all this Chris brown and Rihanna story seems like child's play compared to what my friend is going through.
she is married with three beautiful children but her husband will not stop hitting her.
at this point i think he is crazy,now she has become Anaemic and Hypertensive ,the situation is so bad that her breasts cannot produce milk to breastfeed her barely 2 month old baby.

at one point she ran away from the house, and i tried to see if we could get her a job at least to take care of her baby, but her mum convinced her to go back because of the kids. at this point i'm scared for her life. if he doesn't stop she might die.

i cannot advise her to leave him and i cannot go to his people for help because she says in his family it is a normal thing, they all hit their wives.at this point i do not know what to do, and she stays far away from me so i cannot be checking up on her regularly. what would you guys do?i feel guilty not doing anything about it.

Why can't you advice her to leave him?  He's never going to change.  You can't eat your cake and have it.  It's either she leaves him or he kills her one day.  Make your choice.

PS: instead of telling his people, why not tell her people? Tell her dad and her brothers.

Didn't she see the way his brothers were beating their wives before she got married to him? Besides what the hell was she thinking when she bore him three kids?

Life is not all about your pussy. What happened to using your brain?

dakkylove:

all this Chris brown and Rihanna story seems like child's play compared to what my friend is going through.
she is married with three beautiful children but her husband will not stop hitting her.
at this point i think he is crazy,now she has become Anaemic and Hypertensive ,the situation is so bad that her breasts cannot produce milk to breastfeed her barely 2 month old baby.

at one point she ran away from the house, and i tried to see if we could get her a job at least to take care of her baby, but her mum convinced her to go back because of the kids. at this point i'm scared for her life. if he doesn't stop she might die.

i cannot advise her to leave him and i cannot go to his people for help because she says in his family it is a normal thing, they all hit their wives.at this point i do not know what to do, and she stays far away from me so i cannot be checking up on her regularly. what would you guys do?i feel guilty not doing anything about it.

Why? Does the mom want her to die in the house first?

That is Nigeria for you o! until she is 6feets below, they will still tell her to try and manage just for the sake of marriage.

Girl you can help her get herself out of the situation by convincing her to leave, its better the kids have a single mother than non at all.

if you care about her so much i will advice that you take her away from the house even if it is by force. i have 2 aunts that have died as a result of a violent husband. the first was beat by her husband till he broke her rib cage, she was taken to the hospital. the doctors didn't know because no x-ray was carried out, she died a month after. the second was beat till she took a knife and injured him, he in turn stabbed her to death. he is in prison now. the best you can do is get her out of there and fast! her children should come along with her.

make her realise there is life after divorce

You people fail to see these aspects:

1. She is not working
2. She hasn't got the support of her family
3. She has three kids for him
4. Wife beating in his genes and he has the support of his family.

michelin89:

Didn't she see the way his brothers were beating their wives before she got married to him? Besides what the hell was she thinking when she bore him three kids?

Life is not all about your womanliness. What happened to using your brain?

I agree with you; sometimes, people can see the signs but they ignore them. Why marry into a family of cowardly boxers? To make it worse, she had three kids.

she can come live with me
i would gladly board her~

190.yaris:

she can come live with me
i would gladly board her~

I hope with her three kids?

it was her choice to marry him; let him kill her. Plus it seems as though her mother wants her to die. So who am I to be concerned ?

[s]but her mum convinced her to go back because of the kids[/s].

   

Duduknight:

I hope with her three kids?

no she comes alone
the kids can stay with their father

if she needs my address
i would gladly share~

first off,fine she is at fault for marrying him in the first place cos we all warned her, he used to beat her up while they were still dating.
but does that mean I should turn my back on her.
she comes from a very very humble home and her father is dead.
her mother(like most nigerian women) feel it's better to stay with her husband than become a single mother,
besides she doesn't have job,so how can she take care of her 3 kids.
she didn't even tell anyone that he still used to hit her until the issue escalated to the point it has become.
I cannot go and drag her out of the house,on what basis, i have no evidence and the police will probably not interfere with the guise that it is a domestic issue.

her siblings have warned her to leave him, but where will she go. they are not standing on their own two feet as it is.
the last job she had, because he used to come and pick her ealier than the closing time, and he would not allow her work on saturdays they sacked her.

she believes that maybe if she gets a job and brings money home to the house, things might get better. for now i can only pray for her, but the situation is unfortunate. i cannot turn my back on a friend, but there is only so much one can do, besides if i become too vocal on the issue people might tell me to mind my business.

her husband comes from a very wealthy home, one would have thought as enlightened as they are, they would not be so callous and believe me they will do anything to protect their son's reputation.

i heard they have centres that can help abused women, if you guys have their contact, perhaps they can help.

All the warning signs were there, but refused to acknowledge them. Now she's suffering the consequences. I just hope that other girls in abusive relationships will take note and learn from other peoples mistakes.

i find it hard to have any feeling other than disdain and anger at ur friend but for the sake of the kids,
i advice you to talk to her and let her know that irrespective of whatever silly reason she chooses to saty with him, its highly possible her kids will hate her when they grow up. Yes its a known fact. she could die and then would she want the kids to grow up in an abusive home?
she better get her act together n get the hell out of that place.
its not going to be pretty,
she'll fight with her last drop of blood (u said his family is wealthy n supports his hitting her) especially when she goes with the kids, but she has to do it.
aint this what churches are for?
go to ur church with the kids and ask for accomodation.
go to women centers
surely there are

What sort of mother does that? So she would rather bury her child. So all her siblings combined cannot help her while she goes to court at least get enough from the husband to cover their tuition and upkeep? If her siblings really care for her they will step up. They can't leave her there to die.

All you can do is sound your concern and be a friend, she and I mean she is the only person who can get herself out of this situation.

Thanks guys , i guess i will tell her to inform her pastor. perhaps he can help in talking to him.
i hope she will be able to open up to her pastor, she has been hiding this abuse for so long.

The fact that the signs were there before she got married to him and she still went back to him after he had beaten her up several times. . .I have no pity for your friend. . .

Such peeps never learn till when its too late. . .and I don't blame her in a way the mother is a foolish woman to endanger her daughter's life just because of her greed and concerns over what people will say if she leaves him! 

sexyLeamon:

All you can do is sound your concern and be a friend, she and I mean she is the only person who can get herself out of this situation.

She is the architect of her predicament. Tell her to treat the man well, let her close her mouth 4 an hour and am sure the man is in question is not a mad man. Men are like BEE, treat them well they will lay honey, treat them bad, they will sting u to death, thanks. VICTOR Abj.

sexyLeamon:

All you can do is sound your concern and be a friend, she and I mean she is the only person who can get herself out of this situation.

She is the architect of her predicament. Tell her to treat the man well, let her close her mouth 4 an hour and am sure the man is in question is not a mad man. Men are like BEE, treat them well they will lay honey, treat them bad, they will sting u to death, thanks. VICTOR Abj.

u r nt her friend poster cos if u r her friend,u would hv @least informed her folks abt the problem.How can a sensible and responsible man be hitting a woman? in this age and time? having responsibility does not make u responsible

nethacker:

u r nt her friend poster cos if u r her friend,u would hv @least informed her folks abt the problem.How can a sensible and responsible man be hitting a woman? in this age and time? having responsibility does not make u responsible

Yes is awful to beatup a woman but no man is kool like ice water one day he must surely react. You may be cool and quiet person but it does not implies to another man. Some are hot tempered like viper.

victorazy:

Yes is awful to beatup a woman but no man is kool like ice water one day he must surely react. You may be cool and quiet person but it does not implies to another man. Some are hot tempered like viper.

I get annoyed a lot and I'm yet to beat up anybody. If you can't stand your wife, get a divorce.

@Victor seriously it has nothing to do with her mouth, i don't want to share some other stuff that goes on in that house but i can assure you that what she tolerates few women even pple that have spent all their life in the village will tolerate that. for instance when he comes back home from work at 5 p.m he orders her to bathe the kids and take them to bed and for her to join them while him and his friends take drinks at the pent house.

if that is not the mind of a mad man what is.

as for the guy that said i am not her friend, you are entitled to your opinion and just so you know, her family was aware of her predicament before me, i only found all this out recently when she ran away from his house and opened up to me.

it is easy for us all to criticize but so many people are influenced by so many things in life to form their character.
me for instance evryone knows right from when i was a toddler that I would not tolerate any man for any reason whatsoever hitting me but where two people are married, you have to try and be careful on the kind of advise you give out.
i told her not to go back but what can i do, it only makes me feel guilty that not much has been done for her, but what can i do?

dakkylove:

first off,fine she is at fault for marrying him in the first place cos we all warned her, he used to beat her up while they were still dating.
but does that mean I should turn my back on her.
she comes from a very very humble home and her father is dead.
her mother(like most nigerian women) feel it's better to stay with her husband than become a single mother,
besides she doesn't have job,so how can she take care of her 3 kids.
she didn't even tell anyone that he still used to hit her until the issue escalated to the point it has become.
I cannot go and drag her out of the house,on what basis, i have no evidence and the police will probably not interfere with the guise that it is a domestic issue.

her siblings have warned her to leave him, but where will she go. they are not standing on their own two feet as it is.
the last job she had, because he used to come and pick her ealier than the closing time, and he would not allow her work on saturdays they sacked her.

she believes that maybe if she gets a job and brings money home to the house, things might get better. for now i can only pray for her, but the situation is unfortunate. i cannot turn my back on a friend, but there is only so much one can do, besides if i become too vocal on the issue people might tell me to mind my business.

her husband comes from a very wealthy home, one would have thought as enlightened as they are, they would not be so callous and believe me they will do anything to protect their son's reputation.

i heard they have centres that can help abused women, if you guys have their contact, perhaps they can help.

Marrying for wealth.

michelin89:

Didn't she see the way his brothers were beating their wives before she got married to him? Besides what the hell was she thinking when she bore him three kids?

Life is not all about your womanliness. What happened to using your brain?

Craze for wealth can lead to blindness.

Duduknight:

I agree with you; sometimes, people can see the signs but they ignore them. Why marry into a family of cowardly boxers? To make it worse, she had three kids.

What other sign are you talking about when there is much wealth to be enjoyed.

REALLY FELT SORRY FOR HER .
Really hate it when a man hit a woman.
But did she marry him cause of his wealth? Since she knows he is a brute.

I pray the ones that are yet to marry will not make mistake in chosen their life partner. (Amen)

Abbey_city:

She shld leave!

Well, thats y we single are crying for our young ladies to plz do not marry a man because of money but because of love, the true bond, money will come at last. Someone may have loved her so much and was ready to dies 4her, but money bought her away 4m him cuz i can figure it out that this man is wealthy. As an architect to be, a man living in a "Paint House" he must be indeed wealthy. Paint House is a simple luxurus house commonly in the Western Countries, not common in Nigeria, but u can barely find them in some of our cities like Abj, Lagos etc. owned by ministers. So my sister, is not advisable to put asunder what God has joined. Let her taste the bad side of marriage, i pitty her shaaaa

victorazy:

She is the architect of her predicament. Tell her to treat the man well, let her close her mouth 4 an hour and am sure the man is in question is not a mad man. Men are like BEE, treat them well they will lay honey, treat them bad, they will sting u to death, thanks. VICTOR Abj.

im highly tempted to call u a fool for this statement but as u can see, i overcame the temptation
so ur saying she made the man abuse her right from when they were dating to after three kids?
again i say im very much tempted to call you a fool