Mindfulness:



Didn't you say that forcing marriage will not end up well? So why are you saying now that one should get married young?

And one more time, I still have the luxury to be selective, in my 30s. How old are you to think that 30+ is old?

If she made a choice when she was younger, she wont be here paying her own bride price. Now she is almost dragging the man into it kicking and thrashing. Plenty of time to right your wrong if you make a mistake at a younger age.

Mindfulness is being idealistic while byvan is being realistic... given the Nigerian environment. .

Enjoying the debate

Miami11:

My sister married at 35 and she still attracted plenty of suitors,
Age is just a number

Quality of suitors is what we are talking about . Among the plenty suitors, a good percentage will be hit and run .

PresVA:
Mindfulness is being idealistic while byvan is being realistic... given the Nigerian environment. .

Enjoying the debate

No, she is arguing for her limitations. I am sure of my value.


I hope her husband does not share her mindset else he will only stay with her out of a false sense of responsibility while admiring and desiring younger flesh once she begins to feel like a grandma at 30.

PresVA:
Mindfulness is being idealistic while byvan is being realistic... given the Nigerian environment. .

Enjoying the debate

Don't enjoy only, participate .

Mindfulness:


No, she is arguing for her limitations. I am sure of my value.


I hope her husband does not share her mindset else he will be with her out of a false sense of responsibility while admiring and desiring younger flesh once she begins to feel like a grandma at 30.

You are personalising it? Thought you to be a matured individual . Nice chatting with you though.

byvan03:




Quality of suitors is what we are talking about . Among the plenty suitors, a good percentage will be hit and run .

Well she married a guy with two degrees working on his doctorate! What do you mean quality of suitors. Do you know all suitors out there. Just because you have the Nigerian mentality should make you see the rest of the world out there operates differently.
I attended a wedding of a lady marrying for the first time at 37- husband a college professor

byvan03:




You are personalising it? Thought you to be a matured individual . Nice chatting with you though.

I am showing you the implications of your beliefs. I enjoyed the conversation too.

Mindfulness:


I am showing you the implications of your beliefs. I enjoyed the conversation too.

You don't involve people 's family no matter the point you are trying to make. You talk of Nigerian mentality but you are not yet rid of it. Do you think that mentioning one's family makes you score?There are lines you don't cross to maintain a healthy discuss . Actually your beliefs have more implications than mine, a human being with no sense of time is in trouble.

If this were my sister I would tell her because I care about her I also know she may hate me briefly for telling her this but when I truly care about someone I can't watch them harm themselves while minding my business. He made it my business when he bad mouthed my sister to me. I'll tell her and leave her with the choice to proceed or back out.

byvan03:


You don't involve people 's family no matter the point you are trying to make. You talk of Nigerian mentality but you are not yet rid of it. Do you think that mentioning one's family makes you score?There are lines you don't cross to maintain a healthy discuss . Actually your beliefs have more implications like mine, a human being with no sense of time is in trouble.

I don't even know your family so relax. People mention my family here all the time to get their point across. It doesn't mean that they want to insult me or any of my family members, that they don't even know. No big deal.

Mindfulness:


I don't even know your family so relax. People mention my family here all the time to get their point across. It doesn't mean that they want to insult me or any of my family members, that they don't even know. No big deal.

It's rude, as enlightened as you are you should know that. I find it distasteful because once you start mentioning family members that you don't know,a light hearted discussion can quickly degenerate to insults. You attack the issue , not the individual you are discussing with. Maybe no big deal for you if someone makes rude remarks about your loved ones, it's a big deal for me.

Next time get him a hypo for mouth wash...

Nigger STFU..and let ur sis leave her life.

Oma307:
Leave them in peace and concentrate on ur



my grandfather once told me that minding ur own business without intervening or pokenose in people's affair will prolong ur days on earth

My Grandmother also told me that when you see a man walking in to fire or about to fall in to a pitless bottom but decide to keep shut for fear of being dragged along,yours would be worse.

Pls it's not by force to get married.



I feel for you sister all in the name of getting the"mrs" title.

The guy saw her weakness"desperado"...that why he is mistreating her.

byvan03:



It's rude, as enlightened as you are you should know that. I find it distasteful because once you start mentioning family members that you don't know,a light hearted discussion can quickly degenerate to insults. You attack the issue , not the individual you are discussing with. Maybe no big deal for you if someone makes rude remarks about your loved ones, it's a big deal for me.

Some stranger's remarks on a faceless forum are a big deal?
I don't get it. You can even insult my mother now and it won't make any difference to me, my life and my happiness.

Anyway, we are derailing. I am not sorry but I want you to know that I didn't mean to insult you.

Don't you have work to do Mr Amebo.?•
If Not, ccontnue to pray for dem ok?

in respect to the arguement, wether anyone likes it or not, the percentage of young women (25-30) attracting suitors and getting married is by far more than that of the percentage of older (30+) women getting same chances .#any where in the entire world

What is submissiveness?

OEmiohe:
My Elder Sister has been engaged to this man for about 5 years now and then people have been complaining about their long term relationship. Even my mum at some point embrassrased the him when he comes looking for my sister, he promised her marriage but has not done anything about it since then.

when I asked my sister she said he is saving and planning towards their marriage but this same man has been living with his friend in a room since I knew him even though he has been working since I knew.
At some point becos of age (32) was no longer at my elder sisters side , my mum decided to give them one of her flats to leave in her 2 storey building house. my elder sister and my mum ultimately financed the wedding preparation even to the point of buying his own cloths for his own wedding and while her fiance's brother supported him with 250k for the wedding since he just lost his job last December.

Now what baffles me is that my sister appears to be the man while he is the woman in their relationship since I knew then, although I have always adviced my sister to be submissive to him and stop shouting and controlling her fiance. I noticed so many faults in him like not standing up to my sister to prove to her his the man in their relationship which is clear to everyone.

Now just three days to their traditional marriage I was discussing with him and he was bad mouthing my elder sister to me and he later told me "not to tell my elder sister ooo". I pretended to take what he was saying as a joke but deep in my heart, I feel my elder sister is about to marry a man she barely even knows.

pls whats your I opinion about this?

seriously what's your problem?


I'm 100% sure the man said those things to you about your sis because you're a man and he believed you'll understand some things



Ok. So you mean to tell me a man will like everything about his wife? Nah! Let then be and stop hating



He may not have money now does not mean he won't have money forever

Byvan03 i am 100% with you.

You might want to read this.Even in the west,women still worrying about marriage.It is not by choice that they are single but many factors.

In the West, men are no longer interested in marriage, the system has ruined many life. I have so many articles,you will understand what is happening. In Nigeria we all know that women over 30 are no longer eligible except they have a good source of income.

Read this

Psychologist Mairead Molloy, who specialises in relationship issues, says another reason many women stay single for longer these days is that they often have unrealistic expectations about relationships.
‘We’ve become a society of perfectionists. In the past we were happy to fall in love, get married and then do our best with that relationship, for better or for worse.
‘These days, women will complain that they can’t meet anyone — then tell me in the next breath that a man has to be the right height, have the right hair colour, the right job, the right car, almost the right DNA before he can even be considered for a date.’
Jennifer disagrees: ‘I don’t think I was being unreasonably picky. Although I knew I really wanted children, and I was heading for 40, I was always determined I wouldn’t marry someone just to have a family.
‘I wanted to meet my soulmate and I was prepared to hold out for that.
‘I’ve always kept myself fit and healthy, so I hoped my fertility would hold out, too. My parents’ example has meant I’ve seen first-hand what a good marriage looks like, and that’s what I’ve always wanted for myself.’
When Jennifer eventually met James through mutual friends, just before her 40th birthday, things moved very quickly.
‘I flew out to Ibiza to celebrate my birthday with some girlfriends in September 2009 and James flew out to join us for a few days,’ she recalls. ‘We fell in love on that trip.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2157955/Number-women-marrying-time-late-30s-40s-doubled-decade.html#ixzz3zKTX2xvn

In working class America, though, it’s much harder to figure out where the sweet spot lies, and how to bring the two sexes’ interests into line. The path that offers the clearest financial benefits to men (relatively early marriage) is perilous for women, because the earnings that they lose by marrying early loom large if the marriage then falls apart, which earlier marriages are more likely to do. And wedlock isn’t magic: Even if late marriage seems to hurt the economic prospects of working class men, their economic prospects are poor for many other reasons as well, which makes them less marriageable, period. But for women, this dearth of marriageable men then cuts both ways: You don’t want to rush into things, but you don’t want to let a plausible mate slip away. Hence the appeal of cohabitation, as a trial run — but that trial run makes it easier to end up with semi-accidental, semi-planned out-of-wedlock childbearing, because after all you’re almost married, and you’re in prime childbearing years, and the rewards for putting career ahead of family aren’t nearly as high as they are for the college-educated …

Goldenboy007:
It seems you are confused , you said you don't like him cos he doesn't stand up to your sister when she shouts him down, now the first time he says his mind about your sister you are complaining he is bad mouthing your sister. Don't you think it's high time you minded your business and face your own life? Aproko !

no mind the mumu guy. He should at least face his own life instead of putting his nose in another people's life

Mindfulness:


Some stranger's remarks on a faceless forum are a big deal?
I don't get it. You can even insult my mother now and it won't make any difference to me, my life and my happiness.

Anyway, we are derailing. I am not sorry but I want you to know that I didn't mean to insult you.

I don't want you to be sorry, but I expect you to be civil. I consciously avoid people that come here to haul insults like their life depends on rudeness.

Remember the story of the man that pokenosed and dem poke him eye? Ehn na ur head dem go use break coconut. No leave dem.

edwife:
Byvan03 i am 100% with you.

You might want to read this.Even in the west,women still worrying about marriage.It is not by choice that they are single but many factors.

In the West, men are no longer interested in marriage, the system has ruined many life. I have so many articles,you will understand what is happening. In Nigeria we all know that women over 30 are no longer eligible except they have a good source of income.

Read this

Hello dear, let me read up and get back.

a broken engagement is beta than a frustrated n unhappy marriage. u don't rush into marriage all in the name of AGE IS NO LONGER ON MY SIDE. * u don't equally marry out of Pity. to me, LOVE is to a good reason y u shud marry some1. u need to consider other key factors
* understanding
* mindset
*public view. ie what will other people see n say about him or her . etc
I will ADVICE that ur sister should reconsider her feeling if it is not driven by AGE.... n ur family should reexamine the situation critically n analytically... pls don't subject ur scope to his present condition because things can Turn around for HIM later.....

Mindfulness:


You are right on this one.

I just wonder why she has spent five years of her life with him if he is the way the OP describes him.
And I wonder why the mother is so eager to get her daughter married to someone who is so useless.

The OP is bias. She is unable to see the full picture. My guess.

I don't know why mothers like this kind of thing. They will be the ones to reject men by tell them that their daughter is too young for marrage and the next meeting they are pushing them to marry any man that comes by telling them that they are getting old. They will even remind their daughter that their father used them for colateral and they didn't complain. Mothers like decide for their daughters when and who to marry as if they are the ones that will stay with the man.
I just tire for this kind thing.

Mindfulness:


Did they hold a gun to his head?

hmmm! Mindfulnesssssssssiii.you aint mindful enough.be mindful.not at this point. Afters 5yrs of your sis perseverance.don't be an obstacle oo.be mindful and be watchful.

Marry the man. Since u know him more than ur sis.

edwife:
Byvan03 i am 100% with you.

You might want to read this.Even in the west,women still worrying about marriage.It is not by choice that they are single but many factors.

In the West, men are no longer interested in marriage, the system has ruined many life. I have so many articles,you will understand what is happening. In Nigeria we all know that women over 30 are no longer eligible except they have a good source of income.

Read this

On point! Lol the good source of income at that age mostly attract a certain unfortunate category of men too.

Anyting una c make una take am so, sha na una arrenge d wedding 4 dem, so psd mind ur business

cococandy:
The guy is not ready to marry her.
Why are your sister and mom railroading him into marriage?

Anyway, whatever works for them. There's nothing bad if your sister is the bread winner and he's the domestic partner as long as it works for them and they love each other.

But the question is do they love each other?
Is your sis not marrying him because she feels age is no longer on her side? And would this man (if he had millions to throw around) still pick your sister above every other woman he knows?

hi.... I believe that it's often said that it takes two to tangle! You have nailed it already by accepting the fact that either of the partners could be the bread winner in the family.... But on a lighter note, the lady is marrying the fiance not primarily because of age issues, but for love... Note; she got engaged at the age of 27 which is fair enough.... Economic downturn could have resulted in the presumed delay in the wedding arrangement.... Food for thought