My people, please learn from my story… I am Gloria(not real name) and I was a banker in Nigeria when I met my husband who came visiting frequently from abroad. He was a customer at the bank where I worked. I was 32 years old and desperate for a husband. We started dating and we got married 3 years later. I was 35 years old and he was 40 years old. While we were dating, he said he was a banker too in the US. I joined him 2 years later and I was already 37 years old. When I got to the US, I found out that my husband was married twice before with 3 kids and he is not a banker but a cab driver.

I was pregnant and I had resigned from my very good job to join him in the U.S. He apologized for the ‘omission’ and also said he lost his job as a banker that was why he drives a cab. He lived in a dingy apartment that was barely furnished. I was devastated but decided to stay anyway. I was determined to make it in the U.S so I went back to school after the birth of my son.While I was in school, I worked nights and with the money I brought with me , we were able to rent a better place. I graduated as a doctor’s physical therapist and soon started working. Shortly after that, my husband stopped working as a cab driver, he said he wants to go back to school too. He had no degree before, so he had to start from the scratch. He took out a loan and supposedly started school. It’s been 6 years since my husband started school and he is yet to graduate. Whenever I asked him about school he gets so defensive and starts a fight. I pay all the bills in the house, child support for 2 of his children from other women. He spends money as he wishes and when I complain, he says he supported me while I was in school so it’s his turn to be supported .He has over $48000 in student loans with no degree to show for it. I fell out of love with him a long time ago but just stayed with him for the sake of my son.

Now I am done with this marriage. I asked for a divorce and he raised hell. He said he won’t sign any divorce papers, he will kill me and my son, after all he endured for me, now I want to leave him. I have spoken to my Pastor and friends and family. Everyone says we should go for marriage counseling. I should not throw away 14 years of marriage over this issue. What is the point of counseling when I don’t want him anymore? Am I wrong to want to leave him?



MY ADVICE

I am going to agree with everyone else that you should go for marriage counselling. It appears you have never considered one before. While I will warn you ahead that Marriage counselling is not magic, so don’t expect that your spouse will change overnight. Marriage counselling will help you to view your issue in the right perspective. It’s obvious you had no counselling before marriage and therefore didn’t do a lot of due diligence otherwise a lot of the things you discovered AFTER marriage could have been discovered BEFORE. However, that’s the past. It’s how to move forward that you need to focus on now.

For instance, you cannot just want to divorce your husband because you no longer love him. Marriage is for better and for worse and it looks like the same reasons you chose to stay with him in the beginning are still there. You still have your son and all the reality you met when you went to meet him in the States are still present. I do suspect though that because of your new educational achievement, your husband feels the need to measure up but he lacks the intellectual capacity. I believe if you do go for proper counselling, there will be the need to reassure your husband that he doesn’t have to pursue a degree or certification to “match up” with you.

You mentioned that he is a cab driver. As long as he makes a honest living that pays the bills, pls encourage him to be a cab driver and at least pay off his debts while at it. While it may not be too unusual to pay all the bills for a while, while he sorts himself out, by paying his child support bills, you are indulging too much. His child support bills are his responsibility, not yours!

You have made no disclosure of any life threatening situation between you and your husband so I will suggest you give the marriage a chance by exploring counselling. The process will surely open up your eyes to other possibilities and also give you the opportunity to make some necessary changes in your home dynamics that will not cause friction or animosity.

You will have to find it in your heart to love your spouse. Love is not a feeling.Falling in and out of love is a normal occurrence in marriages. That’s the reason it’s important to have a close relationship with God because He alone can guard and guide our hearts back to love our spouse again. Though marriage can be a bed of roses, you must not forget that roses have thorns too. I pray that God will guide you and renew your marriage as you take steps to give it another try.

God bless you.

SHARE YOUR STORY. IT WILL INSPIRE OR EDUCATE SOMEONE. PLEASE SEND TO INFO@PCLNG.ORG. THANKS.

Source: https://tinuola.blog/2017/02/05/i-dont-love-him-anymore-2/
© Mrs Tinuola Agbabiaka,
A marriage counsellor,
Practical Christian Living Initiative is a non profit organisation geared towards encouraging love and romance in marriages as well as encouraging mature Singles who are waiting for their life partner.


you can follow us on facebook-Practical Christian Living Initiative. Twitter and Instagram -- @PCLI_NG

do u expect me to read this.

Sad i viewed thru


No advice

seunlly:
do u expect me to read this.

Yes, there is a lesson to be learn from it... Moral of the Story-- not all that glitters are gold..

seunlly:
do u expect me to read this.

Same way we won't read your epistle nau

Long story.sorry I can't read now.

Another copy and paste.

i think he is just being lazy and enjoying the free money he is getting from the wife. paying child support for his kids with other women? wow!
you have your life to live, forget what your friends and family thinks, is your life not theirs.

sumbody shuld summarise pls

Me, i'm not an advocate of divorce but in this your case; hmmmn, i just dunno what to advice...just go for the counselling, it might help you to fix your family well

firstking01:
Me, i'm not an advocate of divorce but in this your case; hmmmn, i just dunno what to advice...just go for the counselling, it might help you to fix your family well

nowhere they won't find u...u r always everywhere

abeg i no fit read this oh...


Shuo see text book just chapter 1 na b dis, how chapter 2 go come be.

enuk80:


nowhere they won't find u...u r always everywhere

You be monitoring spirit?...

Madam, I don't want to insult you but the most plain thing I will tell you is that you are an ingrate that deserves not to be given a loan.
First and foremost, you were desperate at 32 and looking for husband and finally, a US based husband arrived and you joined him to the US five years later. You have not told us that the US residency you have is because of your taxi-driver husband who is already a citizen of the USA. You lived in his sparsely furnished apartment while he paid the rent for you all; you started upgrading your career and I am sure his taxi job footed the bills. Now you have a good paid job in a good country that is not experiencing recession, you are already a US resident and soon you'll be eligible for US citizenship, you have wonderful children from your marriage despite your fast approaching menopause that the man rescued you from, and so on...
Now the man disgusts you because he had previous marriages he didn't tell you of. Or his taxi job that is now less your standard, and he wants to take loan to further his career and you're expected to support him, you start looking for divorce. You are a f*cking ingrate. Bear it in mind that it was his previous marriage that made him a US citizen which you benefit from now, and that it was his taxi job that made him earn his living in the US before coming to marry your desperate sorry ass. Even if he had told you that he was a taxi driver or restaurant dishwasher in the USA or that he was previously married, you will still marry him so that you migrate to the USA.
My dear selfish ungrateful friend, you better support your husband now or you live the rest of your life to regret it after few years of fun.
Thanks.

firstking01:
You be monitoring spirit?...

u no serious

harrimexy:
[s]Madam, I don't want to insult you but the most plain thing I will tell you is that you are an ingrate that deserves not to be given a loan.
First and foremost, you were desperate at 32 and looking for husband and finally, a US based husband arrived and you joined him to the US five years later. You have not told us that the US residency you have is because of your taxi-driver husband who is already a citizen of the USA. You lived in his sparsely furnished apartment while he paid the rent for you all; you started upgrading your career and I am sure his taxi job footed the bills. Now you have a good paid job in a good country that is not experiencing recession, you are already a US resident and soon you'll be eligible for US citizenship, you have wonderful children from your marriage despite your fast approaching menopause that the man rescued you from, and so on...
Now the man disgusts you because he had previous marriages he didn't tell you of. Or his taxi job that is now less your standard, and he wants to take loan to further his career and you're expected to support him, you start looking for divorce. You are a f*cking ingrate. Bear it in mind that it was his previous marriage that made him a US citizen which you benefit from now, and that it was his taxi job that made him earn his living in the US before coming to marry your desperate sorry ass. Even if he had told you that he was a taxi driver or restaurant dishwasher in the USA or that he was previously married, you will still marry him so that you migrate to the USA.
My dear selfish ungrateful friend, you better support your husband now or you live the rest of your life to regret it after few years of fun.
Thanks[/s].

What nonsense

What a pity! Marriage out of desperation. But seriously, why is it now that the man is going to school when he has responsibilities.l, he should have channeled that energy en resources in training his children instead. The man is the head of the family, so no matter what, he is meant to provide for the family..... The duty of a wife is to support her husband financially if she is capable and otherwise not that the sole responsibility would be on her head

I don't believe this story is real...............but if it's real,so cos u saw a Yankee husband,u left ur baking job,abi...........some women & desperation sha.