This is a made-up conversation between Nigeria's
former President, Goodluck Jonathan and a good
friend of his, former Minister of the Niger
Delta, Peter Godsday Orubebe. It is constructed by
me to present what might be an actual conversation
between the two in relation to the recent events in
Zaria, Kaduna.

Goodluck : Nawaoh!

Orubebe: Oga, na so we se am oh.

Goodluck : I killed 30 of them with the 3 of his sons
last year and they said it was genocide...

Orubebe: Oga, this time they are dancing.

Goodluck : Buhari killed at least 300 of them and 3
sons also...

Orubebe: My President, maybe it is because they
threw stone...

Goodluck : My own unko? Did I not say they fired
gun shot at the army.

Orubebe: Oga, El-Rufai said procession is banned.

Goodluck : Orubebe, during my own last July they
were on an actual large procession, blocking all the
roads when the army confronted them. This one I
hear there was no procession. They were in front of
that their house. Reports say the army first went
there and stationed commandos around the building
before Buratai came...this was what they
say aroused them that the army was planning
another genocide attack on them, that they
convened and blocked CoAS.

Orubebe: No procession?

Goodluck : I said there was no procession this time.
If there was procession, much more than these
number would have died.

Orubebe: But Oga, they said they stoned the Chief of
Army staff...

Goodluck : And all the times they stoned me during
campaigns...was I not Commander in Chief of the
Armed forces? They blocked me from my civic right
to campaign, with stones and other missiles, did I
order them to be mowed to the ground? Did I send
the army to their houses to throw grenade inside?

Orubebe: Oga, I feel you. I am simply playing devils
advocate here. Nawaoh! So Oga, stone at CoAS is
big offence...maybe the army ran out of rubber
bullets and tear gas to disperse those angry youths
who were lamenting the army presence in front of
their center and still had your own unaddressed
incident fresh in their memory.

Goodluck : I left plenty tear gas in the cupboard.

Orubebe: Oga they say Buratai had to quickly get to
some functions and a party in Zaria that day, they
were delaying him.

Goodluck : Is he not supposed to have relocated to
Sambisa? Has their deadline not reach?

Orubebe: They are tweeting: #ZariaIsNotSambisa

Goodluck : How many of them? Hypocrites.

Goodluck : When similar angry youth with sticks and
daggers killed 800 victims in the post election riots
of 2011...what if I had done something to them and
sent the army to Buhari's house that they were
rioting for...

Orubebe: These youth did not kill any body Sir. And
Zakzaki has denied that he told the ones that held
sticks and stones to do so.

Goodluck : Is that not what I am saying.

Orubebe: Oga, no uproar oh. Na so we see am oh.

Orubebe: I heard El-Rufai is condemning them hard
and fast.

Goodluck : Nasir! Nasir that called it genocide and
paid homage visit to Zakzaky when I did my own
last year ?

Patience: DiarisGodoooo!

Just for the fun of it...
Source:- my kitchen