BreezyRita:

[font=serif] You know, I've been trying to avoid an argument with you but they way you subtly insult others and make it look like you know all is annoying.

I'm glad you know what one thinks isn't really what is. First, DOWRY isn't bride price! There's a difference.

Now, tell us, what do you think of a woman's family, paying a specified amount to her husband-to-be? Like in India?They still selling him?

Bride price payment does not entail the purchase of a woman. I see it instead as a symbolic gesture acknowledging (but not paying off) the husbands permanent debt to the wife's family.

You see, people give different reasons for bride price. Some say it it allows the groom to demonstrate that he has enough financial resources to support the bride (and possibly her family) after the wedding.

Outofsync:

I wanted to respond to this sarcastically and whatnot but the wind is blowing, my hands are aching... I don't have the fortitude.

It's a pity you mentioned the dowry system without knowing its original intentions.

A simple google search on "the evils of the dowry system" would convince you. I could drag links here but I'm not in the mood for that.

In any case, your analogy is invalid. I have taken great care to limit it to "African women" and the intial intention of brideprice.

European or Asians do not matter in this light.

If not so, why should a man need to bring valuable goods to a woman's house NECCESARILY before marriage can be consunmated
This implies her value is instrumental. That she can be traded off for the right goods.
Means.....she can be bought.

Like I said, people have different reasons for this. Of course, some of these aren't the real reasons and I acknowledge the greed in the whole thing. But hey! We're humans.
I know of my mom's boss whose daughters' bride prices were all five naira each. Now, they are all highly educated young ladies. What, they were sold for five naira? Seriously? I know the father gave a reason for collecting the money at all but I can't seem to recall. There are no right goods.

I'm getting tired of repeating the same thing honestly...

people incur huge debts over brideprice and no one in the bride's family cares. All they care about is that he brings the tubers of yam and the bags of rice.
Find another plausible reason abeg.

You sidestepped the issue of dowry and brought this up? I still refer to the Indians. What happens to a woman whose family can't pay her dowry? It goes both ways.

I'm honestly tired of this argument.
Can we let it pass and stop derailing my thread??

BreezyRita:

So what do you suggest? Scrapping of bride price? Swidy, its tradition.

You see it that way and I see it as good things not coming easy

onegig:


no wonder we are still stuck in the old age in Africa.

Culture is subject to change. Any aspects of culture that's an impediment to growth and well being of such people need to give way. It was culture to kill twins back then, I guess you would still continue with such vile acts because "that's the way it has always been "


Bride price whatever should not be compulsory and not something any right thinking family should be asking for. A gift or token to the lady from the groom is lovely and highly enjoined but asking the groom to bring crazy amounts of items is literarily selling your daughter and is a culture that needs to be scrapped asap no arguments about that.

BreezyRita:


Thank you but we moved on.
Haggling- proper or not?

onegig:


I won't haggle. At least their daughter knows what i am worth. If they write things that are so exorbitant and she never tried to bring it down nor protest for them to cut it down then I would pay it and we would both "drink the garri" of it during the first few years of the marriage.

Why argue over such?

By the way, i don't support bride price and if there's a way to sideline it. I would glady do it. Would prefer a voluntary gift than some mandated lists.

BreezyRita:


Haba nau! The woman should do the negotiating go you?

onegig:


If she wanted the marriage, then she wouldn't agree to things that discomforts me. A discomfort to me, is a discomfort to her also.

They are her people and before they handed over the list to me, she must have seen it and vetted it.

pcguru1:
@Outsync you really hiiting the nail on the head, what's more hypocritical is that you will hear feminists proclaimers in Nigeria screaming equality and when it comes to bride price of their own marriage they keep still or make it seem like its a gesture.

BreezyRita:

I don't either so I'll make it short



You amuse me. Isn't that the same thing you are doing? You cannot state the original intentions of bride price in Africa. You just state what you believe which isn't what is....


I mention dowry and selling husbands and you dodge it to still go back and talk about bride price. Some poor prllbrides did not get married as they could not afford the dowry. Isn't that the same point you raise against bride price?


Well, neither am I.



Oh! So Europeans or Asians can collect bride price and Africans can't? You mean, they aren't sold too?

You may not understand but bride price didn't originate from Africa. And I don't even want to bring the Biblical aspect in. If we are arguing we should have the balls to call a spade a spade. If bride price payment is purchase of the woman in Africa, it is so in Greece, Asia etc


Like I said, people have different reasons for this. Of course, some of these aren't the real reasons and I acknowledge the greed in the whole thing. But hey! We're humans.
I know of my mom's boss whose daughters' bride prices were all five naira each. Now, they are all highly educated young ladies. What, they were sold for five naira? Seriously? I know the father gave a reason for collecting the money at all but I can't seem to recall. There are no right goods.



So am I


You sidestepped the issue of dowry and brought this up? I still refer to the Indians. What happens to a woman whose family can't pay her dowry? It goes both ways.

I'm honestly tired of this argument.
Can we let it pass and stop derailing my thread??