I am a young man in my late 20s, who struggled to get all I could to be a man and promised never to hurt my wife in no form.
I dated wife for two yrs before marriage. she was a very caring girl friend, loved by every member of my family before and after the marriage.
TROUBLE:
I left the country to further my studies in America while my wife was pregnant for me but she lost it while I was in the state after four months trying
to get her to join me. I tried harder for her visa because of her situation and always come back after each exams to see her.
She eventually got the entry visa to join me. Meanwhile the last visit was 10 months before she joined me as we were sure she would be joining soon but
due to some delays at the embassy. All along I was giving her the same salary monthly like in her office.
SURPRISE:
My wife was already over 5months pregant when she joined me. I never noticed this but got to know after two months with me (making it seven months) when we
visited a doctor for a pregnancy test. The scan revealed its 30 weeks (seven and half months)old. This means she got pregnant for someone else within the that
period we were apart. I didn't do anything in the hospital but got home to discuss the meaning of the period and its implications.
She denied all this that she doesn't understand but later confessed it was a night party with her friends from the office that made her have sex with a guy
she met at the party. she got to realise she was pregnant only when she was coming to join me. All the was slap her twice and realised it wont solve
solve the problem. I walked out of the house for some hours and when I came back I found a letter which
Read's Dear boyzone, I deeply regret my action and will like you to find a place in your hearth to forgive me. You have done nothing to deserve this.
May God provide you a good wife that will not bring shame to you and her family
I quickly called her and she came back to the house later. I asked where she was heading as she doesn't know anyone here and she said she wanted to kill her self
and at this point she already took some drugs with spirits to terminate the pregnancy and also kill herself if possible. In minutes she started feeling the pains in
her stomach from the effect of the drugs. I took her to the hospital again and was quickly treated and told to be admitted.

ADVICE:
Your advise is urgently needed. Feel free to advise me if I'm wrong at any point as well.

i am speechless

Pls call a family meeting. don't let nairalanders miss lead u.But na waoooooooooo. if i av my way i won't get married

OMG!! This is so sad

I know shit happens and what not, but mehn, how could she?!

If u love her enough just learn to accept the situation cos God knows best. When the child is born, treat it as urs. Unless of course the woman is something else, and u don't wanna have anything to do with her.

Good luck man.

Bros, just do away with her and move on. Just within a period of how many months and she was pressured by friends . Please move on and drop her like a piece of shat and please make sure you inform your folks and hers too .

Wot if her drink got spiked?

Which advice would you give to your own sister, if she is overseas, waiting for her husband to be to join her and he might get his visa and than she told her, well it just happend i was out with my mates, my mates put my dxx in the grils and made me fuXX her and NOW she just gave briths to my first child.

If you can tell your sister, No Problem, be the second wife and give this guy his papers, than you can go ahead with your wife to be.

Ah. . .interesting view on the matter.

In this case, guy run for ur life



But hey. . .POSTER, if u were in her shoes and u got a chick pregnant would u want ur woman abroad to 4give u?

wow

@kellorah ^^dont be asinine .
Beloved poster, this is so unlike me, but i will suggest you forgive your wife. she sounds contrite. Remember, out of sight, out of mind. she simply got carried away, happens to the best of us- man or woman. Ask yourself, if she did not get pregnant, would you know about the one-nighter? Have you both been mutually exclusive sexual partners from the beginning of your lives?
What am trying to say, my brother, is that in the grand scheme of things sex is quite an insignificant activity- much like scratching an itch, taking a shit, cutting your hair etc.
 Of course, I do not suggest fuking anyhow, but if a situation is irreversible, the best you can do is forget it- no big deal, okay?

jidobaba:

@kellorah ^^dont be asinine

Please quote me so I know why I deserve to be called such. 

People on NL are always quick to call the next person names, kmt.

BTW, wot makes u think your advice is better than the one I've given?

ogbeche77:

Pls call a family meeting. don't let nairalanders miss lead u.But na waoooooooooo. if i av my way i won't get married

A family meeting? if he's an adult why does he need a family meeting on this, naija ppl we like to involve families too much in our private lives.

The solution is simple; there are only 2 sides to a coin, if you can 4give her take her back but if you can't 4 give her please don't bother to take her back don't let her influence you with suicide attempt and some emotional farewell letter

goodluck

This one pass me.
Sorry dude.

@poster !!!!! what do you mean by stranger?

DO NOT CALL A FAMILY MEETING. DO NOT CALL A FAMILY MEETING. Okay I had to write that in caps. You two should handle this on your own. What will getting family involved do for you. Nothing but make an already bad situation worse. She is sorry. It will take a lot out of someone to forgive such a thing but if you think you can forgive her then do so and move on with your lives. You two just need to come together and discuss this as there is a child on the way

Yes pls do not involve family till you have made a final decision in the matter, and if possible don't even involve them at all. What you may forgive your family will never completely forgive.

Dont involve no third party,ur family or hers.
Its up to U,Oga,no one can make any decision for you cos u wud be the one to live with the effects,positive or negative.So did she get to terminate the preggie with those drugs she took?Do you think you can live with the knowledge that ur wifes first child is not urs?do you love her enough to want to forgive her?How true is her story,do u believe it was a one night stand mistake?
Well,love forgives but yet love aint stupid.If you think u can forgive her but cant father the child,she can have the child and give it up for adoption.I am only worried that ur wife cudnt tell u the truth till u found out urself. . . .says alot.
Pray u make the best decision for yourself.

If you think you cannot handle the hurst pls let each one go there separate ways

If you think that child will constantly reminds you of her act each day and she could be mistreated by you b/c of that

on the other hand forgive her

ifyalways:

Dont involve no third party,your family or hers.
Its up to U,Oga,no one can make any decision for you cos u wud be the one to live with the effects,positive or negative.So did she get to terminate the preggie with those drugs she took?Do you think you can live with the knowledge that your wifes first child is not urs?do you love her enough to want to forgive her?How true is her story,do u believe it was a one night stand mistake?
Well,love forgives but yet love aint stupid.If you think u can forgive her but cant father the child,she can have the child and give it up for adoption.I am only worried that your wife cudnt tell u the truth till u found out urself. . . .says alot.
Pray u make the best decision for yourself.

give it up for adoption is hard.

BeAt hEr; slap her; kill her; cut her inshut do anything. . . . . .That so unfair!

Sorry ooh, i am now afraid of getting married cos i intend to get married here in Nigeria and then leave for the UK to further my studies (MSC and PHD) but with your experience, i am afraid of what will happen.
Please poster, take heart, go to the church and pray, ask God for divine direction and i tell you, you will get your answers. Spend a quiet time with your God (cos you need him) and you will never be disappointed.
Good luck

dani1luv:

BeAt hEr; slap her; kill her; cut her inshut do anything. . . . . .That so unfair!

dani1luv:

BeAt hEr; slap her; kill her; cut her inshut do anything. . . . . .That so unfair!

take am easy oh, nothing shd make u beat a woman. . . u cld just walk away in divorce

Thanks for all your comments and advice, they are making sense to me and I have short period to make this decision please. Its matter of life, death, family and culture.
I initially thought this would be too much for nairalanders as I have been reading others story on nairaland and never thought I would become a part of such statistic.
Thank you all once more.

such a sad thing

I am speechless. Please though poster, update us.

Actully this is not a new thing found in the life our women today,i know it's hard to face but you just have to be a man, site her down,make her feel alive then aks her question for a good and clear understand. I want u to belive nothing happens without a reason, for how careful u drive ur car, the bus stop u see for sure good luck,

Let me get this clear.
You love your wife and you had been away from her for a long period of time, and naturally one would expect you would bed down with her as soon as you guys re-united. So how the hell can you say you did not realise that she was 5 months pregnant?

i'm not a girl and all that, but at 5 months + pregnancy is usually pretty visible. Taking a pregnancy test at 7 months?

I'm not buying this cock and bull story.

She's only trying to emotionally blackmail you.

Get rid of her and move on with your life.

God will provide a better one. How can she have sex with a stranger and decide to keep it. It must be someone she is very intimate with. Someone who she knows too well.