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What is the everything you are giving up?

Nne, he should come back home to meet your parents, that is the right to do. Yes, I agree you shouldn't let it bother you, but his presence is also very important.


Give him time to clear whatever the problem is then you guys can visit Nigeria together.

It's too early for me to gv advice on this.. Person above me don talk am finish...

I understand ur concerns which can not be undermined. But honestly,i think he should wait and clarify his paper issues before you guys embark on marriage cos i wont even support you marrying him without your paterents blessings. Marrige is a lofe long thing so do not be in a hurry to go into it or even be cajoled into it. Remember he is 1 person u'r gonna spend d rest of your life with,the father of ur unborn children,so please calm down and do things right.
If he is not ready to calm down and meet your parents,then he is not your man. Stand firm and resolute in him coming down to naija to do the needful.
Never rush to marry so that you dont rush out.

Fly your parents abroad na, shebi if mohamed does not go to the mountain, the mountain will go to mohamed

honestly i dont no aw to adviz u cuz am not in ur shoe. Al i no is it not proper to marry without ur families consent! Think twice cuz luv is not enof in marriage

5minsmadness:
What is the everything you are giving up?

I Tire oo,have u tried explaining the situation to ur parents.why not introduce both parents to each other..why are u trying to destroy a good thing in ur life

Why the rush? Give him time to sort out his paper issues. Next year still dey but don't get married without your parents consent.

These people talking about him sort out his paper don't understand how abroad is?
You better use your head properly,to find a good man/woman is not easy abroad ohhh since you've found yours,better explain to your parents so they can help you find a way round the issue.
Let his parents go n meet your parents on his behalf n let him start speaking to your parents on the fone.
I assume you have papers so you better get married to him n start living your life.

Sorry, I'm not seeing any problem here. He's simply facing some temporary setbacks which can be cleared soon...

Or is there something you're not telling us? Is he saying that the marriage plans should go ahead here in Nigeria without his presence

Don't get married without him meeting your parents first.He should keep working on getting his papers sorted or you look at the possibility of your parents travelling to your base.

Is the problem just the papers or you are concerned about something else?

Person wey get head nor get cap
my sister u don go shiloh before? dem plenty hia, wey dey look for better half
im still trying to figure out your problem here ooo
nor be say the guy dey cheat, nor be say u get belle for am he nor collect am, and nor be say he dey beat you talkless say he dey drink..
do you really need an advice at all..im still wondering.

They have said it all...marry that dude girl.

It's your shoe so you known better how hard it hurts. However I agree with sexymoma. Talk to your man and find out the details of his papers and how best to move forward. Ask for help if you have to in resolving the papers. Stand by your man and resist temptation. A good man will value that as priceless

don't marry without him meeting your parent.

dont let peer pressure/online pressure or the fear of being single make you make hasty senseless decisions .

@Op, i think there's something else you're concerned about.
You seem not to be very sure/ peaceful bout the whole thingy.

It's not compulsory for you to go back home to be married. After all, a lot of people travel abroad to have their weddings these days.

If you're totally cool with him, i believe you guys can find a way to sort things out. Like his family seeing your people while you invite your parents over for the ceremony.
Your fam can do a background check on him even before meeting him.

I don't think you'd have much problems getting your people to give their consent if he's all you wrote up there.

Whatever you do, pray and choose wisely.

All the best!

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tannystacey:

@Splinz. yes. That was what he was suggesting, but i said no

He can't get married to you that way, he must sort out whatever challenges he's facing and return home to do the marriage proper.

Good you said no.

sexymoma:
Person wey get head nor get cap
my sister u don go shiloh before? dem plenty hia, wey dey look for better half
im still trying to figure out your problem here ooo
nor be say the guy dey cheat, nor be say u get belle for am he nor collect am, and nor be say he dey beat you talkless say he dey drink..
do you really need an advice at all..im still wondering.

so to drink na sin?

They live in different cities. She doesn't see him often. Most of what she knows about him are what she knew through the phone. She is worried she doesn't know him enough. . Besides, which issues about him can you not tell your friends about. Or am I missing something? Surely this isn't about papers.

Listen to ur parents . Hw much do u know him ? Ur relationship has been happening on da phone , u just met dis yr . Neither of u have papers buh he wants to get married in dis country . Maybe he thinks it wud help with his papers , idk . Listen to ur parents , let dem meet him first , dey r marriage counselors n know wat dey r saying

This your story looks like cut and join. but from what i can make of it, deep down you have reservations about marrying him as do your parents cos you've been in LDR, also, you're worried about the uncertainties and your future together due to the country, paper, immigration issues.

so verily I say to you, take your time, discuss your fears with him, listen to your parents and by the time he gets his papers, you should know if you want to move forward or pack up shop.

good luck!

Joavid:
This your story looks like cut and join. ck!

Abi.. I have not seen a more disjointed story in a long while.

He is sorting his papers;
However you want him to see your parents.

Except if you are telling him he sees your parents now or you walk out of the relationship. That is the only reason he would say you are not fighting for him.

So basically just stay with him through the process of sorting his papers and support him while he does the needful when his papers are complete. Must you get married during the process?
What happened to giving it a year or more time?

Seriously i don't get the issue here except maybe she's not telling us the whole truth.

tannystacey:
thanks Everyone.

Initially when I was planning to come over, he wanted us to do an intro. But because I still needed to spend quality time with him without the distance barrier, I hesitated. I told my parents then, and they were like they just have to meet him in person, to at least have an idea of who their daughter is getting married to.

Now They talk on phone, whatsapp and all. He wants us to get married. And I totally understand that. He is almost thirty five and he really wants to start a family soon.
@Dbestdoc and others, the only issue I have is he never told me about the permit issue till i got here. I know families can meet, but my family is quite sensitive to marital issues. My parents are marriage counsellors themselves, and being the first, they have been talking about my marriage for a while and they are very sensitive about it. I intend to talk to them though.

@Splinz. yes. That was what he was suggesting, but i said no.

From all you have said eh,

I dont think you want to marry this guy.

Dont get me wrong oh, i am not forcing you to do anything, but looking at the way this thread is going, you have even began to put doubts in my mind.

This guy is good and kind and blah blah, yes we get it.

But I don't think you love him.
Either that or you are scared of commitment.

sexymoma:
Person wey get head nor get cap
my sister u don go shiloh before? dem plenty hia, wey dey look for better half
im still trying to figure out your problem here ooo
nor be say the guy dey cheat, nor be say u get belle for am he nor collect am, and nor be say he dey beat you talkless say he dey drink..
do you really need an advice at all..im still wondering.

Ahhhh!!!! Finally someone speaks my mind!

@op, please I am yet to see your problem too o. What is confusing u? The guy said wait for him to sort things out. So what's the problem? You can't wait? Do you have other suitors? Is someone Dying soon that you'll say time is of the essence? You don't want to stand by him now that he's having challenges?

Fine then, do like someone else suggested. Fly your people to your location so they can meet the guy. Otherwise, don't come back tomorrow and complain about how u left this great guy for another and now you are regreting it.

tannystacey:
I have been dating my bf for about 2 yrs now. Initially we were communicating on phone as he was outside nigeria. Earlier this year, I got admission in the same country where he was for my post graduate, and though we were in different cities, we could see, schedule visits and all. We have had our issues, but he is an amazing person. I have met his parents in Nigeria, and though he has not met mine, they communicate on phone regularly .

The issue now is, he wants us to get married. He has wanted it from day 1. I deeply care about him, and I love him, but I really dont know if its the right thing to do. We had plans to come home this month so that he could meet my parents, but he recently told me he has issues with his stay here, So Somehow he cant travel out of here, because of permit issues. I got to know that when I got here. All through the year, he's tried to sort it out but to no avail. I cannot do wedding in absential. My parents have even said they have to see him and meet him in person before they can approve of the marriage.

He is a great guy, and he has a good life and a very good job here, despite the issues. I cant talk to anyone about this, not even my friends. But I need objective responses from neutral minds.

Do I give up everything because of this? He keeps saying i should not let this issue affect us, and i should fight for us. Really I dont know how i can even negotiate with my family. Please what do I do?

P.s. I opened a new account for this post for privacy issues.

He needs the right papers. You should talk to him and ask him exactly what's the isssue with the his STAY.

Don't be in a hurry to marry. You may regret it.

Ensure he meets your parents. (You won't want your kids to get married without following your due process when you are still alive)

If he loves you he'll wait, get his papers and do it right.

Love isn't enough these days.
Think beyond the now.

You need to know exactly what the paper issue is. You also must know exactly what you want to do after school. You also must spend time with him.

You can be engaged and be in school as max, your schooling is 18months. You can decide to finalize the plans after finishing up with your studies or you marry and finish up but wait to finish up your studies before having kids.

If he cannot travel, let him pay for your parents tickets or you both pay for them to come to the country for a visit. But before all this you have to make sure in your mind that you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. Outside of any pressure. This can only come from you spending some time with him. He cannot be perfect, neither are you. But there are the fundamental and realistic things to consider when choosing a mate. It varies by person but you must know what yours is.

After your parents have met him and are satisfied, then his parents can go and meet your parents in Nigeria. Then your parents will get back to you on what they feel about him, his family and their consent. Only after that should you start making marriage plans.

The fact is since his paper situation is shaky, if you want to marry him, put it in your mind the possibility of you both relocating back to Nigeria if his paper issues are not sorted. Also envision yourself back home with him and think if you can cope with him as your husband in the Nigerian environment. These are things you both need to talk about and always discuss the worst case scenario and be fine with it in your heart.

It could also happen that he may have to go back home before you finish your post graduate studies if he is denied papers before then. I wish you the best.

tannystacey:


What I meant by everything is the time we've spent together, the goals and dreams we've built and all. Regarding the permit issue, he recently told me he had been denied once due to a couple of issues, and he just started the process all over again.

I just dont know. recently I have been avoiding communicating with his folks because they keep talking about them meeting my folks and all and starting the marriage process and it was stylishly becoming an issue for me. I dont want any pressure, more so I have studies to focus on.

The only ish here are his papers eh? How about you bring your parents over for a week? They get to spend quality time with him, and that serves as some form of informal introduction.
If they're cool with him, you guys can get married at the registry (if the laws permit, considering his papers ish) , then when he sorts out his papers, you guys can come home for the "owambe"

Honestly,I don't understand you.What are you giving up?he wants to get married,so what's the ish about that?ain't you old enough to get married or what?I don't understand you.

LaCruzz:
Honestly,I don't understand you.What are you giving up?he wants to get married,so what's the ish about that?ain't you old enough to get married or what?I don't understand you.

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