NOBODY IS A SAINT
BY: ORIMOLOYE, Ifeoluwa

Lamurin recently arrived from a sojourn which was spent snooping about. He had crossed an ocean, two seas and three rivers all in a bid to return back home. The travelling difficulties notwithstanding, home is home, not even when it all seemed like the odds were against him and indications were high that he had overstayed his welcome at the ‘temporary site’, which is his abode where he had initially decided to settle in pursuit of a greener pasture. Yet, he is appreciative, for, he returned with goods, the ones the Yoruba will ‘prefer to refer’ to as dukia. Although, he had held onto death by the mouth (and not by the whiskers) by escaping through a safe route at the time when his fellow countrymen were targeted for allegedly taking the jobs and other source of earnings meant for the Citizens of the foreign land. He was in fact one of the major targets because he is known to be a snooper, and had stepped on toes in the process of snooping on other people’s affair.

Hardly had he settled before he was informed about the purported ‘media death’ of the President of his Country, who is presumed dead by the citizens of the country with the presidency trying unsuccessfully to refute the claims. According to his source, the Presidency has only failed this once to deceive the people because the masses are now wise, “very wise!” his source had emphasized.

He was as well taken aback by the news that the Governor of his state who was due to handover in a matter of days, suddenly launched a desperate wide-goose chase for the Accountant General of the state who was said to have disappeared into thin air all for his safety. This was said to have occurred after he was asked to help in facilitating the looting of the remaining commonwealth of the state so that the outgoing-governor could have a soft financial-landing.

“A lot has happened since you left this state,” another source added, welcoming him heartily. This source not only hinted him about the events happening in his alma mater but also the series of maladministration confronting the indigenous students’ association he has helped build over the years.

According to this source, the Vice Chancellor of Lamurin’s alma mater was arraigned by enforcement agents for 9-count charge bordering on financial crimes and abuse of office. Yet, he has refused to tow the path of honour by acting exactly the way his global contemporaries would have done. At that, he has chosen to continue to govern the school without applying what is regarded to be the extant rule, which is the standard rule guiding the school. But because the extant rules applies to other individuals except him, the source then concluded by saying that the Vice Chancellor seem to be greater than the law.

Lamurin was also confronted with the news that the indigenous students’ association he helped build is in shambles. He was told that while the President of the Country, in his absence, delegated powers to the deputy to act on his behalf, the President of the indigenous students’ association differed by taking with him to a journey, the acting capacity as well as the full capacity and has left the association with what could be best referred to as leadership deficit. This source also stated that the song that best suits the association at the moment is “it is well with my soul…the soul of the association.” The source also indicated that the burial ceremony being organized in honour of the indigenous students’ association was borne out of the injuries inflicted on the association by some previous (executive) administrations.

As if these unfortunate reports were not enough, he had returned to his shell only to receive the shocker of his life the following day. His parents swindled him if he is to go by the information at his disposal. The money he has been sending to his parents since his sojourn abroad for the purpose of constructing his desired apartment has only earned him signed pieces of paper and pictures -the ones he was sent while he was away in pursuit of greener pastures. His parents had only built an apartment for him perhaps in his imaginations. The apartment he had hoped to see only exists in the picture, not in the “real” life. In fury, he ‘escaped’ back to the killers’ zone because according to him, back home, it seems to him that “nobody is a saint” afterall.