Just when I needed a friend, I requested for one in a public medium, a good number of girls responded but one of them won; she bluntly revealed that she had a baby out of wedlock. I got interested in this girl that could be so open and bold in telling the truth from day one because I felt if she could do this then I must be in for a transparent relationship.

We made arrangements and met each other after a while of phone romance. Her appearance and style was a little away from what I wanted but by this time, the connection was already done and she was already living in me. This time, I discovered that this girl (of early twenties) was still a nursing mother and had her breast still milking but I was strong in my heart to love her no matter the sight, I was learning to marry for-better-for-worse and could still fire the relationship.

I pretend not to hear her friends say “babe how you manage catch this one!” when she introduced them to me and this made me press her hard to my chest and sometimes kiss her to make her proud and make them die of envy.

Do not see me as an “anything-goes” kind of guy because “T” (not to call her name here) is truly a nice girl and have handled me the way no woman has and for a good time, makes me enjoy being in a relationship. I have done every investigation and trailing to catch her cheating on me but have found her innocent. She takes her time whenever she serves my meal and cheers me up me when I am depressed. One would say she did this for her status but I tell you she was still young and sound enough to be resold even if taken to the show glass (sorry for this statement).

She got pregnant for a guy and got seriously battered by guilt, regret and heartbreak when this young man (living in the same town) never showed up or took her calls from early pregnancy and till date. His reason for doing this was that he wanted an abortion which she refused.

Our relationship has lasted a while now and we have gotten so close to each other that I do not see any other girl. My love for her has made me see this infant as my own son and think of his welfare even while at the office. She calls to tell me when she had just fed him and reports every slight fever he develops to me first before anyone else. Whenever she is to return to campus, she leaves him at her home but if she was with him, I play the role of the father (away from town).

I am not ashamed to go out with a girl of this mishap because the peace I find in “running her package” (sorry for this language) is just one I have yearned for all my life. When you have a girl that calls in to say “good morning”, realizes when you are tired and needed to rest by just phone conversation and would reject taking a drink for herself at a bar but to share yours, then you overlook every other thing that colors her black.

Now, this is the real matter:
This boy is now schooling and this has suddenly gotten her broke. She now gets so desperate when it is time to pay his fees and I no longer find this funny. I once spent a whole bedtime thinking if I should opt into taking over his fees and making him my son but this will take a good percentage of my income and there are also some other strong reasons that has held me back ever since
1. I must not fall into an illusion that this is my son, he was not adopted by us, he has his father only hanging around the corner.
2. The fact that her ex-man demanded an abortion passes a message to me that he acknowledged this is his seed.
3. There is no court in the world where I will win a case later if he came back for his boy.
4. The family of this guy have also remained mute and pretend they do not know about the matter but since they live not far from this girls home, I suspect they have quietly marked his birth and are monitoring.

I fear for all the above reasons because I am well aware that anything can happen tomorrow and this same boy everyone rejects today may become the bone of contention at that time. Please forgive me if I say I do not want to have him partly but all of him or none.

I have come to like this baby boy so much and ready to sacrifice for him but common! I cannot sit and watch another guy (whom I may even be more fertile than) stand to my face and call me a thief over his son.

She is still mad at the neglect she gets from this family and vows to cater for him till university even without them. This pressure on her is beginning to destroy the shattered heart I fought to restore, the gladness I succeeded in putting in her lips and beauty all her friends thanked me for.

She is beginning to see me as heartless (forgetting I am only innocent) all because I have stood grounds on my decision on this boy’s welfare.
I have given her an option to take the boy to his paternal grandparents and present him to them and upon denying him, I draw an agreement to have the baby’s father and his parents sign that the baby has been adopted by my me irreversibly and this agreement cannot be revoked by any court or law and when this is done, he automatically becomes my first son as I sign to cater for him till adulthood. But she has called me “bad” by thinking like this, saying that she is sure they will not sign it.

I want you all to tell me how I have faulted in this matter and give me a direction on how to go from here. Kindly “read only” and do not make any comments if you have any playful or negative feedbacks as I hope to obey what the majority go for.

Professionals in Law, Medicine and even Relationship, please comment
[color=#000099][/color]
You may mail me on k.vs.o2012@gmail.com if you want it private

Write on I am reading…

Hmmm, While I admire the fact that you try to support her and be there for her I have to say you hold so many sterotypes against her. You say you love her, she is kind and you have a relationship with the boy then if you can go ahead and help out. I am not saying pay all the feees but if you can give a contribution, she may also need to look into putting him in a school where the school fees is affordable. We shouldnt do things because we expect something back thats not love, do things just because it is the right thing to do. I help people out not because I know them or expect that they will help me back in future but because its the Christain thing to do, how much more will I do for people i love and cherish.
Your girl is a bold girl, if she had had an abortion as her ex wanted you wouldnt be holding this child against her, society and men wouldnt look at her as second hand but she chose to make a bold decision and give this child life, now if you are happy with her and you want to be with her then realise that this is the package she comes with. Stop worrying about if the child will be claimed by his father or not, help out and see it as an act of Christain Charity as directed by God (If you are a Christain).

meetmeonline:
Just when I needed a friend, I requested for one in a public medium, a good number of girls responded but one of them won; she bluntly revealed that she had a baby out of wedlock. I got interested in this girl that could be so open and bold in telling the truth from day one because I felt if she could do this then I must be in for a transparent relationship.

We made arrangements and met each other after a while of phone romance. Her appearance and style was a little away from what I wanted but by this time, the connection was already done and she was already living in me. This time, I discovered that this girl (of early twenties) was still a nursing mother and had her breast still milking but I was strong in my heart to love her no matter the sight, I was learning to marry for-better-for-worse and could still fire the relationship.

I pretend not to hear her friends say “babe how you manage catch this one!” when she introduced them to me and this made me press her hard to my chest and sometimes kiss her to make her proud and make them die of envy.

Do not see me as an “anything-goes” kind of guy because “T” (not to call her name here) is truly a nice girl and have handled me the way no woman has and for a good time, makes me enjoy being in a relationship. I have done every investigation and trailing to catch her cheating on me but have found her innocent. She takes her time whenever she serves my meal and cheers me up me when I am depressed. One would say she did this for her status but I tell you she was still young and sound enough to be resold even if taken to the show glass (sorry for this statement).

She got pregnant for a guy and got seriously battered by guilt, regret and heartbreak when this young man (living in the same town) never showed up or took her calls from early pregnancy and till date. His reason for doing this was that he wanted an abortion which she refused.

Our relationship has lasted a while now and we have gotten so close to each other that I do not see any other girl. My love for her has made me see this infant as my own son and think of his welfare even while at the office. She calls to tell me when she had just fed him and reports every slight fever he develops to me first before anyone else. Whenever she is to return to campus, she leaves him at her home but if she was with him, I play the role of the father (away from town).

I am not ashamed to go out with a girl of this mishap because the peace I find in “running her package” (sorry for this language) is just one I have yearned for all my life. When you have a girl that calls in to say “good morning”, realizes when you are tired and needed to rest by just phone conversation and would reject taking a drink for herself at a bar but to share yours, then you overlook every other thing that colors her black.

Now, this is the real matter:
This boy is now schooling and this has suddenly gotten her broke. She now gets so desperate when it is time to pay his fees and I no longer find this funny. I once spent a whole bedtime thinking if I should opt into taking over his fees and making him my son but this will take a good percentage of my income and there are also some other strong reasons that has held me back ever since
1. I must not fall into an illusion that this is my son, he was not adopted by us, he has his father only hanging around the corner.
2. The fact that her ex-man demanded an abortion passes a message to me that he acknowledged this is his seed.
3. There is no court in the world where I will win a case later if he came back for his boy.
4. The family of this guy have also remained mute and pretend they do not know about the matter but since they live not far from this girls home, I suspect they have quietly marked his birth and are monitoring.

I fear for all the above reasons because I am well aware that anything can happen tomorrow and this same boy everyone rejects today may become the bone of contention at that time. Please forgive me if I say I do not want to have him partly but all of him or none.

I have come to like this baby boy so much and ready to sacrifice for him but common! I cannot sit and watch another guy (whom I may even be more fertile than) stand to my face and call me a thief over his son.

She is still mad at the neglect she gets from this family and vows to cater for him till university even without them. This pressure on her is beginning to destroy the shattered heart I fought to restore, the gladness I succeeded in putting in her lips and beauty all her friends thanked me for.

She is beginning to see me as heartless (forgetting I am only innocent) all because I have stood grounds on my decision on this boy’s welfare.
I have given her an option to take the boy to his paternal grandparents and present him to them and upon denying him, I draw an agreement to have the baby’s father and his parents sign that the baby has been adopted by my me irreversibly and this agreement cannot be revoked by any court or law and when this is done, he automatically becomes my first son as I sign to cater for him till adulthood. But she has called me “bad” by thinking like this, saying that she is sure they will not sign it.

I want you all to tell me how I have faulted in this matter and give me a direction on how to go from here. Kindly “read only” and do not make any comments if you have any playful or negative feedbacks as I hope to obey what the majority go for.

Professionals in Law, Medicine and even Relationship, please comment
[color=#000099][/color]
You may mail me on k.vs.o2012@gmail.com if you want it private

Write on I am reading…

you cannot eat your cake and have it, bro!
since you have accepted to marry this girl, her baggage becomes yours. even if she has had 10 children, you
are now their father and you must take responsibility for their life bills. don't whine about the possibility
of the father coming back after 30 years. you should have factored that before going ahead with the relationship
in the first place!

Seems you do not truly love the lady,maybe you just like her only.
If you really love her,her problems become your problems.
If you have the financial ability,support her to train that child.
If you do not have the financial ability,discuss with her a more convenient approach to pay the fees.
If you want to adopt the boy,go ahead and do it if it is possible.
When you love someone,you do things sacrificially without expectation of return.
If the boy's father shows up in future to reclaim his son,there is no problem in that.Dont obstruct it if the boy accepts.
Have you considered the orphanages? where Good Samaritans spend their life,energy and resources catering for children whom they did not know from anywhere? Only God can reward them here on earth and in eternity.(Matthew 25:40).
Cant you train your kinsman eg a nephew? what rewards do you expect from a nephew whom you trained for your brother?
The boy will not forget your good deeds in his life.
God too will reward you bountifully for it for sowing into the life of someone.
Your own children will reap the rewards of your sacrifice in future.
You should be happy at the opportunity to add value to the life of someone who is not of your own blood.
Psalm 41 gives details of the bounty of blessings God will avail for a person who supports the poor.
See it as a gesture done for the Lord, not for man,not even for the boy(Matthew 25:40)
Marriage is not a Profit and Loss Relationship Account which you operate like a business for gains.
there are countless numbers of men fathering and training children they do not own.
In marriage,you sow and continue sowing until death parts the partners.
Do not blame her for calling you 'bad'for your suggestions about getting to boy's dad to sign off his son to you.
He may not sign it.It does not look reasonable,does it? She's right to think that the boy's family will not sign off the boy to you.
If she's financially handicapped,think of how to boost her income to be able to support the boy even on her own alone.

i do not understand all the other poster's are writing here but i support you on your worries and fears as regards the boy. If she is calling you bad for your suggestion please let her be because ladies like that are not realistic they believe so much in the make believe word that if you love them you must sacrifice your all for them, but know this when it comes to them i'm not sure they will do the same for you. So keep your ground if she doesnt agree to your reasons then let her go.

krech: i do not understand all the other poster's are writing here but i support you on your worries and fears as regards the boy. If she is calling you bad for your suggestion please let her be because ladies like that are not realistic they believe so much in the make believe word that if you love them you must sacrifice your all for them, but know this when it comes to them i'm not sure they will do the same for you. So keep your ground if she doesnt agree to your reasons then let her go.

it peeves me when grown ups spew the nonsense you just spewed above.

the poster told us the girl never lied about her baby. she was honest about her baggage from the word go.
for feck's sake, the poster should have known the issue of paternity, dealing with a baby father and the
baggage that come with it, etc were always going to be imminent till the end of time.

yet, he still pressed ahead cos no woman has made him feel the way he feels with the girl.
now he's neck deep in the relationship and he suddenly wants out or giving the girl some
idiotic conditions about the welfare of the baby. if all step fathers think like him, the world
would be a shittier place than it is presently.

What is your end game in this relationship? do you plan to marry her? if so take care of the boy consider it an act of charity to humanity and extension of love you have for the mother. I understand your fears and concern but you will not be the first or last to marry a woman with a kid.

Why are you so worried about the family coming to claim the boy? do you not plan to have kids of your own? by dating and choosing to love her you have successfully freed yourself from dogma why now do you let your fears make decisions for you.?

I believe if you spill the direction of this relationship (marriage or not), it will yield better advice. Meanwhile you are losing sight of the fact that the son is a major part of her life not just an attachment you can choose to ignore and if paying his fees is stressing your woman and you can help out then you should help out by all means. You are thinking of yourself too much in this relationship.This woman needs your support, not only emotional but financial support we all know living cost money and you know how good mothers always look to the success of their kids. With a happy woman you will have great sex,more love and sweet peace.

My little advice.
Take care of the boy as much as u can without draining u, don't see it as u r doing it to keep the boy, no, see it as helping an helpless boy make something out of life , even if the father comes for him or he looks for the father , no problem u have done ur part and God bless u for it

@Op,did u say,u luv the baby mama?if yes,then 4get all this ur worries and,be 9ice to the child like u av been doin always :Dthis days,nobi who born pikin,dem dey ask again.na who take care of am... :Dtime will pay u back.

@op, my advice is that you have really being supportive,dont slow down now because of these development, you should continue to shower the child and mother unconditional love,naturally he will grow up knowing you as his father,no need for any legal document.

find another woman, you're too young to carry another man's burdens. That child will never be yours regardless of any papers you sign.

davidylan: find another woman, you're too young to carry another man's burdens. That child will never be yours regardless of any papers you sign.

don't mind that dude. he wants to sign papers as if that guarantees anything.
if the father does not come for the boy later, the boy would go to him.
every individual seeks the truth after a while and it wouldn't matter if you had
spent $5 billion on the child.

you should have put all these things into consideration before jumping into the
relationship.

@ Op you love her and accepted her and the child and for that i applaud you. But i do understand your reservations because @ any time this man can come in and snatch thte boy you invested yout time, money and love into and that is unfair. Its the uncertainty that is causing you to hold back and that is understandable. Can one approach the court system once you are married and apply to adopt the child legally, so the biological father cant return tommorrow demanding his paternal rights? I am not so sure about child custody laws in this country, but since this is part of you issue you should look into it.

All the best.

Help the lady(the son indirectly) as much as you can but please erase the thoughts of "making the boy yours' off ya head.You cannot adopt him either.People with GFs without baggages spend for weave,clothes,shoes etc so you can as well see whatever you spend on the boy as money for his moms upkeep.

If you cant,you have the option of opting out.she would meet someone else . . .same for you

ifyalways: Help the lady(the son indirectly) as much as you can but please erase the thoughts of "making the boy yours' off ya head.You cannot adopt him either.People with GFs without baggages spend for weave,clothes,shoes etc so you can as well see whatever you spend on the boy as money for his moms upkeep.

If you cant,you have the option of opting out.she would meet someone else . . .same for you

opt out after sampling her for several months?
how are we sure this wasn't his plan from the word go?

^Does it matter?They both enjoyed the good times so its fair enough.lol

ifyalways: ^Does it matter?They both enjoyed the good times so its fair enough.lol

of course - it matters.
he took advantage of the babe's vulnerability and the babe readily succumbed
because of her condition.

whatever u do, do out of the goodness of our heart. try not to be drained financially especially since u are not married yet. view d kid as ur lil cousin and do what u will do for ur lil cousin for him. a father of a child is not who spilled the sperm but who raised the offspring. ur fears about tomorrow is understandable but remember that the father wanted the child killed before birth which will be presented as part of the story even if the father later comes back for the child just as whatever u do now for the child will b told also. if u eventually marry ur woman u must now totally include ds boy as part of ur family and plan ur family around that fact. if u wanted 3 kids b4 better reduce it to 2. trust me whatever u do for this boy cannot be lost irrespective of whether he got claimed back by d biological father or not. if this woman of urs really gives u peace of mind I think u should just go on

clino: whatever u do, do out of the goodness of our heart. try not to be drained financially especially since u are not married yet. view d kid as ur lil cousin and do what u will do for ur lil cousin for him. a father of a child is not who spilled the sperm but who raised the offspring. ur fears about tomorrow is understandable but remember that the father wanted the child killed before birth which will be presented as part of the story even if the father later comes back for the child just as whatever u do now for the child will b told also. if u eventually marry ur woman u must now totally include ds boy as part of ur family and plan ur family around that fact. if u wanted 3 kids b4 better reduce it to 2. trust me whatever u do for this boy cannot be lost irrespective of whether he got claimed back by d biological father or not. if this woman of urs really gives u peace of mind I think u should just go on

lol you're living on the moon dude.

Do you plan on marrying her? I don't understand what you mean by if he comes for his son. Why don't you discuss with your woman. If you guys plan to marry then have an understanding. You cannot treat this boy any different than you would your own biological if you intend to marry his mom. It makes no sense. If you do not intend to marry her and have more kids then just free her. Don't ruin the boys life. If you marry the mother you are bring her child along too.

Simple and short. If you love her like you say you do, and plan on having a future together. You take care of her son like you would your own. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. POINT BLANK PERIOD. REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME

That was easy wasn't it

SAFO: Simple and short. If you love her like you say you do, and plan on having a future together. You take care of her son like you would your own. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. POINT BLANK PERIOD. REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME

That was easy wasn't it

Of course it is easy. You are typing it not living it. But you are right

@OP. Me i'm more concerned about ur financial ability. Accordin to you the child is still a 'baby boy' and yet his school fees(alone) will take a huge part of ur earnings right? If that's the case i think you should (as harsh as this may sound) free her cos i dont think you are capable of 'running her package'. If on the other hand you are very financially capable of sponsoring his education as well as meeting your other financial obligations CONVINIENTLY then why not,go for it since the mum gives you so much joy. Too much to say really but too lazy to type

@Basics,you raised valid points.According to the OP,he met her while she was still lactating so give or take the child is less than 3 years now.The average KG/playgroup is like 30 or 40K per term(3 months) so whats the biggie?

Same OP,from his opening lines implied he is a big boy or what does this statement which he typed mean?; "her friends said to my hearing,'how u take catch this one' "

@OP,have u tried suggesting to your babe to get a part time job?Infact,as a single mom living in naija with no super rich folks to fall on for hand outs,getting a job to support herself should appear first on her to-do list and not getting a BF.

Op, you are a naija boy na, no dey dull o, if u can help, why not, but dont go out of ur way, the child go locate him papa oneday

Outstrip:

Of course it is easy. You are typing it not living it. But you are right

Actually I am living it. My wife already had a child from a previous relationship before we met .

SAFO:

Actually I am living it. My wife already had a child from a previous relationship before we met .

Nice. May God continue to enrich your family

Why are people asking this young man to give up a significant portion of his income to send a boy that is not his to school? Especially when this boy's father and his father's family are right there, watching and doing nothing?

@ OP, your girlfriend is a wicked woman. That she's asking you to bear this heavy load without adoption papers or a marriage certificate shows she thinks you're just her convenient, live-in, ATM. If you love her and intend to marry her, then it's ok for you to give her a little something every month if you can afford it. She can use that "little something" to do whatever she likes. It's also ok for you to buy the boy gifts and take him out. However, when it comes to big responsibilities like school fees, ask the girl to go make demands on the boy's father or the father's family. Otherwise, make them all sign adoption papers. You shouldn't be watering another man's garden with your hard labor!

I respect the effort it may have taken u 2 write ur post. I respect also the strength u had 2 go on in2 ur relationship. Ur courage and strength give men like me hope and faith that there is still much good in Nigeria men, people just have 2 look 4 it. Its shows ur maturity at heart and I am glad 4 men like u. That said, let me give my opinion.
B4 I write my opinion, I would like to ask if u'v e married the lady in question. If not then it may be wise u do so and as u do then u can legally adopt the child. I think what u told ur woman is correct and no person should be able to fault u there. Its plain that the boy is not biologically urs and so its best u legally adopt him 2 protect urself 4 the future. It would be a crime on u, if u invest in the boy and the family comeback later to take him from u. I don't know how hard it is for ur woman and her son now but it just can't be helped. Adopt the boy legally, is all I have to say.

Op,
Pls if God lay it in you heart to help the child go ahead and do it,don't ever think of the father come back to claim him,let him do so if he so wishes latter in future but you play your part.
No one is saying you should stress yourself to pay his fee,if it part of it you can afford do it. pls I beg in God's name. d fact that she came out plain to tell you the truth from the onset it enough to melt your heart towards her.
See people come out here to post all kind of rubbish,they don't know what it takes for some one to come out and paste his burden.
What you are about to sow in this boy's life surely has a reward God will favor the works of your hands. You are a good man so keep up the good works.

MEN..BRO!!! THIS UR STORY IS SO TRUE INFACT,I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY..BUT THE QUESTION IS DO U WANT TO MARRY HER? IF U WANT TO MARRY HER THEN GO AHEAD AND MAKE SURE SHE HAVE A CHILD FOR U AND U CAN SET UP A BUISNESS FOR HER.I TELL U THE TRUTH MAN..THERE ARE MANY LADIES OUT THERE WITH KIDS FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE AND THEY WONT EVEN TELL U..BE HAPPY SHE TOLD U AND IF U LOVE HER..DO WHAT U HAVE TO DO..BELIVE ME TRUE LOVE IS HARD TO FIND..

dynamite2012: Why are people asking this young man to give up a significant portion of his income to send a boy that is not his to school? Especially when this boy's father and his father's family are right there, watching and doing nothing?

@ OP, your girlfriend is a wicked woman. That she's asking you to bear this heavy load without adoption papers or a marriage certificate shows she thinks you're just her convenient, live-in, ATM. You shouldn't be watering another man's garden with your hard labor!

Like seriously? Often times i wonder how people come up with stuffs like this,ogu kwe o.


@OP,You say you love this woman?please where's the love then?True being in love shouldn't have to go down to being stuppid or f00olish as the case may be but hey when you love someone truly,their burden becomes yours.

This woman makes you happy,no?if you knew things like this were going to be an issue,why did you go ahead with the relationship?you won't say you never knew it will get to a point like this one where she'd need your help as regards the kid's welfare,especially since she told you the father of the kid didn't want him from day one.

I've read some posts saying,you shouldn't help because he's not\never gonna be yours and because his folks are still around but doing nothing to cater for him. Now OP isn't his folks not wanting to help enough reason to help?this woman is not just anybody but your girlfriend and prospective wife from the way you sound.

People train kids that are not theirs all over the places,people give to charity everyday,why not just take this one as one of those charity cases?it can almost pass for one sef if not for his mum ,seriously dude you have nothing to lose here,if you can afford to help then do so without grudges and I'm certain you won't regret it,goodluck.