Ahswear, some of the most hated words in my dictionary are "God sees blah blah, helpless, sleeping on the streets, orphan" blah blah blah. Because Nigerians have abused those words to the point of no-return. Once i see them, i deliberately refuse to help. OP, don't garnish your story abeg. She looks even better than some househelps I've seen, healthy and robust.

Now, if she's sleeping in a church and the workers know, what is stopping her from getting a wooden cutting comb, a big comb, one small blue rattail comb and Apple hair cream? N1000 can do all that and leave change. Let her tell the workers that if they have small children and wards, she can plait hair for a fee and you, OP, go to a cybercafe and print out on a paper a sign that says "makes hair" with her phone number, make copies of it, paste it on your wall and some other places. Because even if you pay for her room this month, what about next month? And the next?

Who are the people who attended her traditional marriage on behalf of her family? Where did they suddenly disappear to, what about her siblings? They don't need to give her money but at least she can sleep there.

tearoses:
LOL Kimoni

The problem that happens here time and time again is that people don't say it exactly how it is from the onset.
I don't know whether its an oversight or just to make the story more emotional, but the issue is that people have been scammed numerously on this forum and people are more sceptical and ask more questions. People have learnt the hard way.

Just be honest with the truth from the onset and it saves all this back and forth. If she wasn't sleeping on the streets then don't say she was. When the first post said sleeping in the streets, my mind went to someone sleeping on cardboard on the side of the road.

Anyway regards this issue, my advise is that who ever is helping her is to go and find a room first.
Find out how much the rent is and also how much it will cost her to rent a small open space under a tree near her home so that she can use that as a make shift salon until she gets herself organised.
Get that information together and lets start with that

Then the issue of getting her kid back can be sorted out cos even if govt agencies get involved to get her son back, she has no where to house him or no way of looking after him.
The earlier she settles and gets her life back, the better for both mum and the kid.

A modest single room in the area of Ibadan where she stays could go for about #18,000. With that she can start picking the pieces of her life.

ifyalways:


Dunno why you have to quote me and not folks that actually believed your story.

Now, you are being a bit honest, me likey. I'm not fooled by stories nor allow sentiments overshadow my sense of what's obtainable on ground, Nay.

Ok, we've established that she does not sleep on the streets, that's good.

No point garnishing your story with half truths and lies. Anyways, over to NLD. I've made my point which is : Nigerians offline are not mean people; we look out for our neighbors and there's no way this woman would be sleeping on the streets, assuming any part of this story is true.

IF U HV NOTING BENEFICIAL TO SAY KIndly STFU.

@silvofitz - any update on her situation? The room? NGO?

Kimoni:
@silvofitz - any update on her situation? The room? NGO?

There has not been any response from any quarter. Nay.

Silvofitz:

There has not been any response from any quarter. Nay.

It would be of great comfort if we can get someone else to verify the story. Sounds believable alright but it will be nice if someone else corroborates the story. Tearoses, any help here pls?

Silvofitz:

There has not been any response from any quarter. Nay.

Did you read Onegai post
Let her start making hair for kids now.
The Church she sleeps in is a good place to start and get customers.

Getting a room to rent will not solve her issues cos how will she feed the child?
Note that if she works in the restaurant to serve water that is where she eats but that food will bot feed her child.

She needs alternative source of income!
Abi what type of stylist is she.
Noone will hand over a child to her unless she can prove she can take care if herself and a toddler

Kimoni:


It would be of great comfort if we can get someone else to verify the story. Sounds believable alright but it will be nice if someone else corroborates the story. Tearoses, any help here pls?

Sis sorry im not in IB

tearoses:


Sis sorry im not in IB

But I know...I was thinking of your connections really.

But we'll see if there is anyone that will come forward.
Thanks

salsera:

Did you read Onegai post
Let her start making hair for kids now.
The Church she sleeps in is a good place to start and get customers.

Getting a room to rent will not solve her issues cos how will she feed the child?
Note that if she works in the restaurant to serve water that is where she eats but that food will bot feed her child.

She needs alternative source of income!
Abi what type of stylist is she.
Noone will hand over a child to her unless she can prove she can take care if herself and a toddler

But will the church allow her to start a money making venture in their premises? Wouldn't she be overstretching their kindness? Not too sure about that but there's no harm in trying.

Again, if people around see her as a destitute taking refuge in church, how comfortable will parents feel sending their kids to her to plait their kiddies hair? Not sure I would but again, no harm in trying

I feel renting a room solves several issues combined and she can survive on her own after that. Several single mothers abound.

Men things are happening daily and the economy is not smilling. Lord have mercy

Kimoni:


But will the church allow her to start a money making venture in their premises? Wouldn't she be overstretching their kindness? Not too sure about that but there's no harm in trying.

Again, if people around see her as a destitute taking refuge in church, how comfortable will parents feel sending their kids to her to plait their kiddies hair? Not sure I would but again, no harm in trying

I feel renting a room solves several issues combined and she can survive on her own after that. Several single mothers abound.

Well I was thinking that if I were in church and one day they announced after service that there was a young mother who was going through challenging times and needed our support but wasn't begging and was willing to raise herself through honest hard work and she would also join us in cleaning the church, I'd patronise her business. I've seen mothers in the Newborn thread sell things like coconut oil (rather than beg) and people patronised them.

My issue with paying immediately for the rent is that I've seen what handouts can do: they can immobilise the person seeking help into thinking "help is a click away in NL". So we give her a room, what are the chances that she doesn't immediately focus on getting her son back (any mother would). But then she doesn't think daily about how to survive. Let her start pulling herself on her feet and we will help her. But she needs to start. We cannot save everyone and it makes it easier to save her if she is willing to save herself.

She got married and people attended her wedding. Her husband kicked her out and denied her access to her son. Why hasn't she gone back to meet the family who gave her away to ask for their support in at least getting to see her son daily.

To be a single mother is not beans. She needs to start being strong and this is her first test. Let her start earning small money, no matter how little and taking care of herself. She needs to snap out of a victim mentality.

Onegai:


Well I was thinking that if I were in church and one day they announced after service that there was a young mother who was going through challenging times and needed our support but wasn't begging and was willing to raise herself through honest hard work and she would also join us in cleaning the church, I'd patronise her business. I've seen mothers in the Newborn thread sell things like coconut oil (rather than beg) and people patronised them.

My issue with paying immediately for the rent is that I've seen what handouts can do: they can immobilise the person seeking help into thinking "help is a click away in NL". So we give her a room, what are the chances that she doesn't immediately focus on getting her son back (any mother would). But then she doesn't think daily about how to survive. Let her start pulling herself on her feet and we will help her. But she needs to start. We cannot save everyone and it makes it easier to save her if she is willing to save herself.

She got married and people attended her wedding. Her husband kicked her out and denied her access to her son. Why hasn't she gone back to meet the family who gave her away to ask for their support in at least getting to see her son daily.

To be a single mother is not beans. She needs to start being strong and this is her first test. Let her start earning small money, no matter how little and taking care of herself. She needs to snap out of a victim mentality.

I must have missed something! I thought the OP said she's not asking for a means of survival. Just a year's accommodation and getting her baby back? If she is already fending for herself under this circumstance, I have no doubt she will pick up the remaining pieces of her life when adequate shelter is provided.

Even for working fellas, accommodation is a major expense head they sometimes need help with and sometimes resort to borrowing. How much more...

Kimoni:


I must have missed something! I thought the OP said she's not asking for a means of survival. Just a year's accommodation and getting her baby back? If she is already fending for herself under this circumstance, I have no doubt she will pick up the remaining pieces of her life when adequate shelter is provided.

Even for working fellas, accommodation is a major expense head they sometimes need help with and sometimes resort to borrowing. How much more...

In Nigeria, she would have to go to an NGO who will meet with a magistrate for the court's to award custody. She cannot meet them and say she sells pure water as that is a very low-income job and cannot sustain 2 people. So she won't get custody. Hairstylist pays more. And by the time she starts and word gets round that "ah that woman who plaits hair dey work to get her pikin back", people will start being in her corner and fighting for her. Which is what she needs more than random sending of money from afar: her community should support her. OP said she needed accomodation, custody and a job because she was a hairstylist. Let her start and then everyone can discuss renting an apartment.

This is how I would position myself if I were in her shoes: pull myself up and let my community and family back me up. External help will only make me stronger.

Kimoni:


But will the church allow her to start a money making venture in their premises? Wouldn't she be overstretching their kindness? Not too sure about that but there's no harm in trying.

Again, if people around see her as a destitute taking refuge in church, how comfortable will parents feel sending their kids to her to plait their kiddies hair? Not sure I would but again, no harm in trying

I feel renting a room solves several issues combined and she can survive on her own after that. Several single mothers abound.

The church is not even aware she sleeps in the open children church. She goes into the church around 10 or 11pm to sleep, and leaves as early as 5am before anybody gets there. Only the vigilantes know she sleeps there because they have sometimes challenged her in that premises.
The day we went to verify her claim of sleeping in the church, we saw three women sweeping and we had to pretend as if we were there to make enquiry about the order of service, because she feared they might dislodge her from the premises.

Silvofitz:

The church is not even aware she sleeps in the open children church. She goes into the church around 10 or 11pm to sleep, and leaves as early as 5am before anybody gets there. Only the vigilantes know she sleeps there because they have sometimes challenged her in that premises.
The day we went to verify her claim of sleeping in the church, we saw three women sweeping and we had to pretend as if we were there to make enquiry about the order of service, because she feared they might dislodge her from the premises.

She should have introduced herself, explained her plight, tell them she's not here to beg but needs a place to lay her head and offered to pick up a broom and sweep. Im sure after a week of that, someone would have offered her a space out of pity. In this country of sentiment and religion, she didn't take advantage of that, hah!

Kimoni:


It would be of great comfort if we can get someone else to verify the story. Sounds believable alright but it will be nice if someone else corroborates the story. Tearoses, any help here pls?

I will readily give the link to any genuine person(s) who want to verify the story. Before, writing her story, I took her interview video. And I made her know how important it's for her to say the truth. I had never seen her until that day. Before I left Ibadan, I also delegated someone to search out the husband, interview him independently without letting him know we had seen the wife. And possibly get his phone number. I'm still expecting some response in that regard. And whatever I hear, would be shared on this forum. Whosoever, wanna verify should contact me.

Onegai:


In Nigeria, she would have to go to an NGO who will meet with a magistrate for the court's to award custody. She cannot meet them and say she sells pure water as that is a very low-income job and cannot sustain 2 people. So she won't get custody. Hairstylist pays more. And by the time she starts and word gets round that "ah that woman who plaits hair dey work to get her pikin back", people will start being in her corner and fighting for her. Which is what she needs more than random sending of money from afar: her community should support her. OP said she needed accomodation, custody and a job because she was a hairstylist.

Silvofitz:

Well, I just wonder what such lie would pay anyone. For a young woman to allow her pictures on a forum like this, it must be a serious matter. For those who care to help, this woman as we speak, is in a restaurant at Gate, Ibadan selling pure water. She works, so alms is not her concern. Feeding is not even her problem. Her major concerns are access to her son, accommodation and a platform to work as a stylist. She uses all the money she makes to feed herself. The picture below, the children church of Gospel faith Mission, which is not under lock and key is where she passes her night most of the time. According to her she checks in there around 10 to 11pm, and leaves the premises to the canal around 5am to take her bathe before anybody gets there. Everything she said was verified before posting on Nairaland. At the church there were church members cleaning the environment, when we went there to take pictures. I only raised alarm because of the risk of sleeping in unsecured premises, and the emotional stress of being separated from her only son. And these are weighty.

If this 23 year old lady doesn't need accommodation urgently, I really don't know what else she needs. If she is not the epitome of strength, I don't know who else is.
Many have succumbed to life's pressure without tasting half of what life has dished to her.

At 23 - forced into marriage, lost a child, driven from home, restricted access to her only son yet she she is still living and hopeful and I should ask her to be strong?? lol... onegai abeg o; if she truly exist, she needs to preach 'strength' to a whole lot of us, myself including.

Anyways, I don't doubt that she needs help, if only I had a way of further verifying her story but Ibadan is not within my constituency at all.

Kimoni:




If this 23 year old lady doesn't need accommodation urgently, I really don't know what else she needs. If she is not the epitome of strength, I don't know who else is.
Many have succumbed to life's pressure without tasting half of what life has dished to her.

At 23 - forced into marriage, lost a child, driven from home, restricted access to her only son yet she she is still living and hopeful and I should ask her to be strong?? lol... onegai abeg o; if she truly exist, she needs to preach 'strength' to a whole lot of us, myself including.

Anyways, I don't doubt that she needs help, if only I had a way of further verifying her story but Ibadan is not within my constituency at all.

Errrrmmmm...I don't think anyone forced her into anything, and the OP has stated her 3 needs and based on that, I gave her what i feel is a realistic longterm solution, I don't do sentiments. But we see things differently. OP, goodluck I'm sure she will get the help she needs.

This story is why some women would rather choose to stay with an abusive husband than stay out alone in the cold. Out there, they become prey to the mighty and sport for the deranged. They belong to no one and belong to everybody. It's between the devil and the deep blue sea. #sighs #Jesusfixthis

Ayolight pls can you help verify this lady if you are around

cc Olu4life
Jaybee3
ewuro4

Kimoni:
This story is why some women would rather choose to stay with an abusive husband than stay out alone in the cold. Out there, they become prey to the mighty and sport for the deranged. They belong to no one and belong to everybody. It's between the devil and the deep blue sea. #sighs #Jesusfixthis

Very true, the hypocrisy when people tell women to leave bad marriages but no one wants to help them pick up their lives. For many of these women it's basically starting afresh.

For the people talking about her asking the church to use their premises to start making hair this is Naija and I doubt they will agree. They don't know her from anywhere and the same way u are s sceptical about her is the way they would be too
Infact if they know she sleeps there they may probably send her away. They would not want to be liable if anything happens and may be wary of her motives.

Let's stop speaking as if this isn't Nigeria where people are always sceptical of helping others. By the way not everyone is lucky to have a family to take them in. As an orphan , would not not surprised If most of her family members abandoned her since not wanting extra responsibilities

No parent should be denied access to their child!!!!

How can we contact her?

what a failed nation.

instead of having ministry of social welfare to take care if such cases, we'd rather have ineffective ministry of tourism, ministry of women and youth affair and all what nots.

I'm even more concerned for her being a woman.

women shouldn't be so exposed like this. I worry for her safety.

OP, I believe there is a Lion's club and a rotary club in Ibadan.

please try and get this woman's case before them for assistance.

jaybee3:
No parent should be denied access to their child!!!!

How can we contact her?

She has a phone line. I may mail u her phone number.

Good Morning

When opening posters give piecemeal, info the true picture isnt clear and people only work with the info that they have been given and
It wasn't until after Onegai posted about making hair for the church children that the op said that the church wasnt aware that the woman was sleeping in the church and therefore not known to the church members as someone who needed help.

I still believe that accommodation and job is the first step and when she is settled she will have a better standing to fight for her kid back

Sivofitz you are the one on ground and you will have to do most of the legwork. You said she can get a room for 18K, you have not said how she will get the room, where, what other expenses are required e.g lawyer fees etc
In cases like this, you have to be actively involved and be very specific what is needed so that people can assist where required.
For example I have some shop shelves doing nothing that I will be glad to give to someone in need.

I also mentioned about renting a space for her to do hair
She can also approach hairdressers and ask to work in their salon and she gives the madam a percentage of their earings
Ask her to contact Iya Sunday braiding centre in Aleshinloye market.

As I remember names of people who have links to Ibadan I will be pasting them here
Can you also PM me the phone number of this lady please

Kimoni:


But will the church allow her to start a money making venture in their premises? Wouldn't she be overstretching their kindness? Not too sure about that but there's no harm in trying.

Again, if people around see her as a destitute taking refuge in church, how comfortable will parents feel sending their kids to her to plait their kiddies hair? Not sure I would but again, no harm in trying

I feel renting a room solves several issues combined and she can survive on her own after that. Several single mothers abound.

The church is a good place to source for customers I didn't make that suggestion so that she would use their premises.
She can plait hair at the customers house.
So the vicinity of the church is the best place to start and get the word out.
She isn't destitute she just doesn't have her own place to stay.
She cant bring a child to a buka and work, her job is to serve satchet water to customers so if she gets a place to stay who will look after her child.
I'm surprised she has not found a salon to work in since or maybe she gets tips from customers at the buka so it pays more.

She needs a side hustle to prove she can take care of that child else her son is better off with the father for now. Whilst legal aid can help her with visitation rights

So noone in the church knows she sleeps there only the vigilantes'
She should have informed the church its very risk sleeping where no one is aware.
Like onegai said she can offer to sweep buy let someone know.

Renting a place to do hair...that is cash oh. She can do homeservice hair nah.

There is a social welfare department in Oyo state or ask for Legal aid council. Those in Oyo can get details and connect her. She will get her visitation rights.

And she's not selling pure water oh she's serving it at a buka. If you know how bukas work there is always a service girl designated to serve pure water. Since its a buka food is free for her.

Unfortunately the OP is not based in Ibadan so these suggestions from us all are just talk.
Better to find a trusted Nairaland user who can sit with her and have this talk properly in person not on the phone.
Else we are just posting things here based on sentiments not reality.

tearoses:
Good Morning

When opening posters give piecemeal, info the true picture isnt clear and people only work with the info that they have been given and
It wasn't until after Onegai posted about making hair for the church children that the op said that the church wasnt aware that the woman was sleeping in the church and therefore not known to the church members as someone who needed help.

I still believe that accommodation and job is the first step and when she is settled she will have a better standing to fight for her kid back

Sivofitz you are the one on ground and you will have to do most of the legwork. You said she can get a room for 18K, you have not said how she will get the room, where, what other expenses are required e.g lawyer fees etc
In cases like this, you have to be actively involved and be very specific what is needed so that people can assist where required.
For example I have some shop shelves doing nothing that I will be glad to give to someone in need.

I also mentioned about renting a space for her to do hair
She can also approach hairdressers and ask to work in their salon and she gives the madam a percentage of their earings
Ask her to contact Iya Sunday braiding centre in Aleshinloye market.

As I remember names of people who have links to Ibadan I will be pasting them here
Can you also PM me the phone number of this lady please

I'm not on ground in Ibadan as you possibly think. I go to Ibadan every other weekend. But I have detailed some people to continue with her case in Ibadan. So, they can readily give information. Like I have asked one of them to help get d husband contact so that we can hear his own side of d story. Hopefully, before the end of the week, we will hear from him. Also, the information is coming piecemeal because I did not know her from Adam. My contacts in Ibadan daily go to people to ask about her. And whatever I hear I post. Like this morning she told the name of the restaurant she works at Gate, Ibadan. And whatever I scoop about her I will post later in the day.
I will mail u her fone number so you can scoop some vital information her too. I may also send u video.
I have sent Iya Sunday Braiding Centre, Aleshinloye market information to her. She said she would be there today. Pls kindly let the woman know she would be coming there.

Silvofitz, tearoses

Please tell her to tell the church that she needs somewhere to sleep and she will help them sweep. Unless Nigeria is filled with evil cruel people who are out to murder each other, I'm sure they will let her stay after she proves herself. Because if I clean and attend church and I see a young woman hanging around not saying much and I suspect that she sleeps there, I may be irritated that she's letting me clean up after her (I'm sure a neighbour to the church may have mentioned it to the wardens that she hangs around when they're gone). Then offer to plait hair after service especially on Sundays before school the next day. And then get weekday job in the market.

She needs to tell her community that she needs help. Because you and I are far away and will move on from this problem one day. But the people around her see her daily and will make enquiries and care for her if she brings her issues to them. Even if she gets visitation rights, what stops her from being beaten up the day she goes by her husband and his gf? Is it people bleating and wringing their hands on NL somewhere? But imagine if she gets the church mother's on her side, who dares a typical Yoruba man (brought up to respect elders no matter what) to lift a finger if she is escorted by 3 mamas of the church. Throwing money at a problem isn't always the best way to solve it. Let her tell people she needs help. I know why I said she was acting like a victim (she didn't think to go to the market and offer her services to one shop there), she's still not thinking straight so let her snap out of it quickly. So she can get her child back and her life back.

Silvofitz:


I'm not on ground in Ibadan as you possibly think. I go to Ibadan every other weekend. But I have detailed some people to continue with her case in Ibadan. So, they can readily give information. Like I have asked one of them to help get d husband contact so that we can hear his own side of d story. Hopefully, before the end of the week, we will hear from him. Also, the information is coming piecemeal because I did not know her from Adam. My contacts in Ibadan daily go to people to ask about her. And whatever I hear I post. Like this morning she told the name of the restaurant she works at Gate, Ibadan. And whatever I scoop about her I will post later in the day.
I will mail u her fone number so you can scoop some vital information her too. I may also send u video.
I have sent Iya Sunday Braiding Centre, Aleshinloye market information to her. She said she would be there today. Pls kindly let the woman know she would be coming there.

Sivofitz Sorry I don’t know iya Sunday personally.
I’ve just braided my hair there before and I know that she has tens of braiders who work for her.
She is the largest hairdresser in the market and she has lots of girls working for her so she may be willing to take on the lady. Its worth a try.

There is not much that I can do from my end as I am not on ground either and so hopefully a Nairalander in Ibadan/links to Ibadan will come forward soon and be able to verify this ladies story but in the mean time you need to be clear on her immediate needs so that they can be met.
Donations alone will not solve all the issues. There is still a fair degree of background leg work and follow up support for this lady that is also required.

Silvofitz:

She has a phone line. I may mail u her phone number.

You may or will?