EfemenaXY:


Hmm...odd, but fascinating story.

This is what happens when people bow to societal pressure and rush to get married even when they're obviously ill-prepared for it.

Madam, you've walked straight into poverty and the sooner you accept your reality, the better for you. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being poor, but you need to learn how to sit up and cope with your situation.

I don't know what your culture is (not that it matters here), but it does sound very traditional, very communal and you need to adjust. There is a saying, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

You knew the situation before walking into that marriage. You knew your husband was a low earner and couldn't afford his own place. You knew you'd both be living with your inlaws and you certainly knew your inlaws cooked with firewood etc.

What you need to do is come down to their level. As a new wife, this is your opportunity to learn from the older ones. At this stage, you'll be forgiven for making mistakes but expected to learn. From day 1, you ought to be very observant. So papa doesn't like your food - what do you do then? I'll tell you: when mama (MIL) wants to cook, take off your high heels, tie wrapper, and follow her to the backyard and learn how to cook with firewood. Find out what he likes and ask mama to teach you. Learn how to go down on your knees and work that grinding stone. See, there's a way to cook soup and there are ways to cook that same soup.

The same soup cooked the traditional way (grinding stone, fire wood, etc) would taste different from one cooked the modern way (blender, gas cooker, etc). I even heard / read somewhere that the smoke from the firewood gives its own special flavour. Find out what ingredients MIL uses for cooking his food too. Maybe she's not into Maggi but prefers traditional spices.

Let me ask you something: how come your "jobless sister in law" seems to be getting on well with the family but you aren't? Or you think she doesn't get tongue lashed by her in-laws too? I bet she does. The only difference between her and you is that she was smart, and quick to learn. You need to do the same too.

I think I kind of get where they're coming from too. Right now they probably feel you aren't even frugal with money. Rather than spend a fortune paying for kerosine/ gas and modern amenities, go for the cheaper traditional options and save that money towards getting your own place.

In the meantime, better start practicing family planning and go on contraceptives. Hold off on having kids until you both are financially stable.

I followed your advice, initially, it was tough but now everything seems working fine

I gave birth to twins and I and my husband status stepped up. we both got a better job than the previous in the same town but can't rent a house because my father in-law won't allow us to rent a house in the same town.

Now I even got a far better job and I am to move to another town! How do I clear the inception my FIL has given people cos it breaks my heart when I am been badmouthed.

Nic3:
I followed your advice, initially, it was tough but now everything seems working fine

I gave birth to triplet and I and my husband status stepped up. we both got a better job than the previous in the same town but can't rent a house because my father in-law won't allow us to rent a house in the same town.

You were advised to go on contraceptives and hold off on having kids till you both were financially stable. What was the rush if you don't mind my asking?

Nic3:
Now I even got a far better job and I am to move to another town! How do I clear the inception my FIL has given people cos it breaks my heart when I am been badmouthed.

Is your husband in support of you lot moving out of the family home? Who will look after your triplets while you and Oga are out hustling?

I think your FIL is right and you should remain where you are. For now.

EfemenaXY:


You were advised to go on contraceptives and hold off on having kids till you both were financially stable. What was the rush if you don't mind my asking?

I got pregnant immediately after marriage,


The job I have can fend for my family and we can all live comfortable. My husband was the one that got me the job.

Nic3:
Now I even got a far better job and I am to move to another town! How do I clear the inception my FIL has given people cos it breaks my heart when I am been badmouthed.

You are asking about one of the world's greatest mysteries. When you get an answer, please let us all.... Or maybe, just maybe, move on and accept that which you cannot change...

Nic3:
Now I even got a far better job and I am to move to another town! How do I clear the inception my FIL has given people cos it breaks my heart when I am been badmouthed.

Forget about what people think about you and forge ahead. What people think or say about you doesn't define you. Everyone can't like you, boost your self esteem and watch people fighting to be close to you. Just move on with your life.

focus on your immediate family alone