Hallos Romancelanders

It's soooo long, but please read


I've got this issue troubling me since morning, and I would appreciate insights and opinions on the matter.

It's about a friend of mine, lemme call her Tope(not real name though). We grew up together before my family relocated. My parents kept in touch with hers, even though Tope and myself are not so close anymore.

We both gained admission to different institutions at the same time, although she did a four-year course, while I studied a five-year course.

Obviously, she graduated before me, served before me, and started her MSc programme immediately

Now to the issue:

Tope, who's a year older than myself, has found a man to settle with. But her choice doesn't go down well with her mum. Why? He's of a difference tribe.

I actually thought her parents were just kidding over the issue and would soon come to terms with their daughter's choice after a while, (I mean, who chooses partners for their children these days? ) but alarmingly, they are headstrong

I wouldn't have even known about the issue until her mum shared it with my mum. They were seriously putting pressure on Tope to step down on her decision but Tope (stubborn geh that she is) also refused to step down

When mum shared it with us, we gave our insight on the matter. For me, I wouldn't see any reason why a parent should enforce who to marry/who not to marry on any child (MSc holder in view for that matter ). The reasons why the parents were insisting were:

1. He's from a different tribe.

2. He's not up to her standard academically
(I actually implied this one myself o, cos the guy stopped at HND, but I guess he's working).

Now, Tope's reasons were:

1. She can't settle for just any man. She has a purpose in life, which goes beyond getting married, having children and simply existing. Most of the men courting her are visionless and not purpose-driven.

2. Some of her suitors drink, or practice a lifestyle which she can't settle with.

3. Some others have not developed themselves as fathers. They cannot stand as a father over her and her children.

4. She loves God above all else (even her parents) and would rather go with the man God has prepared for her, than give in to prejudice and undue pressure.

She told her mum that, as long as the mum doesn't permit her, she's ready to wait, even if it's for 20 years, until mumsy permits her. It was mutual between herself and her guy.

The matter got serious that her parents started threatening her MSc programme
They said it was because she had all the freedom to live in the hostel in school (they live in the same environment where the school is, and both parents work in the school) that she's behaving anyhow

Because of the threats to stop her education, she and her guy told her parents that they had stopped seeing themselves, and were committing themselves more to prayers to be more sure about God's will (but they still kept in touch, while hoping the parents would come round).

My dad tried to intervene in the matter, (after several talks with Tope and the guy, to be sure they knew what they wanted). But at the point of stepping in, Tope's mum told dad that the matter had been settled and Tope had given up the idea

Now, dad's at a loss on how to penetrate the parents and Tope is hurting badly

I really feel for her, I know she's capable of making that decision, but sincerely is this right and fair of the parents?

What can Tope do now??

Please help a sad sister!!!




[size=2pt]Rocktation Farano Royalton Mynduu44 please help me move this thread to family section, please... [/size]

I pity her if she leaves that man because of what her parents are saying

Msnelly some parents really need to read your latest update

She should sha do what she feels is best for her, can't say any more

Tope is nt ready yet, wen she is her mum can't even stop here.

skarlett:
I pity her if she leaves that man because of what her parents are saying

Msnelly some parents really need to read your latest update

She should sha do what she feels is best for her, can't say any more

But her parents are blackmailing her that if truly she's 'born again' she'll "obey her parents in the Lord" and listen to their choice for her

To think that she once had a dream that her parents forced her into marriage and she was crying...
When she told her mum the dream, her mum said it means the opposite that whatever choice they make for her will have her smiling through life

ojun50:
Tope is nt ready yet, wen she is her mum can't even stop here.

You really think so? Me, I'm in support of her o, but my dad said something, he said, their refusal just might be a sign that it's not God's will

Dad told me that the lady he wanted to marry before my mum, her father was not in support, but her mother was, my dad's parents were both not in support. That he had to leave her and go for my mum, and he never regretted the decision...

skarlett:
I pity her if she leaves that man because of what her parents are saying

Msnelly some parents really need to read your latest update

She should sha do what she feels is best for her, can't say any more

*Runs off to read the update*

Anugod:
But her parents are blackmailing her that if truly she's 'born again' she'll listen to their choice for her

To think that she once had a dream that her parents forced her into marriage and she was crying...
When she told her mum the dream, her mum said it means the opposite that whatever choice they make for her will have her smiling through life

Anu, you know how much I detest religion and how it messes with humans who ought to use their brains. Your friend has been given a brain by God for logical reasoning, that is where the religious interferance stops to me.
Let her use her brain and do what's right for her because in the end, the choice of a marital partner whether chosen by her or her parents will tell on HER.

skarlett:


Anu, you know how much I detest religion and how it messes with humans who ought to use their brains. Your friend has been given a brain by God for logical reasoning, that is where the religious interferance stops to me.
Let her use her brain and do what's right for her because in the end, the choice of a marital partner whether chosen by her or her parents will tell on HER.

That's true sha... I hope she pulls through. Some parents are just soo overbearing...

All this so called born again parents are just the worse!!... Mchew......make them free that girl o.. ..after all no be them wan stay the marriage.

JeffreyJamez:
All this so called born again parents are just the worse!!... Mchew......make them free that girl o.. ..after all no be them wan stay the marriage.

I jus tire I've tried convincing my mum to talk to her mum, but it's just not working

And they've even finally shut the door to negotiations since she 'mistakenly' told them she's broken up

Anugod:
You really think so? Me, I'm in support of her o, but my dad said something, he said, their refusal just might be a sign that it's not God's will

Dad told me that the lady he wanted to marry before my mum, her father was not in support, but her mother was, my dad's parents were both not in support. That he had to leave her and go for my mum, and he never regretted the decision...

well it all depend on hw strong the relationship is, bt in dis cause her mum is looking @ d regions were d guy came frm nd d guys qualification.

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