My husband is a good man, a muslim, fair and just in all he does, I trusted him completely and loved him so much, in 2007 he became cold and indifferent towards me, my in law advised me to ignore it and just go about my business, I missed him so much, but never stopped hoping he could love me again. My instinct told me he was having an affair, I looked for evidence but could find none. I have been very lonely but got on with my life, cooked, cleaned and always praying his heart would change. When he got ill with blood pressure in 2008, and this year in August he told me he wanted to move out and take half of the value of our home to buy a new home, and keep our other house outright.

For weeks I was devastated, I prayed and a small mercy was that he became nioer to me and even asked me to view properties with him. That we would remain in contact. Then I went to a lawyer and they said do not sign anything. I told him I had seen a lawyer etc. Three days later he said he wanted to speak to me when he came home, went to work and left his phone at home I saw that he had very intimate discussion with a Taiwanese girl 20 years younger, and when I looked it was all in 2007, but there was a text for this year to. I didn't confront hin when he came home, but the love song she sent him, and the thought of him with her haunts me. That evening he said we could buy the new house in joint names, and even in a few years time renew our marriage with a blessing ceremony. I felt happy that we had at last talked except I had not asked him about the girl. A week on I did and he said, it was just a flirtation and meant nothing. I asked if a relative could mediate for us and she heard that he considerede the marriage over in 2007,(is that his justification for an affiar - even an emotional one if not sexual). Anyway we have been both trying, and he pays me attention again, and started to call me again, I have lost weight and dress to attract him. My heartache is that he must have meant the things he said to her because he is a good man, he even wrote a love note that was so similar to the ones he once gave me. I feel totally betrayed, I have been through such confusion, I love him so much, I wish he could even comprehend how hurt and lost I feel. Can I ever recover from this?

is this story 4 real?

instinct is a strong force if u truly believe he has changed then u jst hv 2 let d past b d past cos we all make mistakes. Try n make ur relationship more excitn for the both of u n pay attention in the future

Muslims make me sick to my stomach.

You didnt say if you are muslim too.
Anyway he is muslim and he is 'entitled' to four wives. It is only a matter of time before he moves another woman in to disrupt your otherwise peaceful life. It definitely seems like he is discontent with something. His middle age crisis seems to be kicking in.  

P.S you cannot cook and clean into any man's heart.  Its not because of anything you did or did not do. Find  or make your own happiness and the evil day will not seem so terrible. You will have made a life seperate from him for yourself. Goodluck to you m'dear.

Girl what in merciful heaves are you doing to yourself? Are you waiting till he brings home "THE MONSTER _{HIV, AIDS"} before you get out? He obviously doesnt care for you at all.

One thing my Mother In law taugth me was never to build my world around a man. Be less interested in his affairs since he is diverted, have your own fun. Funny but when i get depressed about some things my hubbu does my mother in law takes me clubbing or some fun place to get it out of my system, she told me the secret of having a man feed out of your plam is when he knows he is not ur alpha and omega that keeps him on his toes, especially a man who has roving eyes. Stop losing weight to please ur husban, loose weight for urself, treat urself, go shopping , hang out with ur friends, go for a few parties, take a vacation alone, believe me it will help you. Always know that as much as you want to keep ur marriage if your husband does not want that you cant force him, both of u have to want and work to make the marriage work. And if he is finding happiness somewhere else, create ur own happiness

Ummmm I thot muslims are allowed to have more than 1 wife? How come u are all hot n bothered then? Ok I guess maybe u are not a muslim urself. Still if u know he has the freedom to marry more than 1 wife I don't see why u should become bothered at all or did he lie to u wen u were getting married?

The fact of the matter is, the guy didn't marry or ask for permission to marry another woman, he engaged in infedility. Am sure if he'd asked she'd have said yes or no to him marrying another woman. She'd have known, there wouldn't have been cloak and dagger stuff,

Dearest, should you choose to stay with your husband, accept and get over what has happened, but keep your eyes open ,

My very muslim husband, doesn't want to leave me be, even though we both know it's over and done with,

so sorry.

Wat I was trying to say is that she should be ready for this kinds of stuff. For a man that believes he is at liberty to marry more than one he sure will have to woo a lady first b4 she agrees to marry him. So if she notices him wooing anoda lady why should she be bothered since she accepted his liberty in the 1st place.

his religion has already given him express permission to as he pleases.

I really don't understand the story. Are you married to him or not? Are you living with him or not? Do you have children? Men usually have several girlfriends. What exactly is the problem that you have?

aisha2:

One thing my Mother In law taugth me was never to build my world around a man. Be less interested in his affairs since he is diverted, have your own fun. Funny but when i get depressed about some things my hubbu does my mother in law takes me clubbing or some fun place to get it out of my system, she told me the secret of having a man feed out of your plam is when he knows he is not your alpha and omega that keeps him on his toes, especially a man who has roving eyes. Stop losing weight to please your husban, loose weight for urself, treat urself, go shopping , hang out with your friends, go for a few parties, take a vacation alone, believe me it will help you. Always know that as much as you want to keep your marriage if your husband does not want that you cant force him, both of u have to want and work to make the marriage work. And if he is finding happiness somewhere else, create your own happiness

Well said.

It is really wen pple on dis forum leave d point and talk abt non issue.the husband been a muslim is not of importance.at least we ve seen men in all other religions u can think wear d cap of infedility. @ poster watch and pray ,abt ur feelings talk to him witout malice or anger but let him see ur pain. Hope tins work out for u.

I thought muslims were entitled to many wives.
Brokenhearted maybe. Betrayed i don't think so.

A situation were a man is legally allowed to woo at least 4 women is out of point?

Lord_Reed:

A situation were a man is legally allowed to woo at least 4 women is out of point?

4 on earth

72 in aljanah,

MrPrsdent:

4 on earth

72 in aljanah,

She saw 1 n she's complaining? She neva start!

Thank you all for yor replies amongst them was some good advise. I am a Christian and my faith sustains me, when we married he maintained he never wanted another wife. We have been very close for so many years. He loves to mentor people and is very modest, pesonally I feel this Taiwanese girl 20 or more years his junior took advantage of his wallet and he felt younger by her attentions, definately a mid life crisis, as he started dressing younger and bought a sports car.

What I was trying to put across is that my best friend, soulmate etc, the person I trusted and believed in most in this life whom has lived with me for so many years could just turn into a secretive stranger. I thought I new him better, so yes I will get on with my life and career, I will make the best of my life, but it will never ever be the same again for me. I was too idealistic and innocent and have learnt that even if no one else loves me, I have my God and my salvation to look forward to.

Thank you again for replying

Rehana2:

Thank you all for yor replies amongst them was some good advise. I am a Christian and my faith sustains me, when we married he maintained he never wanted another wife. We have been very close for so many years. He loves to mentor people and is very modest, pesonally I feel this Taiwanese girl 20 or more years his junior took advantage of his wallet and he felt younger by her attentions, definately a mid life crisis, as he started dressing younger and bought a sports car.

What I was trying to put across is that my best friend, soulmate etc, the person I trusted and believed in most in this life whom has lived with me for so many years could just turn into a secretive stranger. I thought I new him better, so yes I will get on with my life and career, I will make the best of my life, but it will never ever be the same again for me. I was too idealistic and innocent and have learnt that even if no one else loves me, I have my God and my salvation to look forward to.

Thank you again for replying

Awwwwwh hun Do what is best for you.

@poster,
(((hugs!)))

Sounds like midlife crisis, one of those bumps in marriage that they don't tell you about when you get married.
You'll surely recover from the hurt and it will take time but you are on the right track.
Just be aware the midlife crisis hits women as well and you may have to deal with the same issues that he had a
few years down the line. Be merciful.

@Poster, at this stage in his life, its best to just give him space and get distracted by something else, pick up a hobby, have fun, do lots of stuff with the kids. My Mother In law tells me the kind of hell she went through at one point she did not see her husband for a year, took her off his will and would only send money directly to his kids, he would be in town and she would just hear about it but she carried on for the sake of the kids, today thats all history as the man practically worships the ground she walks on, always spoiling her with gifts, and has made her in charge of all his businesses.
Marraige requires lots of patienece especially for women who have the strength to bear it, just be patient but for your health, find something to do that will take your mind from his misbehavior, It will be well

@ poster are you feeling low?
Nothing a weekend at vegas with your girlfriends wont cure! Go and live a little.

I see why it's esp difficult- u're a christian. But the ladies are right. Guys are crazy abt women who don't send them. I advise tho, in building other interests, do it FOR YOURSELF. Not to attract him, but cause u need it. Pele luv.
PS: time heals everything if u let it.

"guys are crazy about girls who don't send them"?

^{humming under his breath, if you girls only knew(aaliyah rmx)}

sigh, thats why with all the years of 'experience' and what not u women neva learn wats up and keep whining about the same things from generation to generation.

Knight Valaint, conqueror of the mystic lands
on another conquest to the uncharted lands
where no heed was paid to the greatness of camelot
till the knights of the roundtable came sacking


this story must get part 2, cos it dont make any sense if ur not of the woman power/ gather round hugs shoulder to cry on school!

@op do what is best for u, stop whining. its not like he is the end of the world! helloooooo??