There are two schools of thought when it comes to how a girl should respond to a guy's dating proposal. One school says it's important to make the guy suffer because guys value what they sweat for. The other school insists that playing hard to get is immature and if the girl likes the guy, she should go ahead and save time to know if they're even compatible or not. So which one is correct? Which really works well most of the time?

None of the two works well. In fact they both have loopholes that could cost a girl her happiness if her ploy backfires and breaks her heart. Before I bring up the pros and cons, let's investigate why girls need to be careful about how they accept a guy's proposal.


GIRLS STAND TO LOSE MORE THAN GUYS
Who cares more about their reputation in front of their friends? Girls. Who does society look down more on if a sex tape leaks out? Girls. Who feels the stigma more of being raped? Girls. Who'll get pregnant, drop their life's plans and dedicate time to nurse a baby? Girls. Who feels more shame being a single parent? Girls! Girls, girls, girls!!! Let's face it, society hasn't been fair to women for a long time, almost since biblical days. Yet I put it to you that girls are smarter, kinder and more beautifully made than 90% of all men. It's a fact. So for all the above reasons and more, girls have to be careful who they invite into their private world of risks. But the methods of accepting a guy's proposal listed above are below effective. Why?


WHY BOTH METHODS ARE INEFFECTIVE
Accepting a guy straight from the start without much hassles is good IF the guy has good intentions. But how the hell do you know that from the start?? Maybe there's a way but that's a topic for another day. On the other hand, if the guy came with bad intentions, it'll lead to the eventual heartbreak all ladies try to avoid, especially if he was her first love.

But then playing hard to get comes with a mistake MANY girls make - they're never sure when to stop and take a break. They ride on, "wickeding" the guy until he loses interest and walks away. And what if... what if, he was the right one? Just what if...

So how do we strike a practical balance? Here it is:

THE RIGHT WAY TO PLAY HARD TO GET
The right way to pull it off is to use a tried-and-proven technique called FRACTIONATION.

Originating from Neuro linguistic programming, the technique involves delivering a small stimulus at first and withdrawing it, only to repeat the process progressively increasing the amount of stimulus you deliver.

I'll break it down. It means you show him a little interest then back away and play a little hard to get, then much later indicate interest again.

This works so well and is useful as it unnerves the guy making you very unpredictable yet giving him hope that maybe he'll have your heart someday. If he has good intentions, you'll observe how helpless he'll be in your hands. This is good, after all you have more to lose if you make a wrong investment. If he has bad intentions, he'll get impatient and eventually let you be, coz he knows you're playing a game and he most likely doesn't want to fall in love. You are in control.

Seeing your green light now and then your red light later generates tension in the guy's mind that can be interpreted as, "Does she like me or not? Maybe, maybe not. I'm just confused." This will unnerve any guy and then leave you who is in control to study him like a lab rat.

BUT PLEASE BEWARE
Do not get into the habit of demanding things or receiving gifts from him. This will put him back in control as he concludes that you're after his wallet and what's inside. And nobody likes being used. Someday he'll ask for a refund in kind, God forbids, leading to rape. So please be responsible.

All in all, don't accept blindly but don't play TOO hard to get. Remember, green light red light, green light red light...

Green light,red light,green light,red light...noted!

And this is how you end up confusing ladies. Green light. ... Red light light .... Blue light ... Until the guy thinks you are merely wasting his time and finds something better to do with his time. I think we live in a more direct world nowadays; if you love him, observe him and give him a yes or no answer.

A player who knows his game would keep chasing a lady while he has other ladies as backup to keep him busy while "latest" lady decides. It is most likely the guy who has good intentions that would get tired of the back and forth of colour-inspired moods and decide to move on.

Peinstein:
And this is how you end up confusing ladies. Green light. ... Red light light .... Blue light ... Until the guy thinks you are merely wasting his time and finds something better to do with his time. I think we live in a more direct world nowadays; if you love him, observe him and give him a yes or no answer.

A player who knows his game would keep chasing a lady while he has other ladies as backup to keep him busy while "latest" lady decides. It is most likely the guy who has good intentions that would get tired of the back and forth of colour-inspired moods and decide to move on.

If you love her, why would you think she is wasting your time?

Meaning the method works! Coz you already remove yourself from her life.

Ladies deserve to be protected as they have so much to lose if the affair goes south. They know this. Why scare them to make just any choice. Fear isn't good for making sound relationship decisions.

My advice is based on facts, not just a theory. Study up on fractionation. Otherwise educate me if you have facts too. I'm always ready to improve on my knowledge.

Same situation with a Girl presently.. gave me all the Green light I needed...later switched to red...later Green and after small issue Red again....and d truth is..i really mean well 4 her..but it's almst a month now No Green light again....she picks my calls...calls me back when she misses them...but not ready to see me..or have anything to do with me again...the funny thing is, wen I call all she does is listen...so confused right now...if she still truly cares...somtimes I feel like giving up..but she responses to me nice..and it maks me feel bad.

JERRY1925:
Same situation with a Girl presently.. gave me all the Green light I needed...later switched to red...later Green and after small issue Red again....and d truth is..i really mean well 4 her..but it's almst a month now No Green light again....she picks my calls...calls me back when she misses them...but not ready to see me..or have anything to do with me again...the funny thing is, wen I call all she does is listen...so confused right now...if she still truly cares...somtimes I feel like giving up..but she responses to me nice..and it maks me feel bad.

Sorry about that buddy .

Be honest, does she have a guy in her life? If she does, that's a different ball game altogether.

Many times guys find it difficult to differentiate "No I'm not interested in you because I have someone else" and "No not now but if you try harder, just maybe something will happen."

Dating is a game for mature minds. And it can be fun. So does she have a guy in her life that you're aware of?

SDCdatingadvice:


Sorry about that buddy .

Be honest, does she have a guy in her life? If she does, that's a different ball game altogether.

Many times guys find it difficult to differentiate "No I'm not interested in you because I have someone else" and "No not now but if you try harder, just maybe something will happen."

Dating is a game for mature minds. And it can be fun. So does she have a guy in her life that you're aware of?

She's dating no One..kinda positive about that.

JERRY1925:



She's dating no One..kinda positive about that.

Then give her time. Otherwise really, why in a hurry? Let the attraction between you two build up gradually. If she senses pressure, it puts up a huge red flag in her mind.

Perhaps she has an experience from her past that makes a romantic relationship undesirable to her. For instance I and a girl dated once. At first she was very closed off about getting romantic but I kept being there for her. When I sensed something from her past was being an obstacle, I confronted her about it. Before she had promised to let me in on it and I always told her I wouldn't force her. But she relaxed about the whole thing while it threatened our happiness. Feeling cornered she told me that as a 7 year old, an old man abused her and her child hood friend in a bush. Till date she's still trying to work through it, doing counseling confronting it.

So you really don't know what she has gone through. Give her time. Quit focusing on you and give her quality time. Let her trust you naturally.

On the other hand, maybe she has locked you in a friend zone. A different hot water to boil.

Just tell me what you think, then we'll take it from there. There are a lot of variables in a relationship.

SDCdatingadvice:


Then give her time. Otherwise really, why in a hurry? Let the attraction between you two build up gradually. If she senses pressure, it puts up a huge red flag in her mind.

Perhaps she has an experience from her past that makes a romantic relationship undesirable to her. For instance I and a girl dated once. At first she was very closed off about getting romantic but I kept being there for her. When I sensed something from her past was being an obstacle, I confronted her about it. Before she had promised to let me in on it and I always told her I wouldn't force her. But she relaxed about the whole thing while it threatened our happiness. Feeling cornered she told me that as a 7 year old, an old man abused her and her child hood friend in a bush. Till date she's still trying to work through it, doing counseling confronting it.

So you really don't know what she has gone through. Give her time. Quit focusing on you and give her quality time. Let her trust you naturally.

On the other hand, maybe she has locked you in a friend zone. A different hot water to boil.

Just tell me what you think, then we'll take it from there. There are a lot of variables in a relationship.

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She actually said...she dnt even want me as a frnd...or wants anytin to do with me.but she picks my calls and anytim I ask her to call me wen am out of credit she does..so it's so confusing .but her roommate asked me to b patient that she misses me...and I should keep trying...but she's not makin it easy to me.

JERRY1925:
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She actually said...she dnt even want me as a frnd...or wants anytin to do with me.but she picks my calls and anytim I ask her to call me wen am out of credit she does..so it's so confusing .but her roommate asked me to b patient that she misses me...and I should keep trying...but she's not makin it easy to me.

Alright. I understand better now. She's not playing games. And she's not playing hard to get. She's having internal conflict between what she wants in her head and what is attracting her in real life. You don't know her past. Her friend is right, if you love her, be patient. Let her decide the outcome of her inner conflict by herself. But if you want to help her, stop calling her. Let her call you more often from now on. This will let her invest more time into you and hopefully she'll turn around. She loves you. And you're a good guy too. Go slowly.. but let her call you more than you call her. Let her call.

SDCdatingadvice:


Alright. I understand better now. She's not playing games. And she's not playing hard to get. She's having internal conflict between what she wants in her head and what is attracting her in real life. You don't know her past. Her friend is right, if you love her, be patient. Let her decide the outcome of her inner conflict by herself. But if you want to help her, stop calling her. Let her call you more often from now on. This will let her invest more time into you and hopefully she'll turn around. She loves you. And you're a good guy too. Go slowly.. but let her call you more than you call her. Let her call.

My Fear is will she call? I dnt tink she would...I can't really understnd...but I hav dis fear she's not going to call me...she has told me she wnt....she only calls me wen she misses my calls...or I call her and ask her to call me...I guess if I go a month without calling her..she will do same.

JERRY1925:


My Fear is will she call? I dnt tink she would...I can't really understnd...but I hav dis fear she's not going to call me...she has told me she wnt....she only calls me wen she misses my calls...or I call her and ask her to call me...I guess if I go a month without calling her..she will do same.

Then you need to work on your confidence my friend. Otherwise your love life will keep tossing you in the winds.

Over time there'll be coaching programs you could pick from. I just launched Super Dating Confidence, a 6-step program for singles not in a relationship or singles in unhappy relationships.

I'm taking my time. It'll be available soon. Goodluck.

Yet I put it to you that girls are smarter, kinder and more beautifully made than 90% of all men.

If that were true this advice wouldn't have been here now. Most bad luck you mentioned earlier before that all pointed to how less smart they are compared to their opponent in this game of love, including the rape part.

Nice post by the way. Playing hard to get is cool when it is not too much or prolongs conclusion.

SDCdatingadvice:


Then you need to work on your confidence my friend. Otherwise your love life will keep tossing you in the winds.

Over time there'll be coaching programs you could pick from. I just launched Super Dating Confidence, a 6-step program for singles not in a relationship or singles in unhappy relationships.

I'm taking my time. It'll be available soon. Goodluck.

Ok