I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now.He's my definition of a true lover.He's cool, loving and really caring, but d problem he has is this extream mood swing . sometimes he'll say he's just depressed .I've tried everything , read books , articles on how to assist depressed people, but nothing has really changed .
I really love him and I wish I could assist him, but most of d books ive read always say the best way to deal with a depressed person is to leave them and allow them come out of it themselves , but I feel leaving him to fight it himself is not okay, cause we are in this together and I should help him out of it no matter how hard it seems.
I just need your advice on ways I can assist him through this.
Thanks in anticipation .

The Power of Now, and A New Earth - both by Eckhart Tolle - could help.

You dont need to read much books.what you need t Read is his heart and learn to always say words of encouragement to him.

Well besides what the books have told you. Do a root cause analysis if you eliminate or discuss the reason for the depression then you can stop it. But be careful not to nag or become so pushy. e.g if your man is jobless and worried about finances then showing him he can take care of you in other equally important ways is a good step.

Abeg oooo! is it untill he beats you before you learn your lesson? leave him na. he will get over it.

like the book said, leave him to come out of it. if you truly love him and the relationship, this is the period he needs space, no matter what you try, he will feel like your caging him. its a good thing you know when he gets depressed. try not to interfere, when he is out of it, you will smile again. a lot of thoughts runs through his head and he wouldn't share it at this times.

Nubian113 my good friend, it appears you've read one or both?

BuddhaPalm:
Nubian113 my good friend, it appears you've read one or both?

Tolle is my saviour from myself atm courtesy of my love mindfulness who introduced him to me.

timileyin97:
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now.He's my definition of a true lover.He's cool, loving and really caring, but d problem he has is this extream mood swing . sometimes he'll say he's just depressed .I've tried everything , read books , articles on how to assist depressed people, but nothing has really changed .
I really love him and I wish I could assist him, but most of d books ive read always say the best way to deal with a depressed person is to leave them and allow them come out of it themselves , but I feel leaving him to fight it himself is not okay, cause we are in this together and I should help him out of it no matter how hard it seems.
I just need your advice on ways I can assist him through this.
Thanks in anticipation .

Just sit with him. Offer fun things to do. Don't intervene in his recovery because that's personal. He feels dumb, that's why he can't explain it to you. Call him and see if he wants a chat. You're there for chats and warm drinks or food. You will never understand mental health unless you've been through it sadly so it's not so much a shared thing. He is very lucky to have you

I v mood swings too. & I like to b left alone.

except u gv me money. only money can change my mood.

lol
seriously just stay by his side n dnt try to interfere too much, he wd clearly see u r bothered n mayb the swings wd reduce.

kinda worked for me.



n the money therapy too

Nubian113:


Tolle is my saviour from myself atm courtesy of my love mindfulness who introduced him to me.

Hmmm...cool.

Which has affected you the most.

The reminiscence of the past or the doubt of the future or past traumatic experiences may be the recourse of his depressive sessions. In this type of situation, there is an underlying 'cause/event/course'. When you work assiduously to be his soulmate and confidant (not just girlfriend); he will let the cat out of the bag- the fulcrum of his worries/depressive tendencies. It doesn't come out that quick nor sudden. It will be when he confirms subtly in his heart to trust you that 'no matter what', you must never betray (him) his emotions. But till then, try to give him some space when he mood-swings, lest your presence will be repulsive and repugnant to him. Also, note that indulgence in other human-based activities such as sports will help him but not cure it. This is because he can mood-swing in the midnight. He holds the key to his liberation. (Let him forgive himself, if he thinks he has done some unforgivable things previously!!!)

When it comes to mental disorders (mild or severe) it's best for him to seek professional help. Mood swing is one of those things people overlook especially in countries like Nigeria filled with very ignorant, shallow people. And it's very bad. His mood wing could be a symptom of serious mental disorders like chronic depression, bipolar disorder etc. He might be reacting to a horrible experience(s) in the past (PTSD). That's why I suggest he seeks professional help. Find the root.

The thing is he has to acknowledge he has a problem. Let him admit he needs help so he'll free his mind to steps he can take to get better. If he doesn't think its that serious, you can tell him to do what I told my sister when she was going through the same issue: EXERCISE. When he's beginning to feel sad and empty, tell him to engage in an intensive exercise like jogging around his estate. I'll personally recommend weight lifting since he's a guy. It works and my sister and I are living proof of the benefits of exercising. You can look it up if you doubt me.

Good luck.

Learn more about temperament... A particular temperament are prone to mood swings....

As some books advise, let him be during his mood swings that's the best.

Op, Delphi $ Detrickster have spoken very well.They have made a very reasonable,correct analysis and suggestions.Take note of their comments

People with melancholy temperament are mostly victim of this.

Unfortunately, I have found myself to be in this category.

There are so many underlying factors that could be causing it. Being worried about finances, joblessness, fear of unknown/future etc are major causes.

You have to be very sensitive, show high level of understanding and stand by him(care). If he realises he is having someone that genuinely cares $ understand him, that is most likely going to restore his hope at that time.

Note: that doesn't mean you won't find him in that state next time, but you would have gotten a password to get him out of that mood.
You have to prove to him over time you can be more than a confidant for you to get him talk/share his thoughts with you.

He is going to get better as he matures and attains a certain level of success.

Let him be.He will come out if it the same way he entered it.

u say u want counseling abi?

Oya wait i dey com oo

Ask him to see a Psychiatrist. These are highly trained doctors who specialize in diseases of the mind. Depression is just a common disease.

I can tell you it's most likely financial issues, I have them and I have even asked my gf countless times to end everything, I feel I'm just causing her to much pain and I don't even express my feelings like I used to. But she won't, it even makes me more sad that she won't end it. The only way out of it is self realization which can take a long time to reach but with medical help it would be better.

I hope help comes quickly this mind disease goes in deeper than we know. He's most likely a very ambitious guy who's dream is yet to come and he maybe isn't seeing it ever coming.

I once had a female friend who suffered from depression. I did just as you did, I searched and read alot of materials to help her. But I later had to combine all I have learnt with common sense. With the help of God my little efforts paid.

First of all let him understand that you sincerely care for him, then encourage him to speak to you about his problems and concerns. If you achieve this cool, if he ain't ready to Speak don't worry try this, ask him if there is anything you could do to make him feel better. If he opens up cool, do it for him so far as it is within your reach if it is something you can't immediately do then subtly make other suggestions for him. But please don't let him feel like you are dictating things for him.

If he's still not ready to speak, then I suggest you give him some space. If he loves you, he might feel guilty for the treatment he gave you and probably come back to himself and apologizes.

I wish you all the best.

Only if he can come across Therapist Dasuki mood go enter reset and everything go normal