Teespice:


relationship advice and marital advice are two different things oga.

I doubt I have seen her give marital advice.

Lying for a friend abi?

ItsQuinn:
I don't know

u had better know b4 u realise ya sef

Ranchhoddas:
Not necessarily. I am just feeling like Sigmund Freud. I know I'd make an excellent psychoanalyst.

And that's why you will remain a broke azz nigga. Overconfidence and pride

Okay

ajokeade920:
u had better know b4 u realise ya sef

ItsQuinn:
Yea by having extra marital affairs, that way your marriage won't be boring and it will last long till death

Lol, your own dey your bodi!

JackBizzle:



And that's why you will remain a broke azz nigga. Overconfidence and pride

Instead of you to dey thank me for this free job wey I dey do for you, you dey there dey yarn another thing, na wa for you self.

Ranchhoddas:
Instead of you to dey thank me for this free job wey I dey do for you, you dey there dey yarn another thing, na wa for you self.

How do you expect me to react when you claim that I love my nairaland archenemy?

JackBizzle:



How do you expect me to react when you claim that I love my nairaland archenemy?

Arrrgggh...Pride. I give up. You have made a decision and you have to live with it. [s]I hope you do not rue this decision on your deathbed[/s]:p:p

Ranchhoddas:
Arrrgggh...Pride. I give up. You have made a decision and you have to live with it. [s]I hope you do not rue this decision on your deathbed[/s]:p:p

lol....I have been around the world and yet, it is one local potomanto that I will lose sleep over?

when beach body baes still dey?

5minsmadness

Read this

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?WT.mc_id=2016-KWP-MOBILE-AUD_DEV&WT.mc_ev=click&ad-keywords=MOBILEFULLPAGE&kwp_0=178895&_r=0

Finally, we marry to make a nice feeling permanent. We imagine that marriage will help us to bottle the joy we felt when the thought of proposing first came to us: Perhaps we were in Venice, on the lagoon, in a motorboat, with the evening sun throwing glitter across the sea, chatting about aspects of our souls no one ever seemed to have grasped before, with the prospect of dinner in a risotto place a little later. We married to make such sensations permanent but failed to see that there was no solid connection between these feelings and the institution of marriage.

Indeed, marriage tends decisively to move us onto another, very different and more administrative plane, which perhaps unfolds in a suburban house, with a long commute and maddening children who kill the passion from which they emerged. The only ingredient in common is the partner.

timbutou what do you think about the bold below, maybe bukatyne can create a thread for it as usual since it seems some people have hijacked the thread to settle their differences

Romantic idea upon which the Western understanding of marriage has been based the last 250 years: that a perfect being exists who can meet all our needs and satisfy our every yearning.

We need to swap the Romantic view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human will frustrate, anger, annoy, madden and disappoint us — and we will (without any malice) do the same to them. There can be no end to our sense of emptiness and incompleteness. But none of this is unusual or grounds for divorce. Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for

Romanticism has been unhelpful to us; it is a harsh philosophy. It has made a lot of what we go through in marriage seem exceptional and appalling. We end up lonely and convinced that our union, with its imperfections, is not “normal.” We should learn to accommodate ourselves to “wrongness,” striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and in our partners.

Or oga TV01 do you think being more religiously grounded could have resolved this
[size=2pt]Dont let mindfulness see this, kimoni won't bother you anyway[/size]

We need to swap the Romantic view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human will frustrate, anger, annoy, madden and disappoint us — and we will (without any malice) do the same to them. There can be no end to our sense of emptiness and incompleteness. But none of this is unusual or grounds for divorce. Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for

Choi

Busy, will respond later.

raumdeuter:
5minsmadness

What you call love itself is predicated on some factors, If you find those factors gone, then the love is probably gone too. E.g the person you love currently if you found out she used to be a man or is plotting to kill you

Also love isn't enough, there are many things like common goals, common background, similar ambition, mutual-respect etc

Exactly Dayo.

I also find it queer when I hear perfect people say that other people are marrying for the wrong reasons. What is the wrong reason and what is the right reason? Is there any generally accepted standard or legal reason why people should marry?

Truth is people marry for different reasons, and it's not always love or should be love. Who says it should? (Which is why I also quarrel with the perfect marriage crew who are quick to judge a forgiving woman for tolerating her husband's excesses, my question is - do you know why they married each other in the first place?)

And even for people who marry for love, there are always some underlying premises or foundation upon which this love is rooted and once the center no longer holds, the so called love comes crashing down.

[size=4pt]Why didn't I see your mention earlier?
[/size]

tearoses:
Most of the issues arise because in the first instance people marry for the wrong reasons and choose to overlook a lot of important things during courtship assuming they even courted at all.

A lot of ingredients go into a marriage, not just love alone. The fear of God, Flexibility, integrity, trust, respect, communication, companionship, time, conflict resolution skills and many other things are very important too.

With the guy whose wife lied about her age, I can understand his disappointment and his wondering if anything else she says is true, I agree divorce is extreme, however reading between the lines he is hurting and it will take time for that hurt to go and the trust be restored.

You see; you can forgive a partner a million times and you should, however each episode erodes a part of the relationship and that is what causes the damage in the long term.
You could argue that if she really loved him too, she wouldn't have done anything to hurt him and that includes not lying to him

I agree there are many facebook foundation marriages abound that at the slightest wind, they fall apart like a stack of cards. Its because the foundation was flaky to start with
Its not the marriage that's the problem, its the foundation and that is what people should be taking more care on before saying I do. May God help us all

1,000,000 likes

5minsmadness:


Waiting for love to be reciprocated to you before you show love is not love. Its a buisness arrangement.


you're a Christian, yes? God did not love you because u loved him first. God loves you whether u love him or not. Hence He sent his son to save you while you were yet a sinner. It is his overwhelming love for you that makes you judge yourself and be truly sorry for your behavior and change.

Anyone can remain your friend as long as he/she doent dish out bullshit. But for the one who once loved you and who you professed that you loved as well, if he or she should stray or betray, your love should be strong enough to withstand major bullshit.

The same God that sent His son to die for us (love) said He hated Esau in the womb; the same God on many occasions destroyed part of the Israelites; the same God will send all those who don't believe in Jesus to hell at the end.

If someone who once loved me betray or stray, it depends on the extent and reason.

Afterall, Judas betrayed once and he lost it.

Again, the Bible clearly warns us not to ne unequally yoked with unbelievers.

raumdeuter:
5minsmadness

Read this

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?WT.mc_id=2016-KWP-MOBILE-AUD_DEV&WT.mc_ev=click&ad-keywords=MOBILEFULLPAGE&kwp_0=178895&_r=0



timbutou what do you think about the bold below, maybe bukatyne can create a thread for it as usual since it seems some people have hijacked the thread to settle their differences



Or oga TV01 do you think being more religiously grounded could have resolved this
[size=2pt]Dont let mindfulness see this, kimoni won't bother you anyway[/size]

So I am now a master thread creator abi? , I need to start charging for my services then. You will be my manager

I agree 'romantic love' is a new construct which is I believe is fine provided both parties key into it.

This love thing sef, my own is that, what happens if the person you are loving stops loving you? Omo that thing dey fear me o.

freecocoa:
This love thing sef, my own is that, what happens if the person you are loving stops loving you? Omo that thing dey fear me o.

The question is why did the person fall in love in the first place and are they conditions(which may have made the person fall in love in the first place)that could change over time?

Don't let it the reason be the booty.

thorpido:
The question is why did the person fall in love in the first place and are they conditions(which may have made the person fall in love in the first place)that could change over time?

Don't let it the reason be the booty.

What are examples of reasons people fall in love that you think cannot fade or change over time or with circumstances?

freecocoa:
This love thing sef, my own is that, what happens if the person you are loving stops loving you? Omo that thing dey fear me o.

Thats why IMO getting married because of "Love alone" a feeling is not enough. Having common goals and mutually agreeable principles is even more important

raumdeuter:


What are examples of reasons people fall in love that you think cannot fade or change over time or with circumstances?



Thats why IMO getting married because of "Love alone" a feeling is not enough. Having common goals and mutually agreeable principles is even more important

People can fall in love out of friendship.Companionship can breed love.You work together or school together and love develops.If that is the case,that kind of love can last forever.

thorpido:
People can fall in love out of friendship.Companionship can breed love.You work together or school together and love develops.If that is the case,that kind of love can last forever.

So what happens if you no longer work or school together and dont have that companionship anymore or another closer companion comes into the picture

raumdeuter:


So what happens if you no longer work or school together and dont have that companionship anymore or another closer companion comes into the picture

The love will fizzle.We're talking about people who want to spend their life together however and they will keep the fire burning- maintain communication continually and make efforts to be in contact with each other.

raumdeuter:


Thats why IMO getting married because of "Love alone" a feeling is not enough. Having common goals and mutually agreeable principles is even more important

I think I actually agree with you, love is not enough, but then people always change, therefore I guess sometimes(if not most) we can't really say what will happen in a marriage.

thorpido:
The question is why did the person fall in love in the first place and are they conditions(which may have made the person fall in love in the first place)that could change over time?

Don't let it the reason be the booty.

Thing is, due to popular belief, there shouldn't be conditions in love, therefore a person is love, isn't supposed to change, regardless of what their partner become.

I don't see how that is possible, which is why I'm starting to rethink this whole love thing.

freecocoa:
Thing is, due to popular belief, there shouldn't be conditions in love, therefore a person is love, isn't supposed to change, regardless of what their partner become.

I don't see how that is possible, which is why I'm starting to rethink this whole love thing.

It depends on what brought about the love.Did he fall in love because of her physical features and did she fall in love because of his financial status and physical appearance?If that is an issue,things might change with time.
If however they fell in love after they had developed a friendship first,it's usually strong enough to sustain them.

thorpido:
It depends on what brought about the love.Did he fall in love because of her physical features and did she fall in love because of his financial status and physical appearance?If that is an issue,things might change with time.
If however they fell in love after they had developed a friendship first,it's usually strong enough to sustain them.

Can it be called love when it is based on physical appearance or money?

Even if they were friends before it happened, friends are subject to change, so...

freecocoa:
Can it be called love when it is based on physical appearance or money?

Even if they were friends before it happened, friends are subject to change, so...

That's what I'm saying.The 'love' that comes based on physical appearance can change because physical appearance changes.

Frendship is subject to change as you rightly said but I've looked at several people I know who found friendship first that developed into love and years later,I still see that love between them.

Unfortunately, this assertion here is irrational, illogical and senseless. To say the least, it just makes no sense.
What rubbish of an advise.

"Don't marry the person you love" and went on to say "Love the person you marry".

ajokeade920:
The thing is don't marry the person you Love but Love the person u marry.

I will love who I marry

thorpido:
That's what I'm saying.The 'love' that comes based on physical appearance can change because physical appearance changes.

Frendship is subject to change as you rightly said but I've looked at several people I know who found friendship first that developed into love and years later,I still see that love between them.

Okay.