A friend of mine just sent this to me. He is very worried and confused. Here is what he has to say

''I got married in January, and yesterday
came out of hospital after an operation on my
bowel. After a few hours in bed I got up to go
to the toilet. My wife said she was making a
full dinner (swallow), but I told her I felt sick and would
try something else (a light meal). She went wild, and said everything to me, including all my faults
together with my mother's faults!!! And she
said I was ungrateful because
she made a nice meal. I got dressed and
stormed out of the house. I walked for hours
and still felt the effects of the anasthetic. She didn't try to phone me, and I returned home
at 2am, to find the lights out and she was in
bed!! Nothing was said today, and when I
called my mum she said she phoned late last
night, and my wife said that the operation
was a sucess and I was sound asleep. I never let on to mum because she worries about me''.

Fellow nlders, is this a normal behaviour from a newly wedded wife, or is my friend right to be worried?? I have given him some piece of advice, but he is still bitter about the incident and he seemed shocked. Your matured responses are welcomed.

My Pastor would say;
"Open all your five sense organs before marriage and close them after marriage".


Johnson Lamar would say:
"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"


I would say:
"Your friend did wrong to have communicated to you...a third party...about his marital affair. ,He should have known her prior marriage that's what courtship is for... though some women pretend in courtship.
Technically, the fault is his.
And for the woman, well, women are something else."


Your friend should look for the black goat while it's not yet dark by talking to her maturely and setting rules.
It is his family, He can take care of it himself if he is indeed a man.


The answer to your question is It is not normal

Things happen in marriage. They should sit down and talk things through

Lasveg:
A friend of mine just sent this to me. He is very worried and confused. Here is what he has to say

''I got married in January, and yesterday
came out of hospital after an operation on my
bowel. After a few hours in bed I got up to go
to the toilet. My wife said she was making a
full dinner (swallow), but I told her I felt sick and would
try something else (a light meal). She went wild, and said everything to me, including all my faults
together with my mother's faults!!! And she
said I was ungrateful because
she made a nice meal. I got dressed and
stormed out of the house. I walked for hours
and still felt the effects of the anasthetic. She didn't try to phone me, and I returned home
at 2am, to find the lights out and she was in
bed!! Nothing was said today, and when I
called my mum she said she phoned late last
night, and my wife said that the operation
was a sucess and I was sound asleep. I never let on to mum because she worries about me''.

Fellow nlders, is this a normal behaviour from a newly wedded wife, or is my friend right to be worried?? I have given him some piece of advice, but he is still bitter about the incident and he seemed shocked. Your matured responses are welcomed.

Was she a caring person before you married her? Was she a compassionate person? What were her character traits pre marriage?

Lexusgs430:



Was she a caring person before you married her? Was she a compassionate person? What were her character traits pre marriage?

Thanks for the question, it is my friend though. Truth is that i havn't seen them have any problems b4 now, and the woman seem like a nice caring person pre-marriage.

Lasveg:
Thanks for the question, it is my friend though. Truth is that i havn't seen them have any problems b4 now, and the woman seem like a nice caring person pre-marriage.

It would be idle your friend responds directly, so we can gauge the relationship pre and post.
You haven't seen them have problems pre marriage, does not mean they did not have issues.
Has your friend been caring too?
Nice, caring and horrible, no dey show 4 face o!!!
So many questions.................

Lexusgs430:


It would be idle your friend responds directly, so we can gauge the relationship pre and post.
You haven't seen them have problems pre marriage, does not mean they did not have issues.
Has your friend been caring too?
Nice, caring and horrible, no dey show 4 face o!!!
So many questions.................

Ok. Thanks for ur input.

[/b][/quote]Thanks. But i dont think he did wrong telling me. Sometimes sharing ur problems helps ease the burden. And some of the advice i get frm here will be of help to him.

Lasveg:
Thanks. But i dont think he did wrong telling me. Sometimes sharing ur problems helps ease the burden. And some of the advice i get frm here will be of help to him.

I understand.
I was only pointing to what I know is the right thing although I perhaps would have done the same.

Your friend don enter "1 chance!"

My brother You and your friend can not mitigate any and all risk in marriage, and you cant. It's not possible, never has been, and never will be.


Furthermore, I think your friend and a lot of guys here don't realize that simply not getting married does not absolve them of certain headaches that are common to ALL relationships regardless of a formal commitment.


That said, I am not married yet. But I think there are some very clear and lasting benefits to marriage....but with many, many caveats.

Has a man :

You still have to work at cultivating and maintaining your marriage. It's much like a garden. Start with good seed, good soil, and care for it every day. Don't micromanage it, but spend time with it and get a feel for it's needs, problems, potential

Strive to be a little bit "better" than your wife in this matter; not in an arrogant way but in the sense that she really has a prize in you. She will look up to you and that's what and what influences her. Not controlling, but steer her in the right direction.

I'm still a single guy and I definitely don't have all the answers. But I have a lot of experience in dating, and picking the wrong hoes!! When you find the "right" chick all your failures and horror stories start to make more sense.


Ultimately all marriage is a higher level of commitment. You are basically saying to each other, "hey, we're in this together and our actions affect each other. We cant treat each other like sh!t and we need to take care of each other." It's a daily commitment though. Either party can renege whenever they choose, and that's just life.

[/quote]Thanks man. But what can u advise him to do in this kind of situation?

Lasveg:
Thanks man. But what can u advise him to do in this kind of situation?

my brother you didn't state the things she said was your friends fault and his mothers. It's sounds like she's mad she's married to the stereotypical mummies boy who got his way all throughout life, and once he had to compromise it was completely foreign territory for him and he didn't know how to deal with others needs or emotions - hence a true power struggle.

Guy this one pass me but i think that your friend or you will not live to tell the story of his obituary. This one is truly strong for a young marriage i will be waiting until i hear from the woman cause a young marriage to pass through this means there is a problem for the onset of the relationship

Guy, my dad told me dat any marriage dat last for 5 years stays for ever.

Two different people wanting to be one. Two different oil can never have a complete mixture unless fire comes into play.

You not your friend should survive the fire and come out one.

Mad women everywhere

The wife is angry at something and the husband knows about it.

I really don't judge till I hear the other side of the story from madam because a person that reports first usually sugar-coats it.

I think the both of them are harboring some sort of contempt against each other..

Solution: they need to sit down and talk things over most of all with the will to forgive each others short comings.

I heard love still exist tho!

Its not a normal behaviour, but the truth is there is another side to the story that has not been heard. Some couples don't talk about little things that their partner do that pisses them off, sometime with the hope that it will just pass or they would on their own stop.

Most of the time it is not what you say, it is how you say it. if she had already prepared the meal and you are going to request for something else instead, you ask rightly, being the man doesn't mean you shouldn't be polite to your wife. The wife also should learn a manner of relating whats available for next meal in d house to the man, that way they already agree on what they are eating.

Although I don't believe this problem just started, but if there is truly anything like love between them and they can just put pride aside, then they should both sit down and talk, not only about what just happened but about everything. Like with a very light mood he could ask; what are the things I do that you don't like. and then if she isnt in a very good mood now, when she is he could playfuly tell her also the things she does that he dont like.

lekjons:
Your friend don enter "1 chance!"

sorry, wot does dat mean.

Bisjosh:
The wife is angry at something and the husband knows about it.

I really don't judge till I hear the other side of the story from madam because a person that reports first usually sugar-coats it.

Thank u so much. U r very wise. I will go see and talk to them wen I'm thru with church service.

How can you allow your husband leave the house after a surgery?
That woman is heartless abeg, and to think the effects of the aesthetic is still there?

She should have called him back and made whatever he wants, infact is that woman a mum? Who eats solid foods after an operation? E be like say na milk teeth she gather for mouth.

Lasveg:
Thank u so much. U r very wise. I will go see and talk to them wen I'm thru with church service.

In my opinion, the wife is at fault. Common food shouldn't bring about quarrels especially in these critical time such as this. Whatever that is wrong prior to the surgery should be set aside first until the husbands full recovery. It's only a wise person that will know that giving solid foods to someone that just went through surgery is wrong.

She ought to have stopped him when he was about leaving the house with full authority! Take him back to the room and prepare whatever he needs! She can make pap or tea for him! There's still plenty of time to eat solid food, Sometimes people behave irrational especially when they are sick, the idea of having a spouse is for them to be placed back on track.



I only see a husband who needs attention and he is not getting it,

[/quote]I really appreciate your input. Thanks. I felt very bad when he narrated his ordeal to me. The lady didn't do well no matter what to allow her husband leave the house in his condition. But I'm trying not to take sides yet so I can get to the root of the matter and make both of them open up to me.

Lasveg:
I really appreciate your input. Thanks. I felt very bad when he narrated his ordeal to me. The lady didn't do well no matter what to allow her husband leave the house in his condition. But I'm trying not to take sides yet so I can get to the root of the matter and make both of them open up to me.

Wish them the best.

EggovinMma:
How can you allow your husband leave the house after a surgery?
That woman is heartless abeg, and to think the effects of the aesthetic is still there?

She should have called him back and made whatever he wants, infact is that woman a mum? Who eats solid foods after an operation? E be like say na milk teeth she gather for mouth.

My sister the thing tire me o. Only a heartless woman will do such a thing. I just don't know why some pple can't show tolerance and understanding.

EggovinMma:

Wish them the best.

U too, and happy sunday.

Festivalofholi:
My sister the thing tire me o. Only a heartless woman will do such a thing. I just don't know why some pple can't show tolerance and understanding.

My ish is allowing him to go out in the first place, to where exactly? ! It's too early in that marriage for such effrontery. She is disrespecting herself, she just don't know it yet.This may create a reason for him to leave the house whenever he feels he has been cheated and come home anytime he feels like. I can't imagine my husband leaving the house without telling me and coming home at 2 am.Its either he is mad, I'm mad or we are both mad.

EggovinMma:


My ish is allowing him to go out in the first place, to where exactly? ! It's too early in that marriage for such effrontery. She is disrespecting herself, she just don't know it yet.This may create a reason for him to leave the house whenever he feels he has been cheated and come home anytime he feels like. I can't imagine my husband leaving the house without telling me and coming home at 2 am.Its either he is mad, I'm mad or we are both mad.

Lol. But you are a woman na. What can make a woman to act that way. It just beats me.

Festivalofholi:
Lol. But you are a woman na. What can make a woman to act that way. It just beats me.

She has got some grudges stored in her mind.She is allowing it colour her judgment. You can see she blamed her MIL too? She dey vex.

There is always a second side to every story.
I have a feeling, your friend triggered what his wife did to him.

All these men, forming innocent on internet but wild beast offline.

BecaciaBarbie:
There is always a second side to every story.
I have a feeling, your friend triggered what his wife did to him.

All these men, forming innocent on internet but wild beast offline.

No matter what the wife grievances may be, allowing her man leave the home after a surgery without even caring where he might be is very wrong. At such times when the spouse is sick, hospitalised , drugged etc, it's best to be tolerance of their faults because honestly we knw how cranky one can be at that moment, . So whatever cold the man have done that the woman couldn't forgo in that moment . A newly married couple for that matter.