Hey people, I am really down right now and need some real good advice. Would appreciate if you drop SENSIBLE replies as im totally confused right now,

I am in love with two guys,

Guy one:

Weve been together for years now and I love him dearly. He is a year older than me and has a decent job. Before anything else we are great friends and have our good and bad times, but all in all, we love each other and plan to get married soon. He is the typical everyday and tries his best to please me in a real sense of way.

Guy Two

Gorgeous guy who is desperately in love with me and wants to marry me ASAP. he has all the means in place and he is a very great guy too. Met him through my best friend who happens to be his cousin. He was finding wife and I was recommended. He was a born bred and buttered UK guy and hasn’t been to the country in a while. I haven’t met him in person but we have been talking for the past 9 months and we flow very well. He is hell bent on making me his and has vowed to come in Dec. for the trad. I must confess; he is everything I ever dreamed of in a guy. The first one has flaws here and there but this second dude is near perfect….oh and he is 7 years older (which I consider perfect by the way )

So the question now is WERIN I GO DO?!!! I am so confused as I love the first one based on what we share and who he is. The second guy; I haven’t met, but still feel something really strong for him. No worri guys; I don check: he aint been married before nor does he have any love child anywhere, I mean this guy is quite impossible to believe, his types are extinct! His cousin who happens to be my childhood friend guarantees that he is for real and would make me entirely happy for the rest of my life. I have been through some pretty rough times with the first dude as his people dint accept me at first and stuff but now, they are game.

Please I would appreciate any reasonable advise as I have run out of ideas!

1st of all imagine if dis same guy u "think" u love does dis same tin to u by giving u so much hope den he'd get confused over som oda chick. wud u lyk it? I "SERIOUSLY" tink ur just a "SELFISH" person (no disrespect). but ur just tinkin about dis stuff in a way dat wud benefit only u. lyk u said,u & d 1st guy hav been 2geda 4 somtym,u guys love each other so much,u guys make each oda happy,u guys understand each oda,u r happy about d relationship u hav wit him cos of how u guys get along wit each oda. baby pls tell me wat marriage is about if not about all d above characteristics. I suggest u really sit down & talk 2 urself,find d answer in ur heart. wont u regret it if u throw away "guaranteed" happiness 4 an unsure relationship wit som1 else? I "guarantee" u dat its hard 2 find a relationship lyk d 1 u r in wit d 1st guy. if u throw it away,well, I don't know wat 2 say.but in my candid opinion,I tink u shud hold on 2 d 1st guy. d answer lies in ur heart cos ur d 1 who wud make d decision.so no matter wat me or any oda person suggests,ud still do wat ud do.but think about it rightly & be wise. wish u all d best!

Girl I vote for guy no.1 on the grounds that you both have been together longer and accept eachother flaws and all. Guy no.2 you havnt met and there is some sort of a heightened pseudo connection between two of you and trust me you or he may be disappointed when the two of you meet. But girl your playing a game sha and you cant eat your cake and have it so make up your mind.

taste the cake before u eat it. then compare and choose.

everybody can be friends , doesnt meane we are meant for each other.

life is too short , compare and choose

Guy No 2 will appear perfect cos he's a million miles away and he's new!! But you cant really tell if he is perfect untill you not only meet him, you spend time with him!!

Guy No  1 on the other hand has been tried and tested. He has his faults and you've seen it all. At least you can leave with it.

That being said, I think what you need to determine first is what you really want! How old are you? Can you wait for guy No 1? Are you sure he wont leave you for a younger girl later (he's just a year older).

baddingurl:

Hey people,  I am really down right now and need some real good advice. Would appreciate if you drop SENSIBLE replies as im totally confused right now,  

I am in love with two guys,

Guy one:

Weve been together for years now and I love him dearly. He is a year older than me and has a decent job. Before anything else we are great friends and have our good and bad times, but all in all, we love each other and plan to get married soon. He is the typical everyday and tries his best to please me in a real sense of way.

Guy Two

Gorgeous guy who is desperately in love with me and wants to marry me ASAP. he has all the means in place and he is a very great guy too. Met him through my best friend who happens to be his cousin. He was finding wife and I was recommended. He was a born bred and buttered UK guy and  hasn’t been to the country in a while. I haven’t met him in person but we have been talking for the past 9 months and we flow very well. He is hell bent on making me his and has vowed to come in Dec. for the trad. I must confess; he is everything I ever dreamed of in a guy. The first one has flaws here and there but this second dude is near perfect….oh and he is 7 years older (which I consider perfect by the way )

So the question now is WERIN I GO DO?!!! I am so confused as I love the first one based on what we share and who he is. The second guy;  I haven’t met, but still feel something really strong for him. No worri guys; I don check: he aint been married before nor does he have any love child anywhere,  I mean this guy is quite impossible to believe,  his types are extinct! His cousin who happens to be my childhood friend guarantees that he is for real and would make me entirely happy for the rest of my life. I have been through some pretty rough times with the first dude as his people dint accept me at first and stuff but now, they are game.

Please I would appreciate any reasonable advise as I have run out of ideas!

I hate reading posts like this.This is exactly why we say gurls r confused.U love the 1st guy,yet u wanna throw away everything u guys share cos of a buttered guy in d UK abi?Think about it,if ur 1st boyfriend were to be in ur shoes n decide to choose d person in UK,u go swear for am abi?Well,after all said n done,it is u dat matter most so just choose whoever is gonna make u happy.Afterall,being married to d 1st guy while thinking of d other guy is as good as u being wif d other guy.But keep in mind that all that glitters definately ain't gold.Talking wif someone on phone is dif from actually being wif someone.U only know a person's true character when u live wif them.

Ujujoan:

Guy No 2 will appear perfect cos he's a million miles away and he's new!! But you cant really tell if he is perfect untill you not only meet him, you spend time with him!!

Guy No 1 on the other hand has been tried and tested. He has his faults and you've seen it all. At least you can leave with it.

That being said, I think what you need to determine first is what you really want! How old are you? Can you wait for guy No 1? Are you sure he wont leave you for a younger girl later (he's just a year older).

I'd take guy number two if not for anything, for his age! The age gap is okay! But in choosing him I'll be willing to face anything I get. It's all a risk dear cos even with guy number 2, there are no gurantees of 'happily ever after'!!!

Uju,God bless u for this post!!!

U ever heard that you can love someone and not be meant for that person?!

@Ujujoan,
I don't agree wif ur concluding part though.Age ain't what maturity is about.I've seen guys who r old but still babies when it comes to reasoning.She has to determine whether he's matured.

platinumnk:

U ever heard that you can love someone and not be meant for that person?!

Meaning?

platinumnk:

U ever heard that you can love someone and not be meant for that person?!

I never knew that was possible untill it happened to me!  

ebila:

@Ujujoan,
I don't agree wif your concluding part though.Age ain't what maturity is about.I've seen guys who r old but still babies when it comes to reasoning.She has to determine whether he's matured.

Well, I'm assuming she has judged all that!

Aside from maturity there are things you consider when it comes to marriage. I wont want people asking me if my hubby was my younger brother 20 years from now!

ebila:


Meaning?

meaning that it has happened to me. and it wasnt a break up for someone else. One can mesh well with several people, does it mean she is meant for each and every one? No.

Ujujoan:

I never knew that was possible untill it happened to me! 

One key for every lock. Many keys can fit but only one will turn u like no other.

Thanks guys for your replies,

For starters i can understand y some of you would think im selfish and some others would think otherwise. I am trying to make a life changing choice and i truly appreciate all your response so far. It truly means a lot.

Okay maybe i should stick with guy no 1. But what will i now tell guy no.2 to make him forget about me? It will hurt me to have to do this but really as some of you have said, I would have to be with him to be able to make a better choice. That time i do not have as both have proposed Jan. 2010 as the Trad month. I dont want to break anyones heart really and if you ask me, I WANT BOTH GUYS . Gosh, guys please no vesk as i am not playing anyone. My family think im some kinda mammywater as i am still single till now, Im 34. I need to make a choice, but a good one; afterall, i waited this long to do so!

once again, thanks for your advice,

Ujujoan:

Well, I'm assuming she has judged all that!  

Aside from maturity there are things you consider when it comes to marriage. I wont want people asking me if my hubby was my younger brother 20 years from now!  

U have a point there sha!

platinumnk:

meaning that it has happened to me. and it wasnt a break up for someone else. One can mesh well with several people, does it mean she is meant for each and every one? No.
One key for every lock. Many keys can fit but only one will turn u like no other.

I feel u.But dat doesn't mean she shud throw away all she has wif d 1st guy.It just ain't right.It ain't fair either!

baddingurl:

Thanks guys for your replies,

For starters i can understand y some of you would think im selfish and some others would think otherwise. I am trying to make a life changing choice and i truly appreciate all your response so far. It truly means a lot.

Okay maybe i should stick with guy no 1. But what will i now tell guy no.2 to make him forget about me? It will hurt me to have to do this but really as some of you have said, I would have to be with him to be able to make a better choice. That time i do not have as both have proposed Jan. 2010 as the Trad month. I dont want to break anyones heart really and if you ask me, I WANT BOTH GUYS . Gosh, guys please no vesk as i am not playing anyone. My family think im some kinda mammywater as i am still single till now, Im 34. I need to make a choice, but a good one; afterall, i waited this long to do so!

once again, thanks for your advice,

Dearie listen,wot if u had to choose guy 2,wot would u have told guy 1.Just tell him the truth(doh some guys don't like dat).

baddingurl:

Thanks guys for your replies, 

For starters i can understand y some of you would think im selfish and some others would think otherwise. I am trying to make a life changing choice and i truly appreciate all your response so far. It truly means a lot.

Okay maybe i should stick with guy no 1. But what will i now tell guy no.2 to make him forget about me? It will hurt me to have to do this but really as some of you have said, I would have to be with him to be able to make a better choice. That time i do not have as both have proposed Jan. 2010 as the Trad month. I dont want to break anyones heart really and if you ask me,  I WANT BOTH GUYS . Gosh,  guys please no vesk as i am not playing anyone. My family think im some kinda mammywater as i am still single till now,  Im 34. I need to make a choice, but a good one; afterall, i waited this long to do so!

once again,  thanks for your advice, 

Says much about your family  They should support you and not put you down.

baddingurl:

Thanks guys for your replies,

For starters i can understand y some of you would think im selfish and some others would think otherwise. I am trying to make a life changing choice and i truly appreciate all your response so far. It truly means a lot.

Okay maybe i should stick with guy no 1. But what will i now tell guy no.2 to make him forget about me? It will hurt me to have to do this but really as some of you have said, I would have to be with him to be able to make a better choice. That time i do not have as both have proposed Jan. 2010 as the Trad month. I dont want to break anyones heart really and if you ask me, I WANT BOTH GUYS . Gosh, guys please no vesk as i am not playing anyone. My family think im some kinda mammywater as i am still single till now, Im 34. I need to make a choice, but a good one; afterall, i waited this long to do so!

once again, thanks for your advice,

You shouldnt be bothered about breaking somebody's heart! Untimately, its your life and you'll live with any decision you make.

If you feel better with guy 2 then go for him. Dont marry guy 1 out of pity cos he wont do it for you if the tables were turned.

Ebonyeyes:


Says much about your family They should support you and not put you down.

Trust me they do it with the best of intentions! I'm still a loong way from 34 but I can see my mum's eyes go to my third finger anytime she see me!

Ujujoan:

Trust me they do it with the best of intentions! I'm still a loong way from 34 but I can see my mum's eyes go to my third finger anytime she see me!

I guess you are right It puts unnecessary pressure though which may cloud one's judgment.

ebila:

U have a point there sha!
I feel u.But dat doesn't mean she shud throw away all she has wif d 1st guy.It just ain't right.It ain't fair either!Dearie listen,wot if u had to choose guy 2,wot would u have told guy 1.Just tell him the truth(doh some guys don't like dat).

it isnt fair but it is real. People are going to get hurt. People dont understand this. Everyone is NOT meant for everyone. Seriously

Yes it hurts, ive been there, but it is what it is.

I say dont get with #1 because of the history. Seriously I agree with Compare and Contrast.
If u get with one, and the other will be filled with regret, you will keep wondering what could happened.

Ujujoan:

You shouldnt be bothered about breaking somebody's heart! Untimately, its your life and you'll live with any decision you make.

If you feel better with guy 2 then go for him. Dont marry guy 1 out of pity cos he wont do it for you if the tables were turned.

Totally agree. People walk in our lives for certain reasons. U have to find out why. Good luck

Emperoh:

Poster

I can't say it more than other people but here's one thing?
What image do you have of this guy you haven't seen? Try and evict that idea or a British buttered picking and visualize him
in the same shoes as you first love? Do u still feel for him?
Why do ladies just throw away years of hardwork and great moments, ups and downs for something as ephemeral as age and class.
Pls, stick with your first guy and make things work between you two. The ANgel you know . . . . . . .
KA CHINEKE MEZIE OKWU!!

its not because of age and class, she feels a strong connection. . is she a married woman?
That angel can easily become ekwensu and vice versa.
Dont pity marry.

baddingurl:

Thanks guys for your replies,

For starters i can understand y some of you would think im selfish and some others would think otherwise. I am trying to make a life changing choice and i truly appreciate all your response so far. It truly means a lot.

Okay maybe i should stick with guy no 1. But what will i now tell guy no.2 to make him forget about me? It will hurt me to have to do this but really as some of you have said, I would have to be with him to be able to make a better choice. That time i do not have as both have proposed Jan. 2010 as the Trad month. I dont want to break anyones heart really and if you ask me, I WANT BOTH GUYS . Gosh, guys please no vesk as i am not playing anyone. My family think im some kinda mammywater as i am still single till now, Im 34. I need to make a choice, but a good one; afterall, i waited this long to do so!

once again, thanks for your advice,

@ BADDINGURL I feel were ur coming from wit d pressure 'BUT' still it doesnt change a tin. which of deze wud u prefer? being a wife & friend 2 ur husband (were u guys really undastand each oda & know all ur strong & weak points,u guys can also talk about anytin& evrytin) or being a property(were u wont even hav a say in ur home.ur husband's say's final & ud just feel lyk its a master & slave relationship) no mata how u feel, I just think being wit d 1st guy's d best tin 2 do cos u guys undastand each oda.




[b][/b]

this gurl is Just infatuated by the 2nd guyz money

u wan go UK abi~ dont worry guy #1 wud take u there if u want

please check this thread out

~~wahala dey~~~
refers to people like you~

what comes to my mind is the song- you go see danger danger wahala dey.

u dont need advice. take your choice and make up your mind that whatever you get in the future you must not complain.
i feel sorry for the first guy though cos even if u marry him its always at the back of ur mind to compare him to what u would MAYBE get with janded bobo.

i hope and pray God hooks him up with the woman he deserves cos i dont think thats u!!!

u say ur 34? figures, though one would think u will be better equipped mentally.

and as they say dont marry out of pity. unfortunately all this advisers will not be married alongside u in ur home. OYO LO WA O always remember

my dear.i sincerely hope u wld listen to pples advice and follow guy no 1.seriously at ur age,u shd no dt it wl be monstrous of u to leave d 1st guy like that.how wld u feel if he does that 2u?but i knw dt at the end of the day,u wld do wt u want no matter the advice given to u.cs it realy seems u prefer d 2nd guy.how can u posibly want to marry the two?pity.bt dont say nairalanders didnt warn u.all the best.

190:

this gurl is Just infatuated by the 2nd guyz money

u wan go UK abi~ dont worry guy #1 wud take u there if u want

please check this thread out

~~wahala dey~~~
refers to people like you~

U dont have sense obviously. Cos if you did, you wouldnt be thinking about the money aspect as that is nowhere on my problem list. I work in an international bank and earn enough money to even relocate on my own if i ever want and wherever the hell i want to. So Benz 190, take some air and Piss off!

4llerbe:

what comes to my mind is the song- you go see danger danger wahala dey.

u dont need advice. take your choice and make up your mind that whatever you get in the future you must not complain.
i feel sorry for the first guy though cos even if u marry him its always at the back of your mind to compare him to what u would MAYBE get with janded bobo.

i hope and pray God hooks him up with the woman he deserves cos i dont think thats u!!!

u say your 34? figures, though one would think u will be better equipped mentally.

and as they say dont marry out of pity. unfortunately all this advisers will not be married alongside u in your home. OYO LO WA O always remember

No comment on tthe posters remarks cos really, there is no  need to! Sounds like u have enough issues on your hands already




For all y'all who have given out sincere and honest advice without badbelle and envy, thanks ever so much.

People just dont think before they give out advise, now,in situation like this,the first thing is to put yourself in the 1st guy's place, HOW WILL YOU FEEL?I believe nobody want to be hurt right?try and put you thinking cap on all those people who said you should dump the 1st guy, i pray the samething hapen to they and they com and share it here on NL.

My sister,

If you know and understand the true meaning of the word "LOVE",
you will know that it is NOT POSSIBLE to be "IN LOVE" with two different people at the same time.
Yes you are really confuse because you DO NOT know what "love" means.

You can be "in love" with a person and like (so many) others with different degree of "likeness";
but "love" them? IMPOSSIBLE! And if you think you do, you are mistaken or simply dump!

The guy in the UK you have never met but talk with all the time nonetheless and he seems to be all that our naija brother is not! HOW CONVENIENCE!

My sincere advice/suggestion(s)?

DO A THROUGH SOUL-SEARCHING AND LET US KNOW YOU CONCLUSION(S)

women!! what makes guy 2 a more perfect fit- ego, kudi, owo

u women will never stop to amaze me, once una hear money or abroad

una go begin dey confuse. i just pity the mumu no. 1 that is still loving u.

seems u have ur mind made,
why bother us here with ur tale of shame and greed.

@ poster,
It is very clear you want the 2nd guy,obviously cuz of what as usual you girls like leaving in fantasy land,if he's everything you want in a man and the 1st isn't why did you date him9the 1st)assuming the 2nd guy didn't come into the picture?ask yourself questions and you will know you are living in fantasy land and you are very self centered,no insult meant.There is no need seeking our advice cuz its crystal clear you will go for the 2nd.stop wasting our time here.