You’ve been with this guy/man for weeks or better still months. In your mind you’re his girlfriend. It certainly feels like you’re his girlfriend. There’s passion, love, fun, and maybe even an occasional “I love you.”As each day passes, you can just feel the attraction between you and you know that this relationship is definitely different. While you feel more and more drawn to him, you begin to notice a problem that eats into you - he continues to treat you as a friend which means you’re not both seeing the relationship in the same way.

There are times you see that spark in his eyes and there are times at which his actions tell you that you are special. However, most of the time, you are just treated as a mere friend who he enjoys regular communication with. Or it could be that he goes to the point of telling you that he loves you, but when it comes to actions, you are not treated as a lover, but just as friend.

You are in a relationship that you ARE totally happy in, then letting your friend’s “advice” get into your head.

I’ve seen it before. One woman who is pretty much happy in her relationship goes out with her girlfriends. Her relationship isn’t a picture-perfect, fairytale relationship, but there’s no such thing as perfect and overall it is a very good, fulfilling relationship for her.

So this girl’s out with her friends, brings up her relationship and then all of a sudden it’s like a Jerry Springer audience teamed up with the cast of the View to give their advice. Moreover, usually the women giving “advice” are single and haven’t had a successful relationship to date. As a result, their “advice” is more about the women projecting their own frustrations outward onto that girl’s relationship. Still they are her friends and she trusts their opinion.

And hey, it’s not just women who do this! I’ve seen guys in a relationship go out with their single guy friends – after a beer or two, his buddies are ragging on him for being in a relationship and venting their frustrations. Same thing.

A practical scenario is that of this lady's expression:

“I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 8 months now. Everything is pretty much okay amidst us as we spend most of every available time together, he really cares about me, and we’re pretty much a ‘couple’ as we are being described by our friends. The only problem is he won’t call me his girlfriend. I’ve tried bringing this issue up but i don't want to make the first approach on these so i won't seem rather cheap to him. I know he had a very worse experience with his ex-girlfriend which I think might be holding him back on moving a step ahead with me, so I’m trying to be understanding but I don’t think one thing should have anything to do with the other. Sometimes I’m okay with how things are, but other times I get really angry, especially when peer pressure starts setting in. Our relationship is starting to suffer now because the relationship we are in isn't define and i have the feeling this whole thing might just fade off one day and he will stop treating me as that special-friend he described me to be. Even though I say I’m fine with how things are, deep down within me this is really bothering me and I feel really hurt by the fact that even though I am his ‘girlfriend,’ he won’t acknowledge me in that way.

Can you please proffer a solution to this for me?”

You spend a lot of time wondering why he might be treating you this way, and you try to justify his actions and your reactions. Well, there are some reasons why a man might treat you as a friend and not as a lover.

________________

1. He is Scared to Express His Feelings:

One tricky reason most ladies fail to realize is that a man might treat you as a friend even if he loves you because he is afraid to express his feelings. Most guy are afraid of being rejected, fear of failure and fear of being unable to make you happy could lead to a man treating you just as a mere friend and not as a lover, despite the fact that he genuinely loves you. If this is the case, then he needs time to deal with his fears and take your relationship to the next level.

2. He Doesn't See the Need to Make the Move:

Another major factor as to why he won’t call you his girlfriend is because he doesn’t have to. To a guy, calling a woman his girlfriend is typically a huge pain to him and the reason is because the woman is making herself so available and so committed when he hasn’t committed to anything, why would he call her his girlfriend? If a store was giving to you free of charge, would you say ‘no please, let me pay you for it’? I’m going to guess, no…

If a guy won’t make a move to ascertain the stand of his relationship with you you after a month or two months, then I would say it means that he’s enjoying the relationship exactly where it is and at this moment will not take it any further unless he is inspired to.

Now, when things stand this way it doesn't mean that there’s no chance of you becoming his girlfriend, so don't loose hope. There are some things you can do mostly by just shifting your perspective that can help tremendously.

3. Past Experiences:

There are a multitude of reasons why he may not wish to take the relationship further; one of which is maybe he just got out of a relationship that hurts him badly and does not want another commitment that ends in pain. Maybe he likes you, but he doesn’t want to feel “tied down” by a relationship. Maybe he likes you a lot, but he knows that he’s not in a position where he can fully commit to you because he has a lot running through his mind that needs to be settled first before he thinks of taking things further with you.

4. He is Not Sure if He Truly Wants You:

Most times it can take a while for a guy to really be sure of what he feels for you, either genuine love or otherwise, he needs time to decide. If this is the case, then you might find yourself being treated as just a friend, despite there being "signs" that he loves you. If a man is not too sure of what he feels, he might want to take things slow until he is very sure he can commit into such relationship.

5. You are Just A Friend and Nothing More to Him:

Another reason could be that, in reality, all that you are to him is a friend. He might be quite fond of you, but the end of the matter might be that he doesn't view you as anything more than a friend. If this is the case, then nothing you do can change things. While there is nothing wrong in hoping that he might change, if you are nothing more than a friend to him, you can't really change the way he feels.

There are diverse reasons why a man needs you only as a friend and not his girl friend, the reason for each man might be different. Give him some time and observe him to see whether this is just a passing phase or whether he really views you as nothing more than a friend. If all you are is a friend to him, then you need to make a choice as to whether you can view him, too, as just a friend, or whether you would need to back out of the relationship completely.

6. He's Bored and Only Need You Around for that Particular Period of Time:

With time a relationship can get to a point whereby the guy stops putting much effort as compared to how the relationship kicked off. If a man becomes bored in a relationship, he might begin to treat you as just a friend. Men like to stay interested in a relationship and when it reaches a point where there is nothing new and things just become the same way day after day, he might tend to lose interest and treat you as a friend, even if deep in his heart he knows that he loves you dearly.


Most ladies might have experience this one time or the other and some are still trapped within. Sooner they realize their joy is beginning to fade off due to the fact that they worry more on it. At that point the relationship stops being fun and full of happiness and starts becoming more like a battle of wills. And from a guy’s point of view, when a relationship gets like this, it becomes much less likely for a guy to want to stay. Why would the guy want to deepen a relationship when it doesn’t feel good and seems to only be getting worse?

Regardless of the reason, it’s nobody’s job to play the role of a detective. The relationship at the moment is either working for you or it’s not.

I think there are a few traps in this sort of situation. One is staying in a relationship you are not happy in and haven’t been happy in for a while, but you’re staying because you think with time things might change hand and you will be happy again.”

Frankly, if you don’t like it the way it is, it probably will not change unless he is motivated to change it. If it has not been working for you for a while, then your best bet is probably to lay your cards out on the table: “This is the change I need or I need to leave.” You will either get it or your relationship will end – either way, you’re off the fence instead of settling for an unhappy situation.

My Recommendation

=> Avoid bringing up the issue with him more than once.

=> Focus on being fun and lighthearted and enjoying the relationship for exactly what it is.

=> Give yourself an high sense of self worth- know what you want and know that you CAN get what you want and never have to settle for anything less.

=> Keep your options open and you continue keeping up with all your other social activities that do not involve him: seeing your friends, attending any functions you like to go to, etc. It is important that you keep your time and company only as available as he is willing to be – match your level of commitment to his so that you are not left hanging.

=> If you like the relationship for exactly what and where it is, then stay. If you are not satisfied with it, exactly as it is, then you should keep looking.

All in all, relationships take work. I am not advocating abandoning a relationship because it’s not perfect – nothing ever is. But at the same time, it is a sobering reality to see a relationship for exactly what it is and not what it could be. Only you know if the relationship is working for you or not.

Source: http://www.bussydave.com.ng/2016/01/relationship-are-you-his-friend-or-girlfriend


Do well by leaving your comment please!!!!

Well on point op;

Well on point!!

noblekel:
Well on point op;

Thanks noblekel!

Olajhidey22:


Thanks noblekel!

I disagree with the article's outlook on the friends' stance.

Not every guy/lady is interested in a feel good relationship to pass time or warm each other's beds.

> If you want a friend with benefits, tell your partner so he/she doesn't invest time in the relationship and later wake up to the fact they were in a relationship with themselves.

> If you are not sure they are what you want, please take a break and clear your head. Don't tag the person along enjoying what they have to offer and at the deciding moment 'realize' they are not what you 'want'

I will even say start by defining the relationship.

Are you interested in friends with benefits/marriage/dating/friends/just feel good partners to enable me make an informed decision?

bukatyne:


I disagree with the article's outlook on the friends' stance.

Not every guy/lady is interested in a feel good relationship to pass time or warm each other's beds.

> If you want a friend with benefits, tell your partner so he/she doesn't invest time in the relationship and later wake up to the fact they were in a relationship with themselves.

> If you are not sure they are what you want, please take a break and clear your head. Don't tag the person along enjoying what they have to offer and at the deciding moment 'realize' they are not what you 'want'

I will even say start by defining the relationship.

Are you interested in friends with benefits/marriage/dating/friends/just feel good partners to enable me make an informed decision?

I love the way you tackled your point!
Exactly what i was driving at..... At times, you tend to keep silent and act like you are happy with the status of the relationship and not wanting to jeopardize things..... In such a scenario, what will be your stand?
Take not, not every lady can take their stand and confront the guy on the question "Define the Relationship"

That answer to that question gave birth to my recommendation in the post.

Hope you get my point friend?

It's as simple as you asking him the question "what are we?" Or you let him know how you feel, it doesn't hurt to do that at least you get to know where you stand and get answers to your questions

abbiecutie:
It's as simple as you asking him the question "what are we?" Or you let him know how you feel, it doesn't hurt to do that at least you get to know where you stand and get answers to your questions

Easier said than done!
If you've experienced this before, then you will understand this better.
Some ladies tend to be scared of bringing up such question especially when they are addicted already to the guy, thinking such question might change the guys heart and collapse the lovely relationship they've been enjoying all along.

They prefer the guy making the very first move and if that doesn't seem coming, they pretend and play along with the guy..But deep down within, they are hurt.

Thanks for dropping your thought!

Olajhidey22:


I love the way you tackled your point!
Exactly what i was driving at..... At times, you tend to keep silent and act like you are happy with the status of the relationship and not wanting to jeopardize things..... In such a scenario, what will be your stand?
Take not, not every lady can take their stand and confront the guy on the question "Define the Relationship"

That answer to that question gave birth to my recommendation in the post.

Hope you get my point friend?

Thank you

The relationship needs to be defined at the very beginning.

You don't wait till you are half way gone with invested emotions before 'asking'

At every point in time, you should be able to answer clearly ..... 'Who is he/she to you'?

Olajhidey22:


Easier said than done!
If you've experienced this before, then you will understand this better.
Some ladies tend to be scared of bringing up such question especially when they are addicted already to the guy, thinking such question might change the guys heart and collapse the lovely relationship they've been enjoying all along.

They prefer the guy making the very first move and if that doesn't seem coming, they pretend and play along with the guy..But deep down within, they are hurt.

Thanks for dropping your thought!

I might sound a bit harsh. But isn't it better to rip out the band aid? What the point holding on to vapour?
Isn't it better to ask the dude straight out than deceiving yourself?
Next thing you know, the guy would give you an IV card to his wedding and you definitely ain't the wife.
Then, you'll say all men are bad. Na you close eye.

Olajhidey22:


Easier said than done!
If you've experienced this before, then you will understand this better.

Oh yes I've had this experience before and when I couldn't keep it on my inside any longer I just asked the question. It turned out the guy was just scared of asking because he wanted to wait for the right time.

bukatyne:


Thank you

The relationship needs to be defined at the very beginning.

You don't wait till you are half way gone with invested emotions before 'asking'

At every point in time, you should be able to answer clearly ..... 'Who is he/she to you'?

Thats just the very point am trying to pass across to every lady...While the relationship is still early, why not define your relationship.

I agree with your said point

jashar:



I might sound a bit harsh. But isn't it better to rip out the band aid? What the point holding on to vapour?
Isn't it better to ask the dude straight out than deceiving yourself?
Next thing you know, the guy would give you an IV card to his wedding and you definitely ain't the wife.
Then, you'll say all men are bad. Na you close eye.

Thats thoughtful of you
Most ladies tend not to realize this and the aftermath of it all is always heartbreak.
SPELL the relationship right from the early stage of the relationship even though he fails to take a bold step to approach the situation

Thanks for leaving your comment!

abbiecutie:


Oh yes I've had this experience before and when I couldn't keep it on my inside any longer I just asked the question. It turned out the guy was just scared of asking because he wanted to wait for the right time.

That's another point...Most guys are too shy and scared to be turned down by a lady.....

So as to avoid that, they fail to take the rightful move.

Thank God you him asked the question and sorted things out immediately .......I do hope the affected ladies on this particular issh are reading this!