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Mothers, How Did Your Husband React When You Were In Labour? / What Were Your Concerns Before Marriage And How Did It Turn Out After Marriage? / How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? (2) (3) (4)
Re: How Did I Get Here? by sisisioge: 7:52am On Nov 20, 2016 |
wapu: Omg! So sorry to hear this. Could he have been hugged by craaze? Biko take care of yourself and allow his family or him pick as much of the bills as possible. Don't even think of doing it alone. It is well. |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by cococandy(f): 8:01am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Yea how did you really get into this. What a mistery. You claim you paid the bride price before even having sex with her. So that means you really did plan to marry her. So what's that about marrying for pity in your post. What pity? Dude. |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Onegai(f): 8:26am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Ishilove: Belle. See, Nigerian boys and girls grow up in a Nigerian Family, surrounded by Nigerian Society. Just imagine all what you have heard and seen about Marriage in Nigeria, what percentage was good? But whilst girls are taught to accept, manage and deal with the situation, 75% of boys are taught nothing positive. So the girls and boys grow up and when Adult, Marital and Parental responsibilities rear their heads, the boys usually go fleeing. Their flight usually coincides with "She's pregnant for me". I'm not bashing guys, it is a guy that explained this to me. He said no matter how much a Naija guy claims to love a girl, once she is pregnant and they have not wedded fully, the guy goes into panic mode. Because he has not spent his life preparing for Marriage, he spent it preparing for How to Make Money, Buy Car, Build House in His Village, etc. My friend did the same thing to his wife. My hubby would do the same and judging by so many tales on NL, so would 75% of Naija boys. I haven't met a single one of the other 25%, you know, the "my bf heard I was pregnant, stepped up to the plate instead of panicking and taking out his fear on me and fully supported me till this moment as my husband". I'm really hoping to meet one soon. 2 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Berbierklaus(f): 8:41am On Nov 20, 2016 |
KevinDein: |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Berbierklaus(f): 8:44am On Nov 20, 2016 |
wapu:You have a point,and thank God you were able to detect this. God will see you through ma"am you are a strong lady 2 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 8:50am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Pidgin2: At the detriment of his happiness? 1 Like |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 8:52am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Onegai: Not peculiar to Nigerian guys but guys world over. |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 8:55am On Nov 20, 2016 |
wapu: Your case is very different from his as the distance between the North and South poles. Don't bring the anger you've built up on the op. If your husband is irresponsible to you, something is responsible and you can either find out or you move on. 3 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 8:57am On Nov 20, 2016 |
cococandy: It's very possible and he stated that all he did was to please his dad. I believe he's the first son and most people don't know the situation we find ourselves in.. ..most times against our own happiness and needs. 2 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 8:59am On Nov 20, 2016 |
NevetsIbot: Thank you. There's just a very thin line between love and hate and most importantly when you love for pity.. ...or you get entangled because of pity? That's just the beginning of the end because one won't even know the source of his anger and reactions. 2 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 9:02am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Pidgin2: Maybe some of us don't know what it means to be selfless. Don't you think that if your grandmother had a choice, you would be alive today? Or if your mother (that's if she was betrothen to your dad) had a choice you'd be alive? And even so, do you think because it worked for your parents it would work for others? Sometimes the best and optimal solution is separation and divorce. 1 Like |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 9:08am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Ishilove: No he's not. But going by what you wrote, you may be the threat. to good reasoning 2 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 9:13am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Berbierklaus: Or when you can unconscious manipulate your man? 3 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Nobody: 9:29am On Nov 20, 2016 |
wapu: madam, there is more to this your matter o. dated him for four years, got engaged 7 months before traditional wedding. your own is stronger than op's Dking99's parents endeared him to the girl and played an active role as they think the girl is a perfect wife material, did anyone do that in your case? NO let's temper justice with mercy 1 Like |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Nobody: 9:30am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Dking99, what makes you unhappy about this arrangement? |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Nobody: 9:34am On Nov 20, 2016 |
dangotesmummy: are you living under a rock? what has love got to do with having an erecttion or sex? That is not an admissible argument abeg. 1 Like |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by dangotesmummy: 9:41am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Joavid:it is.men claim they are only ATTRACTED TO THE WOMAN THEY LOVE OR CAN ONLY HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN THEY LOVE |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Nobody: 9:41am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Captainbells: y'all need to calm down. paying bride price, especially the affordable ones is no big deal. In most cultures, the groom doesn't need to be present. the parents can do it on his behalf. now, what is a big deal in today's world is taking an oath at the altar or in the court. Traditional marriage is not marriage o |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Nobody: 9:43am On Nov 20, 2016 |
dangotesmummy: a man can sleep with anything that has boobies and a vagina. that's the attraction. Women too have sex with men they don't love. Kongi is kongi |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by dangotesmummy: 9:47am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Joavid:konji has eyes and it can see It has brain and It can reason IF not a man can just grab a pretty woman that fits his taste sexually and rape her in broad day light so stop blaming konji |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Nobody: 9:53am On Nov 20, 2016 |
mysticgal: I think the mistake you are making is taking the word 'legal' to compulsorily mean court. Legal simply means 'according to the law', which could as well be customary law. If you do traditional marriage or marriage according to customary law, it is a legal marriage. In the same vein if you want to put an end to the union, you have to go through the traditionally accepted way of ending customary marriages. Returning the bride price and all the other acknowledged acts of divorce under the customary system is itself a 'legal divorce'. Legal divorce does not equate to divorce by the courts. 1 Like |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Ishilove: 9:58am On Nov 20, 2016 |
kaboninc:This is the kind of comment that reinforces my conviction that many Nairalanders type first, think later. In your mind you're making sense, shey? I'm responsible for what I write, not what you understand. The man doesn't love her but used the excuse that he wanted to please his parents to go through all the motions of courtship and marriage, and now the poor lady thinks she's now a happily married woman, meanwhile the op is here yarning dust. Kaboninc use your head when next you want to quote me abeg. 3 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Nobody: 10:07am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Dking99: Op, the part I quoted in bold caught my attention. What do you mean by "we stopped"? Is it that you stopped the marriage because it was built on pity or you guys stopped having sex. If it is the former, then it means your wife herself has acknowledged the fact that you don't love her and already agreed to stop the marriage. In that case you can just end the marriage, marry someone you love but take good care and responsibility for your child. It can be terrible being trapped in a loveless marriage. |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Nobody: 10:26am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Ishilove: Is the part in bold based on what you assumed for the OP and the lady or what you garnered from the OP's post. The OP clearly wrote that; "it was obvious to both of us that there was no love between us", and "during marriage course, it was clear that marriage built on pity and parental influence was bound to fail.". Those words do not paint the picture of a happy marriage. Without a rebuttal from the lady saying otherwise, I wonder how you arrived at the conclusion from his post that the wife thinks she is happily married It's like you unilaterally entered the marriage, assumed the position of the wife and imputed happiness just like that. Yes there are many men who do a lot of stupid things to please their parents. You can accuse the OP of being spine less, not being a man, not being able to stand up to his parents and all sorts, but that doesn't change the fact that from his story, he has allowed himself get into a loveless marriage. It is better to get out now than live the rest of his life like that. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Amber7(f): 10:48am On Nov 20, 2016 |
wapu:So sorry, God will see you through |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 11:35am On Nov 20, 2016 |
Ishilove: You have just confirmed my fear that you could be a threat to good reasoning. When you people talk, nah, it's very funny how you put words and meaning together. He said he did what he did to please his father. Whether it was wrong or not, you don't know.. .but you've judged. What good reasoning would have done in this case is to ask why would he want to please his father? What circumstances led to him pleasing his father at the expense of his happiness? And as usual, herd mentality, you forgot the lady too has a choice - a choice to say NO! A choice to refuse the relationship most especially if she knew he wasn't happy with her. And don't tell me any bullshi.t that she never knew or didn't see the signs. She KNEW! What I had expected from people like you who claim to think before they talk is to find out why he did what he did. So next time, yes there's freedom of expression but do the public some good by thinking and allowing good reasoning to prevail before expressing yourself. |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 11:37am On Nov 20, 2016 |
adeaks: Please tell her. She thinks before she writes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Ishilove: 1:38pm On Nov 20, 2016 |
kaboninc:I told you to use your head before quoting me, didn't I? You obviously didn't. Before commenting do you think I didn't take all that into cognisance? You just stretched forth your fingers to type without thinking it through. Define 'herd mentality', because you're obviously using phrases you lack basic understanding of. 5 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 2:00pm On Nov 20, 2016 |
Ishilove: If you had used your brain - even a little of it - you won't be having problems with good reasoning. If as you claim, you took into consideration these issues, you won't be doing nuisance to good reasoning and common sense. 'Herd mentality', like the other sheep here who 'think' and 'reason'in 'one direction' am afraid that is what is playing out here. Or you wantu school me? Teacher. Mentioning you sef, e dey enter your head. Buzz off! 2 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by PresVA: 2:01pm On Nov 20, 2016 |
Everyone is saying op was forced into the union but I think otherwise. . if he was forced, then there wouldn't be room to end the union as he wants to do now, he would have gone ahead with the marriage regardless. . He actually had options. . why didn't you reject your parent's proposal then? why now that the lady is pregnant? It's easy to tell him don't marry out pity bla bla bla.. but put yourself or your sisters in op fiancee's shoe ...mtcheew not telling you to marry someone you don't love but didn't you know all along? Why didn't you reject your parent's offer earlier? People should learn to be careful of their choices and be willing to take responsibilities afterwards. .. Also, I don't believe the agreement to breakup was mutual if not there will be no need for this thread from the op... I hope your fiancee finds peace and a much better man when you break up with her... 5 Likes |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by kaboninc(m): 2:06pm On Nov 20, 2016 |
PresVA: If my sister or a female friend or if me, I'll tell her that it's best we're separated that be forcefully joined together. Sometimes we have a choice to say no, but do we also have the power and strength to insist on NO? Until we know what circumstances the op found himself, we can't conclude. They both never wanted the union....at least from the op's pov |
Re: How Did I Get Here? by Ishilove: 2:13pm On Nov 20, 2016 |
kaboninc:If you didn't spew the same stuff that comes out of your unkempt anus over and over, I wouldn't have to keep repeating myself over and over! Did I not warn you to borrow yourself brain before quoting me? Am I to bear the burden of your half coherent thought processes? Must everyone agree with your point of view? Your own idea of 'good reasoning' is very frightfully silly because all you have displayed here is idiocy upon idiocy. You're the one who needs to buzz off because I was on my lane when you crossed over from yours to quote me in an attempt to impose your inane world view on me. As the great Wole Soyinka succinctly put it, you're a noisome, nattering nitwit of the internet. Cease and desist from quoting me because I'm beginning to feel the gravitational pull of your double digit IQ. You're ignored henceforth. 5 Likes |
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