So on this peaceful Sunday afternoon while she was jejely doing hubbu's pedicure and manicure, we were jisting about buying intimacy gadgets to boost out sex life as man and wife. due to the fact that we have tried buying some in nigeria and we didn't really like them. So i suggested We get them from the US. but the bonenof contention was whom to ship it home for us. then hubby suggested we used wife's cousin who is based in the US. wifey laughed over it like she wouldn't even want her cousin doing that on her behalf. when hubby spilled out that he used to have a CRUSH on wifey's cousin. To God who made me I was sadly deeply shocked. NB, he has never set his eyes on my cousin, (and I really thank God shez not here )they have only spoke over the phone and then I remember him asking me to show him her picture., and I did. now I know why he asked for it. oh well, I was angry I walked away from him asking wondering what irritating statement that was.
Few hours into the day, I tried to raise up an isue on this matter again cause I really wanted to know why. then he said it was a joke; we both were meant to go for an outing togther on my terms but he didn't seem interested. So he claimed he joked about having a crush on my cousin so i would be discouraged as not to attend the outing again. (the usual unexcusable excuse they give after they have messed up). then he ends his staement by saying am emotionally weak and am jealous wife. Is my reaction jealously, am I over reacting, cause am so mad at him that even his apology is irrelevant . we are all humans at some point in life some men can decide to have a crush on anything,anyone but should it be his wife's cousin, (isnt that expensive a joke)and even if he did do you think it's a good idea to spill it out. am not jealous oo. cause this is my blood not a random person. am here because hubby thinks this is rightly funny. and it's okay for him to joke with stuffs like that. please throw corrections dart here whether to whoever you all think deserves it. myself with my overraection, or my hubby with his "illicit" crushing.

IMHO, any open/honest and comfortable husband or partner should have no problem in revealing such hidden feeling to their spouse. it is all about letting your spouse partner fully know about your desires, fantasies and/or what goes through your partner's mind. wifey should be surprised but not against such honest revelation, as it shows the amount of trust such person has for you, and how they are not afraid to open up and let you in their "secret world".

wifey's reaction to such info was wrong as it is not like anything has/will ever happen between them, and it must just be an ego issue from her part, knowing that he liked someone so closed to her etc. such crush cannot be dictated, and it can be towards just about anyone (yes, even your own family). the important point is how this man dealt with it, and NEVER crossed the lines. thinking that you can control who you find attractive/appealing is a joke.

hubby's reply that it was a joke is "normal" since his honesty brought an argument/negativity to the union... he now understands that, next time, he will keep such info to himself, and wifey can happily pretend that he doesnt have such feelings.

This story is not true.

What do people gain by telling fake stories?
How do you tell a story about yourself and keep getting confused as to whether you should talk about it in 3rd person?

MRBrownJ:
IMHO, any open/honest and comfortable husband or partner should have no problem in revealing such hidden feeling to their spouse. it is all about letting your spouse partner fully know about your desires, fantasies and/or what goes through your partner's mind. wifey should be surprised but not against such honest revelation, as it shows the amount of trust such person has for you, and how they are not afraid to open up and let you in their "secret world".

wifey's reaction to such info was wrong as it is not like anything has/will ever happen between them, and it must just be an ego issue from her part, knowing that he liked someone so closed to her etc. such crush cannot be dictated, and it can be towards just about anyone (yes, even your own family). the important point is how this man dealt with it, and NEVER crossed the lines. thinking that you can control who you find attractive/appealing is a joke.

hubby's reply that it was a joke is "normal" since his honesty brought an argument/negativity to the union... he now understands that, next time, he will keep such info to himself, and wifey can happily pretend that he doesnt have such feelings.

Nothing more to add.
If am the man from thenceforth I will start keeping things from her.

Winneygirl:
What do people gain by telling fake stories?
How do you tell a story about yourself and keep getting confused as to whether you should talk about it in 3rd person?

God bless you o... the OP was drifting from She, to I to wifey....

You are obviously jealous and over reacting, hubby was open minded, having a crush on someone doesn't mean... you want to be with that person. Now you have succeeded in making hubby to be mindful of what he says to you. Don't create unnecessary problem in your union.

MRBrownJ:
IMHO, any open/honest and comfortable husband or partner should have no problem in revealing such hidden feeling to their spouse. it is all about letting your spouse partner fully know about your desires, fantasies and/or what goes through your partner's mind. wifey should be surprised but not against such honest revelation, as it shows the amount of trust such person has for you, and how they are not afraid to open up and let you in their "secret world".

wifey's reaction to such info was wrong as it is not like anything has/will ever happen between them, and it must just be an ego issue from her part, knowing that he liked someone so closed to her etc. such crush cannot be dictated, and it can be towards just about anyone (yes, even your own family). the important point is how this man dealt with it, and NEVER crossed the lines. thinking that you can control who you find attractive/appealing is a joke.

hubby's reply that it was a joke is "normal" since his honesty brought an argument/negativity to the union... he now understands that, next time, he will keep such info to himself, and wifey can happily pretend that he doesnt have such feelings.

this responsenisnt on My side in anyway. but I kinda really like it. never saw it in that direction. ngbo hubby thanks for telling me about your crush on my relative. mabinu I overreacted please if you have a crush on anyone of my family kindly feel free to tell me ooo. no worry I no go vex again.

PushPlay:
This story is not true.

I don't think anyone would be so jobless to write an untrue story 2am in the morning

[quote author=SirAweezy post=48073679]You are obviously jealous and over reacting, hubby was open minded, having a crush on someone doesn't mean... you want to be with that person. Now you have succeeded in making hubby to be mindful of what he says to you. Don't create unnecessary problem in your union. [/quote
I have forgotten this nairaland is a place of sin. they will even encourage a man to commit incest. and not have a problem with it. if a man has a crush on his wife's family, cousin or sister. idont think there is any news for him to tell his wife ooo. he should keep it to himself. okay now that he told me what happened? secondly the ones that he is meant to tell me, the ones that will help him flew from adultery, he doesn't discus that one with me oo, the times he had crushes on women outside our marriage, he doesnt sit me down to share it with me, now he has an illicit crush on my cousin he is sharing that one with me, so that what will happen, i will tell my cousin or what. or so that i will feel less beautiful than my cousin? or what? please kindly tell me how that information is meant to help this marriage grow.

TTNI:
So on this peaceful Sunday afternoon while she was jejely doing hubbu's pedicure and manicure, we were jisting about buying intimacy gadgets to boost out sex life as man and wife. due to the fact that we have tried buying some in nigeria and we didn't really like them. So i suggested We get them from the US. but the bonenof contention was whom to ship it home for us. then hubby suggested we used wife's cousin who is based in the US. wifey laughed over it like she wouldn't even want her cousin doing that on her behalf. when hubby spilled out that he used to have a CRUSH on wifey's cousin. To God who made me I was sadly deeply shocked. NB, he has never set his eyes on my cousin, (and I really thank God shez not here )they have only spoke over the phone and then I remember him asking me to show him her picture., and I did. now I know why he asked for it. oh well, I was angry I walked away from him asking wondering what irritating statement that was.
Few hours into the day, I tried to raise up an isue on this matter again cause I really wanted to know why. then he said it was a joke; we both were meant to go for an outing togther on my terms but he didn't seem interested. So he claimed he joked about having a crush on my cousin so i would be discouraged as not to attend the outing again. (the usual unexcusable excuse they give after they have messed up). then he ends his staement by saying am emotionally weak and am jealous wife. Is my reaction jealously, am I over reacting, cause am so mad at him that even his apology is irrelevant . we are all humans at some point in life some men can decide to have a crush on anything,anyone but should it be his wife's cousin, (isnt that expensive a joke)and even if he did do you think it's a good idea to spill it out. am not jealous oo. cause this is my blood not a random person. am here because hubby thinks this is rightly funny. and it's okay for him to joke with stuffs like that. please throw corrections dart here whether to whoever you all think deserves it. myself with my overraection, or my hubby with his "illicit" crushing.

Honey that's why it's a CRUSH! ! You can't really control who you have it for . . . . What you can control is what you do about the crush. The fact that he has never met her is probably why he thinks he's attracted to her. Probably is they did meet, he may realise it's all in his head.

In any case I don't think you can control who your husband is attracted to. The most important thing is that he doesn't act on that attraction and I bet you it will die away with time, just like a flame that gets no air.

You need to be more liberal and less judgemental. Are you saying you've never met any of your husband's friend or relative who you are positive you'd date if you weren't with tour husband? Does that mean you'd jump into his arms and Bleep him any chance you get?

Your husbands only crime is admitting such a thing to you without regards for your feeling, knowing how you'd react.

If it were me I'd never admit to something like that . . . . I just think it's not necessary to say some things. Silence is golden!

[quote author=TTNI post=48076516][/quote]

My dear... I have been married for sometime now.... Infact I can playfully call someone "oh my crush of life" infront of my wife so also my wife could tell me "mehn I use to crush on so so so" we laugh about it and move on. Having a crush isn't bad like you are taking it... you are really taking this hard on yourself.

Do you know why he told you he has a crush on your cousin... because he can't ever go there... and reason he can't tell you who is crushing on outside because it's easy for you to conclude or to be scared he might fling with the outside crush oneday. So the difference is clear. Your husband is just playing around... he might like your cousin, but not to the extent of "losting" after her.

If a man/woman isn't caught, who will tell his or her spouse an intention to cheat or the level of cheating gone into. Anyway, ensure they are not left alone when they meet.

He had no reason to tell you that. Very unnecessary.

TTNI:
.
I have forgotten this nairaland is a place of sin. they will even encourage a man to commit incest. and not have a problem with it. if a man has a crush on his wife's family, cousin or sister. idont think there is any news for him to tell his wife ooo. he should keep it to himself. okay now that he told me what happened? secondly the ones that he is meant to tell me, the ones that will help him flew from adultery, he doesn't discus that one with me oo, the times he had crushes on women outside our marriage, he doesnt sit me down to share it with me, now he has an illicit crush on my cousin he is sharing that one with me, so that what will happen, i will tell my cousin or what. or so that i will feel less beautiful than my cousin? or what? please kindly tell me how that information is meant to help this marriage grow.

Wow.

marriage stressing people unnecessarily. you have a very honest husband right there, but if you refuse to realise this, you might change him in no time.

but then, "crush" is just a fantasy, most people realise they are been fooled by their imaginations when they finally meet their crush but they would have thrown away good people before then.

even if it true, you can save him from his illusion.

@OP you're over-reacting imo. He shared an intimate secret with you and you showed a poor reaction. Now he will start keeping more secrets to himself. Just have a quick Heart to heart with him to resolve the issue. I don't see any problem here only the one you're making in your head.

Some rubbish has to end in your mind where you conceived it, you don't say it to your spouse in the name of honesty. You would have seen reaction if you said same thing to him.

..

byvan03:
Some rubbish has to end in your mind where you conceived it, you don't say it to your spouse in the name of honesty. You would have seen reaction if you said same thing to him.

Exactly. Let her tell him she used to have a crush on his cousin or brother. let's see if her 'honesty' will stop him from feeling horrible that she used to fantasize about banging his brother.

People don't use their senses sometimes.

cococandy:


Exactly. Let her tell him she used to have a crush on his cousin or brother. let's see if her 'honesty' will stop him from feeling horrible that she used to fantasize about banging his brother.

People don't use their senses sometimes.

If the man is the dramatic type, in laws go hear sef .

byvan03:



If the man is the dramatic type, in laws go hear sef .

Who doesn't know? And some people are telling her she's over reacting.

If she's me, he will go and marry that his crush o. He's only allowed to crush on a celebrity not my sister. And even with the celebrity he has to be really careful about the crush level or have questions to answer.

cococandy:


Exactly. Let her tell him she used to have a crush on his cousin or brother. let's see if her 'honesty' will stop him from feeling horrible that she used to fantasize about banging his brother.

People don't use their senses sometimes.

finally someone understands me. dear people, if you are married please don't go about crushing on your patners family, and If it happens you are crushing please don't bother telling her keep it to yourself and pray about it. tell it to Jesus, not your husband/wife.

cococandy:


Who doesn't knew? And some people are telling her she's over reacting.

If she's me, he will go and marry that his crush o. He's only allowed to crush on a celebrity not my sister. And even with the celebrity he has to be really careful about the crush level or have questions to answer.

Coco you jealous ooooo

byvan03:




Coco you jealous ooooo

I don't play with my heart. Lol

TTNI:

finally someone understands me. dear people, if you are married please don't go about crushing on your patners family, and If it happens you are crushing please don't bother telling her keep it to yourself and pray about it. tell it to Jesus, not your husband/wife.

it's okay Hun. Don't worry you guys will be fine. Just punish him small (not too much) and forgive him later when you're sure he's seen the errors of unbridled crushing.

TTNI:

I have forgotten this nairaland is a place of sin. they will even encourage a man to commit incest. and not have a problem with it. if a man has a crush on his wife's family, cousin or sister. idont think there is any news for him to tell his wife ooo. he should keep it to himself. okay now that he told me what happened? secondly the ones that he is meant to tell me, the ones that will help him flew from adultery, he doesn't discus that one with me oo, the times he had crushes on women outside our marriage, he doesnt sit me down to share it with me, now he has an illicit crush on my cousin he is sharing that one with me, so that what will happen, i will tell my cousin or what. or so that i will feel less beautiful than my cousin? or what? please kindly tell me how that information is meant to help this marriage grow.

Women!!!

If your husband decides to reveal exactly how many women he crushes on/finds attractive on a monthly basis, some of you will just commit suicide.

booked

Where is the openness then....

...the brother was indiscreet. It was a totally pointless and potentially hurtful disclosure, especially if he knows his wife' disposition. Hopefully wifey will not take what should be no more than hurtful and make it damaging....


TV