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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? (27970 Views)
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Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by missyge(f): 11:43am On Oct 19, 2016 |
dollarlander:Thnk u my dear |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Nobody: 11:53am On Oct 19, 2016 |
jaybee3: 1. There should be secrecy pertaining to certain information about assets/finance from the other party if need be because of various reasons too many to mention. Let me ask you, will you give me a key to your new BMW x6 to drive in a busy traffic area if you know that I can't or don't know how to drive? 2. Honesty should encouraged at all times is not a good answer but just alright but in some sensitive issues honesty doesn't apply so wisdom calls. I expected better answers from you but rather got questions and an alright answer. 3. Revisit that squarely? a wise person should be able to ascertain the personality and behaviour of his/her partner before embarking on the journey of marriage and personality is not something you can change in others, it has no switch! a good scientist is an amazing observer, problem dictator and solver so why embark on a mission that is likely to turn sour 80% of the time? where the other party will see you judging them as unfit to handle this or that. Most people can't handle the truth about themselves so they will despise you for making it obvious to them so in order to save everyone headache you do the needful. Do you give a toddler a corrosive substance to hold for you? hell no because chances are the might destroy themselves with it or you or waste the corrosive for what you initially plan to use it for but if its a fellow competent partner then the team will put two good heads together and handle it. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Nobody: 12:00pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
fav444:The only reasonable answer from a female I've seen on this post so far, thanks to you. "IT DEPENDS". |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Nobody: 12:11pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
missyge:lol hahaha hahahaha you sound like a good person dear and I guess you're still very young with innocent mind and unharmful motive but not every female wants that information with good intentions and love has nothing to do with being financially responsible so why put both on the same scale? if she's a materialistic type there is everything wrong with her knowing. you believe she won't ask for more than I can provide?! really? do you truly believe that statement? how many times have we all seen where a wife is demanding more than the husband can provide? gazillion times since the time of Abraham. OK I see by managing you mean when she is able to know when I have money so that she can ask me for some and when not to ask me, well that's just like the red and green traffic light and not managing. Our parents and grandparents didn't do best but we all have to do better, thanks dear. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by missyge(f): 12:22pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
icedbeatz:I also understnd whr ure comng frm n heading to. But d basis of all is knowind the kind of woman we re dealing with.... |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by jaybee3(m): 12:30pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
First and foremost, secrecy in marriage is a recipe for disaster and you need to stop approaching issues with a narrow mindset since it can’t be applicable everywhere. You are encouraging secrecy because Nigeria’s divorce law doesn’t favour the woman cos if it did then surely there wouldn’t be any point in hiding assets since you will be forced to split it halfway if and most likely when found Having said the above, I don’t understand why anyone would want to hide assets if one of the reasons for being in a marriage is to provide stability for the family. It’s a disservice for the family when the state have to claim assets that can’t be directly linked because of no known next of Kin. icedbeatz: What stops you from putting steps in place that ensures I’m able to drive effectively and in turn become self-sufficient? icedbeatz:Please list the sensitive issues that will make a man/wife hide finance from each other Are you working for yourself or the family? I’d already suggested people deal with issues of unrealistic expectations or financial recklessness. It’s a lot easier to identify issues and explain the rationale for your action so as to ensure sustainable improvement whilst solidifying the base of the relationship icedbeatz: It’s all about your approach. I won’t tell my wife you are bad at managing money hence the reason for me hiding assets or whatever I will go to her with the issues, implications of the identified issues and suggested action plan to improve status quo. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Dadsonval(f): 1:01pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
icedbeatz:The reasons are many! For a man and woman to be pronounced husband and wife, there must be NO SECRET btw them anymore. @ icedbeatz, If ur are married and u still ask this question, i pity u. If u're not married, kindly go for godly counselling. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by TheArchangel(f): 1:04pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
icedbeatz:All this for me You did good...you did good. I just hate being cheated on in virtually anything or I take my revenge. I didn't marry cos of love as I do not believe it exist, just mutual understanding and respect the kind you find in business partnerships, and honestly it sure as hell is working for me. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Genesis2000(m): 1:06pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
eyinjuege: Thank you so much. You re actually referring to me. Lol. Everything that has an advantage also has a disadvantages. My wife knows how much am earning, but not because am righteous but because my salary is not too good. When i collect my salary i will bring it out completely, and we share it accordingly, you know what i mean? House rent, thought which comes up annually. Light bills, school fees, foods stuff, just name it, will be distributed accordingly. When it has been exusted, then she will happily start from there. That's how i have been surviving this recession.lol.. But the disadvantage of it is that, no unnecessary spending again, lol. Thank God am not a womannizer or you just help anybody anyhow without her knowledge you must give account of it when you gets home. Lol. My brother it is not easy ooo. But the funny part of it is that, i don't even care to know how much she has, i don't want to cause trouble in my house. She is a business woman, had it been she is working, enhe, i would have jokingly or comfortably ask her how much she is earning. Although my wife is a good manager. 1 Like |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Nobody: 1:10pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
jaybee3:I observed that your problem I'd that my motive for keeping "financially irresponsible" and materialistic wives in the dark on salary of the husband is because of what he tends to keep for himself after divorce settlement so my friend you're the one with a narrow mindset and by the way I can't go into marriage without a prenup, so that debunks it. Secrecy pertaining to financial issue and even in the states you can still hoard money from your spouse, I'm not encouraging that but what I'm saying is if you have a materialistic and financially irresponsible wife knowing that if she knows your income that her frivolous demands tend to shoot to the sky then its not advisable to disclose such information to her. Talking about "teach her to drive instance" we're talking about personality, something deep in an individuals psych which the operate by and can't be easily influenced or changed and not everyone has the self discipline to change or drop bad habits and not return to it after a while most people with drinking problems/alcholics are prime example. Yes you're making money for your family but if your partner is a not financially responsible why aid them with such information? to test them? Dealing with unrealistic expectations or financial recklessness is a wonderful suggestion but these are two different individuals and there are windows of disagreement and if the other party vehemently decide not to come to terms with your arrangements or suggestions you won't "make" them do it rather you come up with ways to achieved the plans. I'm talking from the perception of guys with wives that are impossible/unreasonable but if you have a financially responsible wife with good head on her shoulder by all means disclose all necessary info. About the issue of banks or lawyers sweeping your assets or fund under the rug in situations like death we have too many technologies that can aid you in revealing such Intel to your next of kin which you can personally package with enough evidence that can stand any fraudulent plan or motive. When you mention divorce is that not a good reason not to reveal your financial status to your spouse in such bitter case? because women go into rip him off, destroy him and wreck him financially mode in court so won't it help if the man smartly and careful hide such financial information since is now a game of opponents instead of teams. As regards to approach we are humans and can only ascertain probabilities, possibilities but never assurance in some situations, let's use divorce as example; how many wives or husbands have tried to convince their partners that divorce is not the solution and succeeded and failed? although approach counts but its not an assurance so why should we play Russian roulette with such issues. My point is if your wife is unfit to handle finances responsibly then you need to apply some ideas in order to save the family from financial wreck but if she's got good game in her dome then thank God you're blessed with a team mate to run and handle things with. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by jaybee3(m): 1:12pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
Genesis2000:How is the inability to cheat because of scarce resource a disadvantage? I'm sure it's a subtle humor so no biggie |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by jaybee3(m): 1:16pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
@icedbeatz Please apply appropriate paragraphs into your rebutal so i can respond accordingly Thanks bro |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Nobody: 1:24pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
Dadsonval:lol hahaha thanks for the advice but I don't need it though, I like how you put it, for a man and woman to be pronounced husband and wife, there must be NO SECRET btw them anymore but reality check have proved gazillion times that most people don't honour that line of no secrets. Yes I'm love the idea of not keeping any secret with the lady that God will link to me that I'll marry, I plan not to hold any goddamn secret where she is because I believe she will be morally upright, financially responsible, understands the df bw wants and needs and more that are in my specification of a wonderful wife and I will be a wonderful husband I believe in two way street and working your own miracles my dear but for the peeps that have good reasons not to tell their wives its all good. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Nobody: 1:33pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
TheArchangel:Now this is what I love about people that are straight up with their intent, no fling bull or blurry crap or hiding under the cloak of love or marriage to extract some information which they tend to use negatively. @the ladies screaming no secrets, If only Samson knew better. My dear enjoy your marriage and I'm glad its working out like you planned. Be upfront with your intents people, asked them should the husband tell his wife what he earns and most only replied with questions and trying to play the emotional card and stuff like marriage and honesty. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Matthiasdav: 1:43pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
As long as you let your church committee/Pastor/Workers know how much you earn by simply multiplying your tithe by ten, you av no reason hiding it from your spouse. Little boy's opinion though. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Genesis2000(m): 1:48pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
jaybee3: |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Genesis2000(m): 1:49pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
jaybee3: You don't know that most men flaits because of too much money. Lol. But in a situation whereby you gives account of your spending, you know wount do that. Lol. Unless you want to cause wahala for ur house. jaybee3: You don't know that most men flaits because of too much money. Lol. But in a situation whereby you gives account of your spending, you know wount do that. Lol. Unless you want to cause wahala for ur house... |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by chocodaviva(f): 1:50pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
1bkaye: |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Nobody: 1:57pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
@jaybee3 my point is this, telling your spouse the amount you earn depends on the type of person your spouse is be it he/she. You can give a successful investor money to invest for you which is a good move but would you give a crack head money to hold or save for you? if a wife can handle your finance judiciously then by all means disclose your salary and brainstorm ideas to make more money together but if she can't handle money and love to spend on frivolities then its a good decision to keep her in the dark about your salary. I hope you understand but if you don't its alright bro. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by jaybee3(m): 2:10pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
icedbeatz: Thanks for the summary Sir I think there are two separate issues entirely. Openness - Honesty falls under this and i encourage it Empowerment - There isn't a one model fits all for this since all relationships aren't the same. In my household, we have dedicated responsibilities where proportionality of salary determines the ratio of contribution (I don't envisage a situation where i would expect my wife to pay more than 50% even if she earned more than me). |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by jaybee3(m): 2:12pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
Genesis2000: That's why my preference is dedicated responsibilities I'm not interested in what she does with her money outside of her dedicated responsibility vice versa |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by engrDTIN(m): 4:04pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
Hnmmmmmmmmm.just short of words.. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Dadsonval(f): 7:49pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
@ icedbeatz, so help u Lord, but its better to look for better spouse. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by micfoley: 12:57am On Oct 20, 2016 |
A real man should let his wife know how much he earns. If u can't trust your wife enough to let her know then u shouldn't have married her in the first place. Moreover, if a woman who lives with you wants to find out how much u are earning, believe me she will. In marriage, husband and wife are one. Why should u be hiding info from your own self |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Stoical: 7:48am On Oct 20, 2016 |
Genesis2000: Me like this your statement. This is what I practice and believe me, it's been working well since we became companions. The thing is, wisdom is very essential here...understanding the kind of spouse you have #veryimportant. I say this because a woman will sometimes in very rare occasion want to be a "woman", same applies to a man, so that is where wisdom applies. (never one should think that the spouse will always be 100% understanding o. From experience, times will come that they will act deviating from the original plan), wisdom demands you accommodate, by ignoring or adhering; then have a sit-down discussion later on to ascertain what could've brought about such deviation. My brother, continue in your act and you will have peace of mind o...very important, esp if your income is sizable. I must equally say, that you continue same when the income increases...imagine she/he finding out later that you have been telling her/him lies...hmmmm (na only God can help in that o). It is better to always have projects each year, so that no matter how plentiful your income may be, you guys know what and what each %age is going into...by the way, if you complete the task for that year in record time, why not take out time with your spouse and do better shopping (for you, family members and the needies) #mytakeonly and I am not even close to a saint yet o...peace! |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Genesis2000(m): 9:40am On Oct 20, 2016 |
Stoical: God bless you so much. See i will not lie to you, there is absolute peace in my house now, even with the little salary am receiving. It is wisdom as you have rightly said, and young boys of these days does not know these. I can tell you categorically that we are building a small house somewhere in Lagos, you will not believe i do save money in her own private account for that very project. Like you said earlier even if i still receive a good money i will still let her to know since am already used to it. I don't hid anything from her, and besides what am i even want to hide in the first place, i don't have a girl friend, the only problem we use to have before is drinking. But thank God i no longer drinks again. And if i see anything i like i buy it and bring it home and she sees it. That does not make me a fool, i knows what am doing. Atleast am they one who bought all my electronics. Listen there is no Angelic woman anywhere. Every woman is a cross, and nobody will carry your cross for you, and the way you carry this cross matter alots. Do you read a post on nairaland here where a woman promise to pay 500,000 to kill her husband? I know alots of women will tongue lash her for doing that, however they can also do it even more. But sir, judging by what that woman said concerning her man, do you know that that man is very wrong,inhuman and wicked man. Some stupid people says here that the man pays his tithe that why God deliver him, and they have forget that it is those innocent children that save him. Note this. Wherever you see a Peaceful home, know it that the man of the house have sacrificed alots. Thank sir. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Stoical: 11:26am On Oct 20, 2016 |
Genesis2000: God bless you and your home sir. You lose nothing in having peace of mind. However you set out to achieve that, please do and always follow you conscience. The story you refer to...I saw the thread but didn't open it because I didn't feel it was necessary for me, however, it could be so inhumane for one to think of taking another's life not to talk of setting out to do that. Sir, I will never support such a person no matter our seemingly good your reasons maybe. There are always a better way out Best of luck in your project...will start mine by next year, God willing. Atleast, under a year, 10 months to be precise, I am married, with a car and a plot of land. ..All within 1 year and my pay is a little above 150k...to God be the glory.(ouch! exposing my "linen" in public) It took the ingenuity of my wife for this success...mind you, she is just a corper...I bless God for the future we see together. Cheers Bro! |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Genesis2000(m): 12:09pm On Oct 20, 2016 |
Stoical: Oo God bless you too, nice to hear that, goodluck in your achievement. The bible says can a man put a fire in his bosom and shall he not be burn? Ps. Never undermine any woman, women are weak in their physical strength but are stronger than men in their heart. Go and ask Samson. Alots of people thinks they are more righteous than Samson. Whatever we see here is lesson for all of us to learn. Am also not in support of that woman action either. But oga the person wey don die na him loose. I hope you understand what i mean? You can blame the woman from now till tomorrow, but the man should be blamed more. Believe me he is living today because of those innocent children of his. Whatever a man sowed shall he reap. Onceagain i like your write up, God bless you. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by Nobody: 7:14am On Oct 24, 2016 |
Dadsonval:Yes it is. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by dollarlander: 7:23am On Oct 26, 2016 |
icedbeatz: You are right sir. There are exceptions here and there. |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by nurseafrica: 2:06am On Nov 22, 2016 |
TheArchangel:Cheya na so ur bros go de do child support em wife go de feed am. Lol E go good oooo |
Re: Should Married Men Tell Their Wives How Much They Earn? by papauju(m): 5:28pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
Tinalex:you have a point there |
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