In many families especially those of African descend,parents tend to believe that they have absolute monopoly over their children and you will see them express such autocratic disposition with words like "I am your mother,I am your father,we are your parents and we know what is good for you""

Yes i agree that most times if not all the time,they tend to believe they have our interest at heart but the unfortunate fact is that in most cases,they are only forcing down our throat what they belove is actually good from their self centered perspective.

The most bizarre twist to this is when they cross the line by wanting to dictate the tide of our emotions and will always want to lay down a module for our heart to follow thereby practically complicating the lives of their children with their autocratic,self centered and archaic mindset.

Here are 6 ways many parents complicate the marital future of their own children.

1.They tell us not to marry from a particular tribe::Like seriously! What has tribe got to do with matters of the heart? What if all the people i meet from my tribe are not what i want?i guess i must marry one of them just to boost my parents ego...Nah!

2.They want us to marry from a particular religion::This will make sense to some religion fanatics but i guess if my dad obeyed his parent i will not be in existence today. Religion as important as it is must never create a divide when it comes to matters of the heart and in-fact my growing up was fun as my dad calls me Lukman(My Muslim name) and i will gladly answer while my mum calls me by my regular name.Each of my siblings were christened the Muslim way in the morning and the Christian way in the afternoon During Christmas we enjoyed the chicken and during Muslim festivals we enjoyed the ram .

In-fact my dad loved my mum deeply till he passed on at 73 so in my own world i see nothing wrong in the wife and husband practicing different religion as long as there is religion tolerance..

3.They use their children as battle pawns::This one is indeed a very crazy one.Have you seen a situation where a parent realizes their son or daughter is in love with another person from a family they have discord with?

Please if you want to continue your fight just leave your children out of the issue,you have your life to live and your children hav theirs..please live and lets live.

4.They tell us not to marry from a poor background::This is the most pathetic of all and this usually happens among the rich and the poor. The rich parents believe every other person from a humble background is out to milk them dry so they tell their children to look for a fellow rich partner from a rich home and even when this becomes a Herculean task,they will resort to arrangee wedding thereby destroying the matrimonial lives of their children as the marriage usually breaks down even before it starts.

For the hopelessly poor parents,they will tell their children especially the females to shine their eyes and not bring home a poor guy thereby forcing their daughters to sell themselves to highest bidders who will see them as nothing more than a bought object and discard them when they are done with them. That is why many struggling guys shy away from visiting some parents of their partners because by the time they drill you and they find out you are still a hustler,your case is a sorry case .

5.They tell us that our stars do not match ::Chai! this one is beyond me. You will see a situation where some parents will take the name of any man or lady that comes into the life of their children straight to one baba,pastor or alfa to check if your stars match(Whatever that means) and most times these spiritualists will just tell them trash and they will come back to their child to say "Ehm,you see we went somewhere and they said.." Taarh! Rubbish and nonsense. Are they GOD?

6.They make insane demands from the suitors of their daughters ::This is seen in some tribes in Nigeria where they will give you funny list with items amounting to hundreds of thousands and even over a million not minding how you get the money and this has turned many ladies from such tribe to be objects used and dumped by guys who are not ready to go through that greedy and extortive process not because they don't love the lady but they just can't afford it.

Many children have eloped for life and some committed suicide out of frustration and many have killed one of their parent just to have their way so i will advice parents to respect their children's decisions and let them make their choices.Yes give them advice as parents but let them make their choice.

Hope this make sense.

True

I'm in the middle of that very issue now

YorubaWoman:
Mama mo mi lo
Baba mo mi lo
E fadura simi o
Kin ma sirin, kin ma padanu nile oko

Only prayers and advices I seek from parents, I always tell them to respect my decisions.
I know the right from wrong

Good.

nedu2000:
I'm in the middle of that very issue now

Ja ara e gba(Emancipate yourself)

Lalasticlala what do you think?

Parents!!!!!




they are just trying to protect us, thou most times it is just superstition.

Me: mummy, ezekiel is asking me out o, and I think I like him... what do you think?

Mummy: do you think he likes you or you are just bored

Me: hanhan, no naw, I like him. He is nice, makes me laugh bla bla bla

Mummy : ok o, if you say so.. (We start gisting about something else )
******few days later,

Mummy: ehn how is Ezekiel?

Me: he is fine, we are now dating..

Mummy : ehn ehn. . (With a sarcastic smile on her face)

Me : ehn (rolling my eyes )

Mummy : I will sha be praying, if it is not the will of God, it will scatter..

***** during devotions (morning and night )

Mummy : Lord I commit my daughter's relationship into your hands, if it is not your will let it scatter And let them go their separate ways peacefully in Jesus name

Me:

Mummy : *noticed I didn't say Amen, will repeat the prayer and hit my laps to say Amen *

Me: reluctantly says Amen (then says God for bid in my mind )



My parents don't really care about these things. So long as you both feel the same way about each other, then they are fine.
They can only assist you both in prayers

To be honest, my parents can only advise me, but they can't make the final decision for me. If I find the right girl, who embodies all the qualities I want in a woman, I'll marry her, irrespective of her tribe, religion or background. The decision is mine to make and no one else's. If at the end of the day there happens to be negative consequences, then so be it, but I know before deciding to marry her I would have weighed my options and thought seriously about it.
The worst my parents can do is tell me that I don't have their blessings. Well, if the resolution to give or not to give me their blessing rests on the shoulders of tribal discrimination, prejudice and obsolete ideologies, then I don't need it. With time, they would realize how selfish and blinded they were.

He never gets tired

I am lucky my family never made such demands or suggestions.

The challenges started after marriage.

Ironically I am interfering in my young brothers business by refusing to accept his older girlfriend with an age gap of 6 yrs.

I refuse. I don't think anyone can sell that crap to me.

STFUareyouGod:
He never gets tired

Everyone has at least one thing they love doing and will never get tired of doing.


That is called passion.

Toks2008:


Everyone has at least one thing they love doing and will never get tired of doing.


That is called passion.

well, are you the 'he' I was referring to?

Toks2008:


Everyone has at least one thing they love doing and will never get tired of doing.


That is called passion.

Focus on the positives. Ignore the negatives, they will eventually disappear.

STFUareyouGod:
well, are you the 'he' I was referring to?

Apparently it seems so but if not just let it pass.

Toks2008:


Apparently it seems so but if not just let it pass.

well, your guess is as good as mine

STFUareyouGod:
well, your guess is as good as mine

Ori e fo

Toks2008:


Ori e fo

hahahaha

chineloSA:


Focus on the positives. Ignore the negatives, they will eventually disappear.

madam Chinelo the Special Adviser. Now I understand the SA in your moniker. Kudos

On point OP! Lol at number 5

Omotayor123:
On point OP! Lol at number 5

I once had a friend who went to bribe the spiritualist when the younger brother of the lady leaked the move to him that the sister and their parents are planning to consult one spiritualist to know if their stars match.LOL!

amokeme:
Me: mummy, ezekiel is asking me out o, and I think I like him... what do you think?

Mummy: do you think he likes you or you are just bored

Me: hanhan, no naw, I like him. He is nice, makes me laugh bla bla bla

Mummy : ok o, if you say so.. (We start gisting about something else )
******few days later,

Mummy: ehn how is Ezekiel?

Me: he is fine, we are now dating..

Mummy : ehn ehn. . (With a sarcastic smile on her face)

Me : ehn (rolling my eyes )

Mummy : I will sha be praying, if it is not the will of God, it will scatter..

***** during devotions (morning and night )

Mummy : Lord I commit my daughter's relationship into your hands, if it is not your will let it scatter And let them go their separate ways peacefully in Jesus name

Me:

Mummy : *noticed I didn't say Amen, will repeat the prayer and hit my laps to say Amen *

Me: reluctantly says Amen (then says God for bid in my mind )



My parents don't really care about these things. So long as you both feel the same way about each other, then they are fine.
They can only assist you both in prayers

Her prayer is still in line. IF

but when we dnt heed to their warnings nd it backfires, it is always them that accepts and opens their warm hands. what an elder sees sitting down.......... u know the rest.

I agree with all except that no 2, religion has to do with eternal destination, except she's willing to convert to my believe

...

I quite agree with everything stated here except number one.

An adage says what an elder sees while sitting down, the young ones might not see even if they mount on something..

What will seem to forget is that..when u marry someone, u dont marry only he or she.. You marry her beliefs, you marry her customs, rituals and every thing associated with her including the inlaws.

You may say you and your spouse love eachother regardless of tribe or customs but what about the inlaws. What of when they come and say ... This is the way its done in our tribe and we will do it as such.

You and the wife may understand each other but the family members nko.

This is what happens when one of the couple dies, and the other is made to go through inhumane treatment..what happens if your spouse tribe insists that every first son must get an incision or die according to their customs.

It is paramount to be careful concerning not the tribe of the spouse but the customs and secret traditions of the spouse as u are not only safeguarding your marriage but that of your life and future generation.

Remember a man can be converted from a religion but it is rare if not impossible for one to relinquish his tradition beliefs, etnics and custom.