I need some advice here please.

Let me tell you a little about me first before I ask for the advice needed.

I am they type of person that believes in treating others as I want to be treated and am a very kind hearted person, sometimes to the detriment of myself and own well being. I am very much a people pleaser.

Having said that, when I have a friend I believe in doing everything and anything I can to help a friend in need.

I have this person that I thought was my friend and she lied to me. Made up fantastic lies and I brought them hook line and sinker. Who the hell would think that a woman 41 years old would do this? Over the course of 2 months she managed to rake up a debit to me of 1k. That is not the problem, because when I loan money, I only loan that which I can kiss goodbye. Her last lie was that she had found employment and was working but needed some money to pay her rent until she got her first paycheck. I loaned her the $400.00 easy and did not expect it back until she had worked for 8 weeks.

She also managed to turn her overnight visit at my house into sleeping on my couch for 2 months (telling what may have been more lies about an evil exbf). I thought she might get tired of the couch and want to go home to her bed, but why would she. As I learned later she does not have cable or internet or home service at her place. She lives in the projects in a two bedroom apartment and I live in a good neighborhood in a house.

Not two weeks after I loaned her the money did I find out she was lying. She said that she got a job at a firm and then two weeks later there was a big report on the news about how they had laid off most of their administrative staff which raised the first red flag. Unbeknownst to her my firm brought up some of this other firm a few years ago so several of the people I work with on a daily basis used to work for this other firm and still had contacts there. After the news report I had some of my co-workers make an inquiry as to her being employed there (still holding out hope that she was being truthful). The inquiry came out negative, no person at the firm working in her name. The firm is kinda big so I thought maybe she is not in the system (still holding out hope that she is not a liar). And I got her to tell me the name of the woman that was training her. I checked that name out and that person did not exist at the firm.

I did not confront her I just knew I was dealing with a liar. So I should have cut all contact with her at that time but I could not because I need as a witness for a very important case that goes to trial next month and since she has already been subpoenaed the prosecution has her as a witness, thus making me have to play nice.

There is nothing in this world that burns me more than a liar. So playing nice with her and listening to her lies has been burning me up. I finally got her to semi confess by telling her that I need $300.00 of my money on what was supposed to be her pay day. She told me this week that she lost her job and did not know how to tell me, blaming it on her bf. I knew the whole time she was telling me this lie that it was a lie but because of court I am playing nice.

Now she shows up at my house all the time. She just called to tell me she just got to my house and that my house phone is not working (Comcast has been working on the phone line all morning). My first thought is what the hell is she doing at my house again? Now my thoughts are (maybe because I am PMSing or tired of the lies) how do I get rid of her but still get her to come to court and tell the truth next month? Do I really have to suck it up and be nice, gritting my teeth and not put my fist thru her face? If I do have to suck it up how do I get thru the next month being nice?

I need some help here coping with this liar. I am not worried about the money I just want her to testify and move on with her life. The more I get to know her the more I find that she is leach and parasite and that she lives off of other people. Who does that at 41 years old? Who the Bleep does that at 41 years old? I can’t imagine not having a job, not doing anything with my life and living off of others.

Sorry, I didn't bother to read everything. I glanced the last paragraph and saw that you already decided what your line of action would be.

What do you hope to accomplish with her testimony? Kick her to the curb and let her move on with her life. Those who can put up with her rubbish will reel her in. cheers pumkin

C2H5OH:

Sorry, I didn't bother to read everything. I glanced the last paragraph and saw that you already decided what your line of action would be.

What do you hope to accomplish with her testimony? Kick her to the curb and let her move on with her life. Those who can put up with her rubbish will reel her in. cheers pumkin

How do i get thru the next month?

I need her to testify for me in court next month. She keeps showing up at my house.

she is allergic to my cats and let them roam the house hoping she will go home but now she has found some meds that allow her to sleep with the cats in the house and I found her locking them in the basement when she sleeps.

Have you sat her down and tried talking to her mano-o-mano? Tell her you need to have an urgent conversation with her about something important.

What do i tell her?

that she is liar and should leave my house right now before i put my fist thru her face.

What exactly do i say that wont make her upset and either not show up next month or come and tell a lie on the stand? I am looking at some serious charges.

well the question I will ask you is,  If you cant throw are out now , what makes you able to throw are out after the court case ? once you have answered that question (I believe your answer will be cos you need her for now ) then you know your course of action. Unfortunately your relationship is symbiotic for now . Stop loaning her money , write what she owes you off as bad debt and politely ask her to leave after the court case . Then the relationship becomes parasitic .

If the only thing the friendrelationship worth losing is the friendship the you better confront her and tell her buh bye brfore she does something worse than lie to you.

Pittbaby:

well the question I will ask you is, If you cant throw are out now , what makes you able to throw are out after the court case ? once you have answered that question (I believe your answer will be cos you need her for now ) then you know your course of action. Unfortunately your relationship is symbiotic for now . Stop loaning her money , write what she owes you off as bad debt and politely ask her to leave after the court case . Then the relationship becomes parasitic .

Oh we are done as soon as her ass gets off the stand.

I just need some coping techniques to get thru the next 30 or so days.

I guess where I am stumbling here is that i have never "used" a friend before and am finding it difficult being phony to someone I once saw as a friend.

sistawoman:

I guess where I am stumbling here is that i have never "used" a friend before and am finding it difficult being phony to someone I once saw as a friend.

People like your 'friend' come in all different shapes, sizes, smells etc etc.

What's the guarantee that she is not going to lie in court? Or that she may not be called back again to the stand? (after you tell her to Bleep off?)

You seem to be coping just fine, keep smiling, playing nice etc etc, and remind yourself 'it's all for better reasons'. Then after the case (if it appears unlikely that they will call her back), ignore her. Don't answer your phone, lock it off. Send her belongings to her family's yard via UPS or DHL if you have to. Tell her, 'My man and I would like our home back thanks, '

If she says, 'you used me for the court case', smile and say 'My dear friend, one good turn deserves another'. Shut door. Simple.

did she act this way towards u b4 you chose her to testify? if all this nonsense behavior started after she was chosen to testify then tell her flat out.
just talk to her slyly and smilingly stuff like "it's ok. u can use my cable just make sure u don't disappoint me on court date " tell her that in a joking way. then she will start thinking abt it.

oyinda.:


did she act this way towards u b4 you chose her to testify? if all this nonsense behavior started after she was chosen to testify then tell her flat out.
just talk to her slyly and smilingly stuff like "it's ok. u can use my cable just make sure u don't disappoint me on court date " tell her that in a joking way. then she will start thinking abt it.

The lies started to show after she had been choosen. She had been lying to me from day one as far as I can see.

The problem with telling lies is that when you start to mix truth with it you forget that part of your lie directly contradicts the truth.

My husband was very correct when he said today that I did not study her very well before becoming her friend. My problem really is that i believe that people understand what friendship means and they they treat others as they would want themselves to be treated.

We had several conversations about friendships and honesty and I thought she was being truthful. But she was not even thou she said lying is something she cant stand and that she knew what it was to be a good friend and that she shared my morals and values.

SMH i cant get over the fact that she is 41 years old

u can confront her when u r done with d testimony!

we all know who u are.

okay i have seen this type of problems too many times. the only way to solve this is call your friend to order, tell her what you dnt like. and for now, restrict her free movements in and outta your house.

sistawoman:

I need some advice here please.

Let me tell you a little about me first before I ask for the advice needed.

I'm lost here!

Hollysmile:

I'm lost here!

Tell me what got you lost so you can get back on track?

...

I had my lawyer subpoena another witness for me this morning.

She was a witness for me before the lies were discovered. If not for the need for her to testify on my behalf she would be long gone.

The other witness was not directly there and only has partial information but it may be enough to get me off.

...

chaircover:

If she is a relatively reasonable person then I suggest you sit her down and tell her how it is. You seem to be quite a level headed person so if you can talk to her without it deteriorating into a row then go for it.

Some things are best out in the open rather than keeping quiet and being resentful over issues. As it is, you're the one "suffering" while your friend is most probably oblivious to the problems she is causing.

She has no critical thinking skills and would only hear neg. in my voice and words no matter how much I sweeten them. I really thought about this alot and talked to hubby who knows her as much as I do.

I think i just have to grin and bear it.

Yesterday I said I was PMSing and wanted to be alone. Today i told her I am still PMSing. She knows i get pissy when this time of month comes so she left quietly before I got home from work and wont be coming tonight.

I think I can put her off for the next week with the same excuse then maybe use work as an excuse.

But the two weeks before trial i am going to hold her close to my skirt. plus i have surgery at the end of the month and will be able to avoid her for a few days after the surgery.

Hi Sista, I realize this is extremely off- topic,  and I'm sorry, but could I have your email address? I really need some advice from you. Thanks.

@sistawoman, u were right about one thing. . . u r kind hearted - to a fault too!

If that was me, no need for a lawsuit. . . damn! when i'm done with u! Damn!

Sistawoman, don't mind my lazy act, I neva had de time to read up all what u wrote.
I'll do that when i'm home. Then will i come in.

luvbooks:

Hi Sista, I realize this is extremely off- topic, and I'm sorry, but could I have your email address? I really need some advice from you. Thanks.

Do you yahoo? my id is on my profile I will log in tonight when I get home promise.

Secretz:

People like your 'friend' come in all different shapes, sizes, smells etc etc.

What's the guarantee that she is not going to lie in court? Or that she may not be called back again to the stand? (after you tell her to mess off?)

You seem to be coping just fine, keep smiling, playing nice etc etc, and remind yourself 'it's all for better reasons'. Then after the case (if it appears unlikely that they will call her back), ignore her. Don't answer your phone, lock it off. Send her belongings to her family's yard via UPS or DHL if you have to. Tell her, 'My man and I would like our home back thanks, '

If she says, 'you used me for the court case', smile and say 'My dear friend, one good turn deserves another'. Shut door. Simple.

This is the best advice so far to me.  Remember that you are a mature adult and that you have a very, very important goal in mind:  winning your court case.  You should not let a need to clear the air interfere with it.  You are an adult and you can do whatever you have to do for your good and the good of your family.  Remind yourself that you are doing this to protect the things most dear to you.  Now, this case illustrates something I always say to myself.  Never expect others to do what you would do.  Your best motives and intentionss are rarely returned, so do what you feel is right  because it is the right thing to do.  Your disappointment lay in thinking she was as pure in motive as you were in the friendship.

You say she's 41yrs old, which means she's a pro at exploiting people. Do you honestly think by kissing her a** it's going to make her say what you believe to be the truth on that day? She knows you're desperate and she's milking it for all it's worth. If you believe this person is of bad character then she's not the right person to be on the case and you should take care of this subtly and get her out of your way. when you think you're a step ahead of someone, trust that they are miles in-front of you'.  Use your gut and less of your head, and do so in a tactful manner.

sistawoman of all women
nids advices
now tell me
how can i help u!