I’m dating a Nigerian male and he is for the most part a great guy we have a great time with each other.  I will say I’m not the easiest person to date b/c I’m so protective of my feelings.  I know that he is a legal citizen so I’m not worried about the green card issue. But I’m wondering if the age difference is a problem I’m 31 and he’s 48 I believe, but he tells me that he’s 45. Or my insecurities about dating a Nigerian b/c of all of the stories I’ve heard about them being very tricky. I just need some input on this situation. 

The first incident that put a kind of rift in out relationship was an issue with my ex-boyfriend who I hadn’t seen in months before the incident that I’m about to mention. In the storage area on my patio I had some clothing that belonged to my ex he called me and asked for them. I told him that I’m about to be going on a date and he would be here in a hour or so, so my ex asked me to put his clothing in my car and he would pick them up from there and I said cool. Well I needed to make a run before going through my storage area so I made my run and came back went into the storage got the items and was about to go to my car when I seen my ex pulling up so I just took the items to his car and then my boyfriend pulled up behind him. To say the least I panicked didn’t really know what to do with the situation so I told my ex that that was my boyfriend pulling up and that I have to go.  So when my boyfriend came up stairs I could tell he was a bit irritated and wanted to know what was going on. I told him that I had some belonging of my ex and he called to ask for them and I brought them downstairs to him and b/c time didn’t permit I wasn’t able to give him everything. So he accused me of lying to him saying that I never told him that I had things belonging to my ex in my apartment. I honestly didn’t think anymore about my ex things b/c we no longer talked and after all his belonging weren’t in my apartment.  So he told me that that was one strike against me.

Now the second incident is probably appalling to a lot of you out there, but I will tell you. Okay, this is now weeks later and we are in my apartment enjoying dinner and discussing a paper he wanted me to type for him when there is a knock on my door and it is another Nigerian guy friend of mine, he was calling me while I was at the table but I never answered the phone but I never expected him to show up at my apartment. I wanted to just faint b/c I could not believe this was happening now I wasn’t dating the other guy but it looked bad. I told the guy at the door that I had company and he left but my boyfriend was furious and wanted to know if that was my boyfriend I told him no. None the less he finished his dinner and left shortly afterward. Only to be very short with me for a few days and tell me that he thinks I’m playing games. He was scheduled to leave for Nigeria about 2 weeks after that, he told me that things would be better when he returned and that time would tell if I was playing games or not. He left for Nigeria and for about 3wks in I didn’t hear from him and when I did what he said was I called b/c I didn’t want you to say I didn’t call while I was over here. Then called the next day b/c he wanted to know some human resource information for the company that I work for b/c they have a plant in Nigeria and he wants to work there so that he could transfer eventually to Nigeria. So I call him with the information each time our conversations have been strained mainly b/c I just feel awkward or maybe he does. About a week before it is time for him to come home he calls and ask why I haven’t called him I’m thinking the couple times that I did I was rushed off the phone one time and the other he just wanted information.  And now he has called for me to wire him some money I didn’t ask why but I did.
Honestly, I just want to know if this relationship is doomed b/c of the incidents should I just give up.  I really like the guy but I think I have raised some pretty good trust issues. I’m lost.

okay i wouldn't want to pour sand in someone's garri, but are you sure he is just not using you, how long have you guys been dating, bcoz most nigerian men actually have families back home, they have wives and kids, he might be using you to fill in the gap.
Do you guys share 1 back account that you just wire money to him, if its your money i will say don't give him any money, if he is trying to find a job in nigeria then he is actually planning to move back there, so have u guys talked about that.

My opinion is that he is using you, he gets jealous bcoz he is a guy and he wouldn't want someone taking his girl, but just becareful girl, those kind of men are not to be trusted, most naija men just scam you out of money, i've seen it happen.

No, I don't share an account with him I've been dating him for about 6months. I've loaned him money before and he has paid it back. Honestly I'm thinking along the same lines as you just wanted to be sure and get some opinions before I came to a final conclusion. I do know that he is divorced he brought his wife over from Nigeria and I looked at the divorce records when I did a search on him he's been divorced for about a year. You can never be to sure. He has mentioned bringing me to Nigeria I don't know that I would fare well not knowing enough about the culture. Over all I don't think his intentions are pure. Thanks for the input.

Hey sis just gone through your post and just want to add my 2 cents here, This guy might truly have or still loved you but the unfortunate events that happened in between u guys dating might make him think otherwise because i personally would have felt same way too simply for the fact that these events happened back to back just within a month of each other,

That notwithstanding tho i honestly think that would not have been enough reason for him to have left for Nigeria and kept himself incommunicado for as long as he did and also coming up with the issue of planning on taking up a job there in Nigeria which i'm sure you guys never tlked about before he left, this only leads me to one conclusion and that is that this guy must have been laying or had layed other snares back there since you said you've read all about his previous marriage and all that but dear there might have been a newbie on the scene which you don't know about and your double shortcomings have given him enough justification to seal whatever it is he must have been working on all these while,

I am deeply worried about the issue of you wiring funds to him because this to me doesnt seem right at all because he just might be using you having lost faith in you and think that would be the best way he can get back at you, I might be wrong in my assumption tho but thats all it is just an assumption,

Be vigilant dear and don't let whatever it is you feel over-shadow your good sense of discerning the difference between what is in your head and that which is in your heart always remember to go with your heart,

Wishing you the best in your decisions,

Good luck

Yeah, I hear you. Thanks

I do have another question it could just be me, I just want to know if anyone know of a successful relationship between a Nigerian and an African American. It could be that I hang in a limited circle but all of the experiences that I hear about are negative. And you know how people tend to exaggerate when they see you doing something different some out of concern and some out of jealousy. I'm just worried that I should never try dating a Nigerian or out of my culture again.

yes there have been successful relationship btw a Nigerian and a afro american, , my uncle is married to one,and they have been happily married for 11yrs with 4 kids.

but this relationship sounds doomed, he dint call u cause he care, he called u so u wudnt biitch at him, to ask u for some info and to request u send him money. i know there are some good nigerian Guys out there and this guy is jus not one.

Yeah there have been successful relationships, my mom is an African American and my dad is a Nigerian and they have been married for 28 years with 6 children, the difference is that my dad married my mom from the U.S and took her back to nigeria with him.

One thing is that just bcoz he has stayed in the U.S for long doesn't mean he isn't still married, from your search he could be divorced, but he might still be married. i will say leave him alone and find someone better because he is just using you. make sure you collect your money back. he was all nice to you when he called because he wanted money (typical nigerian guy)

Nigerian guys are great don't get me wrong and they make good husbands but alot of them will just try to use you and unfortunately he is one of them, he probably used his ex wife for the green card.

ok i didn't really see anyone bashing Naija men, geez why would we do that. i mean if anyone would know more about a Naija man, i would think it would be a Naija woman, i agree with you that ultimately she has got to follow her heart. There are alot of scammers out there who would like to have a personal mugu, just beware

Thanks guys I have decided to let it go b/c I feel that something just isn't right about the whole thing. But then, I wonder if I just give up to easy. I come from a strict background and wasn't allowed to date unless I was ready to marry. My parents have been happily married for 33 years. I love the thought of marriage but I do have my issues with it. My dad has been a great man and I've always wanted someone like him and it is just hard to find guys like that these days so usually I meet a man and the first time I feel uneasy I let go. And then I watch my friends go through issues w/ the guys they are dating and I always make a promise that I don't want to be that woman. So now I'm the woman I never wanted to be, thinking and over thinking only to yield and do things I don't quite feel comfortable with and at the same time enjoying myself. I sometimes think the whole dating thing is just crazy.

JUST MAKE SURE YOUR HEART MATCHES YOU MIND, AND YOU MIND MATCHED YOUR HEART,

yeye people
after you don go round all naija boys for america finish you come dey talk another thing about feelings. na your past dey haunt you so and you dey find people like you for here wey go support you.
you dey lie say you no get anything with somebody wey call you and appear for ya door. lie lie
if you no get anything to hide yu for carry phone when the guy call you. make you no come call dog monkey for her o.
you say you be african american. which place for africa be your own african american. you don reach africa before?
carry wahala comot jo

Is it just me or does this post really sound sick?

yeye people
after you don go round all naija boys for america finish you come dey talk another thing about feelings. na your past dey haunt you so and you dey find people like you for here wey go support you.
you dey lie say you no get anything with somebody wey call you and appear for ya door. lie lie
if you no get anything to hide yu for carry phone when the guy call you. make you no come call dog monkey for her o.
you say you be african american. which place for africa be your own african american. you don reach africa before?
carry wahala comot jo

Is it just me or does this post really sound sick?

@Poster

This is why i hardly respond to most posts here on Nl, i gave you my piece and u were like i hear you thanks so sarcastical, well its your pro and if you werent expecting other peoples' views you shouldnt have put this up here,

On a second thought how would you have felt if it was the other way round by this i mean what would you have thought if you were at the recieving end of what your b/f has gone through with you, i think it would have been a clear case of ooooow i've been warned about Nigerian men that they are this and that and what nots, Lets be real sis i still stand by my fist post i would have reacted the same way your guy reacted and even worst,

Take Kiaaaaa

@Gaby

I wasn't dismissing your comment I really appreciated it, it gave me a lot to think about.  I really do feel bad about the incidents and you're right if I were on the receiving line of what happened I would really be upset. Which is why I ask really if something like this could be forgiven or should I chalk it up as a loss. I would probably forgive but it would never be the same or it would take some time for me to trust again.

Sorry if I didn't give the proper response wasn't trying to be offensive. I have enjoyed the feedback even the last poster calling me a lie and trouble. Please continue to post, ignore my ignorance I'm sure I will come up w/ more questions in the future and if you have incite on it I would greatly appreciate it. 

You seem to have a good and stable family background, which is a premium among African Americans. If that translates it your values, you should be able to get yourself a good guy, Nigerian or otherwise. Those unfortunate incidents could have been handled a lot better if you're more open with such stuff.
Forget this idea of Nigerian guys having skeleton in their cupboard. If you're a smart girl that knows her worth (not the many, whose only claim is been an American), you can see through the deceit of any man.

@Rescueme

Apology accepted, my statement culled actually from the way you responded to my first post like "i hear you thanks" as in i've heard all that before, Now i can understand it was unintended and i've passed on that, still wishing you the best and hope whatever decisions you finally take on this issue turns out to be the best for you,

Good luck sis

@Rescueme25

There can be a successful marriage between an american and a nigerian man. They just have to think alike.

And when did Nigerian & African American marriage started having consideration if it'll work out or not, biko nu?

OP, is it to say that ALL Nigerian men are decietful or what?. . .Listen, and listen up gal, if you met the WRONG person, and you have a problem with him, try trashin out whatever the problem is, and move on. Whats up with his ethnicity? So now, just like you said, and I quote: "It could be that I hang in a limited circle but all of the experiences that I hear about are negative.", If some low IQed brain (like ima1) come in here and start sharing their sad expiriences about Nigerian guys, would you also conclude in seeing your boyfriend as a negative man (just b'cos, he is a Nigerian)? Are Americans saints, themselves? Talking about all the things that you heard about Nigerian guys are negative, which country on this earth doesnt have bad ones amongst them? What about American guys that do kill their gals all for the sake of refusing their proposal, is that alone not worth flushing out all those maggots out of this planeth that we live in? Just yesterday, I was readin about a guy that went to his galfriend's school and started stabbing her with knife, why? All b'cos, she refused replyin his text message, is that not ABSOLUTE MADNESS?? I dont know why everything about America is over hpyed, it baffles me, really!!!

Today, people do see America as the best place to be on earth but, could you believe that, I am damn scared to live in America? I cant settle with ma family in America, sorry, its so damn scary to me (I cant live in a place where everybody already knows that they will die by GUN but, they dont know when. Where a crack-head would just waste a precious life all for the sake of $10 just for dope)!

When you know you have nothing with the guy that came knockin, why not pick his call when he was callin?
Now, you'r here seeking for advice to know if he is decietful or not. If it was me, what he did is also what I'll deffinitely do. And I believe if the reverse was the case, you wont hesitate to dump him, thinkin he was havin an affair behind you!

My advice for you is to follow your heart (just like aaliyah said)! And for that fake plastic doll that called herself Ima1, pls, just shut the fvck up, and go search for diick to grease your dirty as$ cos, all what you said here was just an eye soar, PEACOCK !!!

[size=44pt]LMAO@die by the hands of a crackhead [/size]

Trust me those "crackheads" are the least of your worries if you decide to actually live in USA.

If you say so!

I know so!


Still LMAO@die by the hands of a crackhead

@ OP, stop the long story and follow your heart. I'm sure its telling you what to do. You're 31, you don't have the time to spend on a loser --- find another man and stop tell stories.

Mrs.Chima:

I know so!

Says Mrs Chima!

Mrs.Chima:

Still LMAO@die by the hands of a crackhead

Im not surprised, cos, it's un-imaginable!

Still LMAO

JustGood, is really a funny guy & you made me laugh with your word lol



Ranoscky

Yeah! bro, you points out the fact about the americans, just last week a friend to a friend of mine was shot dead in DC, maryland all in the sake that they want to go to college in the united states, tell me what kind of life is that with these american guys? my friend had to call home for his family to start mourning for their unseen corpse [hell of a life] but these yeye american women will come on to this site saying all sort of bad names about nigerian guys just because one break your heart or scam you.

With all of these horrid stories you hear about America from YOUR online friends and yet you still want to visit America because of your "family" in Georgia. (curling lips upward)

Leave the scamming to the pros Novice.

^^Why diz fat kat always want some attention from me here? go get in touch with your husband to give some attention by fcukkin your punny in public only even though u have a man.

Tosinville:

Ranoscky

Yeah! bro, you points out the fact about the americans, just last week a friend to a friend of mine was shot dead in DC, maryland all in the sake that they want to go to college in the united states, tell me what kind of life is that with these american guys? my friend had to call home for his family to start mourning for their unseen corpse [hell of a life] but these yeye american women will come on to this site saying all sort of bad names about nigerian guys just because one break your heart or scam you.

Not yet sure if she is being scammed or given a heart break but, ears are blocked, already!

Mrs.Chima:

Still LMAO

Stop abusing those Emoticons, for if they have lives, they would sue you to court for RECKLESS USE, Lol !!!.

Ranoscky:

Not yet sure if she is being scammed or given a heart break but, ears are blocked, already!Stop abusing those Emoticons, for if they have lives, they would sue you to court for RECKLESS USE, Lol !!!.