It’s no fun for her (and embarrassing for you) when it all ends... too early. Top sexologists reveal eight secrets for having longer, better sex.

As a guy, the bedroom is probably the one instance where you don't want to finish first. Sex experts (and we assume you) agree that nothing makes you feel more insecure than coming up short when it matters most. If you're plagued by this sexual shortcoming, relax. There are numerous ways to last longer in bed.



“All men have their own extending technique, from thinking about football or baseball or counting backwards in their heads,” says A.L. Harper, a sex expert and former editor of a UK-based men’s magazine. “However, these distraction techniques can result in making them worse in bed because they aren't paying attention to their partner's pleasure.”

If you’re curious to find out the real ways to last longer, so you don't kill the mood for the both of you, check out these tips. We asked three top industry experts to share the advice they give their clients—no Viagra required.

1. Study the Kama Sutra. “There is a technique mentioned in the Kama Sutra for delaying ejaculations that basically comes down to training yourself to last longer,” says Harper. She instructs men to start slowly—with no more than one “in/out” stroke every three seconds. “He should then build more strokes slowly over the course of 4 or 5 minutes, until he is moving one stroke per second.” If the man starts to feel like he is going to come, he should stop and “hold himself inside his partner until he feels in control again. Then he begins the whole process again.”

2. Get Out of Your Head. “Performance anxiety is the number one killer of sustaining an erection,” says sex coach Dr. Patti Britton, a board-certified Clinical Sexologist. “Shift your thinking to a more confident inner voice, as opposed to a worried voice.” Britton explains that a “self-debilitating mindset” is what shuts guys down. “When you begin to feel anxiety, the strategy is to stop, take a breath, and then focus on how things feel in the body. Stay out of your head and get into your body—focus on the feelings that your body is producing for you.”

3. Change things up. The best thing to do if you’re getting close to the edge? Alter your speed, advises human sexuality expert Catherine Toyooka, the founder of Catherine Coaches sex workshops. “Try teasing her. Take your penis out and rub just the head of it sensually up and down and between her labia. Vaginas have lots of nerve endings clustered in the lower portion of their vaginal canal, so this move will still be very enjoyable for her to experience.”

4. Slow down! “Instead of the fast-paced jack-hammering style that many men are so fond of, try taking your time,” says Toyooka. Sex at a slower pace leads to a more connected experience for both people. “It’s more sensual because you are caressing and exploring the rest of her body. Kiss her neck, nuzzle her ear, let your hands gently explore her body,” she says. The most important thing to keep in mind that will help you last longer? Enjoy the journey that leads to your destination.


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