It’s exactly three months since I lost my precious job and I was pretty broke. Petrol price was on the rise as usual. Even my generator noticed we were now managing fuel and it decided to stop working. Life was getting frustrating.

One cool afternoon, I laid on my bed counting the ceilings in my self contained apartment when Jessica my “runs girl” female neighbor walked in and was like…
“Roma, you sef, no let dis unemployment matter frustrate you, come let me teach you a business opportunity you never thought of.”

She told me how she usually woke up very early on Saturdays and board a bus from Ikorodu where we were living to Ikoyi just to go jogging with the aim of catching the attention of some big boys on banana island and how its been working out so far and she was pretty sure that there were big girls of ikoyi who would pick interest in me.

I was excited since there was nothing illegal about it, after all hunger was already giving me six packs and I be fine boy with bear bear to match, I was hoping to catch my own big fish also.

I went to the bank, withdrew the last N4500 in my account and bought sports wears and running spikes, hoping to look like Usian Bolt come Saturday.

Saturday came, I woke up as early as 4:30am, wore my sports wear underneath then put on a casual jeans and polo to appear decent cause my sportswear was a bit tight and I looked funny.

I reached Ikoyi by 5:00am and it was still a bit dark, i removed my jeans and polo at an uncompleted building, hid it at a corner, waited till it was 6.am and i immediately hit the streets running, hoping to catch my big fish today.

I ran to and fro ikoyi hoping to be noticed soon, on reaching ikoyi-lekki link bridge, it was like a market place. People from different parts of Lagos were seen partaking in one form of exercise or the other.

I noticed a group of young sophisticated ladies and vowed in my mind they must notice my presence here.

I began jogging in stunts, chest jogging, broad shoulder jogging, six pack jogging and many unnamed styles of jogging..
Thirty minutes passed and I wasn’t attracting anyone’s attention, so i thought maybe what these ladies need is a man who can protect them.

I started performing boxing stunts, high jab, low jab, hard jab and many more until a very huge man walked up to me and asked if I am a boxer, i replied no and he said he just wants us to fight-train together. I told him i was a dancer and was choreographing my new dance moves and he left.

I decided that today was not my day and was heading home, so i went to get my clothes from the uncompleted building were i hid them.

Few blocks away, an obvious mad man walked passed me, dressed in the same clothes i came with, i prayed for it to be a coincidence until when i got to the building and couldn’t find my clothes. It then dawned on me that my transportation was in the pocket of my jeans trouser that the mad man took.

I was so frustrated. Why must bad things always happen to good people i thought.
I jogged back to the bridge and intentionally fainted there, as people
gathered around and i was receiving first aid, i heard one of those ladies telling her friend that she picked interest in me earlier but who knows, maybe i was epileptic.

I was so pained inside, an ambulance arrived and took me away.
while inside the ambulance, the nurse has already masked me with an oxygen mask and I overheard her telling the driver that there was no credit card on me and she doesn’t think i can afford the hospital bill. That was when i opened my eyes and saw a St. Nicholas hospital I.D on her ( most expensive hospital on Lagos island ).

I had to plead with them that i don’t have money to pay their bills before they eventually dropped me off on kingsway road ikoyi.
I had to trek back from the Island to Ikorodu.

That was how i got to know that Third Mainland Bridge by foot is 1hr,45mins at the speed of 3km/h.
On getting to Ketu, the Lord in his infinite mercies used a bus conductor to help my situation, (those guys are nice at times)
I write you this piece while I recover in my bedroom, please i also need a job.
ROMA

Credit to Naijasinglegirl, God bless us.

cc @lalasticlala @seun @ishilove

Source: http://amebohub.com/2015/12/03/guest-post-my-ikoyi-experience/

Still reading...

Fiction

what an experience!

you don't need to give up, this time around go and try banana island, that linda side you may jamm her and be the lucky man

thats how so many guys are enticed into becoming gay lovers to rich homos (sometimes pedos) who prey on desperate broke and hungry Nigerians. the guy who asked you about your boxing skills may have been one of them, and you dodged a bullet.

the main destination for these guys today are Kenya, Senegal and Ivory Coast, but the hungrier the people, the easier it is to abuse them.
educate yourself my broda so you dont fall prey!!!!

EVEN THOUGH S A SUPER STORY, S A FUNNY ONE AT THAT

hmmm
dem many for shoprite

Sorry my brother

Hahaha, Lalasticlala abeg let the world laugh abeg. Funny op

Funny..

commitcrime:
Fiction

She tried sha...

But that trekking 3M bridge in 1hr 45 part, cracked me up....

u dom jam, who send you? lalasticlala comman see