This may not be the best time for me to write on this because of misinterpretati ons, but I can no longer resist the push. "Husband Scarcity" has become one of the challenges faced by many young girls today. If you go to prayer houses, majority of the intentions are prayer for a life partner. And this calls for concern. Casting our minds back to the time of our mothers and grandmothers, was there really much of a "Husband Scarcity" problem? Or, maybe there were more men than women then, or there was an adequate corresponding numbers of both genders. I don't think so. Maybe then, the women had values and were prepared to build a home and not park into a built home. Then, once a young man comes of age and can at least feed himself and his wife, he goes out in search of a wife and the woman really appreciates him and helps him to build a future. What am I really trying to say? We created what we now see as "Husband Scarcity" for ourselves. Today, the reverse is the case. Ask an average girl to define her dream husband; you get things like "he has to be tall, handsome, fair, and rich, own a house at least, and be presentable" and then she adds "God fearing" in order not to sound so worldly. Then, check the number of girls around you and the number of men that meet that standard, and you will see the problem. You hear girls say, "I cannot suffer in my father's house and then go and start suffering with a man." What a wonderful dream! What if from the beginning, you have everything you want and there is no suffering, and later in the marriage, the table turns around, then comes suffering? Will you run away? No one prays for suffering, but it is good to start small and end big, than start big and end small. The problem is that the description majority of girls give of their ideal man is virtually the same. When 50 girls want the same kind of man and the man that fits what they want is just 1 man, and the man can only pick one. Then, what becomes of 49 others? They simply start lamenting of "Husband Scarcity". Another irony of our time is that it is hard, due to the face of our economy to find a man who is of marriage age who possesses all those things these ladies want, legally (except those involved in Internet fraud); even the number of those in Internet fraud is not enough to match all those searching for already made husbands. If you look around, majority of the ladies of substance, of good value and virtue, who are ready to build a home with a man who has prospects, are married and not complaining of husband scarcity. The easiest way to find a husband now, is to change your view of who a husband is. A husband is that man God made and then saw that it may be hard for him to really actualize his purpose for making him, without a help mate and then made the woman and gave to him, and he felt complete and fulfilled MARRIAGE IS NOT A POVERTY ALLEVIATION PROGRAM. It is a mission of building the family of God here on earth. For those who see marriage as a way out of poverty, it is a way into bondage. Women are HOME BUILDERS, not HOME WARMERS... DON'T CONFUSE A MAN'S PATH WITH HIS DESTINY. Where he is today, may only be a route to where God has destined him to be tomorrow. Another truth is that YOU MAY BE THE ONLY FAST MEANS TO THAT HIS DESTINATION. Join in alleviating "husband scarcity". PICK UP THE RIGHT VALUES. I am not saying that you should pick anyone that comes your way and talks of marriage, not all men are husband materials. What I am saying is that you should stop setting your standard on material acquisitions or physical appearances. Look beyond the physical. WHAT MAKES A MAN WHO HE IS, IS NOT WHAT HE OWNS OR HOW HE LOOKS, IT IS WHAT HE IS MADE UP OF. And that which he is made of is, most times, not seen with the physical eyes, only its effects can be seen. Marriage is a permanent thing. Whatever is seen is temporal and that which is not seen is permanent.

OK, we have heard. Marriage is not for money diggers. Anything else?

TOO LONG JOR

True talk

Yeah, marriage isn't a poverty alleviation program...

However, a man who's ready to settle down should have something doing so as to be able to cater for his family. . Just as a lady ready to settle down should be good at home keeping et al...

Above all, there should be strong love( which goes beyond materialism) among couples so that they can be able to strive and work together if hardship calls!

.....@op you are right even though marrying a poverty-stricken dude is no guarantee that he will act right either but i gues its part of life.

..anyway there is this food for thought i saw the other day and it read.,''do not marry for money,but got to where rich folks are and marry for love''

@op, you're very right. So many women looking for already made men.
However, Some men too are in this category but unfortunately, when it's men, we tends not to call it gold digging, but believe me, there are gold digger men.

My advice, instead of looking for riches as one of the criteria for marriage, it's better to look for a person with prospect, and I'm talking about both men and women, because no one wants to be entangled with a perpetual liability a wife or husband.

Smileysmiley ms gbewudani where hath thou

OP nice one jare.

greatgod2012:
@op, you're very right. So many women looking for already made men.
However, Some men too are in this category but unfortunately, when it's men, we tends not to call it gold digging, but believe me, there are gold digger men.

My advice, instead of looking for riches as one of the criteria for marriage, it's better to look for a person with prospect, and I'm talking about both men and women, because no one wants to be entangled with a perpetual liability a wife or husband.

Wcm back... Been a while I saw ur update

One of the important issues is people's(or ladies) definition of suffering. The earlier we realize that working isn't synonymous with suffering, the quicker we solve the husband scarcity problem.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in marrying a guy that doesn't have a car yet but is hard working, focused and intellectually alert. This guy will always flog the average '19 guy'any day anywhere!!
But at the end of the day, birds of the same feather will always flock together. Have you listened to some guys describe their dream woman? You'll feel so disgusted! She must be fair, tall, slim, perfect coke bottle shapped! But when you see his sisters, you would be wondering why biology text books should make mistakes in drawing amoeba!

ayokunlei:

Wcm back... Been a while I saw ur update

Thanks for your observation! Really appreciate!

Lol, will soon run away again......

I cut the story half way
Someone should please help me with the summary

Both should be working at the time of marriage.
No marriage if both of them are not working.
No children if only one is working.
Housework and child raising should be for both.

greatgod2012:





Thanks for your observation! Really appreciate!


Lol, will soon run away again......

greatgod2012:

Thanks for your observation! Really appreciate!


Lol, will soon run away again......

Hello. Why should you leave? Your input is very much appreciated. I am one of those who (in secret) take great delight in reading your posts and receiving the light and love that flows out of them. Please post, and post more regularly. The world, and Nairaland need more of people like you.

LoJ:

Hello. Why should you leave? Your input is very much appreciated. I am one of those who (in secret) take great delight in reading your posts and receiving the light and love that flows out of them. Please post, and post more regularly. The world, and Nairaland need more of people like you.

wow! thank you sir.
Just that I'm always so busy, and we all know how addictive NL is, if I don't log out,I won't be able to attend to my busy schedule.
Thanks once again.

greatgod2012:
wow! thank you sir

I am probably the one that shloud be grateful. I always try to stop by and tell people how great they are and how the very simple things they do/say have great impact. And in this case, I don't even know how I came about to know you, but I've been reading your post faithfully. I am truly blessed and enlightened by the simple obvious but deep truths you drop passing by.

May the living God reward you with more strength wisdom, and grants you far beyond what you ever positively wished to anyone in this forum and elsewhere. Love is the key.

Thank you

LoJ:

I am probably the one that shloud be grateful. I always try to stop by and tell people how great they are and how the very simple things they do/say have great impact. And in this case, I don't even know how I came about to know you, but I've been reading your post faithfully. I am truly blessed and enlightened by the simple obvious but deep truths you drop passing by.

May the living God reward you with more strength wisdom, and grants you far beyond what you ever positively wished to anyone in this forum and elsewhere. Love is the key.

Thank you

oh! I'm honored!
Thanks so much.
Amen to your prayers and wishing you same and more.

A laid back guy from a poverty stricken background without the drive to hustle, but hiding under the term prospects as an excuse for his lackadaisical approach to life is bound to enshrine his wife and kids in poverty.

Such a woman would work her fingers to the bone, hustle all her life on behalf of her family, never receiving a word / token of appreciation from her "husband". Her climb up the social ladder would be near non-existent or at best, at snail speed because of the jealous, frustrated, emotional baggage of a man she's tied to.

Ladies beware! Look well before you leap.

Marriage is now poverty alleviation program o.

Remember God gave Adam everything he ever needed before Eve surfaced.

Eve didn't come to soak garri or boil corn with Adam o.

Eve saw a wealthy man, and she fell in love instanta!

And Adam with pure intention of heart didn't see her as a gold digger, but as a helpmate, soulmate and playmate.

I wanna believe Eve didn't portray herself as a gold digger.

In a nutshell, nothing wrong if a lady falls in love with a rich man.


It is the responsibility of a man to make sure his wife suffers not when married. It means the man must be relatively wealthy. You don't bring a woman into the house to suffer.

Yet, many ladies have abused this default opportunity due to many influencing factors, thus wailing of man of the need to marry someone who can suffer with him.


Still, some will suffer with a man, and still be unappreciated before the end of time.


In conclusion, watch and wash your intention before accepting to marry or be married.


Above all, PRAY if you believe in it.

Yes it is not a poverty alleviation program but I strongly believe that your life in all areas as a married person should be better than the quality of your life as a single person.

2 good heads are better than one, 1 shall chase a thousand, 2 shall chase ten thousand. Any marriage that makes your life worse is a sham.

I really don't know what is wrong with men these days; I think it should be a thing of pride if you can be majorly or even totally responsible for running your family.. but more recently many lazy and brainwashed guys rant gloriously about shying away from their God given responsibility.

Everybody has got a choice to make in life.
Each and everyone of us has got standards which may be different from the other.
Each time i hear of such sentence as "a rich man can be poor and a poor man can be rich", yet nobody is talking about another probability, A POOR MAN CAN BE POOR FOR LIFE! !!Why una dey dodge that one?

Marriage ain't a poverty alleviation programme,really? The main purpose of Man in marriage is to provide. He must toil the earth, labour to bring comfort to his home.A women who decides to work to help is only complimenting the man.


This attitude of some men insisting a woman must work clearly shows how lazy and incompetent they have become. Gone are the days when MEN know and play their roles as men.All I see around these days are bunch of lazy youths with utter stupid ego, looking for the easy way out by enforcing that women play both the role of a man and woman. These days, I'm beginning to feel more of a man than a woman. The stress from friends, family, now make me feelllike a family man.

Let the women choose what they want!

EggovinMma:
Everybody has got a choice to make in life.
Each and everyone of us has got standards which may be different from the other.
Each time i hear of such sentence as "a rich man can be poor and a poor man can be rich", yet nobody is talking about another probability, A POOR MAN CAN BE POOR FOR LIFE! !!Why una dey dodge that one?

Marriage ain't a poverty alleviation programme,really? The main purpose of Man in marriage is to provide. He must toil the earth, labour to bring comfort to his home.A women who decides to work to help is only complimenting the man.


This attitude of some men insisting a woman must work clearly shows how lazy and incompetent they have become. Gone are the days when MEN know and play their roles as men.All I see around these days are bunch of lazy youths with utter stupid ego, looking for the easy way out by enforcing that women play both the role of a man and woman. These days, I'm beginning to feel more of a man than a woman. The stress from friends, family, now make me feelllike a family man.

Let the women choose what they want!

....I dey tell you..so lazy with yeye ego.Do house work?..for where!..
...They would rather daily jump from one viewing centre to another watching UEFA championship mathes endlessly while screaming 'a woman must contribute 50-50 or Nigeria women are leeches' in same breath.Meanwhile every single Nigerian female iknow,whether single or married are all either working or have one form of business or another.

..It is only on Nairaland and other Social media that they(males) are all hardworking and provide exclusively in their homes.Funny people.

EfemenaXY:
A laid back guy from a poverty stricken background without the drive to hustle, but hiding under the term prospects as an excuse for his lackadaisical approach to life is bound to enshrine his wife and kids in poverty.

Such a woman would work her fingers to the bone, hustle all her life on behalf of her family, never receiving a word / token of appreciation from her "husband". Her climb up the social ladder would be near non-existent or at best, at snail speed because of the jealous, frustrated, emotional baggage of a man she's tied to.

Ladies beware! Look well before you leap.

This is so true.

EggovinMma:
Everybody has got a choice to make in life.
Each and everyone of us has got standards which may be different from the other.
Each time i hear of such sentence as "a rich man can be poor and a poor man can be rich", yet nobody is talking about another probability, A POOR MAN CAN BE POOR FOR LIFE! !!Why una dey dodge that one?

Marriage ain't a poverty alleviation programme,really? The main purpose of Man in marriage is to provide. He must toil the earth, labour to bring comfort to his home.A women who decides to work to help is only complimenting the man.


This attitude of some men insisting a woman must work clearly shows how lazy and incompetent they have become. Gone are the days when MEN know and play their roles as men.All I see around these days are bunch of lazy youths with utter stupid ego, looking for the easy way out by enforcing that women play both the role of a man and woman. These days, I'm beginning to feel more of a man than a woman. The stress from friends, family, now make me feelllike a family man.

Let the women choose what they want!

While I agree that a man should provide for his home and work endlessly doing so in a marriage I refuse to admit that it's his purpose in marriage. To agree so, it's unconsciously acceding that taking care of his wife is his responsibility, nay she's a liability to him.

Marriage and a woman shouldn't be a burden to a man, neither should it be a shelter for abrogating one's sustenance responsibility. A woman should work, just like the man, and support the home. Unless the man agrees otherwise. And she working it's not complimenting her man either, but the right thing to do, building on herself, career and most importantly having financial independence amongst others.

Any thing less would further deepen the culture of women who will become a pawn in a man's house who may assume they have control over a woman's life coz they are her sponsor and leaves divorcee women empty handed in climate where alimony settlements is a far-cry.

pet4ril:
I cut the story half way
Someone should please help me with the summary

the thread title is the summary.

not sure why the long story afterwards.

topic

this is why people are encouraged to be class conscious when marrying or dating.

rich should marry rich, poor should marry poor.

problem solved and less unnecessary topics on nairaland.

armyofone:
Both should be working at the time of marriage.
No marriage if both of them are not working.
No children if only one is working.
Housework and child raising should be for both.

Are you done