Osarieme415:

If owning a car will drive away men with frail egos who would wish her to be subservient, then it is a good thing . Emancipate yourself from mental slavery in the coming year. Merry Xmas
P. S. I think feminists have their work cut out for them. You need their tutelage

Your advice is suitable only for d western world, not Nigeria. Please don't mislead d young lady

jackpot:
hmm. You need a slave, not a man.

So sad a fellow woman is still mentally enslaved. I can bet it with all I have dat you don't know where you are going in life. How old are you? Obviously, you are not married, and have little on hand experience of what marriage is . You need to learn from d elders dear!

At o.p, if you must get a car, get a cheap small Tokunbo car. You must understand d kind of society you live in. Buying a big car as a single woman in Nigeria will definitely reduce your chances of getting married by a large percentage. I used to have a friend who works in d financial sector, she went and acquired an suv at d age of 26 as a single woman, today she is 31, no husband. To make matters worse, she is a single mother, with a son she had at 23.

I also have a married big sister who is a top manager in one of d biggest oil n gas companies in d world. She earns close to 2m every month, but can you imagine that she has never acquired a car even as a married woman.? Her husband is central responsible for buying cars for d family n acquiring other capital goods for the family. Please consider d kind of society you live in, and don't take a decision that would deny you of opportunities in future.


Goodluck

Doctor Denwa Dauda

After reading the comments on this thread, some people will still pretend not to know that the society we live in tries to limit women.
They attack those who say it as if it's a lie.
Mtchew.

OP pls buy your car if you can afford it.
Shikena.

DrDauda:


Your advice is suitable only for d western world, not Nigeria. Please don't mislead d young lady

She will get to appreciate the wisdom in my counsel.

cococandy:
After reading the comments on this thread, some people will still pretend not to know that the society we live in tries to limit women.
They attack those who say it as if it's a lie.
Mtchew.

OP pls buy your car if you can afford it.
Shikena.

The tragedy of it all is that some ladies, like some quoting me, choose to be repressed by the unfair obligations and expectations foisted on them by society. It is so sickening.

That even makes it better. I would double her allowee

CallMeMadMan:

And what if reversed is the case?

It doesnt matter, the most important thiung is for a man to be the man of the house , the amount that i earn or she earns doesnt matter. May God always bless me to take care of ALL the bills

ussy09:

u could have put it d right way like ur wife earning N400,000 and u earning N200,000.

LOL its annoying when i hear people tthat are not married saying, their wife must split house rent and school fees , Thats foolish. may God bless me to sort all the bills notwithstanding who earns higher

nikenry:

Better man! We need more men like you in Africa.

@Goodsamaritan, you nailed it bro. Regarding the ready ladies, i dont mind hook up. Damn serious!

@Goodsamaritan, you nailed it bro. Regarding the ready ladies, i dont mind hook up. Damn serious!

craziebone:


i am sure you can understand why some of us will mistaken man-hating for feminism. Most man-haters identify as feminist. People who insult male psychology identify as feminist. Chimamanda goes about the same way.
I can give you links to some memes she generated sometime ago and i as a man, find it extreemly offensive!

Back to the issue of "men are intimedated..." i want you to listen to our side of the story and maybe, you among other women, can begin to understand differently and the human being will be helped better. The truth is...the man is not going anywhere and the earlier we allow him to express himself about this issue, the better for the society at large and most especially, the "highly achieving woman".

Are men intimedated by successful women? In my opinion, i would say the word "intimedate" is the wrong choice of word. May be uncomfortable is a better one.

The point is, when you use the word intimedate and especially with the tone we hear people say it, then you shame his psychology, a thing that will never go away no matter the culture and civilization. On this thread, you hear people say "oh, it is the Nigerian backward mentality....it is the primitive African way". These people have never being to other parts of the world, yet, they think they can say the first thing about how other people behave. But i am sure by now, you know it is not an African thing as i have posted links to foreign websites where this same issue is being discussed. If it were an African thing, why then do we have people abroad still discuss it?

Like i said before: if a man is not going for a 'superior' woman, then maybe it is because he has had experiences with 'superior' ladies who outrightly snub him in a disrespectful manner, when he tried to strike a relationship with them.

Aslo, we know ladies are hypergamous in nature. That is...they tend to date/marry up along the lines of age, social and economic standing etc. If this is the female behaviour, which i think is natural, i wonder why we want the man to still go and waste his time? It is about efficiency of decision, and that he is intimedated.

So, instead of blaming men, i think they, women, should look at themselves and see they they also have cocroaches in their cupboard.

I believe men and women can still have a good and fulfiling relationships. But the shaming of men and their psychological behaviour, which is done by the likes of Chimamanda as nothing but just a line to make themselves feel good for not nailing the man they want, is just not helping matters. When you shame him, then, he just cannot admit it, like you've already seen on this thread. Many men are claiming "only 'low' men are intimedated" while they themselves are like that in reality. If he doesn't admit it, how then can he manage it? You just cannot manage what you claim doesn't exist, can you? Admiting it is first step forward.

He is not intimedated, he's only uncomfortable; just as a lady would feel uncomfortable around a guy she is significantly taller than. Should we shame her?

This is really a nice post and I get your POV.

Truth is respect/headship has been tied to finance and our society doesn't encourage women marrying men with significantly higher income/status because that is his means of control. Check out any thread the wife 'misbehaves'...

The first question is ... 'Is she the breadwinner' like it matters.

That said, I believe individuals should put the society aside and live their lives according to their convictions.

Tolatutu:
Wow Nigeria is backwards sha, so they want you as a woman to be suffering with public transport while you can afford a car? If one of theses days you enter one chance bus nko, God forbid. All these years you didn't have a car you didn't get a Mr. Right showing that it's not about car. Any man who will be intimidated about you having a car will still be intimidated about you owning lands and such. That means for the rest of your life with such a man you will always have to live under the standard that you can actually afford just so he won't feel intimidated. Is that the type of life you want?

If you don't buy the car now and you marry then later it will become you can't buy a bigger car than your husband you can't own more lands than your husband and so on . For the rest of your life you won't be able to live to your full potential, this is why many women never get to their full potential in Nigeria

Well said. I wish I could give you a million likes.

omotohdarajugbogbolo:
Good day fam,

I really need your advice on something.

I am a lady in my late twenties and I work with a multinational company here in Lagos.
This is my third year on the job and I know I need a car now.

Now here's the issue; my siblings think that getting a car is a bad idea. Why? Cos am single.

My beloved brother said it would push men away from me

Please does this not sound myopic? I really don't get it.

House how do you see this cos I feel down right now.

It will chase away the kind of men you wouldn't want in the first place.

I have never understood this buying car= no suitors How is car or no car a marriage criteria? Na wa o . Make I no talk

OP buy the car if you think YOU need it joor

arnold123:
my sister is a medical personel in the Nigerian navy, my sister is not a dumb slut, she don't start what she can't finish!, and so one man's junk is another man's treasure!

why would you put your sister and slut in the same sentence.? all I meant is there are occupations like Coca Cola where you work in non public exposed place. same with military, difficult to meet outsiders? so driving only makes it less likely

milowys77:


Why get married to an insecure guy?

For God's sake, it's a car we are talking about here, not a private jet, she's not building oriental hotel, she's getting herself 1 car to aid her work and enjoy the fruits of her 3 years of labour.. Haba!! Who gets intimidated by that? If you do, you have a problem, not her..

to be accepted by society
I'm not even bothered about the jealousy insecurity but the lack of confidence in approaching the lady abi him go fly hang for the months like James Bond de toast her.

oglalasioux:

A woman's worth is her attitude. I assure you that the 44 years old aunty can still get married if she down play her standards

so this young lady should reach 44 bfor she 'lowers 'her standard abi.

. If you ask her she'll tell you men woo her but she has set her standards too high. Besides she is not too old to get married. What we need in Africa is a change in attitude.

will she wait for Africa to change bfor she marries?

Let's not marry solely for making babies.

why else?

They are many orphans one can adopt and better the society.

our families go gree?

It's wrong to allow extremely beautiful women suffer loneliness because of their age and the fear that they may not bear children.

nobody allowed them, they allowed themselves

mikolo80:

so this young lady should reach 44 bfor she 'lowers 'her standard abi.

will she wait for Africa to change bfor she marries?

why else?

our families go gree?
nobody allowed them, they allowed themselves

Thanks for your careful analysis of my post. You however went a little too far in portraying my intentions. Thanks anyway. You analysed with a typical African mentality.

mikolo80:
why would you put your sister and slut in the same sentence.? all I meant is there are occupations like Coca Cola where you work in non public exposed place. same with military, difficult to meet outsiders? so driving only makes it less likely

have it whatever way that makes u happy!!

Seems like I'd like to meet you Mikollon, I like to associate with people like you who are broad-minded and confident enough to let people be who they want to be without battling with self-esteem issues. Nice one Bro.

Mikollon1:
Do what YOU want to do.

Don't do what YOU ALLOW society pressure you to do then turn around and blame MEN for it. That's the feminists' forte really.

You seem educated so get data sets from both angles, weigh them against your desires, and form an opinion by YOURSELF and stick to it. That way, you (not your bro or men or "they" or society) will be responsible for the action you take. This is the adult way of solving problems.


I prefer females that live in their own apartments and drive their own cars they bought with their own monies. I'm attracted to their sense of control and adulthood, but that's just me.

It's poverty mentality that would make anyone think cars are luxuries. I once thought like that too.

My dear OP and any other lady, if you've worked hard, saved enough, invested a bit and need a car, please go for it. Be it tuketuke, Tokunbo or tear rubber so long as it moves and you can afford it.

mikolo80:
to be accepted by society
I'm not even bothered about the jealousy insecurity but the lack of confidence in approaching the lady abi him go fly hang for the months like James Bond de toast her.

Nice answer tho: to be accepted by society.

I rest my case

arnold123:
have it whatever way that makes u happy!!

Wetin concine me.
she requested advice.
we're just giving it.
she doesn't have to take it.

oglalasioux:

Thanks for your careful analysis of my post. You however went a little too far in portraying my intentions. Thanks anyway. You analysed with a typical African mentality.

na oyinbo she wan marry?
when in Rome... an all that

mikolo80:
Wetin concine me.
she requested advice.
we're just giving it.
she doesn't have to take it.

lol

amunkita:
Ajuju Ndi mmuo..

Babe some will say don't buy..
Some will say buy, that such a man has Low Self Esteem..

But verily I say unto you, if u buy a car nd an expensive one to match ur status it's good but know this, u ve increased ur market price or oyibo people will say Self worth or Value..

Now what u will attract re Men with great Ballz which make up 10% of Nigerian Men..

What of a situation u ain't so lucky to grab one knowing that 5% of such men will like a girl they feel they can provide with all goodies of Life without Challenge..

So babe u re Left with 5% of the Real Men with Balls, 75% of Normal Nigerian Men nd 15% of Gold Diggers...


So Babe do which that favors you knowing that a Real African Man(75%) would not like perception from the public that His wife is the boss..

. good analysis! though I support her getting a car if she need it;for mobility u know.

don't mind them.its not like anybody is saying having a car as a human is bad.But the way you have just analysed it is good.

Aigbehis:
I work in a multinational company, and I have seen it crystal clear that men don't go after women with cars.

Apart from that, your chances to be seen and noticed by men is reduced. E.g.

* on the road/street while you walk
*No one gives you lift any longer and starts toasting you.
*No one sees your beautiful figure while driving in your car
*the trust is that men sometimes have this fright when approaching ladies.

Pls, just hold on a bit before buying a car. Because, I have heard of a lady who got a man after she sold her car and relocated to a sizeable apartment suitable for single ladies.

Those guys saying you should go ahead and buy a car, ask them if they can be bold enough to approach a lady with a car.

Pls, think o.

actually am a miss. unless you are ready to give me money for trans operation becoming a guy is not totally a bad idea

Eleniyan15:
.

everyone is entitled to his/her opinion

so kindly check the comment button and drop your say there , don't come here and start claiming Mr ITK


lol

Analysiscorner:
Why would it depend on the type of car she buys? If she needs a car, let her go for a very clean and modern car. The type she would enjoy for years before any issue /major work.

I guess by clean and modern you the latest BMWs, Mercedes, Lexus, etc?

The point here is modesty.
All the lady needs is reliable modest car that will take her to wherever she wants to go.

Nyceguy92:

I guess by clean and modern you the latest BMWs, Mercedes, Lexus, etc?
The point here is modesty.
All the lady needs is reliable modest car that will take her to wherever she wants to go.

Sorry to cut in but please what is an immodest or innappropriate car And what if she has a dream car in mind that she's thought of and wanted since youth.... What do u suggest

Please my dear, car is not a luxury but a necessity. If you were given an official car + a driver, would you say no. Somebody was advised same way then up till this moment no car, no husband. Just follow your spirit.