I write down the advantages and disadvantages. I don't let my heart do the reasoning, I use my head.

Now, as per boyfriend in Nigeria, he will come around if indeed he has a very strong feeling for you. Give him time. For all it's worth, he already called you back. That's a good sign.

One thing I checked once I got here was your profile, for your email address. If I continue here, I might just write too much. If you use MSN messenger or YIM, then we can "talk" there. My YIM is beesee12@yahoo.com.

Please, please and please, don't walk away and not come back, don't do anything bad to yourself. Please. This will pass away and you will come out on top at the end. It might look rough now, but apply some realistic moves and all will be well.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! (takes a deep breath and says WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSAHHHHH!) this is one complicated piece of contraption u got here.
titi, i read ur post and i got over confused about where to start from. i know u are feeling like dirt right now cos i sure would feel like dirt if i was in such. as regard the pregnancy, its not up to the guy to decide if u should keep it or not. its all about u. if u dont feel ok keeping it, ask ur Lord to forgive u for ur actions, and if u decide to keep it ask him to forgive u for ur actions all the same. cos u never know which one would be the better of the two. whichever one u make, make sure its because of YOU and not because of the guy.

if the guy cant accept you cause of wat has happened then u should question wat he has for u or should i have said wat he had for u. cos believe u me, if u keep the baby cos of him only for him to use that as armunition against u in the far future is not going to go down well with a spoon of sugar.


i'll be back, hopefully u didnt act yet.

You need to calm down and sort this out with him peacefully, Plz ypou dont need to do anything funny to yourself, You will work out of this been on top so plz take it easy all will be well.

This is vey hot,you have already done the mistake,but I would want you to remove the baby,abort the baby cos that baby will grow under so much stress,don't bring that unborn baby to suffering if you know that you will not marry the father.

sometimes, what one needs is not advice but deliverance.

1. Fell in love in just a week- deliverance from the 'spirit' of weekly love.
2. Had unprotected sex with a guy you just met (and the first time) - deliverance from the 'spirit' of 'quickie'.
3. Had the audacity to tell him over the phone, then cry and plead - deliverance from the 'spirit' of stupidity.
4. Now contemplating whether to have an abortion - deliverance from the 'spirit' of murdering an innocent foetus.

have no sympathy whatsoever for those who consciously tread on theirs and others emotions.

Ugwumba:

sometimes, what one needs is not advice but deliverance.

1. Fell in love in just a week- deliverance from the 'spirit' of weekly love.
2. Had unprotected sex with a guy you just met (and the first time) - deliverance from the 'spirit' of 'quickie'.
3. Had the audacity to tell him over the phone, then cry and plead - deliverance from the 'spirit' of stupidity.
4. Now contemplating whether to have an abortion - deliverance from the 'spirit' of murdering an innocent foetus.

have no sympathy whatsoever for those who consciously tread on theirs and others emotions.

LMAO.
Nairaland will surely not kill me oh, lol

@ Titi, coming here, pple will only critize u and make u feel bad, i'll advise u take bhola's email, add her up, she seems like a really nice gurl and willing to go thru this with u. U can add me up too (kissinbird@hotmail.com) hopfully, i can help u in which ever way i can but one thing for sure is that no guy is worth the stress and like someone said earlier "wateva the decision u make, make sure its for u and not for any guy"

all the best and hopfully, i'll here back from u soonest. Take care hun!

u are in trouble.

Girl, we have not heard anything from your end. Hope all is well.

GNature, thanks for the compliment. I feel really touched.

And as the Iraq thingy, just where my prayer goes.

@ poster dammn girl, really curious as to why you told the one you love, am i the only girl thinkin that wasnt the smartest thing to do, i see u let that talk about honesty being the best policy get in ur head, you know wat i always say before u tell someone something or do something to some1 ask urself how will u react if it was u, do u think u will forgive ur boyfriend if he was the 1 that got someone pregnant, wat did u expect a hug and for him 2 start fighting for patarnity right with the other dude, well since u in this already i wanna say good luck girl u will need it.can see the guy forgiving you, doestnt even happen in the movies. and to those other ladies out there this is lesson 101, we ve 2 be SMART there are other ways to deal with stuffs like this a hint, (no one had to know)

oh and girl hope the sex was atleast good , hate to think u going tru all this when it wasnt even worth it,

In situation like this, one needs wisdom and wisdom is well defined by my spiritual father as "doing what is required to acquire what is desired"

What has happened has happened, you need not kill your self, you have told the guy the truth which is the best, killing the baby or yourself will not help matter.

What you have to do is accepting your fate and relax. Settle down with the father of the baby and put live in your marriage with him, killing urself because of the other guy is like chasing the shadow, what if he does same to u, or if he 'll never forgive you.

If the father of your baby love you marry him, i know you love him too b4 you open legs 4 him.

dat other guy is not meant 4 you you only need deliverance from weekly love as earlier said by someone.

You do not need somebody to worsen situation 4 u, u are doing well, some pple are looking for baby badly.

STAY COOL, FEEL BETTER, BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR JOY, BE HAPPY, RELAX AND EMBRACE YOUR HUSBAND AS YOU EXPECT YOUR GOD'S GIVEN BABY-WHO KNOWS HE MIGHT BE UR OWN SOLOMON, TRY READ ABOUT THE BIRTH OF SOLOMON IN THE BIBLE.

And this also SHALL PASS AWAY
Dont fret over it
watever a man allows to happen to him/herself is for his / her own good

I can't believe a girl is saying this. Titilayo, if this story is true then u must be an angel who lost her way and wandered into this globe. 99.99999999999999999999999999% of girls will never reveal this to their best friends not to talk of bringing it up in naira land or telling their fiance. Morover, u were due to visit him that week and only 2 wks pregnant. I can bet with anything on this, any girl will either do one of three things;

1. Abort the baby
2. Keep quiet, travel to meet the guy, make sure they have unprotected sex within the first week and claim he is responsible
3. If afraid the second plan might be risky, then abort the baby

Too Much of pregnancy story **^shakes _head ^{un-subscribing to} _thread*** Haba

you caused everything nobody forced you,so bear the consequences.
_{[/sub]**am outta of here** [sub]}

wtf . . .haba some girls sef . . . . . . ,

in love with one pregnat for another . .
go meet the other and love him

Hmmmm, i've been away from this thread for such a long time because alot of water had passed under the bridge.
I don't know if what i have done is right but i have done it and thats it. Can't go back to redo it. I have taken All the criticism with no hard feelings cause i know i deserve it. I haven't completely taken all the advises though.
I decided to reverse my stupidity by getting rid of the baby at 14weeks old, which is kind of still haunting me but i couldn't bare the pain of disappointing him, my family, his family. The other guy isnt right for me, i have tasted real love and can't opt for less.
As for my man, i had to lie that it was all a lie. Can't bare losing his trust.Its a shame, and i hope it all doesnt catch up with me later.
Thanks for all your posts, and @Bhola. . . i didnt get to read your reply till now, would have seeked your advice on YIM and busta too.

I have certainly learnt my lesson in the hard way but,

I hope God forgives me and never allow my past to haunt me.

2. Keep quiet, travel to meet the guy, make sure they have unprotected sex within the first week and claim he is responsible

Wow. . . What an advice, glad titlayomi didn't take that advice. How you can do that to someone you claim to love is beyond me anyway.

Titilayomi, you probably made the best decision for yourself and your relationship.

My friend also advised me to do that, but i can't, i think i have done anymore harm n hurt to him already.

Donzman:

Wow. . . What an advice, glad titlayomi didn't take that advice. How you can do that to someone you claim to love is beyond me anyway.

Titilayomi, you probably made the best decision for yourself and your relationship.

You won't believe how much relief that sentence brought me.

@titilayomi

titilayomi:

Hmmmm, i've been away from this thread for such a long time because alot of water had passed under the bridge.
I don't know if what i have done is right but i have done it and thats it. Can't go back to redo it. I have taken All the criticism with no hard feelings cause i know i deserve it. I haven't completely taken all the advises though.
I decided to reverse my stupidity by getting rid of the baby at 14weeks old, which is kind of still haunting me but i couldn't bare the pain of disappointing him, my family, his family. The other guy isnt right for me, i have tasted real love and can't opt for less.
As for my man, i had to lie that it was all a lie. Can't bare losing his trust.Its a shame, and i hope it all doesnt catch up with me later.
Thanks for all your posts, and @Bhola. . . i didnt get to read your reply till now, would have seeked your advice on YIM and busta too.

I have certainly learnt my lesson in the hard way but,

I hope God forgives me and never allow my past to haunt me.

so you just aborted your first born, and you are hoping the past wont haunt you?