Hello Pals,

Compliments of the season!

I'd like to thank every active member of this section. You guys have been wonderful especially those active on the anti-suicide thread. I am still indebted to you for your help some months ago. BornSad is no longer as sad as he used to be though back with a little issue he'd want you to help him with. Oliver wants some more!

Ok, my life might not be the best to live now, not nearly, but I believe I've made a very good progress as regards my psychological state. As a matter of fact, some active people in this section could still remember how it was with me when I newly joined the forum. The depression was not just chronic, it was suicidal. I can remember a brother here opened a thread asking other Nairalanders to come and help BornSad, lol. God bless him wherever he is. However, with the advises I got here from people like bellong, beryl04, zeb04, joywnedy, etc., and from other people's experiences, I was able to wax stronger and things changed positively... actually, nothing changed; just my perception of things. I became hopeful and saw things in a different way. I wallowed in my newly found comfort but retrained myself from the world. Yes, I didn't want any external entity to mess up the manageable state of mind I've got. I was ok with this until recently, some series of event brought to light my chronic state of friendlessness.

Though I do not always remember to catch up on 'pals', I am not a bad person. Fact is, I've never really been a very sociable person but I easily get along fine with people. I just find myself keeping my distance from others hoping to reduce the number of people that have expectations on me; people that will be asking why I have not done this or that, or why I do things the way I do. I remember I had a handful of friends. I just do not have any idea where they are today nor how they all slipped off my fingers. Some months back, I resorted to online friends. I have them a lot, Nigerians and foreigners alike (as I also do foreign languages). This is no surprise given that I spend up to 90% of my time in a day online given the nature of my job. I was comfortable with them; they were portable (in my phone, lol) and easily managed. However, just this Christmas, I realized online friends cannot just take the position of real friends. They were not there to drink with me nor stick around the city with me and when I tried to chat them up, it was obvious I was disturbing their lives. To them, I was just something on the Internet. If only they knew they were my whole world... Lol

I told myself it didn't matter but wondered how long I'd continue like this. Anyway, I later found myself researching the psychological effects of friendlessness. I've already found some stuffs online, some scary stuffs; but for me, it's never complete until I bring to the family section of Nairaland.

My question is, what are the long-term effects of total friendlessness?

Hello Bornsad

Thanks for the mention and am glad that I was able to influence you with the support of others here a way from your former state.

To your question, I think the answer to this doesn't have one particular answer and it varies to different people. And also what exactly you mean by term

what exactly do you mean by total friendlessness?

Do you mean not having friends both offline or online or not just having friends you can you associate with offline?

As per your question honestly i don't know what exactly to say here but I m sure it is totally linked with the saying that no man is an island. long term effects is obviously going to be terribly damaging, esp when you don't have anyone at all to call your friend. it can lead to severe depression and the rest. knowing the effects is not what you need now in my opinion it how to avoid the long term effects that should be the question.

Anyways I think you just need to be more opened to people around you, it may seem like you have a little problem with sustaining friendship with people in general.

There are some threads here on nairaland....dealing with friendships

like

www.nairaland.com/2226256/how-people-sustain-friendships

www.nairaland.com/2089742/real-friends-disguised-foes-re-evaluating

I hope this helps! Happy holidays!

joywendy:

Hello Bornsad

Thanks for the mention and am glad that I was able to influence you with the support of others here a way from your former state.

To your question, I think the answer to this doesn't have one particular answer and it varies to different people. And also what exactly you mean by term

what exactly do you mean by total friendlessness?

Do you mean not having friends both offline or online or not just having friends you can you associate with offline?
............

Hey, it's always good hearing from you.

I actually meant friends I could relate with offline. You know, real friends. Like I said, I have online friends but they are beginning to appear more like computer programs than humans..... they just can't be like real pals.

Yeah, you're right, I'd rather be asking for a way out. I didn't just want to make it sound like BornSad is back with his troubles, my bad.

I'll definitely check out those threads, they look promising. Making friends is one thing, keeping them another.

Thanks once again, I appreciate your time.

Hi bornsad, I think you need an hobby. Thats a way to find new friends and stay happy.

OkunrinMeta:

Hi bornsad, I think you need an hobby. Thats a way to find new friends and stay happy.

Hey, bro.

Thanks a lot man. I've got a hobby for sure. In fact, I've got hobbies. They are not just the types that require you to always stick around people. ...

I like reading for example and I do a whole lot of it all alone. I can't pretend to be into football and I'm not exactly the bar kinda dude.

You could start a book/reading club that way you meet people in flesh.

Be active in fellowships (christian fellowship) take up responsibilities etc, God will help.

andromida:

You could start a book/reading club that way you meet people in flesh.

Thanks dear... I'll see what that is all about. ..

Meanwhile, the issue isn't really like I don't see people. I do, we chat and that's it. We go our ways...

godstime88:

Be active in fellowships (christian fellowship) take up responsibilities etc,
God will help.

Yeah, a good point. Though I'm not deeply religious, I agree with you.

With no intention of sounding devilish, I think I'd easily get bored if I get from the prospective friends are church, church and church. ..

True friendship starts with oneself becoming a great friend to others.

What are the things you want to gain from friendship? If you can define it, start acting them to others, you will attract like minds who can lay down their lives for you.

After marriage, having good friends is the next best thing to happen to mankind. In times of trial, down times, you have someone standing up for you to make the journey easy. I have been there and I thank God for the people Be surrounded me with.

That being said, some will want to take advantage of you, it is left for you to be able to discern and identify them from and by their actions. So you know how to relate with such people.

As a tree cannot make a forest, no one can survive in isolation. Living friendless expedite depression and other emotional issues to ravage the soul.

bellong:

True friendship starts with oneself becoming a great friend to others.

What are the things you want to gain from friendship? If you can define it, start acting them to others, you will attract like minds who can lay down their lives for you.

After marriage, having good friends is the next best thing to happen to mankind. In times of trial, down times, you have someone standing up for you to make the journey easy. I have been there and I thank God for the people Be surrounded me with.

That being said, some will want to take advantage of you, it is left for you to be able to discern and identify them from and by their actions. So you know how to relate with such people.

As a tree cannot make a forest, no one can survive in isolation. Living friendless expedite depression and other emotional issues to ravage the soul.

Thanks a million times, I always look forward to your posts.

You're absolutely right. I used to have friends too so I know the benefits; just that I lost them all either cause I hardly catch up on them or I'm just too occupied with my work or I deliberately left cause I felt I just didn't belong to their circle or all of the above. I'm not talking about feeling inferior here, no. I sure have enough self confidence for two. And I do not look down on people, I could delete someone my from my life if I have the impression he's looking down on others. But then, I it's just hard finding my circle still.

I know I've made no point, it's just not easy to explain. Sometimes, I feel good being lonely cause no one will be asking why I do some things I do or why I don't do some things I'm not doing. Strange, right?

You think I need some psychological attention?

BornSad:


Thanks dear... I'll see what that is all about. ..

Meanwhile, the issue isn't really like I don't see people. I do, we chat and that's it. We go our ways...

You welcome. If you start a reading club, you have like minds you review books together weekly or however you guys want it to be the point is you meet up weekly that way you guys can become friends from books to other areas of life no more chats and going your ways but forming deeper bonds if possible.

andromida:


You welcome. If you start a reading club, you have like minds you review books together weekly or however you guys want it to be the point is you meet up weekly that way you guys can become friends from books to other areas of life no more chats and going your ways but forming deeper bonds if possible.

Thanks, Andromida.

You're great person. I'll look in that direction though might not limit it to a book club. ...

Bornsad,

I think you actually need to find reasons to believe more in humanity than psychological attention.

You probably have been disappointed in the past leading to withdrawal from people. I get your point of wanting to be alone sometimes, it is natural. It is a time to refire, re-strategize, and be apart for deeep reflections. The alone time shouldn't take you away from people forever. When you find people with aligned vision, focus and passion (doesn't mean you share same opinion), I believe you will see a friend in such people.

For now, take it one day at a time by looking inward.

BornSad:


Thanks, Andromida.

You're great person. I'll look in that direction though might not limit it to a book club. ...

Thank you.

Yeah you can expand the club to whatever interests you.

andromida:


Thank you.
Yeah you can expand the club to whatever interests you.

Yeah, sure.

bellong:
Bornsad,

I think you actually need to find reasons to believe more in humanity than psychological attention.

You probably have been disappointed in the past leading to withdrawal from people. I get your point of wanting to be alone sometimes, it is natural. It is a time to refire, re-strategize, and be apart for deeep reflections. The alone time shouldn't take you away from people forever. When you find people with aligned vision, focus and passion (doesn't mean you share same opinion), I believe you will see a friend in such people.

For now, take it one day at a time by looking inward.

Thanks, I think I get you clearly and I agree with you. It's all inwards.

Thanks again.