I am sorry if this sounds obvious but I lead a sheltered life, I met a girl in Nigeria on my recent visit and I think there is a real possibility that it might develop into something more meaningful and lifelong (touch wood).

I was just wondering whether it might be better for me to go to Nigeria to marry her and bring her to th UK or try to get her to the UK as a student - she is still young and reasonably educated - in IT.

I am a UK citizen, been married and divorced from a European (not for pali - true!). In fact I have been divorced for a few years.

Any useful suggestion will help please. I can obviusly sponsor her education and accomodation etc - I have done that for siblings anyway.

What is the process of a UK citizen getting a spouse to come and join them permanently? The Asians do it all the time, And are there any pitfalls for me if things dont work out? Which scenario will be more painful? I dont intend to keep someone under duress if the person is not happy and will not grass her up if she uses me to get a stay but I really like and I cannot wait to get her in the family - not for cynical reason but there will be a product from the union. She is from a neighbouring village so the union will most likely not end like my earlier with a European. Thanks

yabaduba daba daba daba

You dont know your country laws- how did you become a citizen then? Go away jare- yaba daba daba bla bla bla.

I think that was not a clever reply. Can you seriously tell me that you know every law in Nigeria. How did I become citizen - you should have been able to figure that one out,

Thanks all the same - for nothing!

Seriously, it is a lot easier if you marry her for real. It will be a lot easier for her to settle down, work, study etc. Well if the marriage doesnt work out when she gets to uk, just find your way back to court again. Life is a risk anyway! Good luck.

This 2legit2qui is even dumber than I thought.

This 2legit2qui is even dumber than I thought.

This 2legit2qui is even dumber than I thought.

Thanks to the sensible contributors.

The situation is delicate. I suppose the easiest thing is to go over to Nigeria and marry her and then try to get her to come and stay permanently - at least to do the 2 years first before being given leave to stay.

The issue is that I dont know her that well and it will be a show-gun wedding/marriage because I dont have much holiday times in the year to go to Nja to get to know her better or do the normal relationship building stuff (you know what I mean). Havind said that my folks are working in the background as we speak,

I also only want to do a Registry wedding whether it be in Nigeria or UK. I dont like to make too much noise and certainly dont have the funds to go through the Nigerian wedding shebang - my family knows too many people and it will cause upset and will be very very expensive. A registry wedding in the UK is easy and preferred option but getting to the UK before marriage is not as easy.

It will also depend on the lady - what she wants and how bold she is to leap into the unknown just like myself. Life is a risk - what is the worst that can happen, I am already divorced anyway so got that T-shirt,
I wil proceed with cautious optimism - and engage in some serious telephone dating, loving and pleading I will go and put on a bit of Marvin Gaye - 'Distant Lover'

2legit2qui, i think you should be called "2stupid2post". Bleep you bastard

chris_j:

Thanks to the sensible contributors.

The situation is delicate. I suppose the easiest thing is to go over to Nigeria and marry her and then try to get her to come and stay permanently - at least to do the 2 years first before being given leave to stay.

The issue is that I dont know her that well and it will be a show-gun wedding/marriage because I dont have much holiday times in the year to go to Nja to get to know her better or do the normal relationship building stuff (you know what I mean). Havind said that my folks are working in the background as we speak,

I also only want to do a Registry wedding whether it be in Nigeria or UK. I dont like to make too much noise and certainly dont have the funds to go through the Nigerian wedding shebang - my family knows too many people and it will cause upset and will be very very expensive. A registry wedding in the UK is easy and preferred option but getting to the UK before marriage is not as easy.

It will also depend on the lady - what she wants and how bold she is to leap into the unknown just like myself. Life is a risk - what is the worst that can happen, I am already divorced anyway so got that T-shirt,
I wil proceed with cautious optimism - and engage in some serious telephone dating, loving and pleading I will go and put on a bit of Marvin Gaye - 'Distant Lover'

why not invite her over first (tourist visa) so she can spend some time with you. A month or two months vacation is fine. that way you two can stay together, spend time together and decide if really she is someone you are willing to take the gamble with

if it works out well between you two, then you can consider the marriage option.

you have been divorced once. so you should know better. take your time and study the lady before you decide to walk down the marriage road again.

all the best.

Good last advice. I thought about the tourist visa also but I also dont know how easy that is given that we are not obviously related. The other thing is that the last time I tried to invite 2 nephews over (2 at the same time is much but thtat what the uncle wanted), they were refused even though they are still students in Nigeria. I would have thought a 20something coming on a visit to a bloke might be a red flag,

Yes, tourist visa and getting to know each other better will be best.

* I also co-sponsored a brother for studying recently (visa also renewed after first year- he is still here, I probably have a file wt the Home Office given the number of letters I have written in the last 10 years.

I'll see if the girl is really into me first and take it from there.

Chris

With all due respect you do seem a tad too desparate.

I think Funky has given you the best advice possible,
you really have to get to know the girl better before
making such a commitment. I can narrate any number
of stories where relationships such as yours have
hit the rocks as soon as the foreign spouse has got what she
or he wants, ie permanent residence.

Take things slowly.

Good luck.

I might sound desperate but I have been very independent all my life - and dont usually give a hoot. But there has been a change since I went to Nigeria and I want to put my independent single life behind me - with a Nigerian girl.

Unless I go for a Nigerian already in the UK, there is no way I will have time to develop a proper relationship with any woman in Nigeria. I am not traditional by any means but I know of a few people that literally get wives sent from their villages - there is nothing wrong with arranged marriages or set-up or match-made marriages. I have been married for love and that did not work. I am not too bothered about things not working - nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Relationships are complex things and there are no guarantees even if one takes things slow and one is ultra-cautious.
Thanks for the replies. At least some of you respondent have seen the human side of this thread, And it is real!

Am I reading between the lines right? You got her pregnant (because you say there will be a 'product of the union', you are in a big rush, and say you'll have a shotgun wedding.) In a way it's good you want to take responsibility, but marriage should be a serious thing. Might be better to get a student visa and get to know each other before running blind into a wedding.

Better still, why dont you invite her as your fiance. That way you both get to know each other. I think she stands a better chance of getting a fiance visa than as tourist.

Best wishes

bros leave us alone and contact your home office or lawyer over there

Hi Chris,

I think funky and VOR are right. invite her on a visit, base on the fact that she is your friend who you intend to marry. It is 50-50 chance that they may grant or refuse her visa, but if they refuse her, you can appeal, and most likely you will win the appeal. at least try that option 1st, as you said nothing ventured, nothing gained. I dont think you should rush into marriage with someone you dont know too well.

The problem is will she get a visitor visa if she dont have any strong relationship with someone in the uk, i dnt think a boyfriend counts as strng family ties, but i may be wrong

Chris-j

I think given your personal history(divorced etc) and Immigration history(previous applications you sponsored being refused etc), you cannot afford to let another application be refused, especially with someone you are considering marrying etc. Hence I am not fully in support of her applying as a visitor. As you have rightly pointed out, questions will be asked about what your relationship is with her, what ties she has in Naija that may guarantee that she intends coming back. If as OAM4J suggested, you mention that she is your friend that you intend to marry, this am afraid will make them more jittery that if she comes and you guys don't get on, will she overstay and abscond? if you decide that she is the one, will you marry her in the UK and seek to lodge an application from here, thereby "jumping the queue"?. Not a good idea in my opinion.

It may even be slightly better if she applies as a student but my slight concern with this is that they may question who you are to her and why are you sponsoring her studies. Though the Immigration rules do not clearly state that you have to be related to someone to sponsor them but the stronger the relationship ties, the more they are likely to accept the motive for sponsoring that person. Does she not have close family members in the UK?

The best option, in my humble opinion is that you take the time to visit Nigeria a couple more times(not exactly sure how often you have visited and spent time with her in the past ). If you are 100% sure that she is the one you want to marry(you should know what to look out for by now), then you go to registry in Naija, marry and submit application to the embassy that she joins you in the UK for settlement. You will need to show proof of your previous visits to show that you know her, have spent time with her and this is no "blind love" , pictures you took with her on your previous visits, love letters, birthday/Christmas/valentine cards etc, together with the relevant proof of your status , accommodation etc here in the UK. Submit these in Naija(chances are you will both be interviewed to determine that the marriage is genuine and subsisting) and by God's grace she will be granted settlement.

Any fears as to her "changing" upon arrival in the UK is a matter for you to consider and weigh up, all I can say is everything in life is a risk some higher than others so good luck with that one.

Oh another thing Chris-J, given my opinion that your relationship does not appear strong enough for her to be given a visa to come and visit you, if she has other close family in the UK, they may be in a better position to sponsor(as the relationship ties will make more sense). If she is granted a visitor's visa, then you can get to spend more time with her in the UK(since you may be too busy to go over there as often as necessary). That way you can get to know her better and if all goes well, she can return to Naija and you can then go over do the registry wedding and apply for settlement.

I think based on your past experience you are asking the right questions and trying to do the right thing. Good on you.

Thanks JJM. I so much appreciate your interest and time taken to write your response. I am getting on in age and the whole dating thing is well behind me and like I said there is just not enough time to get to know people these days - even those in the UK.
I dont socialise much with Nigerians - I am in the North West. To be honest I dont like the whole noisy party thing and the showing off especially amongst we Yorubas. Even I were to meet a Nigerian in the UK, I will be more worried about trusting them than the ones that just come straight from Nigeria. Lets just say I am no casanova.

I probably will try to return to Nigeria in about 6 months, And I will see how things develop on the phone and with my contacts (or spies) over in Nja. Seriously, I know a lot of people tht just get wifes sent to them. I even heard about a woman that was sent to a retard (rich kid but) and he almost killed the lady.
If I am really desperate, I will just ask my granny to set me up and she really can do it. She is mortified that I am single and they believe a woman can bring a man luck - yes, a good woman but like they say 'no woman no cry'.

I just want to stike while the iron is hot or I will just go back to my relaxed bachelor life,

All the best Chris. JJM might just have a strong point there. So go to naija, spend more time with her and try to know her a little more. Once again, wish you best luck.

OAM4J:

All the best Chris. JJM might just have a strong point there. So go to naija, spend more time with her and try to know her a little more. Once again, wish you best luck.

I really dont understand what that means?
Spend more time with her, How much time

Know her a little more, Given the time , how much more would U get to know? Point is , not very much. And if she gets the whiff that U are coming home to get to know her more, then O kpari, she will just put on her good side for U.

Actually, ur family trying to do a background check will prove more fruitful than whatever U can do.

VOR:

Chris

With all due respect you do seem a tad too desparate.

I think Funky has given you the best advice possible,
you really have to get to know the girl better before
making such a commitment. I can narrate any number
of stories where relationships such as yours have
hit the rocks as soon as the foreign spouse has got what she
or he wants, ie permanent residence.

Take things slowly.

Good luck.

Hello VOR
How are you doing?
Long time

chris_j:

Good last advice. I thought about the tourist visa also but I also dont know how easy that is given that we are not obviously related. The other thing is that the last time I tried to invite 2 nephews over (2 at the same time is much but thtat what the uncle wanted), they were refused even though they are still students in Nigeria. I would have thought a 20something coming on a visit to a bloke might be a red flag,

Yes, tourist visa and getting to know each other better will be best.
* I also co-sponsored a brother for studying recently (visa also renewed after first year- he is still here, I probably have a file wt the Home Office given the number of letters I have written in the last 10 years.

I'll see if the girl is really into me first and take it from there.

A 20 something year old coming to the UK on a visit visa to visit her ''fiance'' is not an issue at all
If you are stable as you claim and you have all the necessary paperwork, i can assure you 90% that she will be given the visa

Its all about planning and presenting the approriate paperwork.


If you serious on going through this route, i will advice that you two start exchanging regular ''love'' and romantic emails and keep copies of these as it will be a part of docs you will give the embassy.

I think you are really concerned about having kids since you seem to suggest you are getting old. but this is not a genuine reason to rush into marriage

JJM:

Oh another thing Chris-J, given my opinion that your relationship does not appear strong enough for her to be given a visa to come and visit you, if she has other close family in the UK, they may be in a better position to sponsor(as the relationship ties will make more sense). If she is granted a visitor's visa, then you can get to spend more time with her in the UK(since you may be too busy to go over there as often as necessary). That way you can get to know her better and if all goes well, she can return to Naija and you can then go over do the registry wedding and apply for settlement.

I think based on your past experience you are asking the right questions and trying to do the right thing. Good on you.

Totally false !
Boyfriend (fiance) can invite girlfriend (fiancee) to the UK (tourist visa) and babe will get the visa.
I am very sure of this and i know a nairaland couple that this route worked for.

JJM:

Chris-j

I think given your personal history(divorced etc) and Immigration history(previous applications you sponsored being refused etc), you cannot afford to let another application be refused, especially with someone you are considering marrying etc. Hence I am not fully in support of her applying as a visitor. As you have rightly pointed out, questions will be asked about what your relationship is with her, what ties she has in Naija that may guarantee that she intends coming back. If as OAM4J suggested, you mention that she is your friend that you intend to marry, this am afraid will make them more jittery that if she comes and you guys don't get on, will she overstay and abscond? if you decide that she is the one, will you marry her in the UK and seek to lodge an application from here, thereby "jumping the queue"?. Not a good idea in my opinion.

It may even be slightly better if she applies as a student but my slight concern with this is that they may question who you are to her and why are you sponsoring her studies. Though the Immigration rules do not clearly state that you have to be related to someone to sponsor them but the stronger the relationship ties, the more they are likely to accept the motive for sponsoring that person. Does she not have close family members in the UK?

The best option, in my humble opinion is that you take the time to visit Nigeria a couple more times(not exactly sure how often you have visited and spent time with her in the past ). If you are 100% sure that she is the one you want to marry(you should know what to look out for by now), then you go to registry in Naija, marry and submit application to the embassy that she joins you in the UK for settlement. You will need to show proof of your previous visits to show that you know her, have spent time with her and this is no "blind love" , pictures you took with her on your previous visits, love letters, birthday/Christmas/valentine cards etc, together with the relevant proof of your status , accommodation etc here in the UK. Submit these in Naija(chances are you will both be interviewed to determine that the marriage is genuine and subsisting) and by God's grace she will be granted settlement.

Any fears as to her "changing" upon arrival in the UK is a matter for you to consider and weigh up, all I can say is everything in life is a risk some higher than others so good luck with that one.

Are you aware of the new immigration rules of 5400 pounds(that is if the uni is outside london. 7200 pounds is required within london) sitting in the bank account for 28days?

there are two arguements to this for chris's case
a) does he trust this babe enough to leave 5400 pounds in her account for 28days (after paying her fees). this way, the lady can escape the part of explaining her relationship to her sponsor. she will only claim that her parents are her sponsors

b)if chris leaves the 5400 pounds in his personal bank statememt for 28days and gives it to his babe and she presents this to the embassy, how is she going to explain the relationship between them?

its easier to explain to the embassy that you are inviting your girlfriend A.K.A,''fiancee'' over to visit you, than explaining why you are paying her fees and bearing full financial responsibility for her studies.

dont forget, its ''non-appearance'' visa application

In my own opinion, tourist visa is better. they both get time to spend time togetheR. besides, its a two way thing. what if the girl decides that he is not the one for her? at this point, its easier for chris to cast his net elsewhere

I'm cool thx funky.
How are you?

BTW whatever happened to
you boyfriend that was in the
UK, did he sort himself out?

Why, if I may ask were your Nephews turned down?


You have to look at your immigration record as a whole so the fact that you have had two nephews whom you invited, turned down - could count against you inviting your girlfriend (a relative stranger) on a visit visa too.


Moreso, the same issues that sponsoring her as a virtual stranger is gonna throw up, would equally manifest when she applies as a visitor with you being her sponsor too i.e. the reason you are sponsoring her as a visitor or as a student is gonna throw up the same red flag.


As a wifey, she has more ties to you hence more legal right to be with you in the UK, and you already have an upbeat, albeit blasé, whatever will be will be attitude to relationship anyway, so why don't you go ahead and take the bull by the horn and take her to Ikoyi Registry in Nigeria, followed by a small come chop at home, and then she could apply for a Family or Student or a Spousal visa as you deem please.

Chris J

Any progress?

VOR:

Chris J

Any progress?

VORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Funky,

How bodi?

So you are still here dispensing your pearls of wisdom.
I dip in now and then but rarely post these days.

I see Ako and Pataki have pretty much abandoned the forum.
Where in the universe are you at the moment?